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Journal sm62704's Journal: My Friends, the Whores 1

locokamil asked, in response to a Comment I made in the Verizon Wireless To Open Network story, "So let me get this straight: not only do you have a /female/ roommate, but you are also friends with hookers? Friend, if you have a newsletter, I am interested in subscribing to it."

As I told him, this journal is the closest thing I have to a newsletter. I used to keep a diary at K5 back when I was taking Paxil for "adjustment disorder with depressed mood" after my ex-wife (referred to in the diaries at "Evil-X") left me and my two then teenaged daughters. Hense the name "The Paxil Diaries".

Anyway, Amy, my roomate, is a very attractive young lady (young to me anyway, she's the same age as my nephew) who isn't a prostitute. The pretty face is most likely from the plastic surgery she had after her ex-husband tried to kill her; she had to get reconstructive surgery. The asshat spent time in prison for it, and it looks like he's going back to prison after his latest run-in with the law. I feel priveliged to have never met him.

My tenant/roommate is also a friend. Sadly, we don't have sex. As I said, she's pretty as all getout and is built like a brick shithouse. I wish she was a hooker! Or better yet, attracted to geezers old enough to be her dad. Actually I think I'm older than her parents, but she says they had her when they were very young.

She drives a cab for the time being, until she can get her nursing license back. She lost the license for not paying child support to her ex-husband's parents, who her ex was reportedly on his way to murder when he was stopped after the high speed chase linked above. Most likely she isn't going to be my roommate for long. I dropped her off at work Friday morning and haven't seen her since. Her boyfriend had just dumped her, and she may have fallen off the wagon; she'd been sober since she got out of rehab shortly before moving in with me.

Alcohol may be the second most destructive drug there is, right behind tobacco. I think it ironic that the two deadliest drugs there are are both legal, while marijuana will get you put in jail. Linda's going to prison for reefer next month.

Tami's not a hooker, either. Her Peruvian husband called this morning asking if I could give him a ride to get some fix-a-flat, I said "sure". As I was leaving my work's parking lot, Tami came walking up, tears streaming down her face; she wanted me to let her stay at my house today. Apparently she and Harley had gotten into an argument about the flat. I dropped her at my house went to hers, and gave her husband a ride to tha gas station, then back to his house.

I met most of my hooker friends through Ralph, although not all of them. I'm of course not going to use their real names here, as their occupation is illegal in Illinois. Except for Linda, who got busted for prostitution a couple of months ago and is going to prison soon on a drug charge from last Spring.

Ralph is my oldest friend. I don't mean "oldest" as in I've known him longer htan anybody, I mean "oldest" in the sense that he's the oldest human I know. He's 86, a WWII Navy veteran.

Half of the hookers I know I never had sex with. As I said, they're all friends. I never had sex with "Julia", who has a boyfriend, and her BF doesn't know she's a prostitute! I doubt any of the folks at the grocery store she works at knows she's a prostitute, either. In fact, half of these girls have boyfrends who are clueless that half the men in town are porking their women for cash! If you have a girlfriend (WTF are you doing at slashdot, wierdo?), the next time you're with her, think about that. One of my hooker friends is married; reportedly he knows she's a hooker, but I never met the fellow. If you're married you might think about that, too.

There's "Sam", with a body to die for but wrap a flag around her face and fuck her for old glory. There's "Cassie", who's only 27 and attractive but with a very annoying personality. Good lay, though.

I mentioned Linda, who's one with a BF. Her BF knows what she does, because that's how he met her. He keeps trying to talk her out of being a whore, the poor fool.

There's "Oprah", who is close to my age. She's my drinking buddy, and Ralph is one of her clients.

I avoid paying the good looking ones. I'd hate to get romantically involved with one of them, and as lonely as I get it could happen. A bit of advice that some guys seem to not be able to understand - never fall in love with a prostitute! The money is too easy. Once a woman becomes a hooker, she'll never go back.

Speaking of going back, they say "once you try black you never go back", but that's not been my experience. A fellow known as "Cowboy" (I'm certain he's not Cowboy Niel but who knows?) introduced me to a very attractive, slim black hooker named JoAnne last summer. She was lousy in bed, not worth the money I paid.

But on the other hand, I guess all women are prostitutes. The most expensive sex I ever had cost me a house, a car, and part of my pension.

Update 12/5/7:
I don't know any of the women mentioned in this police beat item, although I'd like to. Bunn Park (a golf course) is walking distance from my house.

Update 12/6/7:
The SJR ran a real news story on the above "Police Beat" blurb today, with a very interesting bunch of reader comments. Most commenting were for legalization! So why is it illegal?

Furthermore, there is no penalty whatever for adultery, not even in a divorce case in Illinois; adultery is grounds for divorce but gets you no more of the marital assets than you would otherwise get.

Why is it legal for me to fuck mycongressman's wife so long as I don't pay her?

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My Friends, the Whores

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  • Chidren: Chef, what's a prostitute?

    Chef: You see, chidren, sometimes a man needs to be with a woman. But sometimes, when the lovin' is over, the woman just wants to talk and talk and talk and talk.

    But a prostitute is someone who would love you
    No matter who you are, or what you look like.
    Yes, it's true, children.
    That's not why you pay a prostitute,
    No, you don't pay her to stay, you pay her to leave afterwards.
    That's why I pays a lot for prostitutes! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor.

    James Taylor: A pros

Thus mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. -- Bertrand Russell