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Government The Internet Businesses Communications Network Networking

ISP To FCC: Using The Internet Is Like Eating Oreos (consumerist.com) 229

New submitter Rick Schumann shares with us a report highlighting an analogy presented by an ISP that relates Double Stuf Oreos to the internet. Specifically, that Double Stuf Oreos cost more than regular Oreos, and therefore you should pay more for internet: The Consumerist reports: "Ars Technica first spotted the crumbly filing, from small (and much-loathed) provider Mediacom. Mediacom's comment is in response to the same proceeding that Netflix commented on earlier this month. However, while Netflix actually addressed data and the ways in which their customers use it, Mediacom went for the more metaphor-driven approach. The letter literally starts out under the header, 'You Have to Pay Extra For Double-Stuffed,' and posits that you, the consumer, are out for a walk with $2 in your pocket when you suddenly develop a ferocious craving for Oreo cookies." Of course their analogy is highly questionable, since transmitting data over a network doesn't actually consume anything, now does it? You eat the cookie, the cookie is gone, but you transmit data over a network, the network is still there and can transmit data endlessly. Mediacom's assertion that the Internet is like a cookie you eat, is like saying copying a file on your computer somehow diminishes or degrades the original file, which of course is ridiculous.
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ISP To FCC: Using The Internet Is Like Eating Oreos

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  • by Anonymous Coward

    Would you?

    • If i could download Oreo's, that would mean I could download pretty much anything else I wanted, too? Hello Replicator!

      • If i could download Oreo's, that would mean I could download pretty much anything else I wanted, too? Hello Replicator!

        I love Oreos, but I stopped eating them when I realized that the delicious white filling was whipped lard and sugar. It says so right on the labels, and when I read that I went "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???"

        I might have one now and then, but as I chew it I can't help but think, "Lard mixed with sugar....lard mixed with sugar..." Ewww. Could there be a less healthy "food" to voluntarily ingest? They make pork rinds look positively beneficial.

        But still, damn if they don't taste good....

        • I love Oreos, but I stopped eating them when I realized that the delicious white filling was whipped lard and sugar.

          Just out of curiosity, which health food did you think composed the filling?

          • To be honest, I am surprised it is actually lard. I always thought it was partially hydrogenated soy or cottonseed oil.

            As for what I would personally use? Assuming I did not need a shelf life long enough to be able to send the cookies on a 5000 year supply mission to proxima centaur I (like with twinkies) I would use a protein based filling (aka gelatin) whipped with corn syrup and glycerol, with just a touch of unadulterated veggie oil. I would use just enough water in the whipping process to floccuate t

            • by JustAnotherOldGuy ( 4145623 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @07:42PM (#52966601) Journal

              >the filling would be less "sweet white paste" and more "marshmallow creme" in consistency though. probably flavor as well.

              Couldn't you just add some sweetened lard to firm it up?

              • cocoa butter would be a better choice, but might affect flavor.

                cocoanut oil is solid at room temp, white, and mostly flavorless. less healthy than cocoa butter though.

                and yes, i did see that you were trying to be funny.

                i just happen to feel that if you call it creme filling, it should be creamy. not a close competitor of fondant.

                • Just create a new flavor of Oreos, the "Coconut Oreo", which is even three times healthier than the original ones.

            • by sjames ( 1099 )

              Given what we know now, the lard was a good choice. If anything there is a problem, it's the sugar.

          • Just out of curiosity, which health food did you think composed the filling?

            I thought it was unicorn farts mixed with magic pixie dust, like the stuff inside Twinkies or a Ho-Ho. Boy, was I ever wrong.

        • 'I love Oreos, but I stopped eating them when I realized that the delicious white filling was whipped lard and sugar. It says so right on the labels'

          This comment takes the biscuit!

          • 'I love Oreos, but I stopped eating them when I realized that the delicious white filling was whipped lard and sugar. It says so right on the labels'

            This comment takes the biscuit!

            As long as the biscuit is filled with some sweet, sweet lard. MmmmmMmmmmmm.....

        • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

          by Anonymous Coward

          I stopped eating them when I realized that the delicious white filling was whipped lard and sugar.

          Not anymore: "In the early 1990s, health concerns prompted Nabisco to replace the lard in the filling with partially hydrogenated vegetable oil."

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oreo

          (Which means they're probably not as tasty as you remember them. Lard is delicious!)

          • Ironically, they potentially made it more unhealthy with the switch, as partially hydrogenated oils will contain trans fats. Due to an intentional loophole, they can get away with labeling a food with trans fat content below some threshold as containing 0g trans fat, to hide that fact.

          • Vindication! i was right!

            they could use cocoanut oil instead though. it is healthier for you than hydrogenated soy and cottonseed oils. (but not as cheap.)

          • by bjwest ( 14070 )

            ... (Which means they're probably not as tasty as you remember them. Lard is delicious!)

            Lard is also more healthy than hydrogenated vegetable oil. I'd take lard and sugar over glycerol and HFCS any day.

        • You know why healthy food is "healthy"? Because we have the free choice of what food we eat. And what do we eat, given the choice? Well, of course food that is best tasting. What is best tasting? Fat and sugar (or, more specifically, carbon hydrates). Why? Because they bring along a load of energy. And why is that something that we consider "tasty"? Because those ancestors that ate a lot of that stuff survived because back then food wasn't easy to get and plentiful, and only those survived that managed to e

    • by AK Marc ( 707885 )
      When you download an Oreo, the ISP licks off the filling, replaces it with toothpaste and sues you for liable if you complain.
    • by murdocj ( 543661 )

      I would if I could download milk along with it.

  • by Shoten ( 260439 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @05:51PM (#52966015)

    I also make popcorn, and get ready to watch the (rightfully earned) invective fly :)

  • cookie (Score:5, Funny)

    by fluffernutter ( 1411889 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @05:54PM (#52966041)
    So in this metaphor, the internet is your hand not the oreo cookie. Should it cost more to glove the hand that delivers the double stuffed oreo?
    • by tlhIngan ( 30335 )

      So in this metaphor, the internet is your hand not the oreo cookie. Should it cost more to glove the hand that delivers the double stuffed oreo?

      Well, I get double-stuf Oreos for the same price (and weight) as the regular Oreos. No doubt there are less cookies per bag, but the bag weighs the same and costs the same. And when it's on sale, it's under $2 per bag.

      Hell, when it goes on sale, I should be able to buy a ton of cookies and consume them when I need to. So if they want to use this analogy, I should be

  • More like... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by hawguy ( 1600213 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @05:55PM (#52966047)

    Isn't more like if the grocery store sells you a plan that lets you consume up to 10 cookies a day. Then after you've eaten 30 cookies over a week's time they say "Whoa, no more cookies for you, you've eaten up your quota for the month" - you'll have to pay us more money if you want to eat more, or sign up for our 20 cookie a day plan where you can eat 50 cookies before we cut you off.

    • I wish I had mod points for this very good analogy.
    • Re:More like... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by hawguy ( 1600213 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @07:05PM (#52966405)

      Isn't more like if the grocery store sells you a plan that lets you consume up to 10 cookies a day. Then after you've eaten 30 cookies over a week's time they say "Whoa, no more cookies for you, you've eaten up your quota for the month" - you'll have to pay us more money if you want to eat more, or sign up for our 20 cookie a day plan where you can eat 50 cookies before we cut you off.

      I forgot to add the best part:

      Then the grocery store goes to Oreo and says 'Hey, your unlimited cookie plans are becoming very popular with our customers who are paying us to distribute the cookies. In fact, many of our customers are buying our service just because of your cookie plans. So, we think *you* ought to be paying us too. Otherwise we might start dropping cookies while distributing and your customers are going to blame you for the poor quality cookies. We don't care that you deliver the cookies to our loading dock by the truck-load and all we have to do is unpack them and hand them out, or that our customers are already paying us for this service, you better pay us too or suffer the consequences - we'll make your cookies so bad that your customers will come to us for our inferior cookies.

      • by bidule ( 173941 )

        So, we think *you* ought to be paying us too.

        They already do that. It's called shelf space.

      • by AmiMoJo ( 196126 )

        Netflix should fight back hard. They have variable bit rate streams that adapt to network conditions already, so why not add a little pop-up message that says "Comcast network congested". Make it clear where the problem is.

      • And they will only have one guy handing out cookies. This works ok as long as you're the only one wanting cookies. It works decently when there's like a dozen people. But they won't hire more just 'cause they now have hundreds of hungry people wanting cookies. So you better eat your cookie slowly, it's gonna be a while 'til you get the next one.

    • by smelch ( 1988698 )
      I'm confused here. It seems like a contract that doesn't mention a data cap would lead to the ISP being mandated to not institute a data cap because, well, the contract. Seems like any lawsuit would be able to get the data cap removed. That makes me think that the data caps are in the contracts, but then, the analogy becomes "you can consume 10 cookies a day up to 30 cookies a week" and then after you've consumed 30 cookies they're like "ok, no more cookies", and again, what's the problem. One side of this
      • Especially since data caps work differently from contract to contract. Some ISPs will bill you extra if you go over. Some will cut you off. Some will provide you with infinite service at very low speeds once you go over your cap. Some will do a mix like selling you on additional data pack before reducing your speed.

        Data caps are difficult and I don't think all of them can be seen as equal. And they definitely can't be expressed well in terms of cookies.
    • by rtb61 ( 674572 )

      The whole idea that the internet is anything what so ever like a consumable is stupid ie, if I consume some of the internet that does not mean some of it is now missing, some one else can come right after me and consume that same internet and I am not shitting out the cookie so that can eat it after I eat it. When it comes to the internet and cookies it is more like the oven that while it is capable of producing a infinite number of cookies it can not produce them all at once. So if rent part of that oven a

  • You do not pay extra for "double stuff". The costs of the ingredients are a miniscule costs compared the larger marketing and distribution infrastructure costs, and more stuffing and less cookie is not even necessarily more expensive to produce. You can browse over at Walmart online and see for yourself that double-stuffed, triple-stuffed, chocolate, original, etc. all are very similar in price.
    • Actually you do pay extra for double stuff. Fewer cookies fit in a package, and each package costs the same, so in order to get the same number of cookies you need to buy more packages. But at this point the analogies are completely lost and meaningless, much as they were to start.
    • So the analogy is apt, considering that the "maintenance" on the cables is dwarfed by the overhead for bureaucracy, bookkeeping, advertising, management and all the other crap you don't give a shit about.

  • by NotInHere ( 3654617 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @05:56PM (#52966057)

    They want MORE money and MORE and MORE and MORE and never want to stop eating those tasty green dollar bills!

  • I have this 'ISP' (Score:5, Informative)

    by postmortem ( 906676 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @05:56PM (#52966059) Journal

    Because only other alternative is 1.5mbps DSL. That's what Mediacom preys on: cities that have 0 choice.

    Moreover, they are fighting heavily for things to stay that way
    Mediacom readies lawsuit against Iowa City
    http://www.press-citizen.com/s... [press-citizen.com]

  • The cookie analogy fails, on several levels, but so do the criticisms.
    ".. since transmitting data over a network doesn't actually consume anything," This is fallacious, as capacity is consumed and is a limited capacity. Take every criticism the article levels and apply it to seats on an airplane, which is a far better proxy for explaining the limits of network capacity, and you can see they're just as flawed as the original argument.

    • I'm not following.. economy or first class?
    • Nope. Capacity is used, if capacity was consumed that capacity would no longer be there when usage drops until physically replaced. It should be obvious that this isn't the case.

      You can argue that bandwidth is a finite resource ( since it is ), but with proper** QoS routing and shaping this is less of an issue than the big ISPs want you to think.

      The only reason that ISPs are whining right now is that they are severely oversold on their capacity, and they don't want to upgrade the capacity they have. The dat

    • This is fallacious, as capacity is consumed and is a limited capacity.

      So, if I understand you correctly, if I download 1GB, then for the rest of that month, the routers can only handle their normal traffic minus 1GB? And so on for every user?

      No, your explanation is flawed because it assumes that, at a given time, one individual can consume all the bandwidth, locking out other users. In reality, of course, what happens is that everyone's Internet service slows down so that the sum total matches the capa

  • Bandwidth caps are BULLSHIT.

    On CenturyLink, if you're under 7mbps speed, you get a 300GB cap. Over 7mbps, you get a 600GB cap. Luckily, these are higher than 6 months ago when I signed up, which was at 150GB and 300GB respectively. However, if you're on a 1gbps line, you're uncapped. This is completely arbitrary. So, if 100 users at 5mbps saturated their link non-stop, they would consume 500mbps, and hit their cap pretty damn quick. Whereas a single 1gbps user using only 50% of their capacity can do so endl

    • I wonder if they are bullshit. Hear me out, I agree on the surface they don't make sense. The company is selling a service that is shared among its users. Let's say for argument, they have a 100MB pipe. They could limit this to 4 users at 25MB/s each, but to break even, this would cost each user $300 per month. OK, competitively that doesn't make sense. So they watch user patterns, and see that a typical user wants 50MB/s, but only uses the 50MB/s twice a day, for about two hours. So, based on this typica
      • So, TLDR: Data caps are ridiculous if we are paying for dedicated bandwidth. I don't think most of us are, we just assumed we are. I think we would be shocked at what the price would be for dedicated bandwidth.

        Right now, I can order a 300/60 line for ~$52/month, with dedicated bandwidth, no data cap. Actual proper dedicated bandwidth, minimum speed 300/60 guaranteed.

        Some places can already get 500Mbit, and 1Gbit support is being rolled out over the next couple of years. Sometimes it's just hella nice living in a small country with relatively compact infrastructure.

  • will start running fiberoptics all over the place and offer high bandwidth internet for as minimum of a price as possible and start undercutting ISPs just enough so the ISPs dont even think about price gouging and jacking up prices, and maybe the municipal water or electric or gas companies can cooperate and run it together to save labor & maintenance costs, you know this can be done to stimulate competition in the marketplace and keep prices down
  • Using the Internet is like eating Oreos: fattening, unhealthy, and you end up with a sugar high followed by depression.

  • by greeze ( 985712 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @06:09PM (#52966133)

    You pay, say, $100 per month for an HD cable package with premium channels. You're allowed to watch all the TV you want on the channels you pay for. This is a concept that everyone understands.

    But now imagine the cable company wants to cap the number of hours you can watch TV per month. You still pay the same $100 base price, but if you want to watch more than 30 hours per month, you'll need to pay another $10 for every block of 10 hours you want to watch above the base amount. The cable company argues that by watching more TV, you're somehow incurring costs that your $100/month doesn't already cover.

    The notion is ridiculous to anyone who has ever paid for cable before, and is a perfect example of what they're trying to do to the internet.

    • But now imagine the cable company wants to cap the number of hours you can watch TV per month. You still pay the same $100 base price, but if you want to watch more than 30 hours per month, you'll need to pay another $10 for every block of 10 hours you want to watch above the base amount.

      And since the cable company is delivering TV digitally over the exact same wire using the exact same hardware, this isn't a metaphor. This is a completely literal description of what they're trying to get away with.

    • by AmiMoJo ( 196126 )

      To be fair, it costs them the same in terms of infrastructure if you watch 1 hour of TV a month or 700 hours. With internet service, there is additional cost the more people use it.

      And to be completely fair, caps are still bullshit. The main cost is having enough infrastructure to cope with peak times. Everyone gets home and turns on Netflix or downloads patches for their games around the same time. The actual external bandwidth costs are mostly flat, in that they just pay for a peering arrangement and get

  • by JustAnotherOldGuy ( 4145623 ) on Monday September 26, 2016 @06:44PM (#52966305) Journal

    But how do the Oreos fit through the tubes??

  • Once again, we have an entrenched, meritlessly entitled incumbent trying to get you to pay attention to the wrong thing. In this case, it's an insultingly laughable analogy that any moderately aware shopper will see right through.

    To illustrate this, here's a tray of regular Oreos(TM) [raleys.com], and here's a similarly sized tray of double-stuf(TM) Oreos(TM) [raleys.com]. And if you were to consider the per-cookie cost, as Mediacom is clearly hoping you will, then yes, double-stuf(TM) Oreos(TM) cost more than regular Oreos(TM).

  • People eat the center filling of the Oreo but then you're left with all that useless cookie no one wants. Give us less cookie, save money, and pass the savings on to us.
  • Since I ran out of Kit Kat and Ferrero Rochers I actually was eating an Oreo as I scrolled down to this article .. I had to do a double take, I couldn't believe it.

    I suppose from your perspective it's a coincidence but from mine it makes me wonder what forces are out there directing my destiny. Maybe the universe is a crazy simulation my rival or even worse myself set up out of boriedom. No, it can't be .. I doubt I would be this bad to myself. Though you never know. Hmm. I better eat another Oreo.

  • These guys are still wanting to prove that their infrastructure cost is exponentially proportional to the data people spend. The problem: it's exactly the opposite - technology keeps improving in ways that copper, fiber, wireless and whatever transmit more data for the same amount of cash. Exponentially more. They somehow want to keep maximizing profits by spending pennies on their infrastructure, while the clients who pay more every year for a service that's supposed to have more max throughput. They someh

  • If you actually go shopping, you'll usually find that the same sized packages cost the same amount.

    Whether buying regular Oreos, Double Stuff, Double Triples, whatever. You just wind up with fewer individual cookies per-pack.

    So. What does this teach us?

    That, you get a set commodity at a set price REGARDLESS of how you use it.

  • .... its NOT YOUR COOKIE!

  • I'm all for it.

    If you make it zero-sum, bitches. I totally support the idea, but don't forget your field of crops deserve the same revenue however you slice it, unless you're really just fucking us over a barrel and spouting noisy principles over the sound of cash register bells.

    They wouldn't dare. Sure, it costs a little more to carry the wave of Normals guzzling netflix and streaming all day, you have to buy some more hardware (POOR BABY) but they really shouldn't be rocking the boat when grandma lo
  • Folks:

    Shall we the internet nominate the maker of Oreos for the Nobel Prize in Culinary Arts? It seems that they are the world favorite for Intenet and computer hacking nutrition.

  • One of the things that puzzles me with respect to debates on internet throttling is nonsense being spouted by the providers with respect to bandwidth and contention ratios...

    When I choose my ISP, I select both a provider and a tiered level of service that meets my requirements, then pay the price they ask. In the UK, the previously state-owned provider British Telecom offer an FTTC service (Infinity), giving me unlimited bandwidth and line speeds of up to 76MB/s for £25/month. A similar decision [a
  • ...only when it first started, each cookie was filled with tasty filling.

    Now every cookie is filled with shitty ads, while every digital provider tries to convince you it tastes the same.

    TL; DR - Shit-filled cookies are NOT a food people want to pay for.

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