John McAfee Collapses At Guatemala Detention Center 219
An anonymous reader writes with this snippet from ABC News: "Software millionaire John McAfee has been taken to a Guatemala City hospital via ambulance after suffering a possible heart attack at the detention center where he is being held. McAfee, 67 — who may soon be deported back to Belize, where authorities want to question him about the shooting death of his neighbor — was reportedly prostrate on the floor of his cell and unresponsive. He was wheeled into the hospital on a gurney, but when nurses began removing his suit, he became responsive and said, 'Please, not in front of the press.' Earlier today, McAfee had complained of chest pains."
Oldest Trick in the book (Score:5, Funny)
That is the oldest jail cell trick in the book. I'm glad it still works.
Joseph Elwell.
What He Really Said (Score:5, Funny)
Salty Prisoner (Score:5, Funny)
Who suffered from heart disease
When offered revivial
He'd cry for survival
"Not in front of the press, please!"
I don't think it was a heart attack (Score:5, Funny)
I'm guessing it was a virus.
Re:Oldest Trick in the book (Score:5, Funny)
From the card:
Dear John, Enjoy the cake, and get well soon. Your friends, Alice, Bob, Eve, and Mallory
Re:I don't think it was a heart attack (Score:4, Funny)
I'm guessing it was a virus.
But weren't his signatures up to date? Oh, perhaps his license ran out?
Re:The McAfee headlines just keep coming! (Score:5, Funny)
Followed by "John McAfee Leaps Off 100 Foot Waterfall; Mentions Trying to Find One-armed Man".
Re:Oldest Trick in the book (Score:5, Funny)
Almost as big as your mom's!
Re:I don't think it was a heart attack (Score:5, Funny)
It wasn't the virus making him collapse, it was his immune system locking up all of his bodily resources.
Re:Too bad it's not Linux Torvalds. (Score:5, Funny)
I read at -1 because I happen to be a troll aficionado, for your information. Occasionally there are some really great ones, OP wasn't one of them.
Re:Salty Prisoner (Score:4, Funny)
There once was a man named Hans Reiser
Who was a bit of a creepy old miser
He got sick of his wife
And ended her life
So we switched to ext4 all the wiser.
To which the guards replied: (Score:5, Funny)
"It looks like your heart is at risk. You have not activated your emergency care subscription. Please stay protected by activating your subscription now."
Re:Withdrawals (Score:5, Funny)
you druggies are all the same
You stereotypers are all the same.
Re:Succes de scandale (Score:5, Funny)
"There is no such thing as bad publicity..." [wikipedia.org]
"...except your own obituary." -- Brendan Behan
Jesus Christ disagrees.
Re:Oldest Trick in the book (Score:2, Funny)
"The cake is a lie."
Re:Oldest Trick in the book (Score:5, Funny)
I heard that Bruce Schnierer is currently baking him a cake with a file in it.
Would he check the file for viruses before opening?
Re:Now... (Score:5, Funny)
You see, Kaspersky and McAfee have been the two top contenders for the anti-virus throne for nearly a decade now - big money has been made by both sides. What few people know is that McAfee and Kaspersky have been working together for a long time on manufacturing crippling viruses, dividing up clients evenly, infiltrating large organisations with 'update backdoors' - and this isn't even all the illegal activities they've been involved in.
But in September of last year, McAfee stabbed their long-time cohorts in the back by making a move with Intel that manouvred McAfee into a market position that Kaspersky could no longer take - Ultrabooks. Anti-theft software you say? No, exclusive backdoors on a technology that they knew every manager across western society would procure. And McAfee had done this without Kaspersky. Why was this so important to Kaspersky? Because their greatest source of income/raison d'être was on-selling high-level root access to managerial and corporate systems across western society to the FSB (whom they work very closely with).
Now what has this got to do with McAfee the man and his purported murder of his next door neighbour? Let me tell you. The company McAfee's greatest mistake was not rebranding when the founder moved on. McAfee's brand is built on the name of the man himself. Turn the man into public enemy #1 and a crazy schizophreniac and you have destroyed the company's reputation.
This leads us back to the beginning: the FSB ordered and carried out the assasination of an innocent human to bring down a corporate empire so that McAfee would be forever distanced from the security industry and so that they would lose their foothold on the next big corporate purchase - ultrabooks. Kaspersky (FSB) badly wants their backdoors in the corporate west.
You've heard it here first.