Woman Tells State Judiciary Committee, "DoD Implanted A Microchip Inside Me" 222
The Georgia House Judiciary Committee took up a bill that would "prohibit requiring a person to be implanted with a microchip," and would make violating the ban a misdemeanor. Things started to get weird at the hearing when a woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County told the committee, "I'm also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip." Not sure of what she was trying to say, she was allowed to continue and added, "Microchips are like little beepers. Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission." Further prodding revealed that the woman's co-workers would torture her by activating the chips with their cell phones and that the chips were implanted by "researchers with the federal government." The committee thanked the woman for her input, and later approved the bill.
Well doy (Score:4, Funny)
Of course they did...look at that little "microchip"! Can you say mini-dildo? Because I can.
Imagine office parties (Score:2, Funny)
Vote for best sentence in summary (Score:5, Funny)
As a resident of Dekalb county... (Score:5, Funny)
...it was probably CDC, not the DoD, that did it. CDC is based in a neighboring county (Fulton) and has offices in Dekalb. Definitely not county officials, though. The county police just shoot people.
It wasn't the DoD... It was Aliens! (Score:5, Funny)
Just proves that they are educated evil and too stupid smart to understand implanted tracking devices and timecubes.
Re: (Score:4, Funny)
Thank goodness our lawmakers are tackling these important non-existent problems
Surely this is as important an issue as the fact that the island of Guam might tip over [youtube.com]...
Re:It wasn't the DoD... It was Aliens! (Score:5, Funny)
Frito-Lay implanted a chip in me... (Score:2, Funny)
...this morning. Actually a whole bag full of chips. Could not stop after only one.
Re:The problem... (Score:5, Funny)
Hell, my coworkers torture me even without an implant.
absolutely true story: (Score:5, Funny)
there was a little old lady who used to stand on 42nd street and eighth avenue handing out little pamphlets about how the devil was always trying to corrupt you via external means (i love picking up religious literature from the kooks in times square to analyze their words for entertainment value: reference timecube.com). according to her screed, one way was by putting a microchip in a grain of rice you would eat, another way from a stranger shaking your hand in such a way that 666 would be formed in the curl of their fingers, evil eyes, etc.
anyway, one day on the way to the port authority bus terminal i went into a store right near the little old lady to get a yogurt and a can of diet soda. the total came to $3.34, and i gave him a $10. the guy was insistent on me taking my receipt. i went outside and thought i would take another pamphlet from the old lady to see if she had updated her shpiel. randomly and without intent, i gave her my receipt as i took her pamphlet
my receipt that said $10 minus $3.34 change: $6.66
i never saw that little old lady again
coincidence? or was i AN UNWITTING TOOL OF THE DEVIL
absolutely true story
Re:It wasn't the DoD... It was Aliens! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:The problem... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Georgia will be a safe haven after the Rapture (Score:1, Funny)
That's "Jude", German for "Jew", not "Juden", German for "Jews".
It's not even that hard to verify what was written in the yellow star, just do a google image search...
--your friendly german nazi