The RIAA and MPAA Target Day-Job Downloaders 293
BrianUofR points to this USA Today article, which says "the Recording Industry Association of America and the Motion Picture Association of America are sending a six-page brochure this week to Fortune 1000 corporations with suggested policies -- including a sample memo to workers warning them against using company computers to download songs and movies."
Quick! (Score:5, Funny)
--sex [slashdot.org]
Here are some of the enclosed brochures (Score:5, Funny)
We the managment of [INCLUDE COMPANY NAME], have felt it necessary to assert our position in regard to file sharing as dicated by the RIAA and MPAA of America.
You, the much loved workers of [INCLUDE COMPANY NAME], are from this day forth given the notice, that any contraband (aka shared files) ending with the following (but not limited to) extensions are hereby seen as illegal.
Extensions :
If for any reason any file ending with these extensions were found on your desktop or backup media, we would be forced to report you to the good companies listed above and further report you to our good government. You will be reported as terrorist file sharers who are affecting our great nations economy by sharing the files ending in the said extensions.
The lawyers representing [INCLUDE COMPANY NAME], RIAA and MPAA could at no point be sued or counter sued for any loss. You withhold the right to class action lawsuite, trial by jury and any sort of criminal charges against the companies that own the said file extensions.
Any tools that you use to create, display or duplicate the said file extensions are from this day forth labeled as tools of terrorists.
Thank you.
[INCLUDE NAME OF COMPANY CEO].
Correction: (Score:1, Funny)
Internet at work (Score:5, Funny)
I am a programmer, and I remember the good ol' days when I had a job with Internet access. Then I was laid off, and the New Economy gave me a job with a company that doesn't allow its programmers access to the Internet! Do you believe this? Now I have to get my Slashdot fix on Saturday nights, alone and drunk in my apartment.
At least it doesn't conflict with my social schedule.
This sig is false.
Call the BSA (Score:5, Funny)
Well that sucks big, fat, hairy monkey balls (Score:5, Funny)
NOW they'll probably impliment some sort of official policy of displeasure with such pursuits.
Damn you RIAA.
KFG
yow! (Score:4, Funny)
The RIAA and MPAA Target Day-Job Downloaders
That's it, I'm switching to the night shift!
Don't worry, it won't cost the RIAA a red cent (Score:3, Funny)
KFG
Re:Quick! (Score:5, Funny)
Damn you Kazaa polluters!
Re:I'm scared(!) (Score:4, Funny)
Thank you for the information provided in your post. In addition to monitoring your active Internet connections, your supervisors and I have also discussed pursuing an audit of your laptop, and I have recommended that active logging software be installed on all computers in your workspace.
The Government thanks you for your compliance.
Yours Truly,
Your Boss
Cartoon (Score:5, Funny)
Valenti does look a lot like Droopy, you have to admit.
Valenti [boycott-riaa.com]
Droopy [collectingpez.com]
Or if we're going for apropos [cottet.org] over strict resemblance...
Finally... (Score:3, Funny)
Now I have a reason.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Board, thank you for allowing me to speak. I'd like to address this letter and brochure that you have received from the entertainment cartels. What's that, Mr. Chairman? No sir, I did indeed call them cartels. No, please keep the lawyers in the room...they might find this informative. My presentation consists of the following:
--K.
It was only a matter of time (Score:5, Funny)
It's was only a matter of time for this to happen.
Individual companies have already contacted those businesses with a lot of "personal time" being spent on corporate networks. My own company was approached and mildly threatened by Sony because of P2P sharing.
Our IT people blocked the ports, and threatened us with various forms of violence if we shared/downloaded media. No distinction was made between legal or illegal downloads (if there really is such a thing).
Personally, I feel that home is the place to steal music. Work is for stealing software.
That last was a joke. Laugh. It's funny.
Reception (Score:2, Funny)
Please see to it that your brochures are delivered to the proper suggestions box. They can be located out behind the offices, just find the B.F.I. logo and throw them in.
Re:My company already did this to us.. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:at work? (Score:5, Funny)
I totally agree. I get SO pissed when my EFnet chats get lagged because the office warez monkeys are maxing out the T1 just to get mp3s and isos! People need to get cable!
Re:Quick! (Score:3, Funny)
who doesn't know that a dolphin's ejaculate comes out with enough force to rip a hole in your colon.
Oh, I know that all too well..
Re:do you wanna bet... (Score:4, Funny)
1> People who work in Fortune 1000 are usually bored stiffless by institutional dreariness of the large company. Or they have become completely transformed by Dilbert syndrome into robots on the outside and boiling-with-rage just-destroy-it-see-if-I-care attitudes on the inside. Having a 1000-to-1 pay ratio between the top executives and the average Fortune 1000 worker ensures that there is a lot of this kind of feeling. Thousands of employees turn to P2P in the workplace just to get through the meaninglessness of the day. As long as the work continues to get done, it's not really a big deal.
2> Management gets a blanket threatening letter from the RIAA-MPAA. They immediately enact a policy saying that there will 'zero-tolerance' of any P2P or non-work-related computer or internet use by employees. The people who use P2P KNOW that their work is not affected by their listening and downloading and simply ignore this edict. Since everything is illegal in America now it doesn't seem to make any difference anyway, just as much work continues to get done as before.
3> The system administrator reviews the download records of all the employees and finds the people who continue to use P2P.
4> * The system administrator goes to each of these people (possible hundreds) and says that unless they give him $100-$200 a month, their names will be turned over to management for termination.
5> The system administrator gets tens of thousands of dollars a month from shaking down the employees due to management's stupid 'zero-tolerance' policy of something that hundreds of people are doing in the company.
6> The system administrator has an unfortunate accident. Someone deliberately drove their car over him in the company parking lot. Nobody saw anything. Word starts to circulate in and out of the company that there was a very profitable organized shakedown going on. Management refuses to tell the police anything to avoid scandal.
7> The word going around reachs the local Mafia crew. They 'persuade' management to install one of their people as the new system administrator. The shakedown continues... the Mafia gets the money...the employees get to download P2P...and nobody cares about what happens to the company.
Listening to music (Score:3, Funny)
I agree with you on the points where you say employees shouldn't be allowed to do illegal things on company time, waste time at work, or use up company resorces for non-work purposes. But are you seriously saying listening to music wastes company time?
I'm listening to music now. Do you think I took longer to write this post just because I'm listening to music???
/me wishing I could remember where those studies are which said music boosted productivity.
Re:What I want to know is... (Score:3, Funny)
If only there were some type of decentralized distribution system... oh wait.
Hah... Amateurs. (Score:3, Funny)
pyslsk
Re:Good For Them (Score:1, Funny)
If this is how you work, then I'm gald you don't work for me.