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The RIAA and MPAA Target Day-Job Downloaders 293

BrianUofR points to this USA Today article, which says "the Recording Industry Association of America and the Motion Picture Association of America are sending a six-page brochure this week to Fortune 1000 corporations with suggested policies -- including a sample memo to workers warning them against using company computers to download songs and movies."
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The RIAA and MPAA Target Day-Job Downloaders

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  • Quick! (Score:5, Funny)

    by $$$$$exyGal ( 638164 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:23PM (#5310971) Homepage Journal
    Somebody post the 6-page brochure to Kazaa so I can see it.

    --sex []

  • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:34PM (#5311024)
    Dear fellow workers (and soon to be ex-workers).

    We the managment of [INCLUDE COMPANY NAME], have felt it necessary to assert our position in regard to file sharing as dicated by the RIAA and MPAA of America.

    You, the much loved workers of [INCLUDE COMPANY NAME], are from this day forth given the notice, that any contraband (aka shared files) ending with the following (but not limited to) extensions are hereby seen as illegal.

    Extensions : .avi and .mp3

    If for any reason any file ending with these extensions were found on your desktop or backup media, we would be forced to report you to the good companies listed above and further report you to our good government. You will be reported as terrorist file sharers who are affecting our great nations economy by sharing the files ending in the said extensions.

    The lawyers representing [INCLUDE COMPANY NAME], RIAA and MPAA could at no point be sued or counter sued for any loss. You withhold the right to class action lawsuite, trial by jury and any sort of criminal charges against the companies that own the said file extensions.

    Any tools that you use to create, display or duplicate the said file extensions are from this day forth labeled as tools of terrorists.

    Thank you.
  • Correction: (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:37PM (#5311041)
    They really sent the brochures to the Fortune 500 companies, but they said it was the same as the Fortune 1000 companies as these were really fast companies.
  • by craigeyb ( 518670 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:40PM (#5311058) Homepage

    I am a programmer, and I remember the good ol' days when I had a job with Internet access. Then I was laid off, and the New Economy gave me a job with a company that doesn't allow its programmers access to the Internet! Do you believe this? Now I have to get my Slashdot fix on Saturday nights, alone and drunk in my apartment.

    At least it doesn't conflict with my social schedule.

    This sig is false.

  • by girth ( 40643 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:46PM (#5311082)
    Someone should make sure all the copies of M$ Word the RIAA and MPAA use to create these memos are licensed and accounted for.
  • by kfg ( 145172 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:51PM (#5311104)
    I was just about to take a temp job with a Fortune 1000 company just so I could sit around all day using the company computers to download movies.

    NOW they'll probably impliment some sort of official policy of displeasure with such pursuits.

    Damn you RIAA.

  • yow! (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:55PM (#5311126)

    The RIAA and MPAA Target Day-Job Downloaders

    That's it, I'm switching to the night shift!

  • by kfg ( 145172 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:55PM (#5311127)
    The music companies they represent are billing it back against the artists, just like everything else.

  • Re:Quick! (Score:5, Funny)

    by PovRayMan ( 31900 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @08:55PM (#5311133) Homepage
    Searching for it, you better read the description or else you might end up getting a guide about man-dolphin relations...

    Damn you Kazaa polluters!

  • by carpe_noctem ( 457178 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @09:01PM (#5311162) Homepage Journal
    Dear Mr. Stephen Sharp,

    Thank you for the information provided in your post. In addition to monitoring your active Internet connections, your supervisors and I have also discussed pursuing an audit of your laptop, and I have recommended that active logging software be installed on all computers in your workspace.

    The Government thanks you for your compliance.

    Yours Truly,
    Your Boss ;P
  • Cartoon (Score:5, Funny)

    by limekiller4 ( 451497 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @09:01PM (#5311163) Homepage
    I swear to god, every time I read something like this I have a flashback of being a kid and watching a cartoon character trying to plug up a leaking dam with his finger, then the other, then a toe, then the other toe...

    Valenti does look a lot like Droopy, you have to admit.

    Valenti []
    Droopy []

    Or if we're going for apropos [] over strict resemblance...
  • Finally... (Score:3, Funny)

    by kien ( 571074 ) <[gro.fsf.rebmem] [ta] [neik]> on Saturday February 15, 2003 @09:30PM (#5311282) Journal
    I've been waiting for them to empty the other barrel of the shotgun into their foot.

    Now I have a reason.

    Ladies and Gentlemen of the Board, thank you for allowing me to speak. I'd like to address this letter and brochure that you have received from the entertainment cartels. What's that, Mr. Chairman? No sir, I did indeed call them cartels. No, please keep the lawyers in the room...they might find this informative. My presentation consists of the following:
    • How to spot a failing business model
      • Lessons we can learn from the RIAA/MPAA
    • How to avoid alienating customers
      • Where the RIAA went wrong
      • Where the MPAA went wrong
      • How to avoid pissing off your customers
    • The concept of Fair Use
    • Relevant strategic legal strategies
    • Conclusion: Screw 'em.

  • by c13v3rm0nk3y ( 189767 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @09:33PM (#5311291) Homepage

    It's was only a matter of time for this to happen.

    Individual companies have already contacted those businesses with a lot of "personal time" being spent on corporate networks. My own company was approached and mildly threatened by Sony because of P2P sharing.

    Our IT people blocked the ports, and threatened us with various forms of violence if we shared/downloaded media. No distinction was made between legal or illegal downloads (if there really is such a thing).

    Personally, I feel that home is the place to steal music. Work is for stealing software.

    That last was a joke. Laugh. It's funny.

  • Reception (Score:2, Funny)

    by NeoMoose ( 626691 ) <neomoose@despamm e d .com> on Saturday February 15, 2003 @10:00PM (#5311422) Homepage Journal
    RIAA and MPAA,
    Please see to it that your brochures are delivered to the proper suggestions box. They can be located out behind the offices, just find the B.F.I. logo and throw them in.
  • by jim3e8 ( 458859 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @10:33PM (#5311649) Homepage
    Do they forbid copied audio CD-Rs as well? How can they tell? What happens if your media player caches data on disk? In memory? Better disable access to the CD-ROM drive completely, remove the USB ports, and cut off the network, so that illegal material can't possibly get anywhere near a company computer. Anything else risks massive litigation.
  • Re:at work? (Score:5, Funny)

    by supabeast! ( 84658 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @10:46PM (#5311729)
    " I wouldn't want people I was managing screwing around with p2p software at work."

    I totally agree. I get SO pissed when my EFnet chats get lagged because the office warez monkeys are maxing out the T1 just to get mp3s and isos! People need to get cable!
  • Re:Quick! (Score:3, Funny)

    by grub ( 11606 ) <> on Saturday February 15, 2003 @10:59PM (#5311780) Homepage Journal

    who doesn't know that a dolphin's ejaculate comes out with enough force to rip a hole in your colon.

    Oh, I know that all too well..
  • by Simonetta ( 207550 ) on Saturday February 15, 2003 @11:19PM (#5311909)
    Here's what this really means:
    1> People who work in Fortune 1000 are usually bored stiffless by institutional dreariness of the large company. Or they have become completely transformed by Dilbert syndrome into robots on the outside and boiling-with-rage just-destroy-it-see-if-I-care attitudes on the inside. Having a 1000-to-1 pay ratio between the top executives and the average Fortune 1000 worker ensures that there is a lot of this kind of feeling. Thousands of employees turn to P2P in the workplace just to get through the meaninglessness of the day. As long as the work continues to get done, it's not really a big deal.
    2> Management gets a blanket threatening letter from the RIAA-MPAA. They immediately enact a policy saying that there will 'zero-tolerance' of any P2P or non-work-related computer or internet use by employees. The people who use P2P KNOW that their work is not affected by their listening and downloading and simply ignore this edict. Since everything is illegal in America now it doesn't seem to make any difference anyway, just as much work continues to get done as before.
    3> The system administrator reviews the download records of all the employees and finds the people who continue to use P2P.
    4> * The system administrator goes to each of these people (possible hundreds) and says that unless they give him $100-$200 a month, their names will be turned over to management for termination.
    5> The system administrator gets tens of thousands of dollars a month from shaking down the employees due to management's stupid 'zero-tolerance' policy of something that hundreds of people are doing in the company.
    6> The system administrator has an unfortunate accident. Someone deliberately drove their car over him in the company parking lot. Nobody saw anything. Word starts to circulate in and out of the company that there was a very profitable organized shakedown going on. Management refuses to tell the police anything to avoid scandal.
    7> The word going around reachs the local Mafia crew. They 'persuade' management to install one of their people as the new system administrator. The shakedown continues... the Mafia gets the money...the employees get to download P2P...and nobody cares about what happens to the company.
  • by moncyb ( 456490 ) on Sunday February 16, 2003 @02:33AM (#5312711) Journal

    I agree with you on the points where you say employees shouldn't be allowed to do illegal things on company time, waste time at work, or use up company resorces for non-work purposes. But are you seriously saying listening to music wastes company time?

    I'm listening to music now. Do you think I took longer to write this post just because I'm listening to music???

    /me wishing I could remember where those studies are which said music boosted productivity.

  • by Alien Being ( 18488 ) on Sunday February 16, 2003 @02:48AM (#5312761)
    "How much will it cost the RIAA and MPAA to send out all these letters?"

    If only there were some type of decentralized distribution system... oh wait.
  • by ebbomega ( 410207 ) on Sunday February 16, 2003 @06:40AM (#5313243) Journal
    ssh -X
  • by Anonymous Coward on Sunday February 16, 2003 @03:11PM (#5314890)
    I'm self-employed. That means I can wake up at 10, I can work in my undies with my cock hanging out, jerking off to porn, and I can download Britney till my MP3 player deletes itself in protest.

    If this is how you work, then I'm gald you don't work for me.

Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!