Police Probing Theft of Millions of Pounds of Maple Syrup From Strategic Reserve 399
An anonymous reader writes with this bit from the Globe and Mail: "Quebec police are on the hunt for a sticky-fingered thief after millions of dollars of maple syrup vanished from a Quebec warehouse. The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check last week at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, where the syrup is being held temporarily. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which is responsible for the global strategic maple syrup reserve, initially kept the news quiet, hoping it would help police solve the crime quickly."
Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
We must record and study the Canadian in this rare form.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
There are conflicting reports that riots have broken out all across Canada. Or that everyone seems to be fine with it and is going about their day as normal. Hard to say, since they look the same.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
I love to make fun of Candians every chance I get. But I do have to admit.. I envy their stereotypes. The rest of the world thinks I'm a lazy overworking fatass who prioritizes things like which gym to go to over geography.
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So ... you're a ginger?
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There are conflicting reports that riots have broken out all across Canada. Or that everyone seems to be fine with it and is going about their day as normal. Hard to say, since they look the same.
As a Canadian, I am ROFLMAO after reading your comment.
As a fellow Canuck, methinks the Vancouver police would not be laughing along with you. Canuck riots are just as insane as everybody else's riots. Well, not everybody's since no-one can match the Murrican's concealed carry enabled riots, or the brick wielding jerks in the Rodney King related riot.
Edmonton's had riots too, and Toronto's had riots, and a bunch of underage military volunteers consigned to a prison camp in Wales in WWI caused a riot.
Do New Zealanders or Aussies have riots? I've never heard o
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Informative)
Do New Zealanders or Aussies have riots? I've never heard of any.
Unfortunately, yes [wikipedia.org] for Australia. Not sure about New Zealand though.
I saw an angry Canadian a long time ago (Score:3)
He found a mouse in his beer bottle.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
Well, that's easy enough - just attend absolutely any hockey game.
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Argh, the bloody hoosers took our sticky. Gord what are you going to do aboot this? I think we need to get the RCMP and launch our non-nuclear option. Perhaps a sternly written letter from the gov general will do it.
P.S. I find it funny that the stereotype of us canadians is non-angry. We don't get angry about a lot of stupid things and can take jokes even about different sub-groups in our country (at least most people). But still we are the country that beats the shit out of each other on ice from the age
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
I don't like where this discussion is heading, it's a slippery slope to talk about a sticky situation like this...
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
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I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup.
If you said you didn't like it, I could accept that. But not so much as seen it? Where does one live to avoid all contact whatsoever with maple syrup?
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:4, Funny)
I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup.
If you said you didn't like it, I could accept that. But not so much as seen it? Where does one live to avoid all contact whatsoever with maple syrup?
cheesybagel obviously lives in another dimension.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...
It is a strategic product. Have you ever read Dune? Where do you think Frank Herbert got the idea of spice?
I mean how else can you explain how most Canadians knew the Iraq war was going to end in pain but most Americans thought it would be a fun desert expedition? It is the precognitive effects of maple syrup (spice)!
To put it bluntly: if you eat food with maple syrup occasionally, nothing will happen. But if you become dependent on it then withdrawal will kill you. A strategic maple syrup reserve is critical for the survival of Canada. The biggest question, though, is how a country with so many precogs couldn't figure out that someone was trying to steal from the maple syrup reserve. I think there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye. Perhaps Canada is only trying to make us think that there was a theft so that we will feel that they are weak.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
A reward of 2L of pure Canadian maple syrup will be given to anyone who captures the author of the above comment.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...
They use it to jam enemy radars.
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Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...
They use it to jam enemy radars.
Yep, but now the secret's out. Apparently, the theft was an inside job. You can look up all the details on stickyleaks.com. THE MAPLE THIEF FOREVER!!!!
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Informative)
They're just lucky it was a theft and the tank didn't burst [wikipedia.org].
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
I just pictured a Austin Powers-esque or MST3K scene where a giant blob of molasses was "chasing" after these people.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
soylent syrup is made from people
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
It makes sense. If export demand spikes or production dips you want to have a reserve to use to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else, so your business model and power remain intact. It is for the exact same reason we have oil reserves.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
I wouldn't be so quick to call his comment rational.
Or at least not the part about oil, unless global commerce is also fueled by maple syrup.
Nobody keeps strategic oil reserves "to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else"
They keep them so that the country doesn't grind to a halt the next time there's a significant supply disruption.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:4, Funny)
They keep them so that the country doesn't grind to a halt the next time there's a significant supply disruption.
He was wrong about the maple syrup too, since that is exactly our reason for keeping reserves in Canada (although perhaps not on the global scale of oil).
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
It's large enough to keep our military moving long enough to beat the shit out of whoever's disrupting supply.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops.
In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops. In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.
Meh, that's nothing but long-discredited trickle-down economics.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Ha! You've been taken in by the conspiracy between the Canadian government and "Big Maple." Maple syrup is actually formed abiotically from "sweet spots" deep within the earth. We can never run out of maple syrup. Canadian civilization can continue forever!
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
It's the Canadian equivalent of the Federal Reserve.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
With the exception that maple syrup is actually worth something.
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Sweet!
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I had to double check the page to make sure I hadn't clicked over to The Onion for a second.
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The "reserve" is in fact a way to keep maple syrup price higher by creating a rarity and allows to cash in when price goes higher. It's literaly a maple mafia going on here, all of it being driven under the UPA (union des producteurs agricoles - the farmer union), which is the solely recognized and legal farmer union in Quebec. There's a lot of complaint and some legal wrangling going on against this monopoly.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:4, Interesting)
I do mainly 2 things in my life:
1- I'm an IT consultant 9 months/year
2- I produce maple syrup on my maple farm 3 month/year
I've been doing that for years and let me tell you that it is true that is a monopoly benefiting mainly the big producers and the small one are kinda left behind. But then again, It is similar to most farming in most countries.
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No. It's a hedge against radical market changes. It benefits you as well as larger producers.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Civilisation is only ever 48 hours away from dry pancakes.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
Production of maple syrup can vary highly from one year to the next, depending on weather conditions. The ideal conditions are rather strict, where the temperature is below freezing at night just above 4C during the day. If it's too warm or too cold, very little production can be done.
Because of this, each year producers deliver some of their syrup to the strategic reserve, to ensure that every year a certain amount can be sold on the local and global markets. Before this initiative was taken, the were years when the price of syrup was really high, and even unavailable. That almost led to riots! Production these last few years has been much better, so the reserve isn't tapped much, but it's still a good idea, we don't know what might happen with GCC.
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I'd Tap that... Strateghttp://www.xkcd.com/398/
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
*facepalm*
Canada, buddy, look, seriously here. I've got numerous good friends of mine in various areas of Canada, from the coast of British Columbia to the fine metropolitan city of Toronto (sorry, I don't know any Newfies). So I spend a fair amount of time rolling my eyes at the usual Canadian stereotypes the less-cultured of my American brethren pump out on a regular basis whenever Canada is mentioned.
But, man, seriously. Your Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve isn't going to make that any easier. Come on, now.
Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Insightful)
Dear USA. The fact that you try to make fun of us... is in itself hilarious.
If you're going to laugh at us, laugh at us for our godawful government currently trying as hard as possible to make Canada as much like the USA as possible.
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Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? (Score:5, Funny)
Who modded the comment above as flamebait? Did you get approval from the modding committee?
Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police (Score:5, Funny)
As is the tradition.
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A little syrup in the stirrup never hurt anybody.
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Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police
As is the tradition.
What the hell are you on about?
This is definitely a job for the "Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksman".
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No! It was Carmen Sandiego!
Bitch stole hoover dam, and the eifel tower too!
She couldn't think of anything really noteworthy to steal from canada, and settled on stealing your precious reserves of syrup!
I hear she has a secret plan to convert the sugars into petrolium, to subvert the global supply!
Damn (Score:2)
I've got nothing.
Re:Damn (Score:5, Funny)
I guess this could be a sticking point for the Canadian authorities. They sure made those looking after the product look like saps. But they'll catch the thief eventually, and he'll get his just desserts.
You're welcome.
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Unrelated Note (Score:5, Funny)
Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (Score:5, Funny)
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It was probably all the bullshit Grade A Amber. Which they waste the first run maple syrup to make by mixing it with the garbage from the late runs.
I love the nearly clear first run stuff.
Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? (Score:5, Funny)
Guard your hockey sticks (Score:3, Funny)
The Canadian economy cannot afford a shortage of both maple syrup and hockey sticks.
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Only two men can solve this crime. (Score:5, Funny)
Canada needs the McKenzie brothers.
NOW!
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Yes, that's awesome. They should so turn this into a movie...
In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
International House of Pancakes has announced that for all of the American Labour Day Weekend they will be offering free pancakes with all-you-can-slurp maple syrup, and every customer will get a free bottle of (unlabeled) genuine maple syrup to take home.
Re:In other news... (Score:5, Insightful)
The odds that IHOP would use actual Maple Syrup approach 0, even if it were free.
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Is it April Fools already? (Score:2)
Current Dramatization of Only Known Lead (Score:5, Funny)
First Lady: Get it yourself.
Secret Service Agent: *leans down and whispers into the President's ear* Um, sir, we're out of syrup, would you like me to dispatch an agent to pick you up from some the store?
President Obama: No, Allen, that won't be necessary. *pauses dramatically and announces loudly* Get me Seal Team mother fuckin' Six on the horn!
First Lady: Barry! Do NOT swear around our children! And for the love of god, you cannot use Seal Team Six to solve all of your problems! Remember when you told them to "take care of my mother" for an afternoon and she ended up floating face down in the Potomac!?
President Obama: Clearly an unintended -- VERY UNINTENDED -- miscommunication and we're not having that fight again! Now, I want all the intelligence we have on Canada stat
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Plausible, but I think the evidence suggests that Auric Maplefinger might be involved.
Something isn't right (Score:5, Insightful)
Millions of pounds means hundreds of thousands of gallons, means 1000 or so tanker trucks worth of the stuff. We're either dealing with an accounting error or a theft over an extremely long time frame.
Re:Something isn't right (Score:5, Funny)
Or both. Gotta watch those sticky-fingered accountants.
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No worries (Score:4, Funny)
It was salted and probably used on hash.
OH NOSE!!! (Score:2)
The Humanity!!!
This had better not impact my bacon maple glazed doughnut supply!!!
You mean warehouse. (Score:3)
Strategic reserve (Score:2)
I'm guessing the Strategic part doesn't refer to the location of the Reserve :/
Police already have suspects identified (Score:3)
They're part of a shadowy, polite subgroup of syrup-suckers called "Canadians."
YRO?? WTF!! (Score:3)
Chris Christie (Score:4, Funny)
So *that* explains how it looks like he put on 100 pounds just before the RNC!
Oblig (Score:2)
-- Super Troopers
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Wish I had points to give my friend...
"Good thing you didn't order hashbrowns..."
hey Hoser! (Score:2)
On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me.... ....
A beer
in a tree.
On the second day of christmas my true love gave to me.... ....
1000 gallons of Maple syrup.
and a beer
in a tree.
OK, so... (Score:3)
Quite... (Score:2)
... the sticky situation.
South Park? (Score:3)
Is it just me, or does this sound like an episode of South Park?
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I'm thinking the Canadian remake of Goldfinger myself, with Conrad Black as Maple Syrupfinger.
bad scifi? (Score:3)
this really sounds like it could be the plot to a really bad science fiction book.. oh ya that's right.
http://www.amazon.com/Live-Free-Die-Troy-Rising/dp/1439133328 [amazon.com]
For those of you who can't find the review section..
Fast-thinking entrepreneur Tyler Vernon exploits the literally universal appeal of maple syrup to make a fortune, defies the Horvath, and reveals his ideas for keeping Earth safe, but intergalactic war threatens to derail his plan
you'll notice it got 4/5 stars (Score:3)
I actually liked that book (and it's sequels). The author has imagination and a sense of humour.
Aliens took it (Score:2)
This was all covered in the Troy Rising series by John Ringo. Turns out that maple syrup is highly intoxicating to the Glatun species.
Oh, Canada... (Score:3)
Oh, Canada...
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Because we're funnier than everybody else, that's why.
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And why is it in yro?
'Cause maple syrup is a right, not a privilege.
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When I was kid we used to go to my uncle's "cabane a sucre" (translates as sugar shack) on the outskirts of Sherbrooke to make the stuff.
I thought a sugar shack was a hillbilly whorehouse.