RIAA Offers Amnesty to File Sharers

Mister Dre writes "Apparently, the RIAA is planning to offer amnesty to file sharers who promise to delete copyrighted material from their computers. To take advantage, of course, you 'have to send a completed, notarized amnesty form to the RIAA, with a copy of a photo ID.'" Hey RIAA, how about I just stop sharing files, and we call it even? I know I own most of the CDs for the files I listen to, but I stopped buying those too so you'll know where I stand.

jack valenti, call for you on line 1....

[sweeney37]

first, they drop the price of CDs. now they're offering amnesty.

somebody call satan to see if hell froze over.

Mike

RIAA subpoena

[tcd004]

For your viewing pleasure: A copy of a subpoena from the RIAA. [lostbrain.com]

Tcd004

What a deal

[mpeg4codec]

So, in order to buy amnesty from the RIAA, I have to sell them my identity? Sounds fair...

Boggles the mind.

[GoofyBoy]

I won't even get off my ass, go store and buy a CD so what makes them think that I will get something notarized?

Trust is frail

[Locky]

To NYCGirl

We'll forgive you for your evil-doings. Just send us Photo ID, address details, mother's maiden name, breast size and we'll let you go free. We promise.

Love,

Your Friends, The RIAA.

XOXOX

question.

[holzp]

Does this cover all the naked pictures of Hilary Rosen on my hard drive too?

how about we offer amnesty?

[smd4985]

this is crazy - they should send us an amnesty form for the YEARS of overpriced CDs, heavily marketed lolliPOP junk, and their refusal to embrace technology in the fear of losing their oligopoly.

My Only Response:

[Wes Janson]

F***. You.

That is all.

Yes...Trust us, we are the RIAA

[retro128]

Dear Filesharer,
We know we can't possibly track all you bastards down in order to put you (or your parents) into financial ruin just like you have done to our starving "artists". So instead, just give us your photo, name, and address and admit you are pirating music and we promise nothing will happen. Really.

-The RIAA

can I download the form?

[holzp]

or is it copyrighted too?

New amnesty

[secolactico]

I hereby offer amnesty to whoever it is that stole my car stereo two months ago.

All you have to do is come (unarmed) with me to the nearest police station and sign a full confession. I will then proceed to "forgive" you. You won't even have to return my stereo (wich you probably sold inmediatly to support your crack habit).

This is really a new intelligence test.

[Anonymous Coward]

Send in your notarized form with photo ID IQ: 50
Send in your notarized form w/o photo ID IQ: 60
Send in the form with only your first name IQ: 70
Use the form to line the kitty box IQ: 80
Ignore the whole thing IQ: 100
Send in the notarized form with a local politician's name IQ: 130

Re:At the end of the day

[Wes Janson]

1." Do two wrongs make a right?"

Actually, three lefts make a right. Or, if you wish, the equation can be represented as 2w=xr, where x is equal to the number of wrongs necessary to equal a right. In this instance, x equals 1f, where f=finger. Which is what my response would be to such a request.

Re:can I download the form?

[CleverNickName]

Just download it from formster.

Dear Filesharers:

[Quaoar]

Catching you guys is HARD. Please just turn yourselves in...pretty please?

And in related news ...

[DogIsMyCoprocessor]

the state troopers offer amnesty to you for all the speeding you've done up until now that they didn't catch you doing. But if you speed from now on, they might ticket you.

The Simpsons apply everywhere!

[mrpuffypants]

Homer: Up and away in my beautiful my beautiful motor boat! Da da da da!
Bart: But we didn't enter any police raffle.
Homer: That doesn't matter, the important thing is we won.
[parks]
Marge: I don't know, there's something very peculiar about
this!
Homer: Sheesh! You're the most paranoid family I've ever been
affiliated with. [gets out]

Later on, after Homer enters the Police Station, to Wiggum: I'd like a yellow boat please, with extra motors.

Re:What a deal

[rushiferu]

"So, in order to buy amnesty from the RIAA, I have to sell them my identity? Sounds fair... "

That's because you didn't read the part where you sign with your blood and mail the document back in an envelope made of the flesh of your first born. Remember, always read the fine print!

Can't WAIT to get the address to send my "info"

[ScottGant]

I've got so many people that I know personally that hate the RIAA. We're going to have a field day sending them all kinds of joke photo ID's.

Hey, keeps us off the streets.

Re:RIAA subpoena

[scotch]

The moderation system is way broken. Has been for a long time.

Shhhh

[Mark_MF-WN]

Shhh. Be quiet, or you'll spoil the surprise! Why ruin the RIAA's best joke on the American people yet!

I've made a few photoshop id's in my time

[way2trivial]

and this one just BEGS for a copy of a license with goatse.cx in the photo square...

In other news

[KU_Fletch]

The RIAA today announced sudden gains in profit due to an undisclosed source of income. This comes on the heals of collecting names and photo id's of file traders during an amnesty period.

In completely unrelated news, identity theft claims in the US jumped sharply. Officials are baffled as to the sudden influx.

Re:Oh Good...

[KU_Fletch]

Chief Wiggum: See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya; otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

Re:The Simpsons apply everywhere!

[kgbspy]

There was also the episode of The Awful Truth with Michael Moore, in which he went to a county in California (forget which...) that had a particularly bad reputation for cutting out the courts as middleman between arrest and jail. The results of which leading to almost one thousand arrests in a year, of which only one person actually stood trial due to the completely lax attitude of the public defenders (ie, you're going to go to jail anyway, you might as well plead guilty).

So what did Mike do? Went around town getting people to pre-sign their own plea bargains, and took them all to the D.A's office, dumped them on his desk so that if any of the local citizens were ever arrested, it'd be even easier than before to get them straight into jail...

Re:This is really a new intelligence test.

[Soko]

Send in the notarized form with Jack Velenti's name and picture on it: Priceless.

No signature is necessary for you

[Anonymous Coward]

Does this cover all the naked pictures of Hilary Rosen on my hard drive too?

You have been punished enough already.

Re:What a deal

[Cpt_Kirks]

So, in order to buy amnesty from the RIAA, I have to sell them my identity? Sounds fair...

I got an email from them. Except they wanted my credit card and bank account numbers. And they were in Nigeria.

Re:Can't WAIT to get the address to send my "info"

[BigDork1001]

Forget joke IDs, send them a whole bunch AOL CDs.

I'm asking for amnesty

[NineNine]

Here's my picture [goatse.cx]. My name is John Smith, and I live on Main St. in Smallville, USA.

Re:Can't WAIT to get the address to send my "info"

[magores]

Better yet... Burn the AOL CDs to a blank, and then send the copied version. :)

Re:RIAA subpoena

[sharkey]

did moderators read the "Subpoena" ??

You must be new here.

We live in a free market -

[steveoc]

Since we live in a free market, I think that SCO should also offer a licence that indemnifys the buyer of the licence against prosecution for MP3 piracy.

Let them compete, price wise, in a fair and open market for such things.

The RIAA can always offer a similar licence for freedom from prosecution for using Linux.

Just imagine the marketting possibilities - A whole range of licences that promise to protect you from such things as :

• Being abducted by Aliens.
  
• Being kidnapped and corn-holed by Elvis.
  
• Being hit by Iraqi Nukes.
  
• Being sued for listening to music.
  
• Being sued for loading Linux on a PC.
  
• 
  
  You could flog off each licence for $699, or sign people up for the Mega-Bundle for $3000 - a saving of nearly $500 !!

So....

[Jaysyn]

... which dumb ass is going to take the blame for [e-mail] & get the rest of us of the hook?

Jaysyn

Here's what I am going to do

[Powercntrl]

Karma be damned, this has to be said.

I am going to get the nicest, glossiest printer paper I can find and print the goatse picture on it. Those of you familiar with it already know why, those of you who don't should consider yourselves very lucky. Underneath it, I will print add the words...

"Want your copyrighted material back? Reach on up there and get it!"

Re:Can't WAIT to get the address to send my "info"

[Kierthos]

From the RIAA office:

"Damnit! This is the 7842nd George W. Bush ID we've gotten!"

Heh... better yet, don't use the un-Prez... use your local congress-critters. Should be a simple effort to dig up their addresses as well. And I'll bet if enough of them get "turned in", we might see some interesting reponses...

Kierthos

Re:jack valenti, call for you on line 1....

[Maxwell'sSilverLART]

...blah blah blah $5...$2.95 up to 10 CD's...yadda yadda yadda...

GASOLINE PRICES: I think gasoline should cost 49 cents a gallon. No, darn it, make that 29 cents a gallon! Also the gas-station attendants should pump it for you. And when you get home, you should be able to watch Milton Berle on your Philco TV.

--Dave Barry

Re:jack valenti, call for you on line 1....

[ryanwright]

(it would be PR suicide)
So, just another day at RIAA HQ, right?