Penurious Penguin writes: While not quite as epic or bitter as losing 600 barrels of maple syrup — in two separate heists, 80,000lbs of walnuts have been stolen in Northern California since last week. The heist was discovered after the walnuts failed to reach their destinations in Miami, FL and Dallas, TX. If you happen to see a large man (approximately 6' 2") driving a white semi-trailer and munching on $300,000 worth of walnuts, it may be the villain. Officers with highly trained squirrels have yet to be posted at interstate weigh-stations.
"Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
-- Dave Mack (mack@inco.UUCP)
-- Allen Gwinn (firstname.lastname@example.org), in alt.flame