theodp writes: 'Look, Dave,' said HAL. 'I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over.' Put a HAL 9000 in a baby's stuffed animal toy, a toddler's EEG-equipped knit cap, or other interactive monitoring device, and you've got the gist of IBM Research's just-published patent application for its Adaptive System for Real-Time Behavioral Coaching and Command Intermediation. 'For example,' explains Big Blue, 'to help a child who plays rough with other children the interaction data can include multiple interaction operations that can be performed by the interactive device for helping the child play less rough with other children. For example, one interaction operation can include an audible warning telling the child 'to play nice' in a strict tone of voice, whereas another interaction operation can include an audible warning that asks the child 'would you like someone to do that to you' in a softer tone of voice along with a visual cue as well.' Hey, spare the Ludovico technique and spoil the child. Welcome to a Smarter Planet, kiddies!