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Crime Idle

Head of Indonesia's Anti-Drug Agency Proposes Using Crocodiles To Guard Prisons 83 writes: BBC reports that Budi Waseso, the head of Indonesia's anti-drugs agency has proposed building a prison island guarded by crocodiles to house death-row drug convicts and says crocodiles make better guards than humans — because they cannot be bribed. "We will place as many crocodiles as we can there," says Waseso. "You can't bribe crocodiles. You can't convince them to let inmates escape." Waseso says only traffickers would be kept in the jail, to stop them from mixing with other prisoners and potentially recruiting them to drug gangs. The plan, reminiscent of James Bond's "Live and Let Die" movie escape, is still in the early stages, and neither the location or potential opening date of the jail have been decided. Anti-drugs agency spokesman Slamet Pribadi confirmed authorities were mulling the plan to build "a special prison for death row convicts" Indonesia already has some of the toughest anti-narcotics laws in the world, including death by firing squad for traffickers, and sparked international uproar in April when it put to death seven foreign drug convicts, including Australians Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran. Despite the harsh laws, Indonesia's corrupt prison system is awash with drugs, and inmates and jail officials are regularly arrested for narcotics offences.
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Head of Indonesia's Anti-Drug Agency Proposes Using Crocodiles To Guard Prisons

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  • ... it's all a matter of procuring a few tons of meat. Just make sure that all of the crocodiles are fed before entering the crocodile-infested area.
    • by axlash ( 960838 )

      Even better, feed them a few tons of poisoned meat...

    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by mwvdlee ( 775178 )

      Or, just use an aligator repellent: http://www.wildlifeanimalcontr... []
      Ammonia and human urine. I'm sure those will be VERY hard to find in a prison.

      • Much simpler to form an escape party of 20-50 fellow inmates.

        You will be among the last to cross the moat. Inmates are cheaper even than urine, and in the melee it won't be evident who actually offered the bribe and who was the bribe. Hop a freighter to Hong Kong, build a new identity, start over.

        Probably want to set up a simple pipeline system and back up the crocs with flaming oil. Yo do not need the prisoners' DNA.

  • by Tx ( 96709 ) on Thursday November 12, 2015 @04:29AM (#50913565) Journal

    This won't work. The crocs could actually be your way out []. If you're really good, you won't even get your trousers wet :).

  • And man eating sharks, and giant chickens and...
  • In Florida... (Score:4, Interesting)

    by mbone ( 558574 ) on Thursday November 12, 2015 @04:34AM (#50913571)

    In Florida they would be more likely to use prisoners to guard crocodiles.

  • One thing's for sure. I'll never traffick drugs in Indonesia.
    • by Anonymous Coward
      I am guessing the opposite. If authorities are this strongly motivated to avoid paying people enough money to do their jobs then I am guessing the larger system is ripe for abuse through bribery already.
  • Useless. You'd have to build a good wall inside the mote to prevent them "accidentally" throwing each other into it. Then again, they were death row convicts, weren't they?
  • by Dunbal ( 464142 ) * on Thursday November 12, 2015 @05:14AM (#50913659)
    He's obviously never heard of "quis custodiet ipsos custodes". And who will guard the crocodiles? Should be fairly easy to bribe the guy who feeds them/cares for them so that he can help arrange your "escape". Crocs aren't all that aggressive when fed. And you have to feed them otherwise you'll end up with one fat croc.
    • Also crocodiles can be drugged. And indonesia's corrupt system is awash with drugs.

      A bribed, corrupt guard who allows inmates to escape could be detected. Harder to check who drugged the crocs.
    • And you have to feed them otherwise you'll end up with one fat croc.

      That is, if there is a wall around the crocs to prevent their escaping, or the crocs go away.

    • I don't know about American crocodiles but Nile crocs can be pretty damn aggressive even when fed (your best bet is to wait till the hottest part of the day and sneak past while they take their daily sandbank naps in the sun actually).

    • by KGIII ( 973947 )

      Just wait until the temperature goes below 70 deg f and the crocs crawl into the mud and will let you be.

    • To a large extent "quis custodiet ipsos custodes" has been solved. Extra guards to increase the cost of bribery, open procedures and oversight. Essentially everyone becomes a guard.

      Beyond that, agreed this is just silly. The psychological affect may deter some, but if you are already looking at death, what do you have to lose?

      Just more security theatre that accomplishes nothing.

      • by Dunbal ( 464142 ) *
        Not sure I agree that this is anything but a short term "solution". Humans are corruptible creatures and power corrupts. Look at the police forces of certain countries around the world. Like Mexico, where half the police are actually working for the cartels, and the other half are taking bribes to stay quiet about it. Or even the US is starting to see a lot of corruption now, with civil asset forfeiture. A larger group of "guards" just means that eventually you'll have more corrupt people to deal with. The
    • He's obviously never heard of "quis custodiet ipsos custodes". And who will guard the crocodiles?

      I dunno. Coast Guard?

  • Only the deligators and litigators navigator that irrigator. I suppose I'll just program an escape in Jaw-va and give it as many bytes as I can: I'm sure it'll really fight tooth and scale.

    Please don't kill me.

  • ... Komodo dragons.
  • I feel like these guys could probably get Uber to pick them up for $50
  • Is this stuff that matters to geeks? Us geeks, we generally are better off with a clear head. Or are we still reminiscing the alleged positive effects of LSD on UNIX? Don't think Ken and Dennis did drugs.
    • by swb ( 14022 )

      I'll bet you both of them at least drank coffee, which makes them drug users. Given the era they grew up in, it's probably at least 50-50 they smoked, which would add a second drug. And then there's always drinking, even if it never happened while they worked (which I would bet is true, alcohol is conducive to being drunk and socializing only, IMHO). So now you have 2 almost guaranteed drugs and one very likely drug.

      I don't see acid specifically being useful for the active task of coding, but it wouldn't

      • Eloquent POV. Almost as if you're trying to invision a world where everyone's doing drugs and thus inducing the idea that narcotics are fine. Were you high when you posted? Are you stil? And on what if I may ask? Is it legal? If so, can we get some? Should we get some?
        • by swb ( 14022 )

          Almost as if you're trying to invision a world where everyone's doing drugs

          Actually, I'm looking at a world where most people actually do drugs, they just don't consider caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol as drugs.

          and thus inducing the idea that narcotics are fine.

          Straw man. I never claimed narcotics (eg, opioids) "were fine" although since the 1950s every objective risk analysis of drugs puts drugs like alcohol and tobacco well above opioids in terms of actual harm potential. It must be true, though, as the best treatment for heroin addiction is methadone or buprenorphine maintenance. Many people take opioids for chronic pain mana

    • Let's see...putting out an idea, novel or not, to solve a chronic problem to get interesting feedback (albeit none that's ever going to reach the source), I'd say that the comment section here is kind of like penetration testing the system on a purely theoretical level.

      So...why wouldn't this matter to geeks, whether or not one of them happens to be you?

    • Us geeks, we generally are better off with a clear head.

      In Putinist Amerika, clear head betters you!

      Or are we still reminiscing the alleged positive effects of LSD on UNIX?

      I had, involuntarily, a couple of "guests", recently who were tripping their balls off on LSD. They were generally incoherent and annoying, and one of them wanted to incite sexual relations with a large poster that I have hanging on the wall from the film, "Metropolis". When I watch documentaries about the 60's, folks who are tripping seem to speak some mumbo-jumbo about love. I guess the LSD these days is different.

      Don't think Ken and Dennis did drugs.

      No, not in goddamned New Jersey, Murray Hill

    • FBI director James Comey said he was having trouble finding good talent that didn't smoke weed. Also, you're full of shit, as everyone gets high one way or another.
    • Is this stuff that matters to geeks?

      Yes, but only to the extent that if the crocodiles don't work out as well as planned we hope that they will be fitted with lasers.

  • They really shouldn't have hired an ex-Bond villain for the position.

  • I have had the concept of a high speed hospice for quite some time. the family or attendant pulls up to what looks like a huge mail slot in a wall and the ill person is dropped through the slot onto a slide which slides them into a pit full of gators. That will cure what ails them. but we could do the same thing with prisoners. immediately after sentencing we could put them on a slide from the courtroom to the pit. As far as appeals go I am sure the gators below will find the convict appealing. We d
    • I think your idea is a croc(k). same as the article.

      But you might interest organized crime to finance a test, to help them "clean up" loose ends. Of course, eventually you too will be one of those loose ends, which judging from your proposals might be better for society in the long run :-)

  • Oh well, at least they did give of coffee that is the most expensive in the world and comes from the fecal matter of a civet cat. I guess I should not be surprised by this idea.
  • Crocnado!!

    Zombie Crocodiles!

    Mega Croc vs Mecha Croc!

    Mega Croc vs Godzilla!

    Super Croc!

    Attack of the Jurassic Croc!

    Two Headed Croc Attack!

    I for one welcome our new Crocodile Prison Guard overlords.

  • In unrelated news, Indonesia prisons start generating revenue by selling handmade crocodile skin boots, belts and underwear...

  • If you're going to go all absurd at least be creative. Komodo dragons are much scarier than crocs.
  • they may get a little hungry. Sounds worse than what it actually is.

"'Tis true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis 'tis true." -- Poloniouius, in Willie the Shake's _Hamlet, Prince of Darkness_