Virtual Boss Keeps Workers On a Short Leash

Gr8Apes writes "Hitachi has created a 'perfect virtual boss.' The company is manufacturing and selling a device intended to increase efficiency in the workplace called the Hitachi Business Microscope (paywalled). 'The device looks like an employee ID badge that most companies issue. Workers are instructed to wear it in the office. Embedded inside each badge, according to Hitachi, are "infrared sensors, an accelerometer, a microphone sensor and a wireless communication device." Hitachi says that the badges record and transmit to management "who talks to whom, how often, where and how energetically." It tracks everything. If you get up to walk around the office a lot, the badge sends information to management about how often you do it, and where you go. If you stop to talk with people throughout the day, the badge transmits who you're talking to (by reading your co-workers' badges), and for how long. Do you contribute at meetings, or just sit there? Either way, the badge tells your bosses.'"

Virtual slave

[mtrachtenberg]

In related news, I am pleased to announce my new "virtual slave" hardware, which intercepts communication from the "Virtual Boss" device to PHBServer and provides an excellent replacement stream of communication indicating you always participate in meetings, visit precisely three fellow employees for ten minutes each day, and never go to the bathroom. ("Virtual Slave eXtreme" will be available soon, with many customization options.)

Let me be the first to say...

[Adeptus_Luminati]

.... I quit. I for one, do not welcome our Orwellian overlords.

Inevitable outcome

[korbulon]

"Employees appeared to slowly converge on the toilets throughout the morning, where they remained for a few minutes before departing the building and eventually arriving to the nearest large body of water, where they remained for the rest of the day."

Badge Meets Clippy?

[handy_vandal]

"It looks like you're trying to Fire A Subordinate. Would you like me to call Security?"

my company doesn't need this

[Anonymous Coward]

We don't need this because we trust our employees to be adults who get their work done. That's why we give them the breathing room they need and only burden them with daily standups and mandatory pair programming in our open bull-pen office. With this type of dynamic, collaborative work environment we are able to attract top talent.

Re:In otherwards

[DoofusOfDeath]

It just takes micromanagement to an entirely new level.

Considering the chip die sizes involved, it's probably better to call to call it nano-management.

Needs more automation

[meta-monkey]

It needs a speaker, too.

"Attention worker #47293, you have exceeded your pooping allotment for the day. Exit the stall and proceed back to your desk. Thank you for your compliance."

Re:Is removing the badge from your shirt a crime?

[Jason Levine]

I can see the reports now:

Employee report #27135: "Employee arrived in the office, turned on their computer, and then crammed himself into a small drawer in his desk for the duration of the work day. He didn't move during this time except to climb out for meetings. Employee emerged from his desk at the end of the day."

Employee report #27136: "After speaking with four other employees in an energetic fashion regarding the new tracking systems, these employees went to the restroom and proceeded to flush themselves down the toilet. It might be worth noting that, following this, unknown individuals sent e-mails from these employees computers insulting their managers, most of HR, and the company executives. These unknown individuals then noted that the flushed employees had quit. As the unknown individuals didn't seem to be wearing tracking badges, it is not known what happened to them next. They either left or are living in the ventilation ducts."

Re:They should call it an anti-retention device

[meta-monkey]

Beta!

Re:They should call it an anti-retention device

[fatgraham]

But unfortunately, the budget has been spent on some new management tools.

Re:They should call it an anti-retention device

[jeffmeden]

Grrr...I KNEW someone was going to catch that...why can't we edit our posts here?

The plotucracy doesn't want you to have that feature.

Sincerely,

Your coroprate overlords

Re:They should call it an anti-retention device

[cusco]

Why would you assume that managers are bright enough not to tell them? :)

Re:They should call it an anti-retention device

[Hatta]

You misspelled coprolite.

Re:In otherwards

[sqrt(2)]

Maybe if we actually had a viable liberal party in the USA. It's not a two sided note, it's a Möbius strip

Re:You got it all wrong, this is GOOOOOD.

[genner]

After all, it's the first step of automating management, and replacing all that management types with a bunch of shell scripts.

And who gets to write those shell-scripts in the end? Who? Exactly, we, the techies.

So it may be a slight inconvenience for a time, but in the end we will only have to do what the shell scripts we wrote ourselves are telling us to do. Sounds pretty much like paradise to me.

Yes but will those shell scripts be written with vi or emacs?