Heart Monitors In Middle School Gym Class? 950
An anonymous reader writes "My son brought home an order form from his middle school. Apparently the 7th (his grade) and 8th graders are being asked (required?) to purchase their own straps for the heart monitors they're to wear during gym class. I know nothing yet of the device in question, but have left a voice-mail with the assistant principal asking him to call me so I may ask some questions about the program and the device. My tinfoil-hat concern is that the heart rate data will be tied to each child, then archived and eventually used for/against them down the road when applying for insurance, high-stress jobs, etc. 'I see you had arrhythmia during 7th grade pickle ball? No insurance for you' Has anyone heard of such a program, or had their child(ren) take part in it? Does the device transmit to the laptop the overweight gym teacher will be watching instead of running laps with the kids? Perhaps data is downloaded from the device after the class? Or am I just being paranoid? Thanks for any insight."
You're just being paranoid (Score:4, Funny)
Topper (Score:4, Funny)
That's nothing!!!111
My kid was drugged and kidnapped, then had an explosive collar put around their neck, and dumped on an Island for a battle to the death.
Also, I think you're over reacting
Re:Middle school or super secret insurance covert (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Invest in a tinfoil hat for yourself (Score:5, Funny)
And homeschool. Unless you know about the government mind control devices implanted in all books. No-schooling is the safest. What the kids don't know can't hurt them. Plus with all their free time they can start digging and pouring cement to prepare for the invasion of the mole-men.
Re:Stupid new Gym Classes (Score:1, Funny)
Paranoid (Score:5, Funny)
There is a secret device in there that is using WiFi (with it's own cancer-causing radio waves, too) to communicate directly to Obama's death panels in the (former) white house. They are still perfecting the reverse control that can kill your kid right on the spot the moment they figure out his health care will be too expensive, so I would really watch out if they insist on updating the device! Fortunately a tin foil hat pressed firmly around the kids head will stop the transmissions, and for extra security you can also get a surgeon to implant tin foil wrapped right around the kid's heart, too.
Seriously, this is obviously a heart-rate monitor like those in treadmills to measure the quality of aerobic exercise.
You think THIS is bad (Score:3, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Paranoid (Score:3, Funny)
Paranoia, yes, but on who's part?
...Now they're instating this to make sure that if someone else comes in with a funky rhythm...
If someone comes in with a funky rhythm, the school should encourage them to listen to some James Brown or Parliament Funkadelic so that they can get that shit down right.
Re:You've just not experienced it (Score:3, Funny)
That's what you get for caring, Bruce. If you'd just practiced more neglect, everything would have turned out fine.
Excertion == Exertion or excretion?! (Score:3, Funny)
It isn't monitoring their health status, it is monitoring their excertion level.
You mean the teachers are measuring how much they're crapping in the toilet? [google.co.uk] Eeww... that's definitely going too far!
Re:Holy shit? (Score:5, Funny)
Or just maybe their afraid that the morbidly obese 4th graders that come wheezing into gym class with secret sauce stains on their chins might have to be watched a little more closely during exercise.
But of course, these are school boards making these decisions, and educators, and everyone knows that educators are all a bunch of commie-fascist-libruls who want to deny our god-given right to raise our kids like veals and stuff them so fat that they won't have the energy to bother us while we're watching Glenn Beck who by-gawd has the number of that Barack bin Obama who wants to force us all to have access to health care just like Hitler.
Re:Holy shit? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Holy shit? (Score:3, Funny)
Paranoid?
Hardly - greedy, most likely..
Hey - wanna buy a DVD with 2000 folk's heart rate records over 3 years, names with addresses and all?
Re:Holy shit? (Score:5, Funny)
The kids will learn about pulses and heart rates and fitness...
...I hope you die.
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Must be my conservative brainwashing.
Re:Holy shit? (Score:5, Funny)
You must not have heard the most recent fooferall about how the Barack Osama gummint is trying to vaccinate our kids for H1N1 and shoot Gardisil into our daughter's untouched vaginas.
And what about "President" Hussein bin Obama trying to brainwash our kids with commie-nazi notions about staying in school and working hard?
He can have my daughter's vagina when he wrests it from my cold, dead hands.
YES (Score:4, Funny)
You are being paranoid and it troubles me greatly that your retarded ass reproduced.
Re:Holy shit? (Score:5, Funny)
I'm about as conservative/libertarian as they come. But this post is the funniest thing I've read all day!
I'm a vegetarian, but this is the best hamburger I've ever had.
I suggest going back on your psych meds. (Score:3, Funny)
quick.
Re:Holy shit? (Score:1, Funny)
Yes, well, I am certainly not going to let my child come into contact with one of these "pedometers".