Microsoft Patents "Pg Up" and "Pg Dn" 350
An anonymous reader notes that Microsoft has been granted a patent on "Page Up" and "Page Down" keystrokes. The article links an image of an IBM PC keyboard from 1981 with such keys in evidence. "The software giant applied for the patent in 2005, and was granted it on August 19, 2008. US patent number 7,415,666 describes 'a method and system in a document viewer for scrolling a substantially exact increment in a document, such as one page, regardless of whether the zoom is such that some, all or one page is currently being viewed.'... The company received its 5,000th patent from the US Patent and Trademark Office in March 2006, and is currently approaching the 10,000 mark."
Ok by me. (Score:5, Funny)
That's ok; I don't RTFA anyway.
Next up: (Score:2, Funny)
Microsoft patents the process of securing a patent.
The real patent they need... (Score:5, Funny)
... is the three fingers salute. A "standard mechanism allowing end users to terminate faulty operating system processes without having the possibility to save their current work".
Ok it's an easy one.
Other Inventions (Score:2, Funny)
Microsoft announces today the patenting of P-En-IS
Gates: "P-En-IS is one of our most stable products yet! in fact at most it'll need a soft reboot now and then"
Ballmer: "Thats right, Buffer overflows are a FEATURE on this one!"
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The real patent they need... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:What now? (Score:3, Funny)
What? (Score:5, Funny)
I think the response my father gave when I read the summary to him nicely sums up what we're all thinking: "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Re:The real patent they need... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:The real patent they need... (Score:3, Funny)
Fantastic! They could sublicence it to everyone who ever added a power switch to their computers for extra cash, too.
Yeah, I suggest they try to get a piece of the action for every PC sold by a major vendor.
Oh, wait...
Re:No they didn't (Score:5, Funny)
I have to imagine that redmond feels frivolous patents like this are an EXTREMELY funny joke. Bet you it went down like this:
SB: come on guys, you've got to think of some way to simultaneously shaft millions and demonstrate, once again, the inadequacy of patent office oversight.
HG: well, we already patented double clicking, how can we top that?
TS: we could patent breathing....
JD: no, that might infringe on Dell's pending (at the time of this conversation) copyrighting of the term "cloud computing"
BG: let's patent being fat, bald, and sweaty. SB needs to have his name on something for once.
SB: fuck it, lets just patent these two buttons on my keyboard, pg up and pg dn. no one but *nix users will notice the difference anyways.
USPTO: allow us to lick your testicles, mr ballmer!
no, that's not a leaked microsoft email, but you and I both know it may as well be.
Re:The real patent they need... (Score:3, Funny)
How about "A method to horrify employees with the realization that their financial future is tied to your company". The "Dance Monkey Boy" video of Steve Balmer's little motivational "speech" should suffice and heaven knows no one's going to have prior art that covers that. If you can't submit the video, get someone to storyboard it. I think it would make a lovely comic. "Wwwoooooooooooooooooooooooo. Developers, developers, developers. WWWWWWWWWWWOooooooooooooooooooooooooo".
Re:Ok by me. (Score:5, Funny)
Well, I skipped past your reply using my pgDn button. So there.
Re:Ok by me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:No they didn't (Score:2, Funny)
This is kdawson. I can see who AC posts come from, you were logged on
Re:Lawsuit time (Score:5, Funny)
Hey, you're using my patented Intellectual Property Recursive Protection system!
Re:Ok by me. (Score:2, Funny)
>That or the porn site is down.
You're right - porn.slashdot.org is definitely not responding.
Re:No they didn't (Score:1, Funny)
with the implication that one's compensation and prospects for advancement (or not getting laid off^H^H^H) were at stake.
Re:Ok by me. (Score:2, Funny)
I patented the pressing the letters c-o-u-r-t in that particular order.
See YOU in court.
Re:Ok by me. (Score:5, Funny)
You're right - porn.slashdot.org is definitely not responding.
That's a subscribers only section.... try logging into your account ;)
Tired of this joke (Score:1, Funny)
See you in court.
I'm so tired of this joke, in fact, that I've obtained a patent on "not shutting the hell up." I demand that you cease infringement.
Re:The real patent they need... (Score:4, Funny)
Not at all, the BSOD is the method used to lose your work WITHOUT pressing any keys.
The difference here is the BSOD is an automated process for losing your work, where the three-fingered-salute is a manual process for losing your work. Both must exist, because the automated process is sometimes unreliable. When work must be lost NOW and the automated process fails, users have an alternative.
Same result, different method.
Re:Ok by me. (Score:4, Funny)
Well's that nothing a screwdriver can't fix. I'll replace Pg Up and Pg Down with Scroll Lock and Pause. I can type blind anyway.
Good Luck patenting that ! .
Re:No they didn't (Score:2, Funny)
Hey, Maybe that's what MS is trying to do? God bless them!
*ducks*
And, in other patent news (Score:4, Funny)
Turtle Wax has been granted a patent for "Wax on, Wax off". A federal judge has ruled that "The Karate Kid" cannot be used as prior art in a US court and Ralph Macchio's character was under a "foreign influence" at the time.
Re:No they didn't (Score:2, Funny)
"Insightful"?
Hello mods, let me disect this frog for you: the parent implied that s/he had developed an 'almost as good' alternative to a spelling patent. The quality of said alternative is to be seen in the misspellings of 'gett', 'arround', patentt', 'sligghtly', 'offf', 'ussed', 'simmilar', 'techniqque', and 'speling'.
Sheesh. Amazing who they let loose – I mean, lose – with mod points nowadays.
The $, euro, yen keys are mine. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:No they didn't (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Ok by me. (Score:2, Funny)
They own the patent on the mouse wheel as well.
I think the cursor keys might still be free... or dragging the scrollbar ... hmmm no, that's been patented...
I found this by printing the document and slide it behind a picture frame, it's the only safe way...
Re:Ok by me. (Score:5, Funny)
ok.. *clicks*
AAAIEEE!!!! JESUSFUCK, MY EYEEEES!!!!!!!!