SCO Demands Linux 2.7 Information

dr_d_19 writes "According to Groklaw, SCO is now demanding IBM to turn over 'all documents concerning IBM's contributions to the Linux 2.7 kernel, including development work'. Of course, there is no 2.7 kernel and no plans at all to create one."

Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[Musteval]

IBM just hasn't released it yet. Bastards.

Of course not ...

[tomhudson]

Everyone knows that linus is going "corporate", and playing the version game.

Next linux versions according to the roadmap:

1. Linux 3.0
2. Linux 2k6
3. Linux ZP

Lets hope that biff, darl, and kevin don't read slashdot, or the jig is up!

Send 'em a box of blank paper

[docbrown42]

...either that, or a empty box.

SCO's retort

[grub]

"Your Honour, we propose that there may be a Linux 2.7 kernel in... you know... that other dimension where Spock has a beard."

The answer is easy

[Philodoxx]

The way I see it, IBM has two very easy answers to SCO's request.

1) Hand them a blank piece of paper.

2) Attach a bell and a whistle to a CD containing the source for the latest 2.6 kernel.

While they're at it...

[YodaToo]

...they should get copies of the patents for that perpetual motion machine.

Next they'll want

[MECC]

MacOS X 12.0 Alien Autoposy documents Burial place of Jimmy Hoffa ...

Re:Send 'em a box of blank paper

[tomhudson]

Better yet, a box of toilet paper.

No, not the nice soft stuff. The nasty cheap English stuff, that'll scrape open their bleeding haemorhoids, because its obvious these guys have been sitting on their brains for too long ...

And while you're at it, sprinkle some fibreglass insulation fibres in the box, to give them "the itch you can't scratch in public." Hopefully, they'll think they caught anal gonorhea (you gotta catch *something* after trying to fuck over millions of people).

Re:SCO's retort

[Xentor]

"What's the use of us staying up all night arguing about whether there is or isn't a Linux 2.7 kernel, when you walk right up and tell us it doesn't exist!? We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! I demand that I may, OR may NOT be Darl McBride!"

Well, its my turn to demand something of SCO

[TinBromide]

Its my turn to threaten legal action against the company of SCO if they don't immediatly hand over any remaning quantities of what they're smoking and the phone number of the guy they got it from.

Waited For It

[Doc Ruby]

I have posted before wondering why IBM would allow such a stupid suit by SCO to continue for years. But maybe this unmitigated autodiscredit is the payoff. IBM's lawyers have worked hard for years on tough stuff. Maybe this gig is just a payoff, an IBM lawyer's wet dream.

In other filings...

[jd]

SCO has also demanded the BBC turn over working blueprints of the TARDIS, that Arthur C Clarke provide a CVS snapshot of HAL 9000 and that Isaac Asimov reveal the equations used in psychohistory. SCO is also investigating secret codes in the Bible for possible hidden prophecies revealing System V code.

I am now convinced that someone at SCO has flipped their lid and become a paranoid schizophrenic. Either that, or they are aiming at a career on the Comedy Channel once SCO sinks without trace.

And IBM will refuse to comply.

[RandoX]

More evidence of the giant corporation stonewalling justice.

:)

Of course they want the 2.7 kernel...

[ivanmarsh]

They have to write SCO System VI somehow.

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[aurb]

Damn! Just finished compiling 2.6.14...

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[nofx_3]

Your post has been recorded and will be used as evidence in our trial.
 
--SCO

Tough week for SCO

[Skiron]

Grokster had the 2.7 kernel code for download...

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[FidelCatsro]

Looks like the best evidence SCO have ever had.

Re:So embarassing

[tomhudson]

Kind of off-topic, but your signature is also a bit embarassing:

Educational Sig: Referrer is spelled with two r's, not one. HTTP_REFERER has a typo.

Last I looked, Referrer is spelled with 4 "r"s, not one OR 2.

R - e - f - e - R - R - e - R

(capitalized/capitalised* so you can't miss them)

*spelling varies depending on continent :-)

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[Rei]

Meanwhile, SCO has also requested that the court subpoena all conversations between IBM executives and the tooth fairy, citing the potential for disclosure and dissemination of Unix source code through pillow-related transactions.

Linus to release notes

[supun]

Linus has a notes about Linux 2.7 on a few bar napkin. Many are just pictures of a penguin pissing on a grave stone with SCO carved in it.

That was suggested on Groklaw...

[Svartalf]

Someone hinted that it'd be damned cool if Linus went and sent out an email, announcing 2.7, with the content in a file or the email to the effect of: "This Release Intentionally Left Blank" and then release 2.8/2.9.

Re:Send 'em a box of blank paper

[Splab]

mmm.. Charles Bronson styled toiletpaper - rough, tough and wont take shit from nobody.

Re:Of course not ...

[tomhudson]

Dude! Duke Nukem forever is so old-school. We stopped running that on the last generation of optical processors. Its "Duke Nukem: The Heisenberg Incident" thats all the rage on our quantum boxes.

The only problem is, half the time when I try to play it, I get "file not found". Damn Schrodinger!

Sounds hot...

[nathan s]

Pillow transactions with the tooth fairy. Yeah baby!

They might as well reveal it ...

[Random BedHead Ed]

Most of us have been keeping this a secret, but the 2.7 series source is on a HD-DVD disk hanging from a sky-hook in the basement of the Alamo.

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[drgonzo59]

Well, then IBM should comply and promptly deliver a folder full of plain white paper, a bunch of blank CDs and perhaps about 100,000 new punch cards for the "full" effect.

Re:Okay . . .

[Aumaden]

More like the terrible accident you know you shouldn't pause to gape at, but just can't help it.

"There's a 2.6 mile backup on the I-15 approaching the 241 interchange. Looks like all of Slashdot is pulling over for a look at the train wreck that was The SCO Group"

But that's not the funny part.

[Jaywalk]

To get the real humor, you need to read the transcript [groklaw.net] of the last hearing. In a nutshell, they were telling Judge Wells that she ordered IBM to produce tons of Linux discovery. Wells -- bluntly -- said she ordered no such thing. Moreover, she points out that SCO had never actually asked about Linux code in the first place.

In this new motion, SCO is not only saying that she really did order IBM to produce Linux code, but adds a new version (which they also have not previously mentioned) to the list. They're telling Kimball that Wells misunderstood her own orders.

With the cajones on these guys, it's a wonder they can walk.

Re:Of course not ...

[eno2001]

You couldn't be MORE wrong than ever now could you? Linux Tovalds is not a business man. He's a communist. He believes in sharing his operating system so that he can infect machines with the biggest communist virus ever written by man. And why? I have it on good authority that he plans to utilize the Linux kernel in every computer to pull off a mass DDoS attack with millions of machines in unison against the American nations of the world. If you love American and your country you will join with Microsoft and SCO now in opposing the threat of this international terrorist by buying a copy of Windows XP for every electronic device in your house connected by a wire to the internet. Yes this even means to anything plugged into the mains because it's indirectly a channel to the internet since the grounding in all electonirc equipment is connected to everything else.

We have a plan to keep this from happening and it involves extensive litigation against Linux Torvalds and his corporation IBM. The big blue has been infected and is to be financially quarantined until further notice. Only buy stocks from true red blooded American nations like Seattle where Microsoft is and Utah where SCO is and invest in your country. All Americna nations of the world unite against this threat!!! We will not let the communists win! We will not let the spirit of sharing without earning prevail!! We must fight back against the oppressors linke teh Linux Tovalds and teh BSD!!!!!! Join me!!!

Re:That was suggested on Groklaw...

[greginnj]

That would be very risky for Linus to do. He'd get sued for copyright infringement by the estate of John Cage [slashdot.org].

New CEO at SCO

[moojin]

SCO announced that it has appointed a new CEO, Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, to carry on with the lawsuits against IBM. You may remember Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf from his former position as the Iraqi Information Minister.

http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/ [welovethei...nister.com]

Shouldn't this be

[wowbagger]

Shouldn't this whole thing be under the "From the Mysterious Future" department?

Re:More like...

[Fallingcow]

All your talk of sandboxes and proving that one DOESN'T have something is giving me flashbacks to 2002.

Next SCO will be taking made-up pictures and satellite photos of filled-in dirt holes to the UN and saying that it's conclusive proof that IBM is evil and must be invaded.

IBM should respond...

[Rufus88]

...to the demand with a single page containing the words "THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK".

Re:Okay . . .

[MightyMartian]

What's there to crush about this demand? It's like demanding that Iran reveal all its plans to build a nuclear reactor on Neptune.

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[morganjharvey]

Meanwhile, SCO has also requested that the court subpoena all conversations between IBM executives and the tooth fairy, citing the potential for disclosure and dissemination of Unix source code through pillow-related transactions.

I'd think that they'd be more concerned about blanket statements.

Re:Send 'em a box of blank paper

[cab15625]

Empty box with Plank's constant (in a variety of untis) and a picture of a cat stamped all over the outside. Then when SCOX complains ... "Your honour, we did our best to comply. It's not our fault that they openned the box."

And in other news ...

[mikael]

... it is reported that SCO have subpoened an individual named John Titor, in the belief that he may have a copy of the 2.7 release or later, although lawyers are unsure where to send the letter as the address does not exist yet.

From SCO's point of view

[DaveAtFraud]

The complete lack of evidence that a 2.7 kernel exists and IBM has contributed to it is just further proof that IBM has hidden not just their own contributions but everyone else's as well. The obvious solution is then to demand more "fact discovery" and sanctions against IBM for so effectively hiding this evidence.

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[dusik]

You can compile it with CONFIG_SEMEN=N if you wish.

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[harley_frog]

I can just imagine IBM's reaction:

IBM's Lawyers: (hands judge and SCO's attorny's each a blank sheet of paper) Here is all the documentation we have on our contributions to the Linux 2.7 kernel.

SCO's Lawyers: Is this some kind of joke? There's nothing on here.

IBM's Lawyers: Precisely! Just as you requested. Point of fact, your Honor, is that there is no Linux 2.7 kernel; never has been, never will be.

Judge: (to SCO's Lawyers) Is this motion a joke?

SCO's Lawyers: (blathering like idiots)

Judge: I find SCO guilty of criminal stupidity. Case dismissed!

Re:But that's not the funny part.

[Anonymous Coward]

This is the wrong phrase: With the cajones on these guys, it's a wonder they can walk.

This is the right phrase: These guys have shit for brains.

Every time...

[TaleSpinner]

...I think there's just no place stupider for SCO to go, somehow - they surprise me. Every time. Maybe IBM should just ship a cd full of the
Solaris 10 source code and see what happens next...

The 2.7 kernel and the Chewbacca "Defense"

[poopie]

Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, IBM's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "The 2.7 Linux kernel" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself!

        But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen, this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! Why would a Wookiee--an eight foot tall Wookiee--want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

        But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense.

        Look at me, I'm a lawyer from SCO, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!

        And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating Linux source code... Does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

        If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must convict IBM! The prosecution rests.

Thanks for the 'Funny' mod!

[greginnj]

...with two followups taking me seriously, and one 'Informative' mod, I was thinking I was going to have to give up sarcasm completely, and switch to slapstick.

--
"I see how it is - the fat man makes a pun and everyone wets themselves; I ..." -- no, wait, that's somebody else's sig.

Col. Twopointseven was a true hero.

[Jesus_666]

Ah yes, Col. Twopointseven. I served with him in e'Nam under General Protectionfault. Yeah, those were the times. Just me, Col. Twopointseven and Private Member. Twopointseven came from Int, Maine - whenever he got the chance he'd go and bicker about the town of Void, Maine, which apparently seemed to be inhabitated only by strange people who'd regularly turn blue and crash somewhere. Apart from that Twopointseven wasn't very communicative - he didn't care much about Smalltalk or the nice Java Private Member sometimes brewed, but he did like the sea and sometimes he told us that he wanted to become a great constructor. Well, over there in the jungle his chances to do that were exactly NULL. Perhaps it was a pointer showing him that he shouldn't run atfer FALSE hopes or something... Yeah, you become philosophical like that when you're sitting in a dank shack on the wrong side of the globe, smoking your last #imported cigs while the Apaches are taking off.

Re:And in other news ...

[Tecfreak7]

Well, he exists, he's just still rather young... That's also not his real name :-p

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[dunng808]

Are you insinuating that there is a cover-up?

SCO also demands...

[rickst29]

All Source Code for 'The Matrix', current version a.k.a. "Neo", and all previous versions, and the Source Code tree for the future version "2.7" a.k.a "post-NEO", and all Developer Documents and unreleased Source Code, including Sandboxes (i.e., "Chicago", "Zion", etc.). Chicago contains millions of lines of our precious IP! (So does Oakland, We saw it in the movie, so it MUST BELONG TO US). We won't tell you where, because it can't be removed- and you'll just have to take our word for that.

And speaking of 'Precioussssss' IP which has been stolen from us, all of new Zealand belongs to us. The current residents must all get expensive licenses.

MS set us up the bomb. All your human thought are belong to us!

Re:Oh, there's a 2.7 kernel!

[CaptainCarrot]

I tried that once, but then it proved impossible to spawn new processes.