USPTO Issues Provisional Storyline Patent

cheesedog writes "The USPTO will issue the first storyline patent in history today, with two others following in the next few months. Right to Create points out that this was anticipated several months ago in a story by Richard Stallman published in the The Guardian, UK. With the publication of this not-yet-granted patent, its author can begin requiring licensing fees for anyone whose activities might fall within its claims, including book authors, movie studies, television studios and broadcasters, etc. The claims appear to cover the literary elements of a story involving an ambitious high school student who applies for entrance to MIT and prays to remain sleeping until the acceptance letter comes, which doesn't happen for another 30 years."

USPTO Broken

[TheSpoom]

RMS: If patent law had been applied to novels in the 1880s, great books would not have been written.

USPTO: Ooh, good idea!

Seriously, the US patent system is very broken, and it appears they are moving in a direction to expand, rather than contract, the amount of things that are patentable. They clearly have no care for whether the patents they grant are stifling innovation. Action is needed to reverse this, but I doubt we'll see it while Bush is still in power.

Reality TV

[nitehawk214]

Hopefully someone will patent reality TV shows. I am rather sick of those.

Wait no, this wont work. You need to have a story to be able to patent it. Soon all that will be on the air is reality TV. Noooo!

I've got a storyline patent too.

[Maradine]

Claim 1: a communication process that represents, in the mind of a reader, the concept of a character who is so shocked and enraged by the concept of patenting a storyline, that he "snaps" (see USPTO #12006213391)

Claim 2: a communication process according to claim 1, wherein said character subsequently goes to his bedroom, where he keeps a loaded Glock 32C, and racks the slide.

Claim 3: a communication process according to claims 1 and 2, wherein said character subsequently flies to DC and unloads his plastic fantasic on an unsuspecting USPTO in a singlular act of biblical fury.

Claim 4: a communication process according to claims 1 2, and 3, wherein said character subsequently returns to his hometown and has a slurpy, cosmic justice being served.

Where am I...

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't know why they want to spend billions going to Mars... this planet is bizzare enough.

Have they patented..

[Anonymous Coward]

the process of bombing the USPTO?

The Worst Part Is...

[susano_otter]

... that's got to be the lamest story line I've ever heard.

Not to mention the fact that Rip Van Winkle, King Arthur, and Sleeping Beauty are all prior art.

Hrm.

Sleeping Beauty?

Maybe the worst part is what Disney is going to do to this guy...

Re:Patent these quickly!

[Maradine]

Leaving us the fertile artistic ground of [The Environment vs. Nature] and [The Machines vs. God]. I am *so* in.

M

Someone should patent porno movie plots

[craXORjack]

Cause that industry can afford to pay big bucks and they only have one storyline:

Knock knock!
Who is it?
Pizza Delivery!/Copier Repairman!/Pool Cleaner!
Bow-chicka-bow-bow

Re:You aint seen nothing yet

[patio11]

On behalf of all Americans, I apologize if our screwy patent office has deprived Aussies of their God-given liberty to write bad novels combining MIT and Rip van Winkle.

Re:Followup

[aussie_a]

Nah, they're obligated to accept it, so long as the paperwork and bribe are all proper.

You misspelt bribe. I corrected it in my quote for you.

Re:USPTO Broken

[$RANDOMLUSER]

> Can you imagine anyone scanning umpteen zillion unpublished short stories and novels for prior art? Whew.

Oh puhleeese. These bozos (the USPTO) couldn't find prior art if somebody filed a patent for fire fer chrissake.

Re:Patent these quickly!

[Drantin]

entity vs. (other) entity
entity vs. circumstance(s)
entity vs. nonentity

Re:USPTO Broken

[evilbuny]

At least porn will be safe, there is no story lines in those :)

Marines

[LittleLebowskiUrbanA]

What on earth does the statue of the Marines raising the flag on Iwo Jima have to do with this patent company's About Us [plotpatents.com] page?

    They have another reason to be ashamed... Not to mention their whole site looks like it was done in Front Page. Oh wait... It was :)

meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 5.0"
   

Re:I patent the love scene

[Jeng]

Hold on, are you trying to patent porn?

Cause patenting porn would be evil.

But if your trying to patent the chick flick go for it, going to a chick flick with a chick has yet to get me laid.

Guess I just ain't witty enough.

Re:USPTO Broken

[thephotoman]

Hmm...that has me thinking.

Re:USPTO Broken

[Lisandro]

Pornography is art! YOU CAN'T BAN ART! *shakes his fist to the sky*

Re:USPTO Broken

[Flower]

They'll patent various combinations of *ehrrrm* positions as an invention to overcome "erectile difficulties due to various psychological barriers e.g. stress, performance demands, wolf date...."

No my friend, not even porn is safe from these fiends.

my email to the american intellectual property law

[Anonymous Coward]

association.

"
I need help! I am worried about not violating anyones god given right to intellectual property, capitalism, free enterprise, Americanism, etc etc etc .

You see, my problem came to me in the bathroom today. I was taking a shit. Then a thought occured to me. Did someone else already think of taking a shit? Did they patent it? Do I have to pay royalties? Can I afford to? Can I even afford to do a patent search before I take a shit? And can I hold it in that long?

What if my shit is in a swirl in the toilet? Is that patented? What about the way I wipe? Is it OK to twirl the paper around my hand 5 times or do I have to fold it neatly into a little square? Or are they both patented and I will have to pay licensing fees or if I can't afford it, just use my hand?

Please, please help me. It's been about 6 hours and I'm feeling a little cramped. Thanks alot
"

Re:USPTO Broken

[thej1nx]

The US is going to start banning books

Ah welcome! you have accidentally uncovered the Grand Plan. We creationalist have been so far unsuccessful in subverting science textbooks being teached in the classrooms. George Bush has declared that we are one nation under god and by God we are going to bring everyone under our God. Yes, even those damned atheists! Everybody knows science and religion don't mix, and so we have finally decided that if we cannot be allowed to teach creationilism in the class rooms, then we sure as hell are going to ban the other things being taught there. The best way to do so is ofcourse by banning all those other books.

We all know that the bible was THE original book. EVERYTHING follows from the bible. That is a fact! Bible is prior art! Hence through USPTO we will finally see to it that only the bible, which is the ORIGINAL BOOK, is taught in our schools and colleges and we will ban all the other irrelevant stuff like medicine, physics, chemistry and maths.

We are one nation under God, and only God can help us now. Amen.

Re:USPTO Broken

[Agarax]

I find your lack of faith disturbing, Citizen-Unit.

Re:USPTO Broken

[Anonymous Coward]

Claim 1: a commnication process that represents, in the mind of the reader, the event of a nubile young women calling for a plumber to fix her broken washing machine.

Claim 2: a communication process in accordance with claim 1, wherein said plumber arrives and pulls out his 'tool'.

Claim 3: a communication process in accordance with claims 1 and 2, wherein aformentioned characters engage in sexual intercourse.

Claim 4: a communication process according to claims 1 2, and 3, wherein the plumber character leaves, but then 'forgets his wrench' thereby initiating further repeatition of the processes outlined in claims 2 and 3.

Re:Patent these quickly!

[dkf]

entity vs. nonentity

That's the IBM vs. SCO case, isn't it?

Blame the voters.

[I am Jack's username]

>> Action is needed to reverse this, but I doubt we'll
>> see it while Bush is still in power.
>
> I'm not a Bush fan in the slightest, but I don't see it
> being the kind of thing a Democrat president would give
> a crap about, either.

So long, and thanks for all the fish — Douglas Adams:

"On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did," said ford. "It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in."

Re:Hey ...

[julesh]

"To obtain the patent [on a wheel] the applicant must make a declaration that they are the inventor."

Haven't these guys ever heard of reinventing the wheel? Sheesh.

Re:USPTO Broken

[gowen]

A constitutional republic is three Christian fundamentalists and a homosexual deciding on who can marry.

Re:USPTO Broken

[rishistar]

I usually shake my fist about halfway down to the ground.

Re:USPTO Broken

[lsommerer]

I think you misspelled 'consumer-unit'

Re:USPTO Broken

[trezor]

I see you've understood how writing in ALL CAPS makes your point that much more valid.

Re:USPTO Broken

[mikiN]

Thanks goodness there is still the Kama Sutra to claim as prior art...

Sane

[Tony]

I mean, that's a weird idea, but it seems to me that they're basically forcing the government to deal with the problem. Surely any halfway intelligent person can see that this system just isn't working

I've highlighted the flaws in your argument. Otherwise, it's the only sane explanation.