Pair Arrested After Telling Lawyer Jokes 657
fembots writes "Two men were arrested for telling lawyer jokes while standing in line leading into First District Court. A spokesman for the Nassau courts said the men were causing a stir and that their exercise of their First Amendment rights to free speech was impeding the rights of others at the court."
Some Jokes (Score:2, Funny)
A: Good morning, Your Honor.
Q: How do you tell if a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: Why do they bury lawyers 100 feet into the ground?
A: Because down deep, they're good people.
Q: What's the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A: Wing tips
This First Post has an order bug
yikes... (Score:5, Funny)
...someone better explain to them what IANAL means before they start the sodomy lawsuits...
Tell your most offensive lawyer joke (Score:5, Funny)
The easily offended should stop reading now.
A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street together when a young boy crosses their path. The priest says "hey, you wanna screw that boy?" To which the lawyer replies, "Out of what?"
Start 'em up! (Score:4, Funny)
A good start.
Re:Some Jokes (Score:5, Funny)
A: A doberman.
How do you tell... (Score:3, Funny)
Thankyou, I'll be here all week.
lawyers get a bad rap with all these jokes (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The summary leaves something out: (Score:5, Funny)
This is exactly why.... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:You realize (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Some Jokes (Score:3, Funny)
A: Fire.
Lawyer Joke... (Score:5, Funny)
Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
A. Two - the rest are all true stories.
-sid
Re:Some Jokes (Score:4, Funny)
Q: How is a lawyer like a whore?
A: For the right money, either one will assume any position.
Q: Why do lawyers wear such tight collars?
A: So the foreskin doesn't show.
Q: What do you give a lawyer before he goes swimming?
A: An anchor.
Answer Candidate (Score:5, Funny)
A: We at the RIAA think we will never really know, as we are fairly sure that each lightbulb changed by a home internet user represents a lost lightbulb installation fee, which in turn affects the not just the RIAA lawyers but the Lighting Technicians and Carpenters and all the little people involved in music production to such an extent that we now have to over-task our lawyers to combat the menace of the Open Standard Lightbulb Organizations. Th pressure generated by these OSLOs, in turn, prevents us from determining the natural lawyer to lightbulb ratio. Until Congress acts to plug this fee-structure leakage with an appropriate rights management technology and enacts proper criminal penalties for circumvention of our natural right to control the exercise of the lightbulb changing task, we will be forced to file John Doe lawsuits in order to gain the suppoena power necessary to compel the lightbulb supply corporations with the names and addresses of their clearly infringing customers.
Re:Some Jokes (Score:3, Funny)
A: A good start.
They arrested the Muppets. (Score:3, Funny)
Thank you so much, America, for putting these Muppets where they belong.
Now, what to do about Fozzy.....
custom revenge (Score:5, Funny)
Jock: Shut up or I will squash you!
Geek: Shut up or I will hack into your Xbox!
W: Shut up or I will invade you!
French: Shut up or I will propose a UN resolution against you!
SCO: Shut up or I will demand a licensing fee!
Boss: Shut up or I will outsource your job!
Microsoft: Shut up or I will create a competing product.....and subsidize it!
Slashdotter: Shut up or I will mod you down!
Goatse: Shut up or I will send your mom a special email!
Answer Candidate II (Score:5, Funny)
Q: How many RIAA lawyers does it take to screw in a light blub?
A: RIAA lawyers don't have time to screw in lightbulbs, silly! They're too busy screwing 14 year old kids and their grandmothers...
Does this work for blond jokes? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Slow news day? (Score:5, Funny)
Stay on-topic by adding lawyer jokes here
Re:Some Jokes (Score:5, Funny)
A: 1 in a million turns out to be a human being.
Re:The summary leaves something out: (Score:2, Funny)
A noble cause. But, as they say, no good deed goes unpunished!
Re:Slow news day? (Score:1, Funny)
What are you going to do...call him a lawyer?
Re:Slow news day? (Score:4, Funny)
Q: Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
A: Professional Courtesy
Q: What's the difference between a dead possum in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the possum.
Q: What do you call 1,000 lawyers on a sinking ship?
A: A good start Q: What's the other difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A: There are some things a hooker won't do for money
Re:Some Jokes (Score:1, Funny)
To keep the foreskin from slipping up over their face.
Re:Answer Candidate (Score:2, Funny)
That depends on how many 12 year old girls you can get in there.
Re:Slow news day? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:It's Long Island - what do you expect??? (Score:2, Funny)
Instead of having them arrested for telling jokes!
They can fight it. (Score:3, Funny)
Oh, wait....
Another lawyer joke (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Answer Candidate (Score:3, Funny)
"...which in turn affects the not just the RIAA lawyers but the Lighting Technicians and Carpenters and all the little people involved in music production..."
Hello. I am a lighting technician. I have been gainfully(?!) employed in the lighting/music business for almost twenty years now.
I have consorted with all manner of vile creatures, both sexually and socially. I am known by name at the local STD clinic.
I have an extensive criminal record, and I have been ordered by the courts to stay away from all schools, hospitals, and churches. ...and small children. ...and farm animals.
Carnival employees shun my company with both fear and loathing. I was once forbidden to hitchhike a ride in the back of a garbage truck because I was too unclean. If I had a soul it would be interred in Yucca mountain upon my demise.
Having said all that, I must add that my legal counsel has advised me that you have uttered an actionable slur upon my character by including myself and my peers with the RIAA. Never have I been so unjustifiably libeled.
Re:Answer Candidate (Score:3, Funny)
I like this one better (Score:3, Funny)
The lawer says,"Screw the children!"
The priest says,"Do you think we have time?"
Re:Your Rights, Online? (Score:3, Funny)
Well, that wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.......... but it's close.
It could have beem worse (Score:3, Funny)
Lawyer Jokes (Score:4, Funny)
Q: How many lawyers does it take to violate someone's first amendment rights?
A:(from a lawyer): THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
A:(from anyone else): Just one.
Re:Some Jokes (Score:3, Funny)
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why don't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Re:Some Jokes (Score:3, Funny)
A: A bucket.
Lawyer Joke :) (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Slow news day? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Slow news day? (Score:3, Funny)
A: Laugh and reload
A lawyer gets killed in a horrible accident. Stop cheering and let me finish the joke.
Q: Why do lawyers where ties?
A: To keep their foreskins down.
Q: Whats the ideal weight for a lawyer?
A: About three pounds with the urn.
Re:Slow news day? (Score:3, Funny)
Depends on how thin you slice them.
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A lobotomy.
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.