Microsoft Antitrust Judgement 1242
An anonymous reader writes "Here are the links to the as-yet-unreleased judgement in the Microsoft case by CKK: Final Decree, Memorandum Opinion, Public Interest Order, Opinion on the State Settlement, State Settlement Order." In brief: Kollar-Kotelly accepts the settlement that the Federal Gov't and some states wanted, but she wants a minor change to it; and she has decided the case which was pursued by the other states as well, mostly ordering Microsoft to refrain from certain behaviors with regard to the user-visible desktop. Overall: a massive win for Microsoft, who can restrict the release of its APIs to major commercial companies only.
Huh? (Score:5, Funny)
Slashdoted in record time (Score:4, Funny)
Congratulations people... you just slashdoted the United States of America Judicial System.
Uh oh (Score:1, Funny)
the replies to this post (Score:2, Funny)
86% - Yeah! Linux Rules! MS Sucks!
10% - Trolls
2% - People who actually read the decisions and have something thoughtful to say
2% - People complaining about
Why bother even looking at the comments?
What a helpful article! (Score:5, Funny)
WTF? Ok, I'll put some kind of response here after you've posted it.
Re:the replies to this post (Score:5, Funny)
91% - Unfunny comments labeled +5, Funny
Oh wait... that's every postboard
Fascinating (Score:0, Funny)
Scooping the news sites? (Score:4, Funny)
Michael, Please Update Bill's Mug Shot (Score:2, Funny)
http://www.mugshots.net/bill_gates/
Re:Slashdoted in record time (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Before the Bell? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Final Decree - before it gets slashdotted (Score:5, Funny)
Click "I agree" below to accept the terms of this Final Decree.
[I Agree] [I Do Not Agree]
Re:I like Microsoft (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Slashdoted in record time (Score:5, Funny)
Tonight on Crossfire we will have "experts" on hand to tell us what this "slash dot" terrorists organization wants. Details are currently sketchy but some sources say it may have something to do with penguins, natalie portman, and hot grits???
[Trolling Stones] I won't steer you wrong, buddy (Score:0, Funny)
you'll be overflowing in succlent meats in no time!
g to the oatse
c to the izzex
Re:Fascinating (Score:3, Funny)
But this is different: /. posted the story before anyone else posted anything (I just went and looked at a bunch of sources, and the story isn't out yet as of this writing). OMG: /. doing actual journalism!
Must be a sign of the Apocalypse :-)
Crispin
----
Crispin Cowan, Ph.D.
Chief Scientist, WireX Communications, Inc. [wirex.com]
Immunix: [immunix.org] Security Hardened Linux Distribution
Available for purchase [wirex.com]
Re:Great except... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Huh? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:the replies to this post (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The Judgement Summarized (Score:4, Funny)
Great! (Score:3, Funny)
Granted, what I did understand looks good to me.
Question: When will we get a compiler to spit out java bytecode for this decision and install the new version into the Microsoft Corporate App Server? Because frankly, expecting a human being to follow this judgement is just as good as expecting a human being to parse parallel super computer algorithms in their head. Sure there are a few people who can do it, but they probably have better things to do with their time. At least I hope that they do.
Its a real shame that the judgement wasnt just this:
"PLAY NICE"
Microsoft Still has remaining issues (Score:1, Funny)
"If Microsoft thinks that it has gotten off easy, please remember that the full judgement of the courts of this country have yet to be reached, and as such the company should expect a long and hard road should they not comply with additional measures voluntarily. It would not bode well should they attempt to circumvent the decisions of this court, and would certainly not reflect in a positive way on their corporate practices. As once stated by Henry Ford: 'In these times a buisiness must stand for one thing only, and that is most certainly not the GO-AN principle, that is: GO-AN Fuck yourself'."
To conclude the judge was quoted as saying: "Remember the great smee. As in: Smee again, GO-AN fuck yourself. Thank you microsuck you heartless bunch of sons of bitches."
Re:please michael, don't (Score:1, Funny)
Why read it? Why not just speculate wildly about it, like everyone else is going to do?
Oh no... (Score:2, Funny)
"Okay, we are here to decide which API calls to disclose... Let's look at the first one..."
"Hmmm.. This looks like a dangerous one to disclose.. If we disclose this one our competition will be able to make products that work as well as our products do with Windows. We would loose sales and that would take away revenue. With out the revenue we won't be able to hire as many software engineers. With out the engineers our products will be less secure..."
"Okay no on the first one. Next API..."
Judge shouldn't set o+x on her directory (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Slashdoted in record time (Score:5, Funny)
they wanted to (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Microsoft's Response to the Hearing (Score:2, Funny)
Judge: Yes, the ruling is final however
MS: Jus' one question. Ever seen Bill Gates
Judge: Um... yeah, why?
MS: Does he look like a bitch?
Judge: Um... I don't see what this has to do with anything...
MS: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH!?
Judge: No... not really but I still don't...
MS: Then why did you fuck him like a bitch?
I'm confused (Score:5, Funny)
I can't tell if they announced the final decree in the Microsoft case, or if they're trying to say the employees of Microsoft caught some kind of new STD.
Slashdot to be accused of hacking.... (Score:4, Funny)
Thanks to slashdot for making us all criminals.... i feel l33t now...
Re:Huh? (Score:5, Funny)
Hrmmm... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:the replies to this post (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I like Microsoft (Score:1, Funny)
The software store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like Microsoft.
I took my 200 Microsoft home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the Microsoft were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap Microsoft.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead Microsoft lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet Microsoft and 199 dead, dry Microsoft.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead Microsoft in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two Microsoft at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet Microsoft in my toilet, two dead, frozen Microsoft in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred Microsoft in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my Microsoft and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my Microsoft. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred software. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like Microsoft
Re:Not a breakup, but a lot of pain (Score:1, Funny)
To Be Seen on Jeopardy Soon: (Score:2, Funny)
*beep*beep*beep*
Contestant: "What is the sound of one wrist slapping, Alex?"
Alex Trebeck: "Yes for $400!"
Recently removed file... (Score:1, Funny)
The morning of the day I was to deliver a judgement against a big company, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, I saw the very man I was to present a judgement against standing in front of two very hot looking gentlemen. He said that he had a proposition for me, but I wasn't really paying attention at the moment. The first thing I noticed, of course, were the bulging crotches of the two muscle-bound hunks standing behind Bill...
Priceless. (Score:5, Funny)
"Gifts" to key government officials. ($20,000,000)
Propaganda designed to lure the public into complacity. ($20,000,000)
Getting off basically free of any real restrictions that will let you continue in basically the same manner as before, and any attempt to bring you to trial again will take another 5-10 years. Priceless.
(I'm itching to know the real numbers)
Coporate compliance committee (Score:1, Funny)
We plan on issuing our final report right after we submit requests for the passage of the board of director compensation enhancement proxy vote.
Excuse me now, time for tea on the south lawn with lubby.
Re:Slashdoted in record time (Score:5, Funny)
Just your luck, you probably got modded down. :)
The Court is on Linux! (Score:1, Funny)
we find:
The site www.dcd.uscourts.gov is running Netscape-Enterprise/4.1 on Linux.
So the website is on Linux, and the Judge is on drugs. I suppose that's some progress.
Re:Huh? (Score:3, Funny)
Free Hookers 'n Blow for Microsoft Employees?!? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:What a helpful article! (Score:3, Funny)
It's been 45 minutes. Out with it then!
Oh wait, not everybody has 2 T1 lines sucking down bandwidth LIKE A DWARF ON A FIREHOSE
But I digress.
Re:Slashdoted in record time (Score:2, Funny)
Don't you need permission from Congress for an action like that?
Re:please michael, don't (Score:2, Funny)
This guy's right. Michael has zero credibility with any Microsoft story. My first reaction when I saw all the links about the case was, "I should probably go to Yahoo or Google and look for a summary." Then I saw the editor's "I'll post a summary," and I thought, "Great! Now that's a service! Well managed!" And then I saw it was michael, and said, "I should probably go to Yahoo or Google and look for a summary."
This is not said with emotion or rancor, not even disappointment (at this stage). It just is what it is. [shrug] I don't know whose job it is to dole out the postings, but if it's done in any manner other than the most current stuff going to the editor on duty, the person in charge should have had the good sense NOT to give such an important MS story to Michael.
Yeah, yeah, I know the drill: Mod down
-1 FlameBait
-2 OffTopic
-2 you-think-you-know-better-than-us!
-4 Troll
-1 Your-Alliance-to-Open-Source-Is-Suspect
-3 He's-Probably-An-MS-Schill!
-2 He-Hasn't-Posted-Anything-Really-Funny-In-Days-Wh
Re:Final Decree - before it gets slashdotted (Score:5, Funny)
[I Agree] [I Do Not Agree]"
Should have made the I agree part link to the goatse guy.
Re:Will any of this make a difference? (Score:3, Funny)
Ha, that's where you're wrong! It's called ActiveX now. Or COM+. Or
Re:Will any of this make a difference? (Score:2, Funny)
To: Geekee (minion2678096138894@microsoft.com)
Subject: Astroturfing
You idiot! Rule 1 of astroturfing is to at least try to sound objective. Otherwise, you just don't have any credibility. "The whole concept of antitrust legislation is an attack on freedom" sounds like something you would hear coming out of the steel cartel early in the early 20th century (on a side note, those guys are like gods to me. Curse the government for screwing them over!). Next time, why don't you just put "ASTROTURF" in the subject line and save readers the trouble!
I don't want to see any more of this crap coming out of Redmond. Next time, say something that sounds reasonable, like "How is having the best product and trying to sell it at a competitive rate coercive strong-arming?" Note how I use a well-established logical fallacy to make a point that is entirely irrelevent to the issue at hand. Now, I'm afraid we're going to have to send you to three more weeks of Astroturf training before we let you out again. Sorry. Report to The Secret Training Vault first thing Monday.
Sincerely,
Dread Lord Bill
Re:Huh? (Score:2, Funny)
in a row?
cnn article quote (Score:2, Funny)
and they kept a straight face?
Re:Fascinating (Score:3, Funny)
What is this world coming to?! What's next, spell-checking? Dupe-checking? Article submissions without editorial commentary?
Simultaneous Ruling in Washington (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A massive win? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Huh? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Proposed Final Judgement Stands (Score:3, Funny)
Slash wha? (Score:2, Funny)