MS Seeks Patent On Virtual Fuzzy Dice

theodp writes "Microsoft just published a patent application for an adaptive heads-up user interface for automobiles. It covers, among other things, virtual fuzzy dice that appear to move with automobile movements."

Air freshener

Did they patent a virtual air freshener too? Because I really need one.

I'll say!

Did they patent a virtual air freshener too? Because I really need one.

I'll say. I can virtually smell you from here. :D

Obviousness Criteria

Hopefully this will fail the new obviousness criteria; note that it is still just an application. Basically, they are combining existing technologies in their obvious functionality: methods to change configuration information and display various information to vehicle operators.

I don't see any innovation here at all; they are combining elements and the result is the expected result for combining those elements.

Re:Obviousness Criteria

I'm not sure it would even be that useful if GM/Ford/BWM or whoever did it. It would probably be ad-supported anyway. Can you just imagine?

Hey, driver - you need new wiper blades. Check out the specials at Pep Boys (tm)! While there, get an oil change!

I just hope that never comes true!

Re:Obviousness Criteria

Oh, and the laptop is one year old, so it was six months old when it started this crap.

Seems to me, that'd be a great time to call Dell for a warranty replacement of the battery. Make their advertising scheme cost them. "Your app tells me that my battery, which is only 6 months old, is already crap. Send me a new one."

I have some...

I have some fuzzy dangling things that they can try and patent.

Re:I have some...

If you'd wipe better, you wouldn't have so much prior art.

-CR

Great

Just what we need from a heads-up display: something which conveys no useful information and serves only to distract the driver from their main job of keeping the car on the road. This strikes me as a perfect example of the rule that, simply because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

Re:Great

"Simply because you can do something, doesn't mean you should."

I thought that was one of Microsofts' main beliefs.. simply because they can put out (largely) pointless new versions of Office and Windows, they do. They also charge insane amounts for little extra functionality, just because they can. At least people are catching on a bit with Vista.

What will they patent next...

I can't wait till the virtual dancing hula girl arrives.... She could probably even dance to show you the direction to turn when plugged into your GPS.

Mandatory...

And what if Microsoft made cars [usd.edu]? Soon we will see...

queue microsoft crash jokes

And all the microsoft-crashes-your-car jokes start in 3...2...1...

I'll throw in one: Does the blue screen block my view of the road for when the dice program crashes?

Re:queue microsoft crash jokes

Will there be a GPS-based clippy that gives directions to places you don't want to go?

Wonder if they will assist..

First Clippy, now Dicey?

Patent Coverage?

Does this patent cover anything that sways when hung from a virtual car and virtually sways?

I'm really concerned about the virtual nutsack I have hanging from my virtual trailer hitch on my virtual truck.

Even scarrier than patants

Vista Riceboy Edition

Great

Now cars will become part of a massive spam sending botnet.

Virtual Fuzzy Dice?

Microsoft is getting into the porn industry?

Arcades

I once played an arcade racing game where you race trucks and one of them had purple dice that showed up on screen and bounced around in your view.

Re:Arcades

Sega's Rad Mobile [wikipedia.org] had a virtual, fuzzy, Sonic dangling from the rear-view. He bounced and swayed with the movements of the car.

So THIS is what delayed Vista!

At least at Apple, OS revs get way-layed by iPhones. But this...

Prior art

I have had fuzzy dice that move with the car movements for as long as I can remember. And it's a mechanical device too, not your fancy digital dice. Now excuse me, I gotta go put holes in some punchcards.

Another driver's distraction!

Just what the motoring public needs, another source of distraction. I can see it now. People will hack the fuzzy dice to do all sorts of amusing things, notice them while driving, and crash (physically, not in the software sense).

On the plus side, I would imagine this "feature" will get the device banned under California's no "entertainment" video displays in sight of the driver whilst the car is in motion.

Distractions

Okay, if done nicely, I wouldn't mind a heads-up display (HUD). But does the general driving population need more driving distractions? Also, would other drivers be able to see it (say from behind)? Other vehicle's TVs and crap dangling from the rearview mirror always bugs me.

Dig that law firm name

SHOOK, HARDY & BACON L.L.P

Granted, that's not exactly Dewey, Cheatum, and How, but would you be able to tell your friends, with a straight face, that you had enlisted the services of the law firm Shook, Hardy, & Bacon? If you answer yes, well, then I offer you a laurel, and hardy handshake, and I hope they don't shake your bacon too much.

Virtual....

I cant wait to get one so I can have...

My own....
Virtual......
Jesus

WTF? Dice? Nobody will pay for that!

A huge finger on the other hand...

 

I don't care if it rains or freezes...

... as long as I got my digital Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car.

Finally...

..."Where do you want to go today" is about to make sense

Virtual Fluffy Dashboard

Hey, where is my virtual fluffy dashboard and virtual coffee can conversion?

Wow, virtual fuzzy dice. How useless

There are already heads up displays in some cars. Just another "Me Too" Microsoft Innovation that they probably bought from some startup.
I'm not putting out some flame bait, I'd think Linux powered fuzzy dice were lame too.
How about we develop better combustion technology, and better renewable resource technology, not more electronic crap to further distract the driver.
The virtual fuzzy dice idea is about as good as replacing the airbag on the steering wheel with a flat screen TV.

So... What's Next?

A patent on Virtual Flying Chairs?!

When will they patent...

...digital trailer hitch dangling testicles?

Adaptive means

that this covers anything anyone else makes that does anything, see it's adaptive.

ah, technology.

Back in my day, we had REAL fuzzy dice, not these fancy fake moving pictures you kids have these days.

Curious

Microsoft love their eye candy don't they. Will the pretty fluffy dice be a cover up for a rather sluggish and bloated underlying system? I wonder what kind of OS they will be using for the heads up display, and if you don't connect to the activation server after 30 days will it put your car into enhanced reduced functionality mode?

Ooh, how many sides?

I hope they offer an icosahedral version.

Yo home?

I whistled for a computer and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this program was rare But I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air

Rear window heads up display

I want a heads up in the back, facing outward, so I can put 'get off my (picture of someone mooning)' for tailgaters... I can't wait till people start playing GTA on this thing and get a little confused... Or playing halo, hop in a warthog and do some real 'war driving'... here's to hoping they never had more capability in graphics than needed, to keep creative hardware hackers from being a road menace.

Copied from Rad Mobile?

The old Sega arcade game Rad Mobile featured a real-time dangling Sonic which swung with the movements of the car: http://www.planet-xbox.de/img/articles/2635/Sonic- Mega-Collection-Plus-2.jpg [planet-xbox.de]

MS knows how to sell.

Sadly, great technological advances such as this always seem to require useless, utterly stupid gimmicks like that in order to achieve wide adoption.

Reasoning

This is Microsoft's attempt to block access from other manufacturers who want to make computers that go in your car. They are slowly going in this direction with things like BMW's iDrive.

Patents on the basic application of this technology in a car will keep out any upstarts who are faster and smarter than Microsoft. It might not be valid, but any challenger (Apple, probably) will have to spend some time and cash in order to compete.

Kind of like spreading tacks on the road...

To quote Cake

"And large fuzzy dice hang like testicles from rearview mirrors"

Can they ....

...display virtual loose bits of paper, assorted junk and fast food wrappers that slide back and forth on my dashboard as I go around corners?

Based on Vista?

You are attempting to brake at a stop sign. Cancel or Allow?

This really may be an improvement.

I think that they're talking about a system where, for example,
When it notices that you've just had an accident (as indicated by a triggered airbag), the speedometer is replaced by a huge 'hazard light' switch..

If this occurs just as you're reaching for where the hazard light was, then it'll switch the hazard light back to it's usual position -- just as you're reaching for it in the normal speedometer position. ... ad-infinitum, until the ambulance crew shows up and admits you to the psych ward.

Fuzzy Dice Prior Art...???

Um, isn't that already in use in a ton of other games already?
I know I saw it in Crazy Taxi (on the Dreamcast)...

Ug... This patent crap has gotten out of hand.
We should just scrap the whole pile of fuzzy dice & start over with a shorter available protection period & an easier means of shooting down invalid patent apps to begin with.

None

No similarity to Dashboard, I reckon. *rolleyes* I can't believe these weirdos.

I recall writing about this idea in the 70s

I claim prior art - all of MSFT's profits are belong to me.

70's throw-back

Article title should read, 'MS seeks patent on bad taste'. BTW, whats Microsoft doing getting into the motor trade? Is this Bill's idea for pimping his 959?

Streets of SimCity

Brings to mind a fake advertisement clip from Streets of SimCity:

"Fuzzy dice accessories: Chew toys for your car."

Let's hear it!

For those masters of innovation at Microsoft!

Fuzzy dice - a Bill Gates invention!

60 million sold in the first six months!

Fuzzy Dice Service Pack 1 will soon be released!

Meanwhile, Secunia released a study today that says Fuzzy Dice can be "pwned" in seconds...

Blue screen?

Blue Screen of Death just got a literal meaning.

Why I don't like this

I read the linked patent application, and I'm not very fond of the idea.

While driving, I need the following information:

1. A good view of surrounding traffic, assisted with mirrors where necessary.
2. Indication of conditions that require my attention in the near future (e.g. directional indicator is on, high beams on, handbrake engaged, fuel is low, oil pressure has suddenly dropped...), i.e. the usual warning lights, plus fuel and temp gauges.
3. Knowledge of my current speed, i.e. speedometer, to stay within posted limits.

That's all. A tachometer is nice to have to optimize performance and economy, but not a necessity.

What I watch while driving, in order of frequency:

1. The road in front.
2. The mirrors.
3. Speedometer + tach every now and then.
4. The rest of the instrument cluster every now and then, to check fuel level. Any warning lights will be noticed at this time, or while checking the speed.

My car is old enough (1999 Ford Focus [wikipedia.org] station wagon) that heating and A/C can be adjusted by touch (rotary knobs). Also, the radio has controls in the steering column, so it can be controlled without looking. I don't use a mobile phone or change CDs while driving.

If there's information being distributed about something blocking the road... well, that's why I have the RDS [wikipedia.org] radio.

For me, any additional information in the field of view would only be clutter, especially if it's moving or changing shape. In my view, it's a benefit of the traditional instrument cluster, as well as a traditional HUD, that every display component has a fixed location which can be memorized. This memorization can go so far that one does not need to focus to the instrument cluster; when I see a blue light in the dashboard, I know it means my high beams are on.

Analog gauges don't require exact focus for an approximate reading, and the most frequent indicator lights are pretty soon memorized. I can see a benefit in a HUD that displays the speedometer + active warning lights information while driving, but not in one that has moving or shifting elements (which only take the driver's attention off the road), or one that would be used while parked (a conventional display would work better, as it doesn't depend on lighting conditions outside).

Re:How about a targeting system?

Yes, the last thing you want while driving on the freeway is to have to dodge incompetent drivers and their flaming wreckage.

Besides, road conditions are bad enough without every clueless driver on the road shooting at it.