MS Seeks Patent On Virtual Fuzzy Dice

theodp writes "Microsoft just published a patent application for an adaptive heads-up user interface for automobiles. It covers, among other things, virtual fuzzy dice that appear to move with automobile movements."

Air freshener

[mattb112885]

Did they patent a virtual air freshener too? Because I really need one.

I'll say!

[ClayJar]

Did they patent a virtual air freshener too? Because I really need one.

I'll say. I can virtually smell you from here. :D

Horn

[ciroknight]

..is more necessary. Nothing sucks more than traffic jams on the Information Super Highway. No way to signify that better than being as absolutely obnoxious as possible

Re:

[MoriaOrc]

I think I might be able to find some prior art for "Being obnoxious on the Internet," though...

Re:

[ehrichweiss]

I heard AOL has examples of said prior art dating since the early 90's.

Re:

[MrNiceguy_KS]

Don't forget Virtual Middle Finger! (tm)

Re:

[MrNiceguy_KS]

Ah, prior art.

Re:

[Lars T.]

You want to look like you smell like an artificial tree?

Obviousness Criteria

[ThosLives]

Hopefully this will fail the new obviousness criteria; note that it is still just an application. Basically, they are combining existing technologies in their obvious functionality: methods to change configuration information and display various information to vehicle operators.

I don't see any innovation here at all; they are combining elements and the result is the expected result for combining those elements.

Re:

[PinkyDead]

This sucks:

GM/Ford/BMW (or whoever) patents putting information on the windscreen -- Hmmm useful.

Microsoft [attempts to] patents putting more information on the windscreen -- WTF?!

Wasting the patent office's time should be a crime. I wonder could patent a bigger wheel - I'd make a fortune.

Re:Obviousness Criteria

[GIL_Dude]

I'm not sure it would even be that useful if GM/Ford/BWM or whoever did it. It would probably be ad-supported anyway. Can you just imagine?

Hey, driver - you need new wiper blades. Check out the specials at Pep Boys (tm)! While there, get an oil change!

I just hope that never comes true!

Re:

[conspirator57]

My dell here does that for me. It's let me know for the past 6 months that my battery "is still working, but nearing the end of its useful life." The same notice provides a handy "come on down to the web dealership..." notice and link to dell's shop. It does this each time the laptop starts. Oh, and the laptop is one year old, so it was six months old when it started this crap.

Re:Obviousness Criteria

[djh101010]

Oh, and the laptop is one year old, so it was six months old when it started this crap.

Seems to me, that'd be a great time to call Dell for a warranty replacement of the battery. Make their advertising scheme cost them. "Your app tells me that my battery, which is only 6 months old, is already crap. Send me a new one."

Re:

[conspirator57]

except the battery is fine. There's just some damn bit stuck somewhere that it's reading and setting off this ad/nag ware. My beef, and the GGP's beef is with the ad/nagware. I don't want it there, and I can't find a control panel item or other overt way to disable it, though it hasn't gotten annoying enough to send me registry hacking yet.

Re:

[gigne]

It should be an easy fix. Start->Run msconfig Click "Startup items" tab and then remove the offending crapware. Either that or use the PC decrapifier

Re:

[djh101010]

except the battery is fine. There's just some damn bit stuck somewhere that it's reading and setting off this ad/nag ware. My beef, and the GGP's beef is with the ad/nagware. I don't want it there, and I can't find a control panel item or other overt way to disable it, though it hasn't gotten annoying enough to send me registry hacking yet.

Ah, you may have missed my point. I'm not defending the nagware, or saying the battery is crap, I'm saying that if their nagware is going to claim that the battery is crap, then they should have to pay (literally) for making the bad decision to inflict said crapware on their customers. Besides, free battery? You kidding? Why not.

(and I say this as a minor shareholder in Dell)

Re:

[Phroggy]

Then they can either send you a new battery any, or tell you how to fix it. Or both (if they send you a new battery and that doesn't solve the problem, then they can tell you how to fix it).

Re:

[TheRaven64]

Elite Plus for RiscOS had a set of virtual fuzzy dice. They were quite useful, since they gave a good indicator of your current roll speed, without having to look down at the roll indicator. I wonder if they would count as prior art for this. The only difference is that the input for a real car comes from a sensor, rather than a simulated environment.

Re:

[dknj]

So did this 1993 32-bit arcade game, Gale Racer [system16.com]

Re:

[Bob Ince]

[quote]They were quite useful[/quote]

I LOL you.

As the author of those fluffy dice, I can tell you there was no intention of be (a) in any way useful or (b) anything I thought Microsoft would ever want to copy, let alone patent...

Re:

[COMON$]

I don't see any innovation here at all;

Oh come on this is Microsoft we are talking about, we dont expect innovation. MS hasnt been all that innovative since win 95 and maybe NT.

Even there it had been done before. But to ward off the flame modders I have to put this stipulation in. What MS is really good at is taking existing proven technologies and putting them into an attractive package. I am a mostly M$ shop with about 1/5 being Mac and some linux servers splashed around here and there. If you want

Re:

[MightyMartian]

Oh come on this is Microsoft we are talking about, we dont expect innovation. MS hasnt been all that innovative since win 95 and maybe NT.

What exactly was innovative about Win95 and NT?

Re:

[COMON$]

the proof that you could make a 8 year old sit for 4 hours with 3.5 diskettes in hand just to see a pretty blue screen :) Sure xerox did it first but I didn't spend hours with corrupt diskettes trying to install their OS.

But notice my follow up statement Even there it had been done before. The just took something interesting and made it appealing to the masses.

Re:

[COMON$]

but of course I was quite a bit older than 8, and my ADD was in full force by the time of win95 so the innovation of the concept to make people go through extraordinary lengths to get something they don't need or really want was impressive.

Re:

[MightyMartian]

Windows 95's GUI was a busted ripoff of the OS/2 2.x GUI. It ran Windows 3.1 apps more poorly and with less stability than OS/2 2.1. Microsoft's true revolution with Chicago/Windows 95 was in having all those friendly publications out there publishing artists renderings a year or more before anything resembling the final product appeared, touting vaporware and somehow convincing consumers to stick around with Windows 3.1 in the meantime.

They didn't start getting it right until Windows 98SE, four years aft

Re:

[sqldr]

Hopefully this will fail the new obviousness criteria

I, on the other hand, hope that all of microsoft's other patents fail, and this is the only one they're left with in their entire portfolio. Fluffy dice.

Re:

[Frenchy_2001]

It's not obvious, It's done with a computer!
It's kinda the magic sentence to get your patent approved these days...

Re:

[gigne]

I know the feeling. Sued twice and counting. You try and do something to make a few £ to supplement your income, and before you know it you have a slick lawyer knocking on the door. Someone should start a club for inventors that have had their fingers burned.

I have some...

[Anonymous Coward]

I have some fuzzy dangling things that they can try and patent.

Re:I have some...

[CrtxReavr]

If you'd wipe better, you wouldn't have so much prior art.

-CR

Great

[Anonymous Coward]

Just what we need from a heads-up display: something which conveys no useful information and serves only to distract the driver from their main job of keeping the car on the road. This strikes me as a perfect example of the rule that, simply because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

Re:Great

[somersault]

"Simply because you can do something, doesn't mean you should."

I thought that was one of Microsofts' main beliefs.. simply because they can put out (largely) pointless new versions of Office and Windows, they do. They also charge insane amounts for little extra functionality, just because they can. At least people are catching on a bit with Vista.

Nothing new here

[Gazzonyx]

Unfortunately, consumerism isn't driven by the "ability does not dictate necessity" mentality. Just take a look at the cars on the road to see this in action. How many SUV's do you see? There would be no Escalades if people didn't want lots of "chrome". We're all guilty of feeding this cycle, as I see it.

Re:

[somersault]

Not that many SUVs in the UK, but I get your point. The thing is, that Microsoft (and car manufacturers, though cars do rust over time, while software only goes 'out of style') kind of forces this on consumers by only selling the latest and 'greatest' versions of their products. All software companies do this, but with Microsoft the effect is a lot stronger because so many people use their software, and the formats aren't great for backwards compatability.

Re:

[Gazzonyx]

That's a very good point; I think that companies 'forcing' software on people is the other half of the viscous cycle - if they don't, their competitors will.

I think we're all partly responsible for Microsoft being what it is. And I'm saying this, mind you, as a Linux user. If Microsoft didn't 'push' software on us, Apple would; if Apple didn't, IBM would... Sun... Novell... your friends neighbors brothers nephew ("...and everyone says he's a real whiz with computers, and he's writing this software tha

Re:

[somersault]

After thinking about it a bit more, he vicious cycle that you mention - which I guess we can basically just call 'progress' - is in the end a good thing because you do get genuine benefits occasionally. Even in Microsoft Office I guess, which is my favourite product to get pissed off at when people want to upgrade just for the sake of it (next in line would be Windows, and then comes the CAD programs the engineers use here). Through the last few versions of Office the only thing I've noticed being different

Re:

[Locutus]

Microsoft product updates, 90% substance, 10% style? Me thinks you have got those numbers reversed.

LoB

Re:

[somersault]

No, I was saying that's what I'd prefer. Microsoft products are 1% style, 0.8% substance and 98.2% bugs. That's only a rough estimate.

Re:

[Locutus]

Didn't you know that they had promoted the designer of Microsoft BOB to the auto research department?

LoB

Re:

[Max Littlemore]

It reminds me of some new car stereos I looked at.

When I went to the shop there were two of interest. One of them, $150.00 au, has excellent amps, plays mp3 and wma, cd, radio and has an auxillary input on the face plate. It also has a really cheap looking old fashioned blocky LCD display. The other has all the same features, except for lower quality amps but a photo realistic full colour display with animations depicting not only a vu meter, but also groovy little "this is the source you have selected" th

Re:

[mulvane]

Some people just don't see the usefulness of a visual horizon monitor. I must say, driving a Yukon (3 kids, a wife, and living in the country its not just for fashion), being the slightly top heavy vehicle it is, I watch my drinks and the tassel I have hanging from my rear view mirror. It gives me a good idea of how much more I can give it before I become to top heavy and roll.

Re:

[slashname3]

The other issue is that we finally get to experience the punch line to that old joke, stopping the car every 100 miles to reboot it.

And just think of all the accidents when the blue screen of death obscures the entire windshield...

What will they patent next...

[downix]

I can't wait till the virtual dancing hula girl arrives.... She could probably even dance to show you the direction to turn when plugged into your GPS.

Re:

[Andrewkov]

You should patent that before someone from Microsoft reads your post!

Re:

[morgan_greywolf]

Virtual bobbing chihuahua head. It detects when someone is tailgating and then, while bobbing up and down, it flips the driver the bird.

Re:

[Locutus]

I've already( just ) filed the patent for the virtual bouncing doggie head. I called she Rover.

I've also just filed the patent on the virtual bouncing girlfriend head. Well, virtual back of head and there's support for theming too. ;-)

LoB

Mandatory...

[Enleth]

And what if Microsoft made cars [usd.edu]? Soon we will see...

Re:

[UbuntuDupe]

Equally mandatory: If Linux made cars [slashdot.org].

(Actually, freely-downloadable car assembly instruction sets, but same concept.)

queue microsoft crash jokes

[192939495969798999]

And all the microsoft-crashes-your-car jokes start in 3...2...1...

I'll throw in one: Does the blue screen block my view of the road for when the dice program crashes?

Re:queue microsoft crash jokes

[mwvdlee]

Will there be a GPS-based clippy that gives directions to places you don't want to go?

Re:

[somersault]

Yeah - you can't use your brakes until you answer his questions.

The questions use Microsoft's excellect speech recognition technology :) ( http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-112322121 7782777472 [google.com] )

Re:

[Andrewkov]

"You appear to be in an accident, air bags are about to deploy. Cancel or Allow?"

Re:

[somersault]

Heh.
"You appear to be crying out in pain, do you wish help writing a complaint to the manufacturer?"

"You appear not a DMV certified driver, HUD functions will be limited to wanted stars and health levels"

Re:

[Lodragandraoidh]

Gives 'Blue Screen of Death' a new meaning...

Re:

[Kazymyr]

Gives a new meaning to "Where do you want to go today?"

First Virus:

[josquint]

Road Kill. Displays random large animals on display to try to get driver to swerve.

Re:

[MightyMartian]

Has anyone come out with a meaningful, reliable statistic as to how much of a "replacement" this is? Sounds like your spewing some pro-MS FUD. So how much does Redmond pay for lackeys to pound on Linux and praise their products on Slashdot these days? Aren't you frightened that someday you're going to wake up and not see your reflection in the mirror anymore?

Wonder if they will assist..

[CIANCHAMBLISS]

First Clippy, now Dicey?

Re:

[Billosaur]

And pretty soon... Andrew "Dice" Clay, "Dice-K" Matsuzaka, and the Diceman [diceman.co.uk].

Re:

[kimvette]

That would be redundant; everything coming out of Redmond lately is already pretty dicey. ;)

Patent Coverage?

[OctoberSky]

Does this patent cover anything that sways when hung from a virtual car and virtually sways?

I'm really concerned about the virtual nutsack I have hanging from my virtual trailer hitch on my virtual truck.

er... loophole?

[camperdave]

While the patent obviously covers fuzzy dice, it also covers dangling CDs, native american dream catchers, and other things that are hung by a string. It does not cover things like Hawaiian leis, or for all you single guys out there, wedding garters.

Even scarrier than patants

[Ukab the Great]

Vista Riceboy Edition

Re:

[Nimey]

I think you mean "Vista Type R". It comes with a big sticker that's good for an extra 200 MHz.

Re:

[Kazymyr]

And a body kit that adds 1463 points to the 3DMark score.

Great

[epseps]

Now cars will become part of a massive spam sending botnet.

Virtual Fuzzy Dice?

[Chineseyes]

Microsoft is getting into the porn industry?

Arcades

[Gyga]

I once played an arcade racing game where you race trucks and one of them had purple dice that showed up on screen and bounced around in your view.

Re:Arcades

[Neon Spiral Injector]

Sega's Rad Mobile [wikipedia.org] had a virtual, fuzzy, Sonic dangling from the rear-view. He bounced and swayed with the movements of the car.

Re:

[earthforce_1]

I remember seeing a big rig transport driving game that has been around for years and had objects in the rear view mirror that bounced and swung as your truck ran over or bumped into objects. I can't recall the exact name of it right now.

So THIS is what delayed Vista!

[jpellino]

At least at Apple, OS revs get way-layed by iPhones. But this...

Prior art

[Kazymyr]

I have had fuzzy dice that move with the car movements for as long as I can remember. And it's a mechanical device too, not your fancy digital dice. Now excuse me, I gotta go put holes in some punchcards.

Re:

[Dahamma]

REAL prior art exists as well! (well real virtual)

http://www.arcade-equipment.com/assets/images/18_w heeler.jpg [arcade-equipment.com]

The virtual fuzzy dice were the best part!

Another driver's distraction!

[G4from128k]

Just what the motoring public needs, another source of distraction. I can see it now. People will hack the fuzzy dice to do all sorts of amusing things, notice them while driving, and crash (physically, not in the software sense).

On the plus side, I would imagine this "feature" will get the device banned under California's no "entertainment" video displays in sight of the driver whilst the car is in motion.

Re:

[hoggoth]

> Just what the motoring public needs, another source of distraction. I can see it now. People will hack the fuzzy dice to do all sorts of amusing things

I can't wait to hack into these remotely and turn ALL the pixels opaque black!
Or better yet, have a virtual motorcycle turn into your lane and head straight for you!

Re:

[Zwack]

we had good steel links running to our drum brakes and they worked fine!

So you've been in my car then? Actually, it's my wife's Mustang, but it has four wheel drum brakes. They are hydraulic, but doing a mechanical linkage would be kind of interesting given the way they work... (The hydraulic pressure created by you pushing a piston into a cylinder with your feet pushes two pistons out of another cylinder in each wheel which pushes the brake pads against the inside of the drum. The parking brake is a

Distractions

[sjaguar]

Okay, if done nicely, I wouldn't mind a heads-up display (HUD). But does the general driving population need more driving distractions? Also, would other drivers be able to see it (say from behind)? Other vehicle's TVs and crap dangling from the rearview mirror always bugs me.

Re:

[Locutus]

what is really silly is they hung the virtual dice from a virtual rearview mirror. If you think people have trouble understanding and using rear/side view mirrors now, just wait til they not only have the real one, but Microsoft thought everyone should have a virtual one too.

It's like having a freak'n titlebar on a QVGA PDA/handheld computer screen. WTF?

LoB

Virtual....

[JeremyGNJ]

I cant wait to get one so I can have...

My own....
Virtual......
Jesus

Re:

[Dr. Eggman]

That's not a bad idea. They should give it an animation, mood sensing technology, and make it say "What would Jesus do?" everytime you scream at the other cars.

Re:

[Zordok]

If it's virtual, how can you "reach out and touch faith"?

WTF? Dice? Nobody will pay for that!

[Colin Smith]

A huge finger on the other hand...

 

I don't care if it rains or freezes...

[Internet Ronin]

... as long as I got my digital Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car.

Virtual Fluffy Dashboard

[flyingfsck]

Hey, where is my virtual fluffy dashboard and virtual coffee can conversion?

So... What's Next?

[blcamp]

A patent on Virtual Flying Chairs?!

MS knows how to sell.

[RomulusNR]

Sadly, great technological advances such as this always seem to require useless, utterly stupid gimmicks like that in order to achieve wide adoption.

Can they ....

[PPH]

...display virtual loose bits of paper, assorted junk and fast food wrappers that slide back and forth on my dashboard as I go around corners?

Based on Vista?

[Micah_H]

You are attempting to brake at a stop sign. Cancel or Allow?

This really may be an improvement.

[darkonc]

I think that they're talking about a system where, for example,
When it notices that you've just had an accident (as indicated by a triggered airbag), the speedometer is replaced by a huge 'hazard light' switch..

If this occurs just as you're reaching for where the hazard light was, then it'll switch the hazard light back to it's usual position -- just as you're reaching for it in the normal speedometer position. ... ad-infinitum, until the ambulance crew shows up and admits you to the psych ward.

Fuzzy Dice Prior Art...???

[tmasman]

Um, isn't that already in use in a ton of other games already?
I know I saw it in Crazy Taxi (on the Dreamcast)...

Ug... This patent crap has gotten out of hand.
We should just scrap the whole pile of fuzzy dice & start over with a shorter available protection period & an easier means of shooting down invalid patent apps to begin with.

Let's hear it!

[Master of Transhuman]

For those masters of innovation at Microsoft!

Fuzzy dice - a Bill Gates invention!

60 million sold in the first six months!

Fuzzy Dice Service Pack 1 will soon be released!

Meanwhile, Secunia released a study today that says Fuzzy Dice can be "pwned" in seconds...

Re:

[harlemjoe]

So wait -- do physical fuzzy dice count as prior art in patent challenge? I thought obviousness was a grounds for dismissal. Although the need for "virtual fuzzy dice" is far from obvious, the patent proposal itself slaps you in the face. I mean, it's the same concept as a bloody "digital" speedometer or fuel guage isn't it? Then again, one could hardly have foreseen the popularity of a "virtual" solitaire. Thank God the US Supreme Court seems to agree [technologyreview.com]

Re:

[goldenrod3]

Better combustion technology, efficiency etc. blah blah, that would be far too sensible! How about a fast, small footprint, reliable, secure operating system with a clean, responsive interface? Instead we have Vista!!

Re:

[MrNiceguy_KS]

Oh, that's brilliant! I've got a rabid RPG-playing friend with a birthday coming up. I'm going to make him a pair of fuzzy d20's to hang in his truck.

Re:

[Killjoy_NL]

heh if he's rabid, why don't you take him to the doctor for his bday, pretend it's a quest to cure him of lycanthropy :)

(if that doesn't make sense, don't kill me, I never played pen & paper AD&Ds)

Re:

[Alioth]

There'll be DRM, so it should really be "Where will we allow you to go today?"

Re:

[Locutus]

it made sense when they first came out with it. It means Microsoft has no idea what the future holds so they must use an ad asking you what you want to do today as a way to make you think they know what you need. Even Bill Gates' book, "The Road Ahead" has the metaphor for the future( the road ) quickly veering off to the right and out of view. Someone else is building that road and providing options for where the future can go.

That ad, "Where do you want to go today?", always reminded me of a pig with a no

Re:

[Sciros]

Actually, I have wanted a missile launcher button on far more occasions than I have wanted a car horn. See, when some moron almost runs you off the freeway by merging right onto your vehicle, and speeds away at 100 mph, a car horn just won't do. A missile on the other hand, will teach him a lesson he'll NEVER remember!

Re:

[Locutus]

I thought BMW was dumping the Windows based iDrive for a Linux based iDrive some years ago. They had so many problems with it they sent out a press release stating such. IIRC, they mentioned that iDrive for the 7xx class cars would continue using MS based iDrive for something like 5 more years while all the other models would be getting the udated version. This, I figured, was probably due to a contract they had with Microsoft since the 7xx class vehicles were the first to get iDrive.

BMW got some really bad

Re:

[Locutus]

I didn't see anything definitive either but did find this related item:

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/06/02/open_sourc e/source/7.htm [businessweek.com]

I also would not doubt that Microsoft's contract with BMW requires they not publish anything negative or otherwise regarding their Windows based iDrive systems. Microsoft sucks as a technology company but is number one in legal and marketing contracts, publications, and PR.

LoB