Charles Carreon Finally Surrenders To the Oatmeal 173
First time accepted submitter Guy From V writes "Charles Carreon, zany lawyer and poster-child for the Streisand Effect (sorry Babs) for his lawsuit against The Oatmeal creator Mattew Innman last year in his original role as legal counsel for Funnyjunk, as reported by ArsTechnica, seems to have finally called it quits. In other news, the River Styx has reportedly dropped below 32 degrees Fahrenheit."
Warning! (Score:5, Funny)
I will sue anyone who mocks me in this thread! - CC
Can't wait to read the Oatmeal's take on this (Score:5, Funny)
Too bad (Score:5, Funny)
That's too bad. It was very entertaining to watch Mr. Carreon find new and innovative ways to dig his hole deeper and deeper.
Re:Warning! (Score:5, Funny)
I will sue anyone who mocks me in this thread! - CC
Don't worry, you're not the guy with the funny junk. (Or are you?)
Re:Impressive... (Score:5, Funny)
Guy is so dense and immutable that he could probably be sliced into thin layers and used as armor plate.
I don't think there's a laser, or any other tool, powerful enough to slice material that dense. Your best bet would be to tie him to the front of a tank and use him to ram things.
Re:Impressive... (Score:5, Funny)
Hmmm ... I like your ideas, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
We could use lawyers for car bumpers, that would save them having to chase the ambulances.
You may be onto something here.
And death is not an option (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Worst Summary Ever (Score:5, Funny)
It's called journalistic prose numbnuts, this isn't an academic paper, nobody gives a shit about run-on sentences in the real world.
Because they either get bored or irritated trying to make sense of them and eventually -- but not before getting a headache and taking some aspirin and having a bit of a lie-down in order to give the aspirin time to work and to soothe the aforementioned head -- quit trying to mentally diagram it and just skip it and plow on in the hopes that the rest of the document, unlikely as it sounds, will be more readable, and perhaps the prosaic period will be understood in learning the larger context in which it appeared, or, alternatively, just stop reading entirely based on the assumption that the whole piece will be just like it, resulting in even greater frustration that can only be relieved by tying an onion to one's belt and taking the ferry to Morgantown?
translation (Score:4, Funny)
I believe I can translate and make for a shorter read at the same time:
Haw HEhawwwwwwwwww, He HAWWWwwwwwwww.
Re:Come on Slashdot (Score:5, Funny)
OK, that's 273.15 Kelvin. Feel better?
My home town nearly went to zero Kevins back in 1978.
It was a particularly cold winter, and we were already down to 3 Kevins (due to their low popularity at the time).
Kevin Thomas had flown out to be with his son's family for a wedding and got stuck in Boston for a whole week due to the weather. 2 Kevins left.
Kevin Lemmer was rushed to the hospital during my shift. I still remember the call from the EMTs as the ambulance was rushing toward us. "It's Lemmer. He's in bad shape. Drove right into the fucking ditch." We called the time of death at 6:15 PM.
At 6:16, all eyes turned to room 2217. Kevin Spencer was 82 and on his death bed with leukemia. His family being Catholic, he had already been given his last rites. If he couldn't hold out until Kevin Thomas returned, we would be at zero Kevins. Sure, we had 4 perfectly healthy Calvins, but they're just not the same.
It was 7:15 when Carla Brooks and her husband James burst through the main entrance. "She's not due for 2 weeks!", James exclaimed. As the staff bustled around getting the Brookses settled, they exchanged darting glances with each other. This was their first child, and they wanted to keep the baby's sex a secret. Of course, in a small town, secrets don't get kept. Nearly all of the hospital staff new that the child about to rip open Mrs. Brooks was indeed a boy.
The delivery was routine, and Kevin Brooks was born healthy, if a tad underweight, at 10:52 PM. Kevin Spencer was pronounced dead at 10:54.
It was, as they say, a close one. Kevin Thomas arrived two days later, the weather having finally cleared up. To this day, we still rib him about it.
Cedar Falls is currently at 5 Kevins.
Surrenders to the oatmeal (Score:4, Funny)
Wilford Brimley is pleased, and hopes he won't get diabeetus.