ASIC Seeks Power To Read Your Emails 114
nemesisrocks writes "ASIC, Australia's version of the SEC, has called for phone call and internet data to be stored by Australian ISPs, in a submission to the Parliamentary Inquiry into mandatory data retention. Not only does the authority want the powers to intercept the times, dates and details of telecommunications information, it also wants access to the contents of emails, social media chats and text messages."
Re:Inquity ? (Score:5, Funny)
probably a misspelling of iniquity:
in-iq-ui-ty
Noun: Immoral or grossly unfair behavior.
sounds about right
Me too (Score:2, Funny)
Dear Australian Government,
I am having a yard sale next weekend. In order to achieve fair market value for the more valuable goods, I have implemented a closed bidding system. I am worried that some of my neighbours might game the system by discussing their bids and making backroom deals. I am seeking the power to log their phone calls as well as access to the contents of emails, social media chats and text messages.
Sincerely, John R. Citizen
ASIC!? Oh... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:This is how it begins (Score:-1, Funny)
Re:Me too (Score:2, Funny)
Dear John Citizen,
we are sorry that we cannot allow you to do this because you did not append the mandatory cheque^W^W^W^W^W^W^Wthis would violate the privacy of other people.
Sincerely, the Australian Government.
Re:Inquity ? (Score:4, Funny)
Your browser can't spell check? Sounds like you should switch to FireFox, it spell checks for me just fine.
In deed, since eye ooze Firefox, eye know lounger have spelling miss takes inn may posts bee cause it chows two me all errors witch eye make.
This wasn't the first plan (Score:4, Funny)
They went through quite a few alternative solutions.
1) Ask criminals to copy ASIC on all emails and Facebook messages sent. It's about as effective as what they proposed, and will be way cheaper and less intrusive for the public.
2) Have the Internet burn a daily DVD of the entire contents, which will then be sent to ASIC to be stored in boxes. Estimated physical storage space required for first 3 months: New Zealand.
3) Have vagina-cams installed in all female residents of Australia in case they happen to be naked at the home of someone considering fraud, and positioned in such a way that the camera catches the content of the suspect's screen.
4) Require that all Internet communication stop at the ISP level, who will then print it and send it on to the ISP of the person to whom it's address, with a copy being posted to ASIC.
5) Crime is committed only by the living. Kill everyone.
6) Receive funding to have ASIC agents stationed in every home, to sit behind computer users. Agent will periodically tap the user on the shoulder, and ask "Whatcha doin'?"
Number 4 was the preferred option. Greg Tanzer prefers reading personal emails on his tablet while relaxing in a hotel room full of semi-naked pre-teen girls. Having to carry around print-outs was out of the question.