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Patent Troll Goes After Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, Yahoo, IBM, Others 171

Posted by Soulskill
from the go-big-or-go-home dept.
zaba writes "A company named PersonalWeb Technologies has decided to sue a host of heavy players in the tech industry, including Apple, Facebook, IBM, Microsoft and Yahoo! for patents it holds related to data processing. They have a previous suit against other big names like Amazon, Google and HP. Anyone care to guess where the company is based or where the suits were filed?" The company is also targeting GitHub, but seems to have accidentally sued Rackspace — GitHub's host — instead. Rackspace has responded, saying, "It’s apparent that the people filing the suit don’t understand the technology or the products enough to realize that Rackspace Cloud Servers and GitHub are completely different products from different companies."
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Patent Troll Goes After Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, Yahoo, IBM, Others

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday September 18, 2012 @10:19PM (#41382489)

    Might as well just read Wired.com because they have the stories first.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday September 18, 2012 @10:24PM (#41382515)

    And who says the system is broken?

  • by doomtiki (789936) on Tuesday September 18, 2012 @10:33PM (#41382571)
    You know it is a legitimate technology firm when their website says:

    We are located in East Texas, and we are developing innovative technologies and products.

    There seem to be a lot of "innovative" firms located in East Texas.

  • by viperidaenz (2515578) on Tuesday September 18, 2012 @10:39PM (#41382625)
    They're probably the kids of the lawyers who run the company.
  • by Psychotria (953670) on Wednesday September 19, 2012 @03:11AM (#41383937)

    Yes, but what does age have to do with it? This guy, for example, is obviously a leader in his field.

    Darren Hampton: Quality Assurance Coordinator

    Darren Hampton is an eclectic fellow. Despite being risk averse, he often puts himself in a great deal of minor peril. He is PersonalWeb's Quality Assurance Coordinator, but normally lacks the qualities of a coordinated individual.

    The guy bursts into laughter at the slightest provocation, which leads to a very bruised noggin as he loses control of his flailing cranial structure. The danger he poses to himself is insurmountable as he cannot find a way to escape his own person or the hilarious occurrences that seem to develop daily.

    Besides laughing at things that really have no comical value, he has been known to partake in the listening of mind-blowing techno. He especially likes the parts where it goes “wob wob wob.” He also has a deep addiction to Team Fortress 2 and will likely never free himself of the game. The one thing he hates is stepping on Legos without shoes... and jerks.

    If that's not a glowing review of talent and competence, I don't know what is.

    Oh, and Clarissa Andrews likes dying her hair!

  • by Psychotria (953670) on Wednesday September 19, 2012 @03:52AM (#41384179)

    Attorney: Judge, we would like to put our QA Coordinator on the stand as an expert witness.
    Judge: Darren Hampton [personalweb.com], please take the stand.
    Judge: Please describe your role at the company and your formal qualifications.
    Darren: I am an eclectic fellow, but despite myself being risk averse I often put myself in a great deal of minor peril.
    Judge: Please proceed.
    Darren: Although I am am coordinator, I normally lack the qualities of a coordinated individual. I burst into laughter at the slightest provocation.
    Judge: Understood.
    Darren: *bursts out laughing*
    Judge: *bashes Darren on the head with his gavel*
    Darren: Sorry, sir. The danger I pose to myself is insurmountable and I cannot find a way to escape my own person or the hilarious occurrences that seem to develop daily.
    Judge: Are you retarded?
    Darren: I like to partake in the listening of mind-blowing techno. I especially likes the parts where it goes "wob wob wob."
    Judge: Next witness please.
    Darren: Wait.
    Judge: Ok.
    Darren: I have a deep addiction to Team Fortress 2. I also don't like stepping on Legos (sic) without shoes. /me jerks.
    Judge: Next witness.
    Court Dude: Sheena Walker, please take the stand. [personalweb.com]
    Sheena: Oh, hai!
    Judge: Sheena, please describe your experience and formal qualifications.
    Sheena: I love research! Yay! My favourite holidy is St. Patricks Day and I luuuv green and light green. Like shamrocks, you know.
    Judge: Continue.
    Sheena: Like, yeah. What was I saying? Oh yeah! I love my Mini Schnauzer, Missy, to death! Yeah!
    Sheena: I once took a picture of a sunset!
    Judge: What has this got to do with the case.
    Sheena: Hey, judgie. I love Big Brother. I once had a piano in my ear! I went to the, yeah, University of Texas! Yeah. I didn't finish but I think I want to one day. I have been debating this with myself.
    Judge: You talk to yourself?
    Sheena: No, Judgie, I debate with myself. Anyway, hey, in the meantime I am learning like lots.

  • by chrismcb (983081) on Wednesday September 19, 2012 @06:35AM (#41384865) Homepage
    But... But... But what about this awesome, novel patent, that I am sure no one else could come up with:

    Accessing Data In A Data Processing System

  • by CheeseyDJ (800272) on Wednesday September 19, 2012 @07:46AM (#41385229)

    5,978,791 - Data processing system using substantially unique identifiers to identify data items, whereby identical data items have the same identifiers

    "Substantially unique" - I love that.

    I wasn't aware there were varying degrees of "unique". Maybe there's a scale:

    • Not unique
    • Slightly unique
    • Moderately unique
    • Substantially unique
    • Very unique
    • Completely Unique

    The best part is that this potentially allows for many moderately unique patents, each patenting varying degrees of uniqueness.

He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent.

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