Man Ordered To Apologize To Wife On Facebook 400
New submitter Marillion writes "Photographer Mark Byron was so bothered by his pending divorce and child visitation issues that he blasted his soon-to-be ex-wife on his personal Facebook page. That touched off a battle that resulted in a Hamilton County judge ordering Byron jailed for his Facebook rant — and to post on his page an apology to his wife and all of his Facebook friends, something free speech experts found troubling."
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:3, Interesting)
Now we'll see if things actually pan out that way if I ever have the cross that bridge.
Good luck with that. See how long that rational, amicable divorce crap holds up when she turns into a vindictive psycho (even if *she* was the one who cheated or wanted the divorce in the first place).
My cousin had a nice, rational wife. She had his dog put to sleep during their divorce. True story.
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:4, Interesting)
Good luck with that. See how long that rational, amicable divorce crap holds up when she turns into a vindictive psycho (even if *she* was the one who cheated or wanted the divorce in the first place).
My cousin had a nice, rational wife. She had his dog put to sleep during their divorce. True story.
Do I know you? My ex is the only one that I'd heard of that literally had my dog put to sleep during the divorce. I was out of town on business. And, when I came back, she decided she wanted full custody and said that if I tried to pick up the kids from school on one of my days "on", she'd call the cops and have them go to the school. Completely groundless and she knew that, but it means that the kids and teachers see the person she's been talking shit about confronted by the cops and asked to leave...
I've got them 50/50 now, but it took months and better than $10k in lawyer's fees even though there were no mitigating issues and the law is dead clear (at least in this state).
Comment removed (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:5, Interesting)
On the other hand, my parents handled it without requiring courts or lawyers and have remained friends.
Anecdotes are just that.
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:5, Interesting)
No mod points but I'll applaud you. I suspect this whole story will be riddled with various anecdotes of how the man shafted a man over the same issues.
My most immediate frustration with the system is the insane imbalance of child support and how it's geared so the father pays 100% of what they say is required to support a kid. Even if prior to the divorce the wife worked and paid half into such expenses. It's completely unrealistic.
To be fair, ever state handles things extremely differently. From recent experience of a friend, I have learned that Tennessee has fixed tables for child support and they are entirely based off W2 and income. If the father has no income job, he is not forced to pay. Actually, without a job but with shared custody every other weekend, the woman may be forced to pay him based off how much time a year he has the kids and how much she earns. It's insanely unlikely a man will get main custody there, though.
I hear in Florida... or California... can’t remember and may not be either... but at least one state will take infidelity insanely seriously. If a mother is found guilty of infidelity, she will lose complete custody and may get weekends IF the father is generous.
However, this is from my experience as a third party witness. Once of the premarital discussions I had w/ my wife was to agree that we'd settle shit like adults if things went sour. Life's too short to be worrying about making the other miserable. There's no need to drag kids through that crap either. The more disagreements you can resolve outside of the court amicably the better, IMO. Now we'll see if things actually pan out that way if I ever have the cross that bridge...
As my dad said in regards to getting married "Boy, choose wisely."
If it's not written in paper, good luck with that. The person I noted above had similar oral agreement. She took the guy to court every other month (she also happened to steal "from him" during the marriage over the years until she collected enough in a secret bank account to put the down payment on her new house immediately after the divorce started (she did not even wait until it was finalized, she knew the guy didn’t had the money to fight possession of that house in court.)
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:5, Interesting)
I have seen amicable divorces but it's a rare thing.
I'll agree it's rare, and will venture out on the embarrassment limb by saying I've been through two divorces. My first wife and I, after the emotional turbulence had somewhat subsided, sat down and agreed on how to part. I hired the only attorney, who submitted our drafted agreement to the court. What few things came up before or after the divorce was final that required further discussion, we handled ourselves, and managed to do it without being psychotic toward each other.
My second wife, on the other hand, decided that what was hers was hers, what was mine was hers, and that she was going to make it as ugly and vindictive as possible to either browbeat me into staying or to take everything possible from me. Our divorce lasted longer than the pre-filing marriage - and this without kids or any significant property at stake.
US Gov. needs to treat women like adults (Score:5, Interesting)
We have a system that intrinsically thinks of women as sub-adults who can't possibly be responsible for their own actions. If a women gets knocked up out of wedlock, then she must've been seduced by some filthy man. So, any random guy getting any random woman pregnant is responsible for paying X% of his salary to her for 18 years. I have a friend-of-a-friend who hooked up with some random guy in a one-nighter and got pregnant. She was ~30, so should have been smarter about the situation. All she knew was his name and that he was from NY, so she got her lawyer's advice to start cold-calling and sending out letters to every same-named man they found (about 10) trying to get child support. If she was ever able to find the guy, I have no doubt he'd have had to pay her.
The future of marriage (Score:4, Interesting)
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:1, Interesting)
Anecdotes are just anecdotes though, I'll bet there are examples of women who have been similarly screwed.
It would be nice to examine records to find out whether the general feel among men that women get preference in family court is actually true.
free speech is doomed in the US (Score:2, Interesting)
A facebook page is intended to be more or less private. This is like having a judge order someone to amend entries in a personal diary. Inevitably that will be the next step if it hasn't happened already. This is going to be another slippery slope toward a police state. Mark my words. We are going to see a lot more of this sort of thing in the next decade. The problem with our dying republic is that the majority of citizens only want freedom for themselves.
One man's view of divorce (Score:5, Interesting)
This is a more detailed view of divorce courts from a man who committed suicide outside of one:-
Last Statement by Tom Ball
A man walks up to the main door of the Keene N.H. County Courthouse, douses himself with gasoline and lights a match. And everyone wants to know why.
Apparently the old general was right. Death is not the worst of evil.
I am due in court the end of the month. The ex-wife lawyer wants me jailed for back child support. The amount ranges from $2,200. to $3,000. depending on who you ask. Not big money after being separated over ten years and unemployed for the last two. But I do owe it. If I show up for court without the money and the lawyer say jail, then the judge will have the bailiff take me into custody. There really are no surprises on how the system works once you know how it actually works. And it does not work anything like they taught you in high school history or civics class.
I could have made a phone call or two and borrowed the money. But I am done being bullied for being a man. I cannot believe these people in Washington are so stupid to think they can govern Americans with an iron fist. Twenty-five years ago, the federal government declared war on men. It is time now to see how committed they are to their cause. It is time, boys, to give them a taste of war.
There are two kinds of bureaucrats you need to know; the ones that say and the ones that do. The bridge between them is something I call The Second Set of Books. I have some figures of the success of their labors. You and I are in these numbers, as well as our spouses and children. But first let me tell you how I ended up in this rabbit hole.
My story starts with the infamous slapping incident of April 2001. While putting my four year old daughter to bed, she began licking my hand. After giving her three verbal warnings I slapped her. She got a cut lip. My wife asked me to leave to calm things down.
When I returned hours later, my wife said the police were by and said I could not stay there that night. The next day the police came by my work and arrested me, booked me, and then returned me to work. Later on Peter, the parts manager, asked me if I and the old lady would be able to work this out. I told him no. I could not figure out why she had called the police. And bail condition prevented me from asking her. So I no longer trusted her judgment.
After six months of me not lifting a finger to save this marriage, she filed for divorce. Almost two years after the incident, I was talking with her on the phone. She told me that night she had called a mental health provider we had for one of the kids. Wendy, the counselor told my then wife that if she did not call the police on me, then she too would be arrested.
Suddenly, everything made sense. She is the type that believes that people in authority actually know what they are talking about. If both she and I were arrested, what would happen to our three children, ages 7,4 and 1? They would end up in State custody. So my wife called the police on her husband to protect the children. And who was she protecting the kids from? Not her husband, the father of these children. She was protecting them from the State of New Hampshire.
This country is run by idiots.
The police sergeant Freyer screwed this up from the get go. When I got the Court Complaint form the box was checked that said Domestic Violence Related. I could not believe that slapping your child was domestic violence. So I looked up the law. Minor custodial children are exempted. Apparently, 93% of American parents still spank, slap or pinch their children. To this day I still wonder if Freyer would have made this arrest if it had been the mother that had slapped the child.
Labeling someone's action as domestic violence in American in the 21st century is akin to labeling someone a Jew in Germany in the 1930's. The entire legal weight of the state is coming down on him. But I consider myself lucky. My family was destroyed. But that poor bastard in Germany
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:5, Interesting)
If it helps any, I've been through that first hand too. You're not alone. In my case, the judge twisted the knife even more. My last grandparent died, one I was close to, right before my court date. Never mind the court had already reset the date 3 times (ex had nothing to do with it). I asked for a reset so I could attend the out of state funeral (Ohio, I'm in TX, so it's not a short trip). Judge refused. Then, very late in the day before the funeral, the judge changes the date anyway. Too late for me to make it to the funeral (which was early in the morning). I hate the judge for that more than all the other ways she screwed me over.
This. (Score:4, Interesting)
I often lament the fact that I'm single.
This, along with the stories of all the bullshit my friends have to deal with in their relationships, makes me wonder why I lament it at all.
I should be happy I'm single and can direct my own life.
*brofist to all the other single Slashdotters*
Re:The lesson here isn't about free speech (Score:5, Interesting)
So true. I wrote this [kuro5hin.org] on Mon Dec 15, 2003:
Monday reared its dreary head this morning in anticipation of the pending divorce. I went to the courtroom, put my stuff in the tray, shoved my coat into the X-Ray box, and walked through the metal detector as half a dozen or more armed people stood around directing more normal, unarmed people.
I found my way to the same floor I had been on during the previous hearing, and found when asking that I was on the wrong floor.
I got to the seventh floor and found the courtroom, and sat in front of a very unattractive woman who smiled at me broadly, as to say "fuck me now!"
I shuddered, and smiled weakly back and sat down.
The hearing was at nine, and by ten after I didn't see my lawyer or the judge.
Finally a bailiff said "all rise" and the judge said "sit down". The judge then spoke to lawyers and the court reporter and somebody said something about some guy in jail.
I asked the bailiff if I was in the right courtroom. He checked with the court reporter, and I was indeed in the right place. No lawyer.
They brought a long haired, bearded prisoner wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt from a side door. The guy had spent the last three weeks in jail over a typo!
This fellow was adamant that his child support payments were taken out of his paycheck just like the court order said.
After the court reporter and a District Attorney and some other guys in suits who I couldn't figure out talked about and mulled over a piece of paper on the judge's bench, the judge finally said "but look here, this Court Order is obviously in error."
It seems from what I could gather, not being a lawyer and all, that they were only taking half the amount from his paycheck, but the payroll slip reflected what the judge had said.
"Calm down," the judge said, "you're getting out. But if you're not here on January 15th we'll put out another bench warrant on you."
They took him out a door on the other side.
"Is there anybody here for... McGrew?"
I stood up and walked forward. Its lawyer wasn't here, either!
"Yes sir, uh, your oner. I, uh, my lawyer's not here, I think she's..."
"Ok, ok," says the judge. Who's next?
I sat back down, and some black fellow got divorced. His ex wasn't there, nor did he have a lawyer. It took five minutes.
I should have done that! Although you have to be separated for over two years before you can get divorced without your wife's permission.
My lawyer finally came in, along with Satan's lawyer. The black guy was free from slavery, and I was next!
The judge made me raise my hand and swear, although no bible was evident to swear on.
The service, marriage, divorce... I hate raising my right hand!
My lawyer asked my name, age, where I was married (the Old Cahokia Courthouse, oldest court house in or west of the Mississippi Valley) and was I sure that counseling would not make me want to change my mind.
"We tried counseling. That's when I found out about her adultery, which is in fact what our 'irreconsilable differences' are."
"Oh," the judge says.
"I have no further questions, your honor."
"No Questions," Lucifer's shyster said at the judge's nod.
And it was over. There is to be one more hearing before the first of the year, and I'll be completely single, after over a year after she left. And then speaking with my lawyer afterward- Evil X gets part of my pension! Yep, that's law. And my daughter Patty gets no child support, since Leila's living with her mother and still going to high school, even though she's 18.
The bank will be taking my house at a completely unrelated hearing tomorrow morning. They already repossessed my van (which had a broken transmission anyway).
But... freedom! Liberty! At the cost of most of everything I own, at the cost of personal bankruptcy, at the cost of about fourteen hundred bucks in legal fees IF I don't fight for custody...
I took an extra happy pill when I got back to work. It didn't work too well.
My Ex wife's trick.. (Score:5, Interesting)
Divorce sucks and the courts are SO biased against men/for women that it's pathetic