Fed Goes Hunting For Malcontents 193
snydeq writes "The wake of State Department document leaks to WikiLeaks may have the unhappy rousted from government agencies' 'privileged insiders' ranks, thanks to a recent memo from the US OMB asking agencies to spell out their strategies for minimizing insider risk. 'It's likely that federal contractors and government suppliers will also find themselves responding to this list of questions (PDF) and the central issue of preventing the unauthorized disclosure of sensitive and classified materials. In a key section of the memo, the OMB requests information on whether organizations are measuring the "trustworthiness" of their employees and whether they use a psychiatrist or sociologist to measure the unhappiness of an employee as a measure of trustworthiness.'"
Happiness is mandatory (Score:5, Funny)
Insufficient happiness will be punished by termination.
Re:White House Plumbers? (Score:4, Funny)
That's the US Government's motto: "If it worked the first time, you didn't fuck it up enough."
Ob AI Koan (Score:5, Funny)
A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his morning meal.
"I would like to give you this personality test" said the outsider, "because I wish you to be happy."
Drescher took the paper that was offered to him and put it in the toaster, saying "I wish the toaster to be happy, too."
Re:Doesn't Figure (Score:4, Funny)
This should not be aimed at people who have legitimate issues with management which they take through the appropriate channels (which certainly should exist), but at those people who view everything said and done by upper management as bad.
What if everything done by upper management IS bad? Then this policy ousts the exact people you need to fix the problem.
Re:White House Plumbers? (Score:5, Funny)
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, our government entities seem to think other factors must be taken into consideration and other strategies often have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:
1. Buy a stronger whip.
2. Change riders.
3. Threaten the horse with termination.
4. Appoint a committee to study the horse.
5. Arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Lower the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Appoint an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse.
8. Create a training session to increase the rider’s load share.
9. Reclassify the dead horse as “living impaired”.
10. Change the form so that it reads “This horse is not dead.”
11. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost.
14. Provide additional funding to increase the horse’s performance.
15. Do a time-management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity.
16. Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.
18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.
19. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.
20. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.