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Woman Tells State Judiciary Committee, "DoD Implanted A Microchip Inside Me" 222

Posted by samzenpus
from the out-of-the-woodwork dept.
The Georgia House Judiciary Committee took up a bill that would "prohibit requiring a person to be implanted with a microchip," and would make violating the ban a misdemeanor. Things started to get weird at the hearing when a woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County told the committee, "I'm also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip." Not sure of what she was trying to say, she was allowed to continue and added, "Microchips are like little beepers. Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission." Further prodding revealed that the woman's co-workers would torture her by activating the chips with their cell phones and that the chips were implanted by "researchers with the federal government." The committee thanked the woman for her input, and later approved the bill.

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Woman Tells State Judiciary Committee, "DoD Implanted A Microchip Inside Me"

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  • Well doy (Score:4, Funny)

    by Pojut (1027544) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:34PM (#31925122) Homepage

    Of course they did...look at that little "microchip"! Can you say mini-dildo? Because I can.

    • by kiehlster (844523)
      If that were true, I'd imagine these things would work wonders on raising company morale on handling after-hours support calls or server outages. They'd take down the servers just to get another hit. Hm... Maybe that's a bad idea.
    • Of course they did...look at that little "microchip"! Can you say mini-dildo?

      The other ladies in the study said "Is it in yet?"

  • where everyone had one of these to "torture" each other with. ;)
  • by dbcad7 (771464) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:36PM (#31925194)
    The committee thanked the woman for her input,
    • The committee thanked the woman for her input,

      ... and then asked her if they could have some of whatever it was that she was smoking.

      Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body.

      I think that I'll opt out from everything you said after "imagine" . . . Let's just skip that part.

      Further prodding revealed that the woman's co-workers would torture her by activating the chips with their cell phones . . .

      M'kay . . .

      . . . and that the chips were implanted by "researchers with the federal government."

      Finally! My tax dollars going toward something useful! To think that we could get some honest work out of government researchers!"

      • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

        by Anonymous Coward

        As a researcher for the Federal Government, I can assure you that we have no greater priority than to get microchips into the private parts of every crazy, nutjob, and tin-foil hat wearing psycho. Cell phone activated implanted beepers are invaluable in helping us sift through your garbage and public library records.

        (p.s. The tinfoil hats make it easier for us to know that you know who we are. Thanks for your cooperation, we'll be sure to pay you a vist.)

  • Hmmmm (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Monkeedude1212 (1560403) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:37PM (#31925214) Journal

    A Misdemeanor is a pretty light punishment for something such as this.

  • er.. (Score:3, Insightful)

    by mewt (1057562) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:37PM (#31925216) Homepage
    Wait WHAT ?
  • The problem... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:37PM (#31925226) Journal
    Is that while the woman in question is almost definitely out to lunch, and could probably use some psych help, the notion that somebody would implant a microchip in you has gone from "automatically crazy" to "must be dismissed as crazy based on the specific facts of the case".

    Welcome to the future.
  • by sacremon (244448) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:38PM (#31925232)

    ...it was probably CDC, not the DoD, that did it. CDC is based in a neighboring county (Fulton) and has offices in Dekalb. Definitely not county officials, though. The county police just shoot people.

    • by zero_out (1705074)
      It was probably her imagination, not reality, that did it. Imagination is based in a person's brain, and snuck into her consciousness. Definitely not reality, though. Reality is actually scarier than her imagination.
    • by Zantac69 (1331461)
      /laughs - I was about to post "As a resident of Georgia, it is unfortunate how the people from Georgia that should not get press time...always seem to get the press time."
  • by Prien715 (251944) <agnosticpope@nOspAm.gmail.com> on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:38PM (#31925234) Homepage Journal

    Driving home after two beers or smoking the wrong plant is a more serious crime than planning on sticking a microchip under someone's skin for the explicit purpose of tracking them.

    Weird priorities.

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      What's weird about it? Driving drunk has the potential of the drunk person maiming and/or killing other drivers. Implanting a microchip in someone is a non-violent crime with no potential for the maiming or killing of others. It seems pretty clear to me that the former should be punished harsher than the latter.

      • It is "non-violent" in the sense that the cutting of human flesh and insertion of a foreign body into that flesh is non-violent.... Oh wait, isn't that the same thing that a bullet does, or knife?
        • Bullets and knives are very seldom surgically implanted. I've never seen a marksman swab a target with alcohol or iodine before "inserting" the bullet. MacHeath [youtube.com] may wear fancy gloves, so there's never a trace of red, however his actions still cause harm. Violence is in the intent, not necessarily the procedure.
      • by DarkOx (621550)

        Focibly violating someones body to install a microchip is a nonviolent crime? I think you should re-examine your how you have defined violence.

        • by Lesrahpem (687242)

          and in the specific case of this article a woman's rectum and genitals were violated by The Smoking Man and his henchman so the alien's disguised as co-workers could torment her all day. This must be stopped!

      • They have to break the skin to implant something, that is harm. Whether or not this story is true the act of having something implanted into you without your permission (excepting life-saving medical treatment) I would consider harm of the most grievous nature.

        As to non-violent they would obviously have to sedate you or do this while you were sleeping, I don't know about you but that seems pretty violent to me, using violent to mean sudden or unexpected obviously.

      • You must be kidding. Are you seriously arguing, that death is the worst thing that could happen to you?
        Oh boy. My mother used to have contact to an insane person. That person would make your life such a living hell, that you would wish to die, but couldn’t.
        Believe me. Death hasn’t got shit on someone dedicated enough to implant a microchip into you and drive you crazy.

        This video right there is the best example of how that would turn out for you:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y [youtube.com]
        But inste

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Kozz (7764)

      Driving home after two beers or smoking the wrong plant is a more serious crime than planning on sticking a microchip under someone's skin for the explicit purpose of tracking them.

      Weird priorities.

      If you begin comparing crimes, their offense to society or individuals, and then the manner in which those convicted are prosecuted and punished, you're headed down a very long, confusing road. Who should be punished more severely, a rapist or a murderer? OK, what if instead of a murder, it was white collar crime, embezzling $5 million USD. Okay, what about 500 million. OK, what about retirement accounts of millions across the nation? OK, but what if the rapist actually [unimaginable details]...

      • Let's make all of those you mentioned (rape, murder, embezzlement $5 million and up) capital crimes. Problem solved... and I bet the crime rates would go down as a result.
    • You could shoot someone in the street and it would be less of a crime, actually. Manslaughter carries a very low penalty comparatively.
    • by hondo77 (324058)
      That's because, unlike the former two, the latter one is not a problem affecting anyone (sane).
  • by plasmacutter (901737) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:38PM (#31925242)

    This proves that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

    This woman must be doing something right for them to write up a bill specifically for HER to get her to "stfu and gtfo already" about the government planting chips in her body.

    I can just see it now "thank you, ok aye votes? motion passed" *she leaves the floor* *some legislators laugh into their sleeves* "NOW, on to real issues".

  • by BadAnalogyGuy (945258) <BadAnalogyGuy@gmail.com> on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:39PM (#31925262)

    Christian eschatology declares that the End Times will see a split of the human race into faithful and the non-believers. The faithful will not take the "Mark of the Beast" and will suffer economically because of it. By rejecting the MotB, they will be excluded from all transactions and be essentially outcasts from the new society.

    However, because of their steadfastness, they will not be condemned to hell upon the second coming of Jesus. Those who take the Mark will be torn asunder and cast into the pits of hell.

    Many believe that the MotB is or will be something similar to this type of microchip implant. By grafting the mark to a person, any transaction can be monitored and tracked. This is one of the methods of governmental control via the MotB.

    This lady was clearly insane. But there are MANY people out there who believe in exactly what I wrote above. These are your neighbors, Americans.

    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by DerekLyons (302214)

      Many believe that the MotB is or will be something similar to this type of microchip implant.

      And before the invention of the microchip, it was barcodes. Before barcodes, it was tatoos...

    • Shit. You're exactly right - I was wondering what on earth this was about... now it all makes "sense". Ugh
  • RE: (Score:3, Insightful)

    by D'Sphitz (699604) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:39PM (#31925272) Journal
    Thank goodness our lawmakers are tackling these important non-existent problems, and exploiting mentally ill people to make their case. I feel safer.
    • Re: (Score:4, Funny)

      by Dunbal (464142) * on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:45PM (#31925428)

      Thank goodness our lawmakers are tackling these important non-existent problems

            Surely this is as important an issue as the fact that the island of Guam might tip over [youtube.com]...

    • by Americano (920576)
      I'm not sure I understand your objection - is it that you think implanting people with microchips wouldn't be a problem, or only that it's not a problem yet, because no companies have started requiring it as a condition of employment?
  • by gront (594175) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @12:43PM (#31925382)
    Everyone knows vaginal-rectal tracking is Martian territory, not the Department of Defense. The taint is pure red planet; DoD has an oral fixation. Doesn't anyone research these things?

    Just proves that they are educated evil and too stupid smart to understand implanted tracking devices and timecubes.

  • Increasingly often, I can't remember if I'm reading a legitimate news source or the Onion.

    • by gstoddart (321705)

      Increasingly often, I can't remember if I'm reading a legitimate news source or the Onion.

      Well, while Slashdot has always been entertaining, and occasionally even factual, I'm not sure it was ever a 'legitimate news source' -- that's part of its charm.

      Of course, increasingly, mainstream news sounds like the Onion from time to time. :-P

      Cheers

  • I had a chip put in my pet cat.

    But I have one too, only its not by any humans.
    How else is alien god gonna find me and others when the shit starts hitting the fan in 2012?

    Some of us have a ticket to leave and miss the shit.

    Guess such tracking devices can be used for good things too.

  • Its only a misdemeanour? Wow I bet that has the CIA/police/government quaking in their boots. Laughing that is.

    How is violating someones body with a microchip much different from rape? It should get the same penalty.

  • While I emphasize to this woman's predicament, possible mental illness and/or delusional state I find it difficult to correlate her story to the eventual decision by the legislature to pass the bill.

    It would be like someone petitioning against Reynolds Aluminum because they profit from aluminum foil sales. "It is all a vast conspiracy, I have to wear this aluminum hat to keep the mind control rays from Planet #10 under control."

    There are wack-jobs on any side of any issue you can imagine. It was unfortunate

    • Perhaps I'm just cynical but I don't necessarily believe her inclusion was an accident.

      That someone would use a delusional/mentally ill person to further a legislative effort creeps me out almost as much as the idea that people in such a state aren't getting help for their problems.
      • by nomadic (141991)
        That someone would use a delusional/mentally ill person to further a legislative effort creeps me out almost as much as the idea that people in such a state aren't getting help for their problems.

        How did this further a legislative effort? If anything it would have weakened it.
    • by tacokill (531275)
      While I emphasize to this woman's predicament

      I would like to emphasize something as well. I believe proper emphasis should be placed on understanding the empathy involved in this case. I should emphasize that I am not an expert in empathy.

      Good talk, Russ.
    • by twmcneil (942300)
      You emphasize? You probably also would resemble any remark I make about your grammar.
  • by Anonymous Coward

    ...this morning. Actually a whole bag full of chips. Could not stop after only one.

  • How many of us have microchips in our pets, in case they get lost? How many of us have them in our children for the same reason?
  • there was a little old lady who used to stand on 42nd street and eighth avenue handing out little pamphlets about how the devil was always trying to corrupt you via external means (i love picking up religious literature from the kooks in times square to analyze their words for entertainment value: reference timecube.com). according to her screed, one way was by putting a microchip in a grain of rice you would eat, another way from a stranger shaking your hand in such a way that 666 would be formed in the curl of their fingers, evil eyes, etc.

    anyway, one day on the way to the port authority bus terminal i went into a store right near the little old lady to get a yogurt and a can of diet soda. the total came to $3.34, and i gave him a $10. the guy was insistent on me taking my receipt. i went outside and thought i would take another pamphlet from the old lady to see if she had updated her shpiel. randomly and without intent, i gave her my receipt as i took her pamphlet

    my receipt that said $10 minus $3.34 change: $6.66

    i never saw that little old lady again

    coincidence? or was i AN UNWITTING TOOL OF THE DEVIL

    absolutely true story

  • by jddj (1085169) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @01:28PM (#31926480) Journal

    This woman sounds pretty nuts.

    That said, I've got a colleague, ex-military, NOT a crank, who says the US Army implanted a glass-tube into his hand much like the one pictured - without his knowledge or consent. It was implanted while he was out during an unrelated surgery.

    The implanted tube irritated him enough that he was regularly scratching it, and he eventually dug it out of his skin - and was surprised to see the foreign object.

    The same guy has never spouted any nutty theories to me, never was paranoid about being tracked - just mentioned this experience.

    For my part, I figured it was the Army experimenting with ways to inventory their humans, and maybe to posthumously ID them.

    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by vlm (69642)

      US Army implanted a glass-tube into his hand

      Sure it wasn't a METAL tube like a piece of broken off IV needle? You even mentioned he was in for surgery.

      Also, bone particles? Every couple years for a decade or two, a tiny little shard of bone from a broken molar extraction works its way to the surface of the skin of my mouth, makes a little pimple, hurts for about a day, pops out, and its gone. We're talking tiny little pieces of bone here, like the ball on the end of a ball point pen.

      Finally, your hand is semi-translucent. Hold it up in front of a

      • by jddj (1085169)

        He said glass. He works in healthcare IT and would probably be able to tell the diff between a needle, a bone shard and an RFID implant of some kind.

    • by Muad'Dave (255648) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @01:43PM (#31926840) Homepage

      You mean like this little puppy [ti.com]?

    • by blincoln (592401)

      For my part, I figured it was the Army experimenting with ways to inventory their humans, and maybe to posthumously ID them.

      FWIW (which may not be much), I have a barcode tattooed on my arm, and someone who saw it once told me that her son was in the US Army's Special Forces, and they'd been considering using barcode tattoos instead of dog tags, but decided implanted chips were better (which isn't hard, given how long it takes to give someone a barcode tattoo, especially in a way that will remain machine-re

    • Sure it wasn't just a broken tip off an IV that was stuck in his hand during his surgery?
  • Applied to the skin? (Score:3, Interesting)

    by vlm (69642) on Wednesday April 21, 2010 @01:33PM (#31926612)

    Unlike most slashdotters I actually read the bill as passed.

    What does this mean?

    'Implant' includes any means intended to introduce a microchip .... or applied to the skin of a person.

    http://www.legis.state.ga.us/legis/2009_10/versions/sb235_As_passed_Senate_5.htm [state.ga.us]

    Do they mean something really weird like superglueing a passkey/ibutton to your skin? That's a new one I've never even heard of, and I've been interested in this general area of research for a long time (not for paranoid reasons, but more for medical and UI reasons)

    'Microchip' means any ... electronically readable marking,

    Ah, so no barcodes, no "mark of the beast" in GA etc. Technically a tattoo parlor inking a bar code would be "implanting a microchip" according to this bizarre law.

    Such term shall not include pacemakers.

    And there's the out. You'll get all the implants they want, just with a pacemaker feature that is not enabled.

    • by Americano (920576)
      It would, but since paying a tattoo parlor money to put a tattoo on you is a voluntary activity, they wouldn't run afoul of the law, and so have no need to worry.
  • Hey lady, no one cares or even wants to THINK about you having sex.

    Maybe those numbers on the billboards are simply the number of slaps on the back of your head you need.

    I hope the guy who scouted her to talk to the committee got fired.

  • Quickly, we need to implant microchips in Georgia state legislators while it's still legal to do so!
  • Seriously, is this the sort of thing a website for scientifically minded humanists posts as a humor column?

    This poor woman is evidently paranoid schizophrenic, and Samzenpus has taken it upon himself to make fun of HER (for being chemically delusional) instead of the legislature.

    My "firesamzenpus" tag is half in jest, usually, but this post is just beyond the pale.
    • by hduff (570443)

      I doubt that ridiculing the woman was the point.

      The point was most likely that the committee has such a low hurdle for witnesses when they support the pre-determined decision.

      It ridicules the ethics of the committee, and justifiably so.

      And if the committee had any morals, they would follow up and see that the woman has the opportunity for treatment.

      • by Americano (920576)
        Maybe that wasn't the point, but it's what about 50% of the commentary in this thread amounts to: assholes high-fiving each other over how smart and with it they are because they're not like some poor delusional schizophrenic woman, and making jokes about aliens and "hurr hurr it sounds like it would be fun to have a microchip in my taint."

        Another 25% seem to be about how this is "such a waste of time," which absolutely floors me to read here on Slashdot. That a group which seems in many other threads
  • The Peaches-and-Nuts state.

  • Lets say the feds want to chip you. They will just say "We can put this chip in you, or we can [nsert absurdly horrible alternative here]. It is your choice."

    It is like how the federal government can't interfere with state schools, so they just tax the state then say "if you want funding for your schools, install mandatory filtering software and teach things this certain way." Another example is when states offer to bring you to trial faster if you plead guilty. (I forget if that is Maryland or just Balt

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