Homeland Security Changes Laptop Search Policy 273
IronicToo writes "The US Government has updated its policy on the search and seizure of laptops at border crossing. 'The long-criticized practice of searching travelers' electronic devices will continue, but a supervisor now would need to approve holding a device for more than five days. Any copies of information taken from travelers' machines would be destroyed within days if there were no legal reason to hold the information.'"
I Believe 'em (Score:5, Funny)
Welcome to the border (Score:5, Funny)
Please enjoy your stay in the United States of America, we have searched your laptop and destroyed our copies of your vacation bikini pictures after looking at snapshots of your fine fine body projected onto the conference room wall for an emergency assessment meeting. We did not find anything that would indicate that you might be dangerous outside of the bedroom, so we have kindly loaded your laptop with a government issued keylogger and trojan. We hope you enjoy your time here as much as we enjoyed your pictures. Please take more, we'll be waiting.
Sincerely,
the Department of Homeland Security
Re:I Believe 'em (Score:4, Funny)
Sure... All the TSA employees already got 3 laptops each out of the system.
They're full! Don't need anymore.
captcha: customs
How odd
Re:Well that sounds reasonable (Score:5, Funny)
It's our right as citizens to be secure. If your papers (computer) is dangerous, it is reasonable to seize it.
From the 4th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution:
Re:Welcome to the border (Score:5, Funny)
Dear Sir or Madam, Please enjoy your stay in the United States of America, we have searched your laptop and destroyed our copies of your vacation bikini pictures after looking at snapshots of your fine fine body projected onto the conference room wall for an emergency assessment meeting. rest deleted
If this were message ever sent, I would hope the salutation would by shortened to "Dear Madam"
Captain Obvious... (Score:5, Funny)
I wonder if the other 954 laptops required passwords for login...
Re:5 Days? (Score:5, Funny)
Well, obviously, you should have planned ahead and arrived at the airport one hundred twenty-three hours before your flight, to give yourself ample time to find parking and clear security. It's the responsible thing to do.
Re:I Believe 'em (Score:5, Funny)
Re:It is not long, just quote the whole thing. (Score:2, Funny)
Did I just hear a woosh?
Re:Welcome to the border (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Well that sounds reasonable (Score:5, Funny)
Well, as they say,
Re:Copying files (Score:5, Funny)
1. You are not an American.
3. You have "trade secrets" that can give American companies a competitive advantage.
2. Classified
Re:Well that sounds reasonable (Score:4, Funny)
How exactly is my paper going to be dangerous?
You tell me, buddy.
Why don't you just tell us what's on your computer? Why are you acting so suspiciously?
Re:I Believe 'em (Score:2, Funny)
We need it to pay for health-care for you and the millions of uninsured... Is that, what you were trying to say?
Re:5 Days? (Score:5, Funny)
...normally placed safely in the checked luggage..
You're apparently using a definition of "safely" with which I was previously unaware.
Re:I Believe 'em (Score:3, Funny)
Step 1: mail each of your laptops to a different state governor before you leave on your trip.
Step 2: Attempt to carry a firearm across the border, get arrested by the FBI.
Step 3: Get transferred to the same FBI building as your laptops.
Step 4: Initiate a terrorist action from inside the FBI.
Step 5: Profit!
Kabonnnng! (Score:3, Funny)
>> ...normally placed safely in the checked luggage..
> You're apparently using a definition of "safely" with which I was previously unaware.
Checking baggage is safe-- that is, safe for the crew and passengers. It's just not safe for guitars.
Yeah, ever since the TSA hired that "McGraw" fellow there have been a lot of incidents of smashed guitars in the luggage... Apparently the TSA is looking the other way because this is supposedly helping to curb terrorism...
The evil bogeyman (Score:3, Funny)
How exactly is my paper going to be dangerous?
That piece of paper may be a "financial instrument" AKA stock, bond or check that is worth something. That in turn might be used to fund drugs or heaven forbid, "terrorism". It might also be a piece of tissue that can be used, you know, to wipe your arse AKA "bio-hazard". Either way, they have to protect the [artificial man-made] nation from the evil bogeyman.
Of all the security checkpoints in all the border crossings in all the world, he had to walk into this one...
Return of the Phrases of the Damned (Score:3, Funny)
I think if that happened to me on an outbound flight, I would be inclined to sue for several million dollars in lost revenue to encourage DHS to use some common sense.
Sure. Good luck with that.