China Ditches Compulsory Green Dam Plans

scrubl writes "China has ditched plans to force foreign and domestic computer manufacturers to install internet filtering technology in computers sold inside its borders. The Chinese government paid $5.85m to develop the software called Green Dam and claimed it was being installed to stop access to porn on computers and protect children. China's industry and information technology minister Li Yizhong said that manufacturers, Internet users, and organisations opposed to the plans had received the wrong message from his department and that installation was never planned to be compulsory."

Guide to Being an Asshole, Page 267

[eldavojohn]

Section 82: Never Being Wrong

If you're reading this, you're like me: you've never been wrong once in your life. Your average person isn't gonna know this because -- let's face it -- no shirt could hold all of the greatness of our beings so cut everyone else a slack if they don't know you. They're a big fat L7 and don't know how correct you always are.

But we've all been there, in that situation when a convo or situ goes south. You know what I'm talking about, you've just said something that is now correct (because you said it) but you're being presented with some "irrefutable" proof that it might have been incorrect before you said it. So here's how you deal with all the chumps that wanna waste their time disagreeing with you:

• Maintain your stance, never faulter. Ex: "I said the evil organization in Contra is Red Eagle and that's because it is. I don't know where you dreamed up Red Falcon but it's Red Eagle." PROTIP: This is getting tough to do with iPhone's and that 3G shit. Leave quickly or comment on how stupid they look now if they start to pull out their phone.
• Tell them it's changed since they last looked at it. Ex: "Yeah, well, I just checked the international standings yesterday and Usain Bolt is no longer the fastest man alive."
• Fabricate further evidence supporting your claim. Ex: "Well, I had a beer with Steve Jobs last night and he told me personally that there was going to be an iPhone with a hologram display."
• Just ignore them. You listen to the only person worth listening to: yourself.
• Tell them they heard you wrong. Ex: "I never said Green Dam was going to be mandatory, I said it was going to be optional. Jesus, you totally got the wrong memo, dude."
• Deny you ever said it or that it ever happened. This should be used as a last case scenario as pictures, recordings and "memories" often cause people to not like you. Ex: "Nah, brah, you're wrong. Tiananmen Square never happened. I don't know where you go that photoshopped image."

Remember, you're awesome and infallible. Never admit otherwise.

It's a good thing Bush & Cheney let me borrow their copy to provide this excerpt, I didn't have a plane ticket to go pick up the Chinese government's copy.

never compulsory

[happy_place]

It was never compulsory, just required, mandatory, obligatory...

Ditch the Dam Plans

[CopaceticOpus]

I had a feeling those Dam plans were going to be trouble.

Re:Received the wrong message

[A. B3ttik]

Sure it's not compulsory, but if you don't install it the government will break your knees.

Re:Ditch the Dam Plans

[Anonymous Coward]

"Hi, I'll be your Dam Guide for the day. To begin your dam tour, just step right this way. Behind this door are the dam generators..."

Re:Received the wrong message

[gnick]

What we really need as a deterrent is open education for the kids about porn. When they hit 6th grade (or whatever age they teach birds-and-bees over there), have an afternoon dedicated to Pornography Education. Explain what it is and show it to them (of course with a parents consent). Bring out a computer and a big screen and throw up lemonparty, goatse, 2girls1cup, the BME pain olympics, and whatever is on the front page of efukt that day. Explain that they've just seen the best that pornography has to offer and that the government is trying to protect them from that.

(Also, maybe check the guys for pitched tents afterword. If anybody's sporting wood, they're obviously a threat to a healthy society and need some time in 're-education camp'.)