When Your Backhoe Cuts "Black" Fiber

bernieS writes "The Washington Post describes what happens when a construction backhoe accidentally cuts buried fiber so secret that it doesn't appear on public maps — and what happens when the Men in Black SUVs appear out of nowhere. Apparently, the numerous secret fiber and utility lines used by government intelligence agencies are being dug up with increasing frequency with all the increased construction projects in the DC area. It's amazing how quickly they get repaired!"

Re:Wow...

[Anonymous Coward]

That's what they want you to believe, the original posters have all been deleted.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[GreenTech11]

They probably "fudge" the paperwork on their important wires, these are just decoys *Puts on tinfoil hat*

Re:Ok...

[camperdave]

How we supposed to know it's there if it's top secret and we don't have clearance?

Well, all you have to do is read the cable. It says "Top Secret Cable. Do Not Cut" right on it.

I can imagine the conversation

[blue l0g1c]

MiB: Pardon me, you seem to have cut our wire. Contractor: Who are you? MiB: Oh us, uh, we're nobody. Contractor: Well, whose wire is this and why hasn't it been documented? MiB: What wire? Contractor: This wire right here! Whose wire is this? MiB: That? That's nobody's Contractor: Ah HA! So it is yours! MiB: What's whose now?

Re:Two Ends of the Cable

[kv9]

But what IEEE spec covers that? It's IEEE1984, isn't it?

fixed that for you.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[Shadow of Eternity]

Sewage line then, it's probably full of shit anyway.

Re:Ok...

[Todd Fisher]

So who you supposed to notify when you dig? You're not. That's the secret part of it.

If the fiber is secret, nobody's going to tell you where it's at, and nobody's going to 'fess up about the ownership of said fiber. Correct, that's why the serious men who pull up to the site and get busy fixing it don't tell you who they are.

And who do you make the check out to when you do cut it? The serious men will not ask for payment

Or would a 'Hey, how the hell can we know when we cut a top secret fiber? Rule #1 of accidentally cutting "black" fiber: Do not talk smack to the serious men.

How we supposed to know it's there if it's top secret and we don't have clearance??? See Rule #1.

defense work in court when the other guy's lawyers come at you for damages?There will be nothing to go to court about.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[__aaclcg7560]

The Rebel Alliance steals the plans to the Death Star. Darth Vader blows up a planet. People get scared that their planet is next. You don't need to be a Jedi to figure that one out. :P

Re:Dark black fiber?

[__aaclcg7560]

Black fiber belongs to the government. Dark fiber belongs to Google. ;)

Re:No surprise here...

[Anonymous Coward]

A former roommate of mine works for the FBI as a network technician and carries a gun when goes to a location. He would neither confirm nor deny that some network issues deserve to be shot on sight.

The gun is for issues flagged as PEBKAC right?

The solution is obvious...

[crimbil]

Using the TSA model (shoes, liquids, etc.) the only possible solution is to prohibit backhoe use. Remember, when backhoes are outlawed, only terrorists will have backhoes. Why, right now there could be huge numbers of terrorists in heavy equipment training classes, just planning and waiting for the opportunity to dig up phone, internet, power, water, and gas lines throughout the USA. And without any of the things supplied by those lines, just think of what would happen to the children. You may now commence with the hysteria. Alert the press.

So does "Black" Fiber ...

[arthurpaliden]

Use black light ??

Re:Doesn't surprise me

[Anonymous Coward]

There's space... missing... on the 3rd floor?

I think you need something more than an architect to worry about that one! Where's Doctor Who when he's needed?

Re:Dark black fiber?

[The Rizz]

So black dark fiber belongs to The Gooblement?

Re:Wow...

[soren202]

deleted, or "deleted"?

Maybe both.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[clarkkent09]

The ones with fudged paperwork are also decoys. For really important stuff they use Twitter. Nobody would expect that.

Re:Security Through Obscurity is not security

[gavron]

> All security measures rely on obscurity...

"All"? *LOL* No.

> You don't believe me? Give me all your private encryption keys...

Here you go

ssh-rsa AAAAB3NzaC1yc27AAAABIwAAAQEAu+LnwWFT8mctHTehCIIOJF8R9VAcRhJ6lwVfkJLJdONebiXSeq4Z+qk6aJX03rcrcwRfqmdOffx7XRNdtOYkj6KGHDToYKz9sfvsc4IENcYN5EOAD2sGxV5xSYcEsjiBL+2LoAf0rvDDzJlEEfPNiLf4uoOZDzFKBU0T5xNBRafqdbMx6d34Gnso/3Hby7kmhSn1RDGI/qS9g5RFrwcrlAcU3F7K3Y7233eLjQcjOlSCMkP5YZ+R0PO+wihK7WBUUbMYQAAs7b9vlBaK/doQ6zfg5e/RvPSOrDq1ho4Q6kKmB86yzlyTOfh6An+IKIJ0GqJSrhBtLfcel8i6dPpHzw== gavron@homelaptop

Come back and interrupt the adults when you've got something useful from that. Yes, it is my key.

E

Re:Doesn't surprise me

[Nefarious Wheel]

However the contractors started working and found a room with a lead door, 15" concrete walls, a chair and a small observation window.

Ignoring for the moment the fear of radioactive spiders, arbitrarily green physicists or other subcultural agents, I presume someone poked a radiation-measuring instrument in the general direction of the inside of that room?

Re:Wow...

[tyrione]

Ever considered a life as a Postal Worker in the Midwest? Just look at this light.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[Anonymous Coward]

Then - bam - your secret line is on the maps in the Town Hall marked as "unknown line".

So mark a few secret sewer lines as "NSA unencrypted data feed". Then, after the spy guys dig up a few shit-water pipes, they'll give up and leave the real one alone.

Easy.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[notmebug]

Terrorism is totally relative, but it does scare me that someone else can now make the things that has won wars for us in the past, especially with things being at a less than peaceful state worldwide. (N Korea, Iran, etc)

China steals plans.

Joint Strike Fighters show up on sale at Wal-Mart.

Re:Ok...

[jesseck]

The above poster was modded as funny... but I agree. They're secret, they're supposed to stay that way, and they will. This was an explanation, not a joke.

Re:Wow...

[Anonymous Coward]

both, or maybe both?

maybe.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[MadnessASAP]

Wait... So whose the terrorist here again?

Re:Doesn't surprise me

[ColaMan]

Ignoring for the moment the fear of radioactive spiders, arbitrarily green physicists or other subcultural agents, I presume someone poked a radiation-measuring instrument in the general direction of the inside of that room?

Or maybe one should poke a radiation-measuring instrument around the outside of that room?

*tightens tinfoil hat*

::EYES ONLY::EYES ONLY::EYES ONLY::
::PROJECT CUPCAKE::
::START DATE JUNE 25 1964::
::PROJECT BRIEF::

This project involves dusting the second floor of our disused research building with radionuclides of a quantity typical of the levels generated by large-scale atomic weaponry at close range. Subsequent to this dusting, the floor will then be populated with monkeys that are trained to perform menial, repetitive tasks for as long as possible. An observer will be positioned in the shielded room (originally used for research) on this floor and will be able to record the ability of the monkeys to perform their tasks, as well as the subsequent rapid death of the monkeys. Due to high levels of radioactivity and the long life of decay products, it is recommended that this building no longer be used after this project.

::END BRIEF::
 
::EYES ONLY::EYES ONLY::EYES ONLY::EYES ONLY::
::ADDENDUM TO PROJECT CUPCAKE::AUGUST 5 1967::
::PROJECT BRIEF ADDENDUM::

In addition to the previous research, the long term effect of radioactive compounds on humans to be studied at the facility until the background radiation drops to ambient levels. As such, this building is to be leased to the general public and local cancer and leukemia rates monitored until further notice.
::END BRIEF::

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[blitzkrieg3]

that's like having a convoy that's well protected, then having that same convoy deliver without any security detail.

Repeat after me, "The internet is not a big truck, it is a series of tubes [youtube.com]"

I can't believe it's 5 hours and no one has yet made this joke...

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[__aaclcg7560]

Ewoks.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[h4rm0ny]

Funny, I can't believe we made it five hours without someone making that joke.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[h4rm0ny]

Two. The one you know about, and the one you... don't.

Re:Ok...

[h4rm0ny]

Given that his bro-in-law posts his responses on Slashdot, that's probably pretty wise. ;)

Always carry a length of fiber

[Slashcrap]

That way if you're ever lost in a desert, you can just lay it in the ground and wait.

When the backhoe operator cuts it, ask him to rescue you.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[spartacus_prime]

And for vitally important stuff they use the Spanish Inquisition.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[TrekkieTechie]

Clearly they should start using black flags as well, to mark the unmarked lines.

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[Dekker3D]

nonononoooooo! it's the wookies! they're smelly, they're hairy, they're always running around with a weapon of some sort and they've even got the foreign language that nobody understands down to a tee!

Re:Our tax dollars at work.

[famebait]

I've never met a utility company that would touch something once they got an inkling of a way in which it could be made somebody else's problem.

That's nothing. I've never met a utility company at all.