Halliburton Applies For Patent-Trolling Patent

An anonymous reader writes "Halliburton, the company many folks know as Dick Cheney's previous employer, has apparently taken an interest in methods of patent trolling. In fact, according to Techdirt, the company has applied for a patent on patent trolling. Specifically, it's applied for a patent on the process of finding a company that protected an invention via trade secret, figuring out what that secret is, patenting it ... and then suing the original company. Hopefully, the patent office rejects this patent, because I somehow doubt that Halliburton is trying to get the patent as a way to block others from patent trolling."

This

[jeffasselin]

This is hilarious on SOOO many levels. I don't even know who to root for in this story! Help me Slashdot, should I go for Hallburton, the Patent Office, the trolls?

Sorry...

[Aix]

No, they can't do this because it violates MY patent on patenting patent trolling!

I'm gonna apply for first post patent

[pwnies]

and sue the guy above me.

Re:This

[$RANDOMLUSER]

This makes me so mad I just wanna shoot someone in the face.

Re:Sorry...

[internerdj]

I was waiting for you to exercise because I have patented patenting patent trolling.

Like Radar Detecting

[Aix]

I'm reminded of something that happened to me a few years ago in a Circuit City or Sears or someplace. I was looking for a radar detector for my car. The salesman was trying to upsell and said "You know, cops can detect radar detectors now, so you should get this upgrade with a radar-detector detector." I said, "Why do I want a radar-detector detector? Obviously I want a radar-detector-detector detector." The salesguy did not appreciate my point. I ended up just buying my original level of detection.

Patent being a dick.

[Facegarden]

So basically halliburton is trying to patent being a dick... I think there's some prior art for that...
-Taylor

Re:Like Radar Detecting

[sexconker]

No.
You want a radar detector detector detector detector so you're ready when the cops get enough money from tickets to upgrade to radar detector detector detectors.

And you got the analogy wrong.
It's about anti-missile missiles.

"But what if the reds develop anti-anti-missile missile missiles?"

Re:Patent being a dick.

[Anonymous Coward]

So basically halliburton is trying to patent being a dick... I think there's some prior art for that...

You mean Cheney?

Excerpt from patent

[Un pobre guey]

What is claimed is:

1. Being an asshole.
2. Effectively wielding the trait in claim 1.
3. Using the trait in claim 2 for the purpose of making money.
4. Using the trait in claim 3 as a business weapon.
5. Using the trait in claim 4 to pursue litigation against entities with desirable assets.
6. Using the methods and techniques in claim 5 to transfer ownership of desirable assets from the prior owner to the new owner, the user of the trait in claim 4.
7. Using appropriate legal contracts and agreements to ensure that the prior owner in claim 6 cannot publically disclose the use of the methods and techniques in claim 5 or the successful results therefrom in claim 6.
8. ...
9. Profit!

Re:Like Radar Detecting

[MrMista_B]

Of course, the police don't tell you about the Spectre IV, which has a radar-detector-detector-detector detector circuit in them.

Patent the Patent application process

[originalcyn1k]

Hopefully my new patent to patent the patent application process will be approved first, so I can sue Halliburton for applying for a patent with my patented process of submitting a patent application to the Patent Office. Otherwise, I can sign a deal with Halliburton to work both ends of the issue - I will sue any new patents when they are submitted, and Halliburton can clean out any patents already granted! IT CANNOT FAIL.

Re:This

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm hoping they will run around in circles until they turn into a puddle of butter...

Re:Need a better search function.

[Ortega-Starfire]

You cannot find them because I send thousands of DMCA requests to slashdot to have them removed for infringing on the copyrighted document we had containing the patent idea.

Our lawyers will be contacting you shortly as well.

Re:This

[Anonymous Coward]

I already have a patent on angry face shooting, please do something else. I might sue you.

Re:This

[Anonymous Coward]

You cant sue if youre shot in the face ;)

Re:Like Radar Detecting

[Kingrames]

You can always get the Detector^5, which comes in the very convenient form of a helmet constructed mainly of lightweight tinfoil.

Re:Sorry...

[thepotoo]

I was waiting for you to exercise

Keep waiting, this being /. he might never exercise.

Why stop there?

[Nerdposeur]

When you get to the level of paranoia where you want this, perhaps I could interest you in my radar-detector-detector-detector-detector-detector-detector-detector-detector-detector detector.

It consists of a black box with a little red light, which always blinks to indicate that you're always being watched.

Re:Sorry...

[Anonymous Coward]

Good thing I patented recursion, and patenting recursion, and so on...

Re:This

[sjames]

I can't wait to hear from the other patent trolls whining about being trolled.

Re:Sorry...

[Kratisto]

In summary...

Halliburton...Dick Cheney...patent trolling...patent...patent trolling...patent...patenting...suing...patent office...patent...Halliburton ...patent...patent...trolling.

Wow

[Ambitwistor]

Halliburton, you magnificient bastard! Making patent trolls pay you license fees for violating your patent trolling patent? I revel in your sheer self-referential evilness. My hat is off to you. That takes huge balls — I think I saw one of them chasing Indy in a Peruvian temple.

Re:This

[SombreReptile]

This must be why Dick Cheney shot his lawyer in the face.

Re:This

[srussia]

Its a self obsoleting patent. Eventually they will bankrupt all the other trolls and have little left but hang up their hats.

Goedel strikes again! Hooray!

Re:Need a better search function.

[travdaddy]

This is ALL your fault, mqduck! [slashdot.org]

Re:Need a better search function.

[BluBrick]

Awww, isn't that cute? mqduck's little offhand comment has grown up into a real live business plan!

Abracadabra

[pjt33]

It can't be done mentally. To make sure of that, they included the magic words "with a computer". Truly their lawyers are more cunning than a fox with a PhD in cunning from Oxford University.

Re:This

[Atario]

But how broad is your patent?

Have you covered miffed face shooting?

How about winging someone's face instead of a direct hit?

What about the shooting medium? Birdshot? Buckshot? Fifty-cal? Arrows? Crossbow bolts? Throwing knives? Spooge?