Securing Your Notebook Against US Customs

Nethemas the Great points out a piece from Bruce Schneier running in the UK's Guardian newspaper with some tips for international travelers on securing notebook computers for border crossings. A taste of the brief article: "Last month a US court ruled that border agents can search your laptop, or any other electronic device, when you're entering the country. They can take your computer and download its entire contents, or keep it for several days. ... Encrypting your entire hard drive, something you should certainly do for security in case your computer is lost or stolen, won't work here. The border agent is likely to start this whole process with a 'please type in your password.' Of course you can refuse, but the agent can search you further, detain you longer, refuse you entry into the country and otherwise ruin your day."

This is why you make sure...

[The Ultimate Fartkno]

...that your desktop is the Goatse guy and you have 14 videos of horse porn set to auto-play the moment your laptop gets opened. If you're going to snoop through my stuff in public, then the whole terminal is gonna get their money's worth, you fascist bully-boys.

Mess with them

[loafula]

Make a folder called "Terror Plans" and fill it with images of cute, cuddly kittens.

My laptop

[Z00L00K]

Is set to boot MS-DOS by default.

It's actually because I need to load a device management driver that overrides the BIOS data for the hard disk, but it may actually be worth it for them to try to fiddle around at the MS-DOS prompt...

Re:Dual Boot

[krog]

Of course not. The Department of Homeland Security doesn't hire any lower than a Master's degree.

Two Drives

[Archangel Michael]

Some of today's higher end laptops have easily removable Hard Drives (some multiple drives). It shouldn't take more than a minute or two to replace a functional secondary HD for Customs, and have the other drive tucked into your bag.

Though, they'll probably protest the phillips driver you'll have to carry to accomplish this, because you know that is a dangerous weapon.

Re:This is why you make sure...

[Z00L00K]

And in addition the sound must be played at maximum volume. Including the "TaDa [bedug.com]" in Windows or some other classic clip; "Computer Standing By... [bedug.com]"

But I think that "1 minute to auto-destruct [bedug.com]" can be a bit too bad.

Re:This is why you make sure...

[Meriahven]

Security by obscenity?

Re:One more reason not to fly.

[Jah-Wren Ryel]

I quit flying a couple years ago after being repeatedly hassled by TSA troglodytes.

Like this? [youtube.com]

A steganographic file system? Psssh.

[CatOne]

Dude, Sandra Bullock can crack that.

So can Tom Cruise, and that's without invoking Xenu.

FAIL.

Re:Not dual boot; the network IS the computer

[sexconker]

Yeah, but if you've got a lightweight laptop with you, with nothing interesting on it, they'll head straight to your house and snoop around your PC, and anything else they think is interesting.

All the while, you're on vacation, completely unaware.

But hey, maybe they'll feed your fish while you're away.

Re:embolden?

[gstoddart]

That's so 15th century, Bruce. How about "encourage"?

Because ... they mean different things? No, seriously.

We have a whole plethora of words at our disposal with which to convey subtly nuanced meaning and/or sound like pompous gits, depending on the gravity and artifice of the situation. Why, the sheer range of verbal and literary shenanigans available to us is both rejuvenating and invigorating -- allowing us to express ourselves through many permutations of linguistic machinations. ;-)

I suppose we could go the 1984 route and strip out all of the words for which people think there is no longer a valid purpose. That way we'd all come down to a nice, easy level of communication, and eventually strip certain kinds of thoughts from people.

In the meantime, some of us will reinforce the veracity of our arguments and interactions with our more polysyllabic linguistic choices to more adequately articulate the lucidity of our positions on topical considerations.

Cheers

This probably won't work, but:

[Ralph Spoilsport]

it would be funny.

Using Director or some similar app, make a "movie" that looks and acts like a BSOD or a "Sad Mac with chimes of Death" play on start up. They start it up, it seems to boot fine, then suddenly it "BSOD's" or the Sad Mac comes out and DING DING DONG" and goes black.

Then you get to yell at then for fucking up your laptop, and demand they buy you a new one RIGHT NOW GOD DAMN IT. And make 'em feel guilty. "LOOK - MY COMPUTER - THEY KILLED MY COMPUTER!!!" Start to cry about how much work you just lost because those numbskulls broke your computer.

They'll close it, right quick, and give it back to you and put you on your plane and hope you shut up.

Maybe?

RS

Re:Dual Boot

[Ollabelle]

I heard they shipped it back to you already, through Terminal 5 of Heathrow Airport.

Re:This is why you make sure...

[Dramacrat]

When you outlaw goatse, only outlaws will have goatse.

Re:A naive suggestion

[q-the-impaler]

This is a job for Johnny Mnemonic [imdb.com]!

Re:Mess with them

[Anonymous Coward]

oh hai

i bomd ur bildings

Fixed

[HalAtWork]

No, that would be seizing it. They need an excuse to seize it. Customs can search without cause, and they can seize things by giving an excuse.

There, fixed that for you.

Re:Mess with them

[loafula]

im in ur plainz, bomming ur towerz

get free tech support

[TRRosen]

Next time your laptop breaks down leave the country and come back in and let the TSA figure out whats wrong. Better yet just to screw with them every time you go out of the country buy a cheap busted laptop and carry in though customs.

Re:Depends upon how proficient they are.

[Anonymous Coward]

Just yank out the hard drive and stuff in a bag of dope. That will ensure it crosses the border.

"or"

[spazdor]

You know Sudan's on a whole other continent, right?

Re:Dual Boot

[vidarh]

Knowing the British government it wouldn't be your hd image that would get lost, but a DVD with a summary of all the valuable or embarrassing information present on your and millions of others hd images, nicely formatted and caegorized to make sure whoever gets hold of it doesn't have to do any forensics themselves.

Re:Not enitrely true...

[adsl]

You are certainly right that entering any country can be an interesting experience. Some years ago as a Brit I re-entered the UK and was waived on, by a male customs officer, thru the green passage. A female voice from behind me called out "Stop". I complied and asked why she was giving contrary intructions to another officer? She simply told me "I am in charge". Cut the story short, this female customs officer tore all my baggage and suitcases apart for 1 1/2 hours in a desperate attempt to justify her "suspicions" to her lower ranks. Eventually she decided I owed TWO POUNDS duty, on a minor gift. As I was attempting to put my belongings in order, which were by now strewn over a wide area, she demanded payment. I pulled out a 50 pound note from my wallet and handed it to her apologizing for my lack of small change. She turend and walked towards a door with the money. I called out "Stop" and she turned with a very annoyed look on her face. I said "Excuse me, but your lack of trust of me has been very evident, so you will foregive me if I have similar reservations towards yourself. Please sign this piece of paper saying you hold my 50 pound note and will return with 48 pds change". She turned red with anger, but complied. Meantime the rank and file officers just about fell apart and all ran away rather than laugh out loud. Yeah I know I pushed my luck. But I had retained my cool for 1 1/2 hours while being treated as if I were the worst form of low life..... I also knew I had nothing to hide. Trust is a two way thing anyway. The moral of all this is that when entering ANY country you are and can be subject to officials who have "god" like powers. And there is little one can do but smaile and be responsive and stay cool for as lonmg as possible.

Re:Dual Boot

[gnuman99]

"When you're looking forward to a long eternity"

As opposed to the short eternity?

Sorry, but most people cannot grasp what hell eternity would be, *anywhere*

Re:Dual Boot

[W1BMW]

Returning from numerous business trips to Mexico over the years, I've received extra scrutiny twice. Once because I had declared liquor on a prior trip and I was over my limit. I actually got to keep the booze and was told to 'watch it' next time. The next time, I came back with some medication for dysentery and looked pretty rough (my next stop was a hospital for a week long stay) The customs guy asked, "Where did you get this strange Mexican medicine?" I answered, "From a strange Mexican doctor. Where is the bathroom?" The guy laughed and sent me on my way before I shat on his floor.

Re:Not enitrely true...

[adsl]

I have many stories of entering countries. Ask me about Dubai in 1980 someday..... Well I flew from New York to Paris on business one day and arrived early morning. I had been somewhat rushed leaving the house and had grabbed my UK passport on the way out of door. So at immigrations I place my passport on the table for the immigration guy. He opens it and grins for a moment pushes it back to me and says. Take a look! I do and open it. To my horror the first thing I see is a picture of my very young daughter staring at me. In error I had picked up her passport. Fast fwd. I get politely lead away to a corridor and asked to sit and wait. About 20 minutes later an aristocratic looking man around 30, in slacks and blazer turns up and leads me into an interview room. He says "Do you speak French". I say: "Not enough to handle this situation!". He smiles, look at the passport and smiles again more broadly. "Ian, he says, I am NOT your problem. Nobody would try to enter France illegally this way. You are free to go now". "Thanks" I say. "Don't thank me he says, think about how difficult it will be now for you to leave France. Good luck" He was right. The Britush Embassy also fell part with laughter at my story. Everyone appeared from counters and doors to hear the oft repeated story. I finally resolved the situation by having my real passport couriered to my hotel. Check ALL important documents B4 travelling, it really does help. And if you mess up, find officials with a sense of humor.....

Re:Dual Boot

[Fred_A]

As if the customs in Amsterdam were worried about you smuggling drugs or porn...

I infer it was your first visit...

Re:Dual Boot

[nospam007]

... Leave your good RAM at home, travel with the dummy RAM. "Gee, officer. My computer is dead. A friend of mine at the destination knows how to fix them."

"Gee officer, what did you do? You killed my computer, it worked flawlessly on the plane until you touched it, please call your supervisor, I will sue for damages."

Re:Dual Boot

[the brown guy]

being brown-skinned is enough to effectively punish you as much as if you'd been convicted.

Fuck...

Re:Solutions

[Atti K.]

Obama bin Laden must orgasm every single night at how

My vote for the typo of the day!

British customs agents

[Anonymous Coward]

"British customs agents search laptops for pornography"

Can't they just use the web like everyone else?

And the number one safety tip

[archont]

Make a boot loader that plays islamic religious songs and displays a three minute countdown in big red digits in addition some arabic text. The bigger and older the laptop the better the effect. The only problem with this little trick is that there's a high chance you'd be offered a free and unconditional tour of one of the US military facilities along with a hands-on waterboarding demonstration.