RIAA Lawyer Jumps Ship

NewYorkCountryLawyer writes "The RIAA's top litigation lawyer, who has been personally leading the RIAA's litigation campaign for the past several years, Richard Gabriel, will be leaving his law practice after getting a job as a state court judge for a 2-year term in Colorado. What this will mean to the RIAA's litigation machine is anyone's guess. Mr. Gabriel has personally argued all of the RIAA's main cases, including Elektra v. Barker, Atlantic v. Howell, Atlantic v. Brennan, Capitol v. Foster, Atlantic v. Andersen, UMG v. Lindor, and London-Sire v. Doe 1, and personally tried the Capitol v. Thomas case, the only RIAA case that has ever gone to trial. He was working directly under the supervision of the RIAA's mysterious 'representative' Matthew Oppenheim."

What do you call 1 lawyer at the ocean's bottom?

[Anonymous Coward]

A good start.

Re:What do you call 1 lawyer at the ocean's bottom

[Stormwatch]

Aw, man, that's animal cruelty.

"Jumps Ship"

[Kingrames]

I KNEW IT!

I totally knew they were pirates all along!

Re:What do you call 1 lawyer at the ocean's bottom

[redcaboodle]

Sharks never attack lawyers - professional courtesy.

Re:What do you call 1 lawyer at the ocean's bottom

[Abreu]

What do you call 1 lawyer chained to the bottom of the sea? Pollution!

What do you call all of the world's lawyers chained to the bottom of the sea? Solution!

Thank you, Thank you! Try the steak!

Re:What do you call 1 lawyer at the ocean's bottom

[Raconteur]

http://www.lawyer-jokes.us/ [lawyer-jokes.us] One of my favs: What do you do when you see four lawyers up to the neck in wet cement? Answer: get more cement! The point of this post: searching for 'riaa' at that site produces no results. Slackers!!! Get on it!

Brave Sir Robin

[Chosen Reject]

Mr. Gabriel has personally argued all of the RIAA's main cases, including Elektra v. Barker, Atlantic v. Howell, Atlantic v. Brennan, Capitol v. Foster, Atlantic v. Andersen, UMG v. Lindor, and London-Sire v. Doe 1, and personally tried the Capitol v. Thomas case

And who personally wet himself at the battle of Badon Hill.

Well Ray

[Psychotria]

Ray, this is what I propose: I will assume the role of an alcoholic homeless person living in a carboard box. During my spare time I will build a computer out of coconuts and driftwood. I will then use this computer to post on slashdot and download illegal files. When the RIAA summons me to court I will make a suit out of seaweed and defend myself. Cunningly I will have counsel (you). I will then throw away my disguise and expose my underpants that I wear outside my stockings, proclaim I am superman, and hit them wear it hurts. What are your thoughts?

Re:New sympathetic venue for RIAA cases

[Cathoderoytube]

Don't you ever watch tv? That won't happen, he'll have to give his former buddies a hard time to show he's not playing any favorites. Then they'll be all like 'Why're you giving us such a hard time?' then he'll be like 'Because I don't want people to think I'm playing favorites. I mean we were practically married before', then they'll be like 'Oh so that's how it is, is it? You know, you left your ipod at our apartment last time you were over. It would be a shame if people found out about your ILLEGAL ABBA MP3's!' then he'll be like 'Yeah you don't scare me, I'll just make file sharing legal!' then they'll be like 'Oh ho ho will you now? What makes you think we'll be filing any cases in your district?' then he'll be like 'What happened to us?' then they'll be like 'You forgot your friends! And you became a complete jerk since you became a judge! We feel like we don't even know you any more!' then he'll be like 'It's true! I've worked so hard to impress the other judges I forgot who my real friends were!'. Then they'll hug and make up.

So yeah, they'll be filing all their cases in his district.

Re:What do you call 1 lawyer at the ocean's bottom

[TheVelvetFlamebait]

The converse, of course, is not true. ;)

Re:awesome

[Kingrames]

On the contrary, It's people like NewYorkCountryLawyer who are ruining the perfectly good reputation of lawyers by giving people hope.

Re:awesome

[Fishbulb]

That's it, I'm printing RAY BECKERMAN '08 bumper stickers.

Re:awesome

[Concerned Onlooker]

"Unfortunately, it is people like this RIAA lawyer who give the legal profession such a bad reputation among the general public..."

I know. It's that 99% of lawyers that give the rest a bad name.

can't stop myself... must type lawyer joke

[commodoresloat]

Q: You're locked in a room with Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and a lawyer. You have a gun but only two bullets. What do you do? (yes, assume for the sake of the joke that the dictators are still alive).

A: Shoot the lawyer twice.