Hans Reiser Guilty of First Degree Murder

Hans Reiser Guilty of First Degree Murder 1395

Posted by kdawson on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:32PM
from the so-much-for-the-geek-defense dept.

Anonymous Meoward writes "Today Hans Reiser was found guilty of first degree murder in Oakland, California. Quoting Wired: 'In a murder case with no body, no crime scene, no reliable eyewitness and virtually no physical evidence, the prosecution began the trial last November with a daunting task ahead... The turning point in the trial came when Reiser took the stand in his own defense March 3.' Whether he really did it or not, Hans basically just didn't know when to shut up."

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Hans Reiser Guilty of First Degree Murder

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US jury system does it again (Score:4, Funny)

by QuantumG (50515) * writes: <qg@biodome.org> on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:34PM (#23231238) Homepage Journal

No evidence? No body? No murder weapon? Who cares! The prosecutor used Power Point in his closing.. The defendant is "weird".

Oh well, maybe Hans will confess and reveal where he stashed the body now.

[/rimshot]

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that's nothing (Score:4, Funny)

by commodoresloat (172735) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:40PM (#23231300)

you should see the moron he has for counsel!

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Oblig ReiserFS Joke (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:42PM (#23231332)

It's written in his journal!

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

by Tackhead (54550) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:42PM (#23231334)

Oh well, maybe Hans will confess and reveal where he stashed the body now.
Probably a blob, or maybe split under a well-balanced grove of trees. Even if he can't use the journal to recover the data, he should at least be able to get the last-modified date, right?
(Why does it smell of sulfur all of a sudden, and what am I doing in this handbasket?)

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Re:Reasonable doubt? (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:46PM (#23231386)

>Too bad ReiserFS will probably die
I'm guessing it will disappear in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again. Police will arrest the xfs maintainer on chargest, the evidence being that neighbors saw him carry out what could have been a backup tape wrapped in a roll of carpet in the middle of the night.

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Re:If you get arrested and/or get put on trial... (Score:4, Funny)

by snarkh (118018) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:47PM (#23231402)

Don't answer questions. If you must talk, please state the following: 1) "Am I under arrest?" If YES, then say, "I want a lawyer."

This line of action may come across rather as rather peculiar during court proceedings.

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Re:A man... (Score:3, Funny)

by Tackhead (54550) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:48PM (#23231406)

RTFA, Reiser's defense attorney didn't want to put him on the stand, but Reiser insisted.

Heh.
From the SFGate blog [sfgate.com] article: "After the verdict was read, the judge told deputies to remove Reiser from the courtroom. As he was led out, he asked, 'Can I talk to my attorney?'"
How about next time, Hans tries listening to his attorney?

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Re:Free Software (Score:5, Funny)

by ettlz (639203) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @06:49PM (#23231416) Journal

Cue the chroot jokes.

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Former Best Friend a serial killer (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:00PM (#23231576)

"The jury was not allowed to hear testimony that Sturgeon has confessed to killing eight people unrelated to the case, in retaliation for child abuse."

OK. Thats a fucked-up social circle.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

by spun (1352) writes: <loverevolutionary AT yahoo DOT com> on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:03PM (#23231624) Journal

Thanks for your input, Mr. Cruise.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

by larry bagina (561269) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:13PM (#23231754) Journal

This is slashdot.

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Re:A man... (Score:3, Funny)

by jd (1658) writes: <imipak.yahoo@com> on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:15PM (#23231794) Homepage Journal

The defense attorney was fresh out of tranquilizer darts. Besides, Hans' mouth had journalled the transaction.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

by uniquename72 (1169497) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:16PM (#23231804)

In my truck you'll find a copy of the Satanic Bible, 1984, and Catcher in the Rye (Harry Potter too, but that's because I'm reading it to my son).
You're a highschool freshman and you have a son?
it's Iowa
Oh, now I get it.

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Re:The jury did the right thing (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:17PM (#23231818)

The fork should be called the NinaFS in honor of his wife.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

by OMNIpotusCOM (1230884) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:19PM (#23231842) Homepage Journal

You're the type of guy that would reply to Jonathan Swift by giving him recipe ideas, aren't ya?

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So what exactly IS the default cellblock size? (Score:5, Funny)

by csoto (220540) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:23PM (#23231912)

Ba dum dum. Thank you. I'm here all week. Have the lobster!

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Re:If you get arrested and/or get put on trial... (Score:5, Funny)

by plover (150551) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:33PM (#23232064) Homepage Journal

If you're innocent, yes, by all means, shut the hell up. But if you're actually guilty, please feel free to talk all you want. Lie to the cops, tell them things that contradict other easily proven things, make stuff up, blame other people.
I have no particular interest in offering guilty people a defense for what they've done. If you've intentionally murdered someone, please go to jail and get the hell out of our society.

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Re:Reasonable doubt? (Score:4, Funny)

by Sentry21 (8183) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:49PM (#23232294) Journal

I'd suspect that they'd remove one of the disks from the project's RAID array, write zeroes over the partition map, and claim that it's because they need the space for porn. Perfectly reasonable explanation, I suppose.

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What he did is bad, but you gotta admit... (Score:5, Funny)

by Tumbleweed (3706) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:50PM (#23232310)

...he created one killer file system!

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IN SOVIET RUSSIA (Score:5, Funny)

by Jeremiah Cornelius (137) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @07:51PM (#23232324) Homepage Journal

Reiser fsck YOU!

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The FAT defence (Score:5, Funny)

by RiotingPacifist (1228016) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @08:22PM (#23232656)

This is a FAT32 partition, it comes from microsoft.
It has a 4GB limit, in the age of 5GB DVDs why would you ship a product with a 4GB limit?
It just doesn't make any sense!
If this is FAT32 partition, the jury must acquit!!

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

by ari_j (90255) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @08:36PM (#23232812)

Modestly delicious!

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Re:IN SOVIET RUSSIA (Score:2, Funny)

by Rudd-O (20139) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @08:37PM (#23232814) Homepage

You SINGLE-HANDEDLY made my day with that comment. IT's like five different jokes in one!!!!!!

WIN!

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Re:If you get arrested and/or get put on trial... (Score:3, Funny)

by CrazedWalrus (901897) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @08:38PM (#23232820) Journal

...after being detained for 48 hours with a light in your face, the bad cop/good cop scenario and only coffee/tea to survive? Torture has different faces...

No kidding, although sometimes they pay you for it and give you a desk with a comfy chair.

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Re:Reasonable Doubt (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @08:49PM (#23232950)

Sure, I can barely imagine the horror of being an innocent man in prison, but the fact is that you do need to accept some error rate to live in a lawful society.

No you don't.

You just tie them up and throw them in the river, if they float then God has pronounced them guilty and since God knows everything that's good enough. If they sink and drown, oh well they get to be Jesus so all is well.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

by Walter Wart (181556) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @08:59PM (#23233056) Homepage

Samson slew the Philistines with the jawbone of an ass.

Hans Reiser has done himself in with the same weapon.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @09:21PM (#23233274)

This is why I don't work for that a law firm any more. We did a lot of criminal defence and the one problem was often the mentality of the accused. The Persecutor often had very little evidence that supported thier case, but the sad fact of the judicial system is that the week link is the jury.

You sure you don't work for "that a law firm any more" because of your writing skills?

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

by Valdrax (32670) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @09:21PM (#23233282)

Not if you know when to shut up.
What about the above post makes you think that's likely?

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Re:A man... (Score:2, Funny)

by kjots (64798) * writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @09:24PM (#23233314)

And just because I have to (yes, I really do)... Yes, IAAL, but I don't represent you, and this is not legal advice. If you are charged with a crime and you rely on this post as legal advice, you are a moron. Actually, if you rely on any post on Slashdot as legal advice for any reason, you are a moron. Also, I do patents, copyrights and trademark, not murder. So assume I don't know what I'm talking about.

New initialism: IANYL - I Am Not Your Lawyer.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @10:01PM (#23233654)

Oh they does, does they?

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

by Poltras (680608) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @10:12PM (#23233742) Homepage

And from time to time you'd have to muthafscka.
Mods, where is your sense of humor?

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:2, Funny)

by carlzum (832868) writes: on Monday April 28, 2008 @10:15PM (#23233768)

He's about to spend a long time in a maximum security prison, he's never been so worried about fscking in his life.

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Re:Oblig ReiserFS Joke (Score:2, Funny)

by vicaya (838430) writes: on Tuesday April 29, 2008 @03:38AM (#23235656)

He tried to rollback his commit but end up leaving more history in the logs.

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Re:US jury system does it again (Score:2, Funny)

by Alpha Whisky (1264174) writes: on Tuesday April 29, 2008 @05:29AM (#23236064)

Yes, but, suspect or not, if 100lbs of muscle and teeth is coming at you you're going to putting out so much "fear scent" that humans could smell it, never mind the dog.

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Re:The FAT defence (Score:5, Funny)

by John_Booty (149925) writes: <johnbootyNO@SPAMbootyproject.org> on Tuesday April 29, 2008 @06:05AM (#23236202) Homepage

so I stuck 32 in to avoid a pointless thread.

Well, that sure worked.

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Re:The FAT defence (Score:2, Funny)

by Hal_Porter (817932) writes: on Tuesday April 29, 2008 @08:23AM (#23237066)

Threads talking about filesystems are never pointless. And if you disagree, I'll murder you.

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There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

US jury system does it again (Score:4, Funny)

that's nothing (Score:4, Funny)

Oblig ReiserFS Joke (Score:5, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Reasonable doubt? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:If you get arrested and/or get put on trial... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:A man... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Free Software (Score:5, Funny)

Former Best Friend a serial killer (Score:1, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

Re:A man... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

Re:The jury did the right thing (Score:1, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

So what exactly IS the default cellblock size? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:If you get arrested and/or get put on trial... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Reasonable doubt? (Score:4, Funny)

What he did is bad, but you gotta admit... (Score:5, Funny)

IN SOVIET RUSSIA (Score:5, Funny)

The FAT defence (Score:5, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

Re:IN SOVIET RUSSIA (Score:2, Funny)

Re:If you get arrested and/or get put on trial... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Reasonable Doubt (Score:1, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:1, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:5, Funny)

Re:A man... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:2, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:3, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Oblig ReiserFS Joke (Score:2, Funny)

Re:US jury system does it again (Score:2, Funny)

Re:The FAT defence (Score:5, Funny)

Re:The FAT defence (Score:2, Funny)

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