In Soviet US, Comcast Watches YOU

In Soviet US, Comcast Watches YOU 404

Posted by kdawson on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:09PM from the you-have-none-get-over-it dept.

cayenne8 sends us to Newteevee.com for a blog posting reporting from the Digital Living Room conference earlier this week. Gerard Kunkel, Comcast's senior VP of user experience, stated that the cable company is experimenting with different camera technologies built into its devices so it can know who's in your living room. Cameras in the set-top boxes, while apparently not using facial recognition software, can still somehow figure out who is in the room, and customize user preferences for cable (favorite channels, etc.). While this sounds 'handy,' it also sounds a bit like the TV sets in 1984. I am sure, of course, that Comcast wouldn't tap into this for any reason, nor let the authorities tap into this to watch inside your home in real time without a warrant or anything."

In Soviet US, Comcast Watches YOU

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Ceiling Comcast watches you masturbate (Score:5, Funny)

by LuminaireX ( 949185 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:12PM (#22820382)

Note to self: no more sex in the living room.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by AragornSonOfArathorn ( 454526 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:12PM (#22820392)

not really. If you cover up the lens, the cable box goes "Your papers, please." Then you'll have to type your SSN or passport number in with the remote before you can watch TV.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by Diss Champ ( 934796 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:14PM (#22820406)

Until the duct tape becomes illegal in some future legislation that is the love child of DMCA & PATRIOT.

Ha ha April Fool's... oh wait (Score:4, Funny)

by oliphaunt ( 124016 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:16PM (#22820456) Homepage

I had to check today's date 3 times because I was sure this was an April Fool's story.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by ScrewMaster ( 602015 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:17PM (#22820468)

No, they can't make that illegal because they've already told to lay in plenty of duct tape in case of a chemical attack.

Re:1984 (Score:2, Funny)

by Kierthos ( 225954 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:19PM (#22820502) Homepage

Well, we could say it's a lot like "Huckleberry Finn", only that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

Picture this (Score:5, Funny)

by Reason58 ( 775044 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:21PM (#22820522)

The ultimate reality show: watching yourself watch yourself.

Opportunity to screw with their minds (Score:5, Funny)

by StefanJ ( 88986 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:21PM (#22820526) Homepage Journal

No, no, no! Keep on spanking the monkey, but for the sake of the camera do it while surrounded by:

Roll 1d8:

1) Stuffed animals
2) Feminine hygiene products
3) Jars of Bovril
4) Jars of Marmite
5) Old computer hardware
6) Cassette tapes of ABBA albums
7) Duct tape
8) Any two of the above

With any luck, the Demographic Analysis software will either give up or -- unless 1960s SF shows have taught me wrong -- spew reams of paper tape, shout "DOES NOT COMPUTE!" in a tinny voice, and catch on fire.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by btaratoot ( 937576 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:25PM (#22820606)

I would just put my cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Boba Fett in the living room. :)

Confuse-o-rama! (Score:2, Funny)

by snarfies ( 115214 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:31PM (#22820674) Homepage

I'd just drape a white towel over the camera and smile as I am deluged with ads for snowshoes, fur coats, and skis.

MORE electrical tape (Score:5, Funny)

by wsanders ( 114993 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:34PM (#22820714) Homepage

After all don't we all have tape over the flashing 88:88's already?

It's the Santa Box (Score:5, Funny)

by GlL ( 618007 ) writes: <gil AT net-venture DOT com> on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:41PM (#22820824)

It sees you when you're sleeping, it knows when you're awake, it knows if you've been bad or good, so be good or get blackmailed.

Does anything sound like a bad idea to these idiots? I can just see the board room discussion...

CEO: I'm thinking anal probes.
CLO: I don't think we're quite there yet, remember you have to work up to this stuff gradually.
CTO: We already know everything about their web surfing, let's expand on that.
CEO: What do you mean?
CTO: Let's build cameras into the converter boxes, this way we can watch them.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by uniquename72 ( 1169497 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:41PM (#22820826)

I guess then you stick a picture of an empty room in front of it.
Naaah...goatse.

tin foil hats? (Score:3, Funny)

by DragonTHC ( 208439 ) writes: <Dragon AT gamerslastwill DOT com> on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:43PM (#22820840) Homepage Journal

well, this time tin foil has a real use, to cover the camera!

Re:Already there? (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:46PM (#22820898)

What makes you think the camera is not already there? Have you disassembled your cable box?

Hot Damn!!!!!

I've got my tinfoil hat and a screwdriver... Talk me through this.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by zappepcs ( 820751 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:50PM (#22820972) Journal

I don't know about all that tape... hmmm, I might set it up so that Comcast spies^H^H^H^H^H^H employees can watch hours and hours of JibJab making fun of political figures. I might even play some YouTube videos of Richard Dawkins for them. Even better! I'll pipe al jazera tv to them 24/7.
Or maybe just set up a IR light box about 1.5 inches from the lens and let them watch the bright bright IR light. Power it from the box's switched outlet and whenever it is turned on the camera will be washed out with IR.

Perhaps if I repeatedly flash 'kill yourself' or 'kill bush' so it can be seen for a frame every 15 seconds we'll get to use subliminal messaging in reverse?

Noooooo, rick astely video 24/7 !!!!!

Re:Ah well ... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:53PM (#22821028)

True.. I suppose you could tape a picture of a celebrity over the camera, or maybe a picture of Comcast CEO Brian Roberts. "Good Evening, BRIAN, automatically tunning to FOX News. You're welcome."

Re:Already there? (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:54PM (#22821032)

They're over there right next to your couch. You really do need to clean up that mess in the hall, and you probably want to ask your wife why the UPS guy's clipboard is on the counter. They made so much noise it was hard for me to listen in on the neighbor's phone conversations.

Re:It will get forced on us (Score:5, Funny)

by Monchanger ( 637670 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @12:55PM (#22821062) Journal

I wonder how the box itself would respond to observing sex. Would it find them some pr0n, advertise condoms and morning-after pills, or perhaps turn the volume way up? Could one program it to switch to an abstinence-preaching Christian network to get them to stop?

But in Soviet Russia... (Score:4, Funny)

by 192939495969798999 ( 58312 ) writes: <[info] [at] [devinmoore.com]> on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:00PM (#22821138) Homepage Journal

Yes, but In Soviet Russia, YOU watch ... i mean Comcast watches... wait, what?

Re:It will get forced on us (Score:5, Funny)

by dosymedia ( 1247898 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:05PM (#22821202)

Won't *someone* think of the cable box?!!

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by grassy_knoll ( 412409 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:05PM (#22821204) Homepage

I would just put my cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Boba Fett in the living room. :)
... And if you don't have the space for both cardboard cut-outs, just combine the two... call it boob-fetts ...

[badum-ching]

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by Constantine XVI ( 880691 ) writes: <trash@eighty+slashdot.gmail@com> on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:12PM (#22821300)

You're on Slashdot, home to the finest trolls in the galaxy, and the best you could come up with is a Rickroll?

C'mon, at least step it up to 2girls1cup

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by Fujisawa Sensei ( 207127 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:13PM (#22821308) Journal

This is one privacy issue that a little electrical tape can cure easily.

Naw, just point it back at the TV set, and put it on E! all the time.

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by Deadstick ( 535032 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:19PM (#22821390)

Except when your favorite program is on. Then you give it a picture of the crowd at the Super Bowl.

rj

What happens during your private moments... (Score:2, Funny)

by person_man01 ( 1260164 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:21PM (#22821404)

may cause those who view to Comcasturbate (TM)!

Re:Nope. (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:29PM (#22821512)

If they simply must market such a technology, at least put a biometric device on the remote. That would have to work better than some mysterious body shape recognition, give them the same marketing information and I can still watch Sanford and Son reruns in my underwear.
Yeah, about that... They really want you to stop doing that.

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:5, Funny)

by rudeboy1 ( 516023 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:42PM (#22821708)

It's probably bad that the first thing I thought of was, "damn... no more watching porn in the living room"... ...or watching TV without pants ...or making out on the couch ...or building bombs on the coffee table

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:3, Funny)

by cuantar ( 897695 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @01:47PM (#22821750) Homepage

Oh my Godwin, now you've done it!

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:5, Funny)

by anup_at_mac ( 821069 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @02:06PM (#22821958)

I was almost there with you till you said
making out on the couch
. Yeah right !!... oh wait, did you mean with an inflatable doll or something?

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @02:09PM (#22821982)

You do realize this is intended to "customize user preferences", right?

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

by sm62704 ( 957197 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @02:22PM (#22822102) Journal

I guess then you stick a picture of an empty room in front of it.
Naaah...goatse.
You guys call yourselves nerds? Pshaw! Duct tape? Pictures of goatse? We can do better than that! Find the nastiest, most offensive (yet legal of course, no kittie porn [uncyclopedia.org] you sicko) video you can and have it repeat itself. Take the damned converter box apart, cut the damned camera wires and splice your video output there.

OR take out the camera, extend the wires, and stick it pointing out the window.

OR if you're a REALLY smart uber nerd who makes me and most of us look like this guy [uncyclopedia.org], hack into Comcast's internal security network, find the feed from the camera in their restroom (you know a corporation this evil HAS to have cameras in the rest rooms) and patch THAT in.

-mcgrew [uncyclopedia.org]

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:4, Funny)

by iminplaya ( 723125 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @02:29PM (#22822186) Journal

On the contrary. I would proudly wave my pole to the camera, make 'em envious, and I would love to see their reaction after I...uh...well, you know. It would be a new form of target practice. Go for distance... and accuracy.

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:3, Funny)

by Lord Apathy ( 584315 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @02:46PM (#22822344)

no more watching porn in the living room

Don't let that stop you. Maybe all the public relations nightmares and lawsuits might not stop this but nothing but video of a 100,000 nerds jerking off on the couch.... I bet that get the plug pulled on this bullshit in a heart beat.

Re:MORE electrical tape (Score:2, Funny)

by noidentity ( 188756 ) writes: on Friday March 21, 2008 @11:13PM (#22826532)

After all don't we all have tape over the flashing 88:88's already?

Turn in your geek card. They usually flash 12:00, thereby wearing out only some of the elements, so years later when you finally set the time, the numbers are partly dimmed (fluorescent displays).

The Next Step in Reality TV (Score:2, Funny)

by alohatiger ( 313873 ) writes: on Saturday March 22, 2008 @12:22AM (#22826872) Homepage

Every cable box has a camera, and each user can browse the camera feeds. If your box ends up on the Popular list, you get a share of the ad revenue.

Combine this with an opt-out and you get a real "The Truman Show" -- it would replace YouTube with live video

There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

Ceiling Comcast watches you masturbate (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Ha ha April Fool's... oh wait (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:1984 (Score:2, Funny)

Picture this (Score:5, Funny)

Opportunity to screw with their minds (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Confuse-o-rama! (Score:2, Funny)

MORE electrical tape (Score:5, Funny)

It's the Santa Box (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

tin foil hats? (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Already there? (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Already there? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:It will get forced on us (Score:5, Funny)

But in Soviet Russia... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:It will get forced on us (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

What happens during your private moments... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Nope. (Score:1, Funny)

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:3, Funny)

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Ah well ... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:4, Funny)

Re:They knew who I was. (Score:3, Funny)

Re:MORE electrical tape (Score:2, Funny)

The Next Step in Reality TV (Score:2, Funny)

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