RIAA Sues a Child

dniq writes "You may remember the previously posted story about a case against a mother, which was dropped by the RIAA right after her lawyers moved to dismiss the case. Well, guess what? The RIAA has brought a lawsuit against the mother's daughter - now a 14 year old girl - and moved for appointment of a guardian at litem."

Next on the list

[Edunikki]

And, should that fail, against her goldfish for listening to the alleged pirated files . . .

Wont...

[squoozer]

...somebody think of the children!

And this surprising how?

[WindBourne]

I expect that RIAA will soon sue FUTURE offsprings. Worse, congress will pass laws that will allow it, and the supremes will back it.

You can't trust goldfish

[Anonymous Coward]

Thieving bastards the lot of em!

Maybe

[Lego-Lad]

They are hoping she'll be the next Britney Spears, and they can increase their profit margins if the RIAA can get a new guardian.

Silly World

[davro]

Child was wearing a "hoody" must be guilty.

In other news...

[dorkygeek]

In other news, an unborn is sued for cognisance as his mother listened to an illegaly downloaded song.

In other news..

[BlackMesaLabs]

RIAA steals christmas, kills the easter bunny, bombs a hospital, poisons a river and makes a general ass of itself.

Harvest Her Organs

[tucay]

Since Brittany will not be able to pay, the RIAA should be granted the right to harvest Brittany's organs.

I can see the headlines right now...

[Noryungi]

Giant Greedy Corporation Sues 14 year-old Kid! In 26pt bold font, front page.

Or, as they said in the movie [imdb.com]... I love the smell of napalm early in the morning.

Nice work RIAA. With lawyers like these, who needs enemies? Or p.r. people, for that matter?

(Yes, this is funny. Laugh).

In other news...

[Afecks]

...the RIAA has filed a lawsuit against the father's testicles for "willful neglect" by spawning copyright infringers. In what could be the most lenient interpretation of the Grokster decision, a judge has allowed the RIAA to pursue further based on claims that the father's testicles were responsible for discoruging the illegal acts commited by their offspring. The announcement came as both a shock and an outrage to the defense team and the defendent who was heard to remark, "I'd give my left nut to get this ruling overturned."

Yea, it's a troll, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Re:Disgusting

[commodoresloat]

More than I hate them, I pity them.

Yeah, poor things. How do they sleep at night?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies.

Re:And this surprising how?

[Anonymous Coward]

Worse, congress will pass laws that will allow it, and the supremes will back it.

The supremes? I thought this would be more in Michael Jackson's area

Re:Uhh... who should they target?

[Maian]

Re:Uhh... who should they target?

No one :)

If I couldn't DL music from usenet...

[DreadfulGrape]

...how else would I have known that the new Fiona Apple CD really isn't very good?

Re:Good thing I don't live in the States...

[Capt James McCarthy]

I take strong offense to your.....aw, screw it...ZZZZZZZzzzzz

In other news... Part 2

[squoozer]

RIAA files suit against God for "willful neglect" in creating man. The suit goes on to describe a number of ways that man is flawed including but not limited to:

• Won't always do as it's told.
• Refuses to hand over all money and it's eternal soul to RIAA.
• Refuses to enjoy modern cra^H^H^H music as much as it should and demands creativity.
• Some examples put up a fight when pushed around.

Is it me, or is the RIAA

[Progman3K]

vying for modern-day bogeyman?

I can see it now.

"Go to bed right now, or the RIAA is going to get you!" *child screams and runs to bed*

Valuable lesson

[Chrisq]

This teaches us all a valuable lesson. Make sure your kids know how to connect to your neighbour's wifi network before downloading mp3s...

well at least they can't sue me...

[Vidiot3k]

I only use P2P networks to download porn

Re:Next on the list

[gowen]

Yeah, but goldfish have 5 second memory spans, which makes them even reliable as witnesses than Ronald Reagan at the Iran-Contra hearings...

Lawyer : Did you download songs from the internet?
Goldfish : I don't remember
Lawyer : Did you discuss downloading songs with the defendant?
Goldfish : I have no recollection of that.
Lawyer : Did you install the Kazaa "filesharing" software
Goldfish : I don't remember.
Lawyer : Do you authorise illegal shipments of arms to Iran, in exchange for money to covertly fund the Contra rebels in Nicaragua?
Goldfish : Jesus, even I know that that was Ronald Reagan.

But...

[smackdotcom]

...will they go after her little dog, too?

Re:Wont...

[moranar]

Uhhh.. I thought the RIAA already did.

Obligatory Pink Floyd reference

[DarthShader]

Hey, RIAA leave the kids alone!
All in all it's just another suit on the wall
All in all you're just another suit on the wall

Can I get sued now, for infinging on some songtext copyright?

The Obvious Defense

[Gorbag]

D: Your Honor, Defense introduces exhibits A-ZZZ, the actual sound items defendant is accused of illegally downloading, which we will play for the court now, and introduce into evidence.

[sounds of rap, house, whatever it is that "kids listen to these days"]

D: Are these the sound recordings you are accusing my client of having illegally downloaded?

P: Yes, so stipulated.

D: Your honor, we agree these sound recordings were downloaded, however, no copyright can be held because that's not music and as the court knows, noise cannot be copywritten.

J: So noted. Case dismissed, with prejudice. Get that crap out of my courtroom.

Re:RIAA Sues a Guilty Person

[Hillgiant]

All suspects are guilty. Otherwise, they would not be suspect.