Microsoft To Add A Black Box To Windows

An anonymous reader writes "According to ZDNet, Microsoft plans to add the software equivalent of a 'black box' flight recorder to Windows. According to the article, 'The tool will build on the existing Watson error-reporting tool in Windows but will provide Microsoft with much deeper information, including what programs were running at the time of the error and even the contents of documents that were being created.'" Commentary available via C|Net as well.

Just like the real black boxes

[commodoresloat]

It will record your screams as your computer crashes.

But

[Neil Blender]

Will it survive after I kick the shit out my computer and then throw it off a cliff?

So...

[Upaut]

'The tool will build on the existing Watson error-reporting tool in Windows but will provide Microsoft with much deeper information, including what programs were running at the time of the error and even the contents of documents that were being created.'

So one mans spyware is another mans "helpful utility"?
Right, now many of you will call me a Mac fanatic and mod me down, but seriously: Apple does not think of shit like this... I can just see the new virus' composed to utilize the flaws in this feature... Wait, I got it, they will use it to compete with Apple's Automator in Tiger:
"Tired of having to go to the store to buy the latest Microsoft product? Now you will never have to again! The windows automator(tm) scans all your messages, emails, text documents, and computerized purchase orders for your credit card information, bank number, PIN numbers, etc; sends the data to the Microsoft data servers. Your information is then carefully protected, until the newest Microsoft product is ready for shipment. Then your accounts are drained, and everything you needed, even if you didn't know it, will be shipped to your door. Remember: Microsoft works...."


And yes, I read the article, and the passage: " "Our stance on this is that the user is in control," Sullivan said. "In the consumer environment, you will be presented with a dialog that clearly gives you the choice whether to share the information and then also provides exactly what the detail is so you can parse character by character what's being sent."

But it kinda hurts the joke... That and with Microsoft's record of error, would you really trust this?

If they can do that

[Anonymous Coward]

Why not make the Whole OS out of the black box stuff? Then nothing can damage it!

Who Else Loves Dr. Watson?

[Anonymous Coward]

He's been a real asset to Windows over the years.

More effective logging

[clickster]

Wouldn't it be faster for them to sift through the logs of what was happening when the system was stable? I mean, dear God, imagine the size of the log files if they logged crashes.

Welcome to...

[Anonymous Coward]

1984.

Hmmmm...

[Seoulstriker]

Except the blackbox on a jet won't (unless I'm woefully uninformed more than usual) tell what you were doing in your own seat when the plane went down.

Pleasuring yourself one last time before you die?

Re:What's In Your Box?

[l3v1]

It said, "what we have here is failure to communicate." What's that mean?

Oh, man, how old are you ? :D It's from Guns'n'Roses' Civil War, "what we've got here is failure to communicate, some men you just can't reach" and so on. Great stuff. And no, I won't go into what it could possibly mean in there.

yet another reason to switch.

[Robocoastie]

as if we needed anymore reasons to switch to Linux or Mac.

visions of 1984

[dingbatdr]

I can just see it. Clippy will get replaced by a stern man's face watching you. The power switch to the monitor will no longer work...

Re:But

[A beautiful mind]

Sure, that's called drag and drop, MS already patented it...

Porn fanatics and horders will be less than happy.

[zwilliams07]

Example Log:

2012-03-14 @ 17:20: Windows Media Player crashed trying to load "Amazing Asses 70: The Return of the Brazilian Butts"

2012-03-16 @ 18:11: Windows Media Player crashed trying to load "The Adventures of Buttman".

Sounds like invasion of privacy to me. Not that I'm a porn addict or anything.

*runs out of thread fast*

It just works?

[XpirateX]

Why would they need a black box if "it just works"?

Or Max Headroom..

[threephaseboy]

A power switch! She'll get years for that...

Low expectations

[switcha]

Pleasuring yourself one last time before you die?

C'mon, man. If the plane's going down, even a slahdork could probably find some girl on the plane who would be interested in a final go-round. Don't underestimate the power of impending death. It might be your best hope for losing your virginity.

Re:Just like the real black boxes

[hawk]

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather--not screaming in terror like his passengers."

hawk, who was once offered condolences when he said this . . .

Re:Hmmmm...

[Locke2005]

His last words were "Oh God... I'm coming!"

Re:Hmmmm...

[SComps]

Unless he's from west virginia. Then his next of kin would be standing next to him holding the pig.

[west virginia slur is random and not aimed at any one individial]

Re:Just like the real black boxes

[nizo]

What a great job to have at Microsoft, listening to people cursing after their machine crashes. "AAuuuuggh not again! Stupid $#*!@ Microsoft employees!!! I will kill you all!!!!" followed by the sound of a gun being loaded, doors slamming, and faintly in the distance car tires squealing.

Re:Just like the real black boxes

[tardigrades]

Can we still hit our monitors?

Re:Hmmmm...

[allowat76]

Geez, there's just some things you don't talk about in public

Re:Low expectations

[fossa]

I tried to, but was shot down :(

Re:Low expectations

[ChewbaccaD]

In all fairness, they do tell you to put your head between your legs... why not someone else's?

Re:Hmmmm...

[nacturation]

"... when the plane went down."

Pleasuring yourself one last time before you die?

No -- in Soviet Russia, the plane goes down on you! (Ewww...)

Re:Low expectations

[darkonc]

C'mon, man. If the plane's going down, even a slahdork could probably find some girl on the plane who would be interested in a final go-round.

Man, talk about a quickie!
At least you have an excuse, if she starts to say "Boy, that was short!".

With voice recognition turned on...

[EmbeddedJanitor]

Imagine the error log.

11:34:46: A few exception stack numbers etc. 11:34:49: User said:"Duck". 11:34:53: User said:"Ewe phukkan piss of shirt". 11:34:53: HDD reports tracking errors due to high impact shock.

Re:Low expectations

[SunFan]

ChewbaccaD says: "In all fairness, they do tell you to put your head between your legs... why not someone else's?"

No offense if I pass you by.