Profiting From A Vague Patent HOWTO

Profiting From A Vague Patent HOWTO 309

Posted by michael on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:29AM from the step-2:-patents dept.

tunabomber writes "IEEE Spectrum has an in-depth article about the rise of Acacia Research Corporation and its plan for enforcing its patent on 'Digital Media Technology' (which seems to lay claim to any technology that transmits audio or video digitally for entertainment purposes). You may recall that there was a story on Slashdot over a year ago about Acacia's threats and subsequent lawsuits against some small adult entertainment companies regarding their violation of the patent. There was also an Ask Slashdot posted a while back by the owner of one of these companies who had received a letter from Acacia Research demanding that they pay licensing fees. Both Slashdot stories asked how long it would be until Acacia went after the big media companies. Well, they finally did last week. It appears that Acacia just had to get enough companies (Disney and Virgin Radio, among others) to pay licensing fees before they could afford a legal adventure against the big guys. DirectTV, Comcast, Echostar, and Charter Communications are some of the defendents. Let the fireworks begin!"

Profiting From A Vague Patent HOWTO

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Profit! (Score:3, Funny)

by Mz6 ( 741941 ) * writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:30AM (#9527044) Journal

Profiting From A Vague Patent HOWTO -- from the step-2:-patents dept.
Some HOWTO this was... I have the 2nd step, but I thought this would answer that elusive 3rd step, but it was no help at all.
1. Obtain vague patent
2. Enforce vague patent
3. ???
4. Profit!!!

Wait a second... (Score:4, Funny)

by XCorvis ( 517027 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:31AM (#9527065)

Someone should patent the method for profiting from vague patents... then sue everyone profiting from vague patents.

I know your in there! (Score:0, Funny)

by caston ( 711568 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:32AM (#9527070)

Darl is that you?!?!

"some small adult entertainment companies" (Score:4, Funny)

by mirko ( 198274 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:32AM (#9527077) Journal

Are there really some companies dedicated to entertaining dwarves ???

Well I for one have found.... (Score:4, Funny)

by StressGuy ( 472374 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:35AM (#9527112)

The audio/video feeds of SCO's copyright infringement lawsuits to be highly entertaining. ;)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:37AM (#9527133)

Wow, like this has never before been posted on Slashdot.

Re:"some small adult entertainment companies" (Score:5, Funny)

by Zocalo ( 252965 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:38AM (#9527134) Homepage

Of course there are companies dedicated to Dwarf related entertainment, but they are a bunch of tossers.

My vague patent (Score:3, Funny)

by beef3k ( 551086 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:38AM (#9527146)

1. Patent "digitally transferring text for any purpose at all".

2. Have wet dreams about email royalties from Yahoo, Hotmail, *starts slobbering*

3. ????

4. Drive the spammers out of business

5. Profit!

Yeah, breaks with the "Slashdot-profit-haiku" rules, but who cares.

Finally, a HOWTO that I can profit from... (Score:5, Funny)

by lacrymology.com ( 583077 ) writes: <nospam@minotaurc ... g.com minus city> on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:41AM (#9527165) Homepage

I own the patents for the following vague ideas:

1) A method for translating program source code into a machine runnable format.

2) A method for displaying a computer's file system (see earlier patent for details) based on the top of a typical desk.

3) A number system based solely on the numbers 1 and 0.

4) A method for having sex with a computer (you know it'll happen one day... and when it does... I'm rolling in the cash)

Anyone have the number for a good (i.e. slimey) lawyer?

-m

Re:Prior art (Score:2, Funny)

by Rick.C ( 626083 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:42AM (#9527187)

Some pretty racy images at times, too ;)
Yeah, that picture of Snoopy had all the women in the data center giggling.

Re:Wait a second... (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:43AM (#9527192)

Thats much too specific to work.. Needs to be more vague, otherwise the USPTO wont give out the patent.

With lawsuits being the "In-Thing" (Score:2, Funny)

by pyr0r0ck3r ( 702602 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:45AM (#9527217) Homepage

Next thing you know, Al Gore's gonna be suing over his invention of the Internet

Re:Wait a second... (Score:3, Funny)

by southpolesammy ( 150094 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:50AM (#9527253) Journal

"I tried to patent patent barratry, but there was prior art."

Apologies to whomever's sig I have just trampled on...

That's it (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:56AM (#9527311)

I'm patenting the act of patenting: "The act of registering privileges for an invention", then I'm going to sue the patent office itself. The ensuing logical paradoxes will crush the universe like a wet paper cup.

Re:Profit! (Score:4, Funny)

by Timesprout ( 579035 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:57AM (#9527319)

WTF sort of profit scheme is not in a vertical list?

Re:*Grabs popcorn* (Score:5, Funny)

by EvilTwinSkippy ( 112490 ) writes: <{yoda} {at} {etoyoc.com}> on Friday June 25, 2004 @09:57AM (#9527323) Homepage Journal

A lawyer, as sailor, and a priest are trapped on a lifeboat. The sailor looks over the side, and say "These be shark infested waters." The priest look to heaven and asked "Help save us lord!"
They lawyer simple whistled. Several dorsal fins stopped circuling and headed right for the boat. They stopped in a ring as the lawyer talked to them in hushed tones. The sharks skattered underwater before the boat was suddenly lifted up, and surged forward.
The sailor gazed over the side, shocked. The sharks were carrying the boat on their backs. After a few minutes travel, they spotted land ahead. The priest said "Saint's be praised."
The boat slid onto the beach, and the three men stepped out. As they did another school of sharks appeared, and began depositing fish on the shoreline, before swimming away.
The priest said, "God has answered our prayers."
The lawyer turned and said, "Nah, this is just professional curtesy."

Re:Prior art (Score:2, Funny)

by nkh ( 750837 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @10:10AM (#9527439) Journal

During a (boring) college C++ course, a friend of mine tried the following combination: 'ssh -C' and 'mplayer -vo sdl:aalib' to watch an episode of Naruto...

Finally... (Score:2, Funny)

by Digitus1337 ( 671442 ) writes: <lk_digitus@h[ ]ail.com ['otm' in gap]> on Friday June 25, 2004 @10:10AM (#9527441) Homepage

I can place a patent on a device that stabs people in the face over the internet!

RealNetworks' defense (Score:2, Funny)

by ConfusedGuy ( 791335 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @10:13AM (#9527472) Homepage

"Judge, we have never actually been able to stream ANYTHING to our clients. Just ask our customers!"

Re:Finally, a HOWTO that I can profit from... (Score:3, Funny)

by Nick of NSTime ( 597712 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @10:21AM (#9527585)

1) A method for translating program source code into a machine runnable format.
John Von Neumann owns that patent.
2) A method for displaying a computer's file system (see earlier patent for details) based on the top of a typical desk.
Apple owns that patent.
3) A number system based solely on the numbers 1 and 0.
Microsoft owns that patent. If the Onion didn't charge for archive access, I'd show you a link.
4) A method for having sex with a computer (you know it'll happen one day... and when it does... I'm rolling in the cash)
Isaac Asimov owns that patent.
Sorry I ruined your retirement dreams.

Re:Prior art (Score:5, Funny)

by Short Circuit ( 52384 ) writes: <mikemol@gmail.com> on Friday June 25, 2004 @10:31AM (#9527708) Homepage Journal

I had a dream:

Ten years from now, I'll be working in a large data center running primarily on UNIX variants. The company tour guide will lead his group in on the balcony, and will say, "Here are prime examples of the Berkeley Long-Hair. It's just about their feeding time."

Then the dumb waiter opens and there's some pizza...

my brain is going to explode (Score:3, Funny)

by Trailer Trash ( 60756 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @11:02AM (#9528058) Homepage

So now I have to root for Comcast, DirecTV and Charter? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re:OT: feeding the sig troll... (Score:3, Funny)

by NotQuiteReal ( 608241 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @12:15PM (#9528894) Journal

Thanks for the offer, but you can keep your $1. I thought for sure, you would simply change your sig and make me look silly ;-)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:3, Funny)

by h4rm0ny ( 722443 ) * writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @12:40PM (#9529221) Journal

I'm going to patent making jokes about patenting patenting; and while my patent on patenting patenting is pending, you'd best make the most of them, because patenting patenting jokes are getting patently unfunny and I (and my patent) shall soon be putting a stop to them.

So there!

Re:With lawsuits being the "In-Thing" (Score:3, Funny)

by hugesmile ( 587771 ) writes: on Friday June 25, 2004 @02:44PM (#9530903)

Vint Cerf, often refered to as the Father of the Internet (didn't he invent Web Cerfing?) defended Al Gore [interesting-people.org], and spoke of his great contribution (not a technical contribution).
But I think that the Internet would not exist without one key technology - the Algorithm [wikipedia.org], obviously named after Al himself.

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Profiting From A Vague Patent HOWTO 309

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Profiting From A Vague Patent HOWTO

Profit! (Score:3, Funny)

Wait a second... (Score:4, Funny)

I know your in there! (Score:0, Funny)

"some small adult entertainment companies" (Score:4, Funny)

Well I for one have found.... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:"some small adult entertainment companies" (Score:5, Funny)

My vague patent (Score:3, Funny)

Finally, a HOWTO that I can profit from... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Prior art (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:2, Funny)

With lawsuits being the "In-Thing" (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:3, Funny)

That's it (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Profit! (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Grabs popcorn (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Prior art (Score:2, Funny)

Finally... (Score:2, Funny)

RealNetworks' defense (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Finally, a HOWTO that I can profit from... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Prior art (Score:5, Funny)

my brain is going to explode (Score:3, Funny)

Re:OT: feeding the sig troll... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:With lawsuits being the "In-Thing" (Score:3, Funny)

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Profit! (Score:3, Funny)

Wait a second... (Score:4, Funny)

I know your in there! (Score:0, Funny)

"some small adult entertainment companies" (Score:4, Funny)

Well I for one have found.... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:"some small adult entertainment companies" (Score:5, Funny)

My vague patent (Score:3, Funny)

Finally, a HOWTO that I can profit from... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Prior art (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:2, Funny)

With lawsuits being the "In-Thing" (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:3, Funny)

That's it (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Profit! (Score:4, Funny)

Re:*Grabs popcorn* (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Prior art (Score:2, Funny)

Finally... (Score:2, Funny)

RealNetworks' defense (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Finally, a HOWTO that I can profit from... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Prior art (Score:5, Funny)

my brain is going to explode (Score:3, Funny)

Re:OT: feeding the sig troll... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Wait a second... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:With lawsuits being the "In-Thing" (Score:3, Funny)

Related Links Top of the: day, week, month.

Slashdot Top Deals

Re:Grabs popcorn (Score:5, Funny)