U.S. Justice Department Prepares Assault on Pr0n

An anonymous reader writes "The Baltimore Sun is reporting that the Justice Department is preparing to reawaken old laws to fight the war on ... no, not terrorists... porn! And not just the kinky stuff either. In the age of Internet connectivity, will this mean these jobs are headed to India too?"

Say what?

[Anonymous Coward]

In the age of Internet connectivity, will this mean these jobs are headed to India too?

They are going to outsource the DOJ? Good god, is nothing sacred?

War on Prawns!

[RobertB-DC]

U.S. Justice Department Prepares Assault on Pr0n

About damned time, too [godhatesshrimp.com]. The Long John Silvers giveaway was bad enough [ljsilvers.com].

who cares?

[Anonymous Coward]

In the age of Internet connectivity, will this mean these jobs are headed to India too?

Let's hope so. Indian women are hot.

Hmmm

[Neil Blender]

I hope they do a better job than the director of 'Anal Assault 5' .... Or do I?

How will this help Gas prices?

[Anonymous Coward]

I fail to see how this war will help gas prices at all? What's the point? :)

Hindi for Bukkake?

[Akai]

I for one welcome our new Indian porn actresses.

Re:Say what?

[Anonymous Coward]

Could be an improvement.

They can take my pr0n when...

[Anonymous Coward]

...they pry it from my glazed, sticky fingers!

Let me guess...

[Iberian]

They are going to say the pr0n you download isn't yours and that you can't make copies.

I wonder..

[HeLLLight]

how I would get a job there. Everytime I try to browse pRon at work from 9-5 my boss gets quite annoyed and threatens to end my contract. This guy is getting PAID to do it??!! And he is ALLOWED to??!!

Heh...

[Snarfvs Maximvs]

"Department officials say they will send 'ripples' through an industry"

Perhaps they mean "jiggles"?

Re:How will this help Gas prices?

[criordan]

It won't directly help lower gas prices. However, it will force us to walk places more often to burn off the calories that we used to lose doing other things.

That's normal

[Dinjay]

"Lam Nguyen's job is to sit for hours in a chilly, quiet room devoid of any color but gray and look at pornography"

Hmm...sounds like a day in the life of the /. crowd. It's just as well it cold in there...

Re:Heh...

[gamesmash]

they meant 'nipples'

Re:Pointless

[Flakbait]

Yeah, I can still remember about the first readings of erotic material over the telegraph back in the 1800's...

SHE GRASPED HIS THROBBING PURPLE WARRIOR IN HER HANDS STOP. OH SHE SAID ITS SO BIG STOP.

Pr0n..

[TR0GD0RtheBURNiNAT0R]

Pr0n?

Who's Pr0n? Is he the dictator of some oil-rich middle eastern country... :)

I'm ready...

[Lord of Ironhand]

Browsing at +5 -- check.
+3 bonus to funny -- check.
-3 penalty to everything else -- check.

Let the comments roll in!

Re:Why does this not surprise me?

[Homology]

This is of course being spear-headed by John Ashcroft, a very conservative christian

Compared to Ashcroft, Atila the Hun appears to be a flaming leftist liberal.

Best quote

[Lord_Dweomer]

Best quote from the article:
"This job, which Nguyen does earnestly from 9 to 5, surrounded by a half-dozen other "computer forensic specialists" like him, has become the focal point of the Justice Department's operation to rid the world of porn."

First, where do I sign up, and second, I sure as hell hope there are at least cubicle dividers between these "computer forensic specialists".

Re:How will this help Gas prices?

[The_Mystic_For_Real]

This will have a definite effect on gas prices. Although their will be a drop in price on oil used for lubrication, more people will be driving to brothels, so we will have to wait and see what this actually does.

Re:Dear dear dear

[Caharin]

Sure, I'm dead-set against kiddie porn - string them up by the bollocks and burn them over a slow fire.

Come on, those kids have it bad enough, you wouldn't be helping any by burning them!

Re:who cares?

[Anonymous Coward]

Word of warning: Don't ever search for "indian woman" (without the quotes) on Google Image Search with filtering turned off.

After some brief research, I must concur with this statement.

My article was rejected but this one made it?

[GPLDAN]

I posted a good article about how the Xbox2 won't be using ATI or Nvidia, and it was shot down. But this article makes it?

I should have posted how Xbox 2 was going to stream P0rn on the net, I guess.

Re:Pointless

[GPLDAN]

What was the first message sent over the telephone?

"Come here Watson, I want you."

True story.

Re:My article was rejected but this one made it?

[BCW2]

If you had titled it right, it's the seXbox because everytime someone gives Gates money we all get screwed.

Quit whining about articles not getting posted. Michael is up and nothing that doesn't promoted liberals or slams Bush will get posted.

Re:How will this help Gas prices?

[The_Mystic_For_Real]

If I had a girlfriend, do you think I would be posting stupid jokes on /.?

Re:Pointless

[Mononoke]

The plural of medium is media. "Mediums" is just one of those words we're forced to accept due to mass ignorance (e.g., formulas, personas, platypuses).

Unless you are talking about more than one psychic, of course. [reference.com]

Re:Say what?

[47Ronin]

Let me be the first to say "N O O O O O O O O !!!"

Re:I've never understood why sex is taboo in the U

[Tumbleweed]

Yeah, but the problem seems to be that he thinks he was _annointed_.

In my community...

[Necromancyr]

In my community it's offensive for extremely hot women to wear clothes. It offends God, whom created such beauty to be observed.

I need to find some hotties to sue.

Re:Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

[Strider-BG]

Well, that's the thing. When the Bushies first came into office, Porn was at the top of their list. Then 9/11 happened and Ashcroft was distracted by the opportunity to stomp all over people's Civil Liberties with the support of Congress.

So now he's just going back to his original plan.

Re:Hmmm

[Sj0]

'Anal Assault 5'? That makes 'Naughty Nurses 3' look like 'Girls Gone Wild 6'!!!

Not that.....I'd know...

you didn't know?

[sulli]

ashcroft is the goatse man. scary but true.

DAMN THOSE REPUBLICANS!!

[Enrique1218]

I guess now I have to get a girlfriend. Damn ASHCROFT!!! Damn those REPUBLICANS!!! VICTIMS they say!? Yeah, only if they count the occasional cramping I get in my hands. I want Clinton back damnit!!! Then, I can be a pervert in peace and not feel shameful about it.

+1 Karma Sutra

[craXORjack]

will this mean these jobs are headed to India too?

new newsgroup:

nttp//alt.binary.pictures.employed.indian.brunette

Re:Pointless

[estes_grover]

OH SHE SAID ITS SO BIG STOP.
Don't stop stop. Please don't stop stop.

Pornophobic

[Ender77]

See. This is what happens when your whole family walks in your room and catches you jacking off with a porno mag when your a teenager. You get emotionally scarred for life and grow up to be a pornophobic Attorney General.

Re:How will this help Gas prices?

[680x0]

stable partners

You mean like Catherine the Great? :-)

Sorry, couldn't resist. :-)

Re:Dear dear dear

[shadowbearer]

The perfect antithesis then, to all the people who pay for the 'products' on sale. The line "Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?" springs to mind. Have you in fact checked he's still alive ?


Reminds me of an old joke:
--
A bum, who'd obviously seen more than his share of hard times, approached a well-dressed man on the street. "Hey, Buddy .....can you spare two dollars?"

The well-dressed man replied, "You're not going to spend it on liquor are you?"

"No, sir, I don't drink," the bum responded.

"You're not going to throw it away on fishing gear, are you?" the gentleman asked.

"No... I don't fish either!" answered the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money on a deer lease, would you?" asks the man. "No, I wouldn't!" says the bum, "I don't hunt!"

So the man asked the bum if he'd like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepted eagerly. On the way to the man's house, the bum's curiosity got the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be upset when you bring a guy like me to your house for dinner?"

"Well, probably," said the man, "but it'll be well worth it for her to see what happens to a man that doesn't drink, fish or hunt".
--

SB

Only Extreme?

[SeinJunkie]

If your job was to surf for extreme porn all day, is it still considered slacking if your boss catches you browsing softcore?

Re:I've never understood why sex is taboo in the U

[Anonymous Coward]

I realize you are flame-baiting but I'll answer your question anyway.

Sex outside marriage is wrong, and sex in and of itself is a sacred act, the use of which God set strict rules for. Pornography may encourage violation of these rules while portraying no consequences. The hard truth of the matter is that while everyone can choose whatever they want to do, NO ONE can choose the consequences of their actions, and that is one thing that porn (and a bunch of other trash in the media) fails to portray. That is one reason why some of us are all-too-happy to see porn attacked, because we are tired of the lies, the filth, and the scourge that it places over society.

Sex within marriage is the only acceptable way to practice sex. Anything or anyone who suggests otherwise is deceived.

cf. Bush's broadband initiative

[bat, blind as a]

Bush wants everyone to have broadband. The DoJ wants to rid the internet of porn. I don't think the left hand knows what the right hand is doing. (no pun intended - well, ok, it is)

Re:Dear dear dear

[Anonymous Coward]

But - but it IS in the Bible!

Hezekiah 3:16 - "Woe unto him who seeth the nipple of a woman, for he shall surely perish."

Re:If pr0n is outlawed...

[Moocowsia]

Most of slashdot probably already downloads warez and music. Porn would just add another offense to most peoples list. Just imagine if you got the repeat offender penalty though. Life for jerkin your girkin.. Good thing I'm in Canada or I'd be screwed.

Re:I work in the industry

[shadowbearer]

I agree completely with you; but :) if makeup makes you think of sex even while looking at a five year old, you have a problem.

I suggest forced viewing of Tammy Fae Baker (crying or not) for at least an hour a day until you are cured. :)

SB

Re:I live in germany but....

[Anonymous Coward]

Always remember: the puritans, the founding fathers of America, were so stuck up the British kicked them out.

Fight Back with Bukkake Ashcroft!

[Maj. Kong]

It's time to get tough. No wimpy ribbons this time. It's time for the Bukkake Ashcroft Campaign for Free Speech.

1. Download a picture [google.com] of the Attorney General.
2. Make a color print of the picture.
3. Jerk off on the picture. Do not look at the picture while you jerk off. Well, you could, but I don't want to know about it. I suggest you close your eyes and think of Asia [google.com].
4. If the face of the man who wrote "Let the Eagle Soar" [cnn.com] isn't liberally (heh) covered with spooge, GOTO 3.
5. Take a picture of your Bukkake Ashcroft. Do not, REPEAT, do not use a flatbed scanner.
6. Post this picture on your home page. Or use someone else's [usdoj.gov] site if you're so inclined.
7. ?????
8. Free Speech!

I guarantee that if enough people do this, it'll have an effect that a million EFF ribbons [google.com] couldn't hope to match.

Maj. Kong

Re:Fewer chargebacks to credit card companies

[SacredNaCl]

Call in to your CC company, say "I didn't make these charges, blah"... Visa rep sees they're for porn and immediately lets you chargeback. Of course, they don't want to inconvenience the "poor" customer, so they don't invalidate the card. This raises a question: If you didn't make those charges, who did, scumbag?

Back in the early 90's I had a roommate that made a mess of 1-900 sex line calls. Now I'm not one to care as long as they get paid for. So I took the bill to him and asked him "Hey, Dave, did you make these calls?" He looks at it, tells me "No". Okay, I figure the landlady had some people in the house working on our place all week, maybe they did while we were out. This is a pretty substantial bill, more than $500, so I proceed to call each & every one of these companies to dispute the charges. I'm on the phone all morning. Not a problem getting them removed until I get to one that has recorded the entire phone conversation. Dave identifies himself as "Bob" in the call and from the minute or two I heard of it it was a gay incest fantasy line.
I tell them, no, I don't recognize the voice, but they still wont remove the charge.

Anyway, band comes over to practice and I'm singing in the PA as Dave walks in. I'm pretty pissed because he lied to me. If he just would have owned up and paid it I would never have told a soul. So I greet Dave over the PA as this: "Bob! Bobby! Bob-a-rino! Bobby Bo Bina Bo! Robert! Robbie Roberto! Hows it hanging?" Everyone in the room knows what is going on, watched him turn beet red. On the downside, he skipped without paying off the rest of the calls so I got stung for around $70. On the plus side, I got a much better roommate a week later.

Re:who cares?

[Nikkodemus]

Anyone for fudge drops?

Re:Is Ashcroft insane?

[M. Baranczak]

I don't know of a single case where porn has been responsible for a car accident, although it's an interesting mental image.

You're thinking of "Cannonball Run" and the Subaru (driven by Jackie Chan) with the in-dash VCR (the height of early-80s entertainment technology).

Re:War on Prawns!

[bobbozzo]

Everyone in the San Fernando Valley, RUN!
The marines are invading!

Prawnography is a serious problem.

[Dlugar]

Just visit www.prawnography.net [prawnography.net] if you don't believe me.

Filthy, absolutely filthy. How can the government allow people to publish this smut--and online, where anybody can access it! Please, won't somebody think of the children?

Dlugar

Re:Pointless

[macdaddy357]

Romanes Eunt Domus.

The people of Missouri spoke...

[TrentL]

...and they elected a dead guy [cnn.com] instead of re-electing Ashcroft.

Re:The problem is

[Rakarra]

that only small-time pr0n businesses and the ones who'll most likely suffer the most from this crackdown.

That's right, it's the mom and pop porn producers that will be hurt the most.

Re:Hmmm

[Noren]

Let me guess, you read about it in People? [spscriptorium.com]

Randy: [debriefing Gerald and Sheila] And so that's the situation. All the boys are out there somewhere with a... pornographic videotape.
Sheila: Oh God, this, this is horrible!
Gerald: All right, calm down. Now, just how bad of a porno tape are we talking here? I mean, was it like Crotch Capers 3?
Randy: I'm a...afraid it was... Back Door Sluts 9. [he and Sharon hang their heads in shame]
Gerald, Chris: Back Door Sluts 9???
Linda: Is that bad?
Chris: Back Door Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!
Gerald: It, it is the single most vile, twisted, dark piece of porn ever made. [Sheila gets angrier by the word]
Sheila: [slaps him] How the hell do you know?!
Gerald: [shakily] I, uh, I I I read about it in People.

Re:Dear dear dear

[Anonymous Coward]

Me thinks that this is all part of a plan to get to a point where to recruit new US troups for the war on terror the US can promise young sexually repressed and oppressed males that they can go straight to heaven if they go the the mideast and blow up islamic extremists. They will be told that they will be greated at heavens gates by comly virgins will to do all sorts of things to them....

Nah, that could never work...

Oh shit...

Re:This is Seriously Fucked Up

[the_mad_poster]

Larry Flynt comes into your house, kicks you in the nuts, puts a porno in your VCR, then makes a bunch of callback requests to sex lines.

Now... with the nut-kicking thing... there is the little issue of him being a cripple, of course....

Re:They can take my pr0n when...

[Lehk228]

how about "Ascroft LOVES the cock"

Re:Only Extreme?

[Anonymous Coward]

what kind of text reader do you use ?

P.J. O'Rourke said it best...

[Anonymous Coward]

"Republicans claim government doesn't work, then get elected and prove it."
-- P.J. O'Rourke, "Parliment of Whores"

Re:stupid dang "goody two shoes" USA pollies

[llefler]

...defended a video store there against state charges that it was renting two obscene videotapes...

They reached the verdict in less than three hours

They would have taken longer, but the movies were short.

Re:They can take my pr0n when...

[Cervantes]

+5 Ewwwwww