Omniscience Protocol

solidox writes "There is a new RFC discussing the Omniscience Protocol. It proposes that every computer be installed with an OP Client which would allow law enforcement ('Good guys.') and copyright holders (RIAA, MPAA) to remotely destroy the computer of any user who has been involved in copyright infringement ('evil-doer'). The client will be completely undetectable and unremovable by even the most skilled hacker. It also must be able to report to the server at any time. 'The OP must be able to communicate through uncooperative firewalls, NATs, and when the computer is disconnected from the Internet.' So if your computer randomly blows up in the next while, you can put the blame on this."

Old News!

[American AC in Paris]

C'mon, Slashdot. The alpha version of this has been avaliable since, like, the dawn of time.

(Call me before they go gold with the omega release, though...)

Re:goddamn, this isn't FUNNY, it's STUPID!

[hesiod]

> would you say it's okay for me to be prosecuted for the rape, but my right to free speech means nobody should have the power to take the pictures down?

Except that a picture isn't speech. Even if you don't believe that line, the pictures would be of the commission of a felonious assault, and I believe, illegal. Since that is a stretch, let's step away from the actual subject. Photographers, to use their pictures, must have the consent of everyone in the picture to distribute it. Unless the rape vic

Scariest thing I have every read

[panxerox]

This is the scariest thing I have every read. Basically what is being said is that since you the consumer have abused your freedom (in the implied words of Hatch et.al) you now loose that freedom and will be punished at the will and whim of the Corporate (tm). In the minds (and I use that term loosely) of these people the freedoms that we have enjoyed as a people were never really ours but were theirs to dole out as they saw fit, to their benefit to their profit. The veil has been lifted and we now see the true face of our would be oppressors.

Re:Scariest thing I have every read

[DR SoB]

You think that's scary, G.W. Bush just signed a law, that effectively bans YOUR MOTHER!

Re:Scariest thing I have every read

[Dun Malg]

You think that's scary, G.W. Bush just signed a law, that effectively bans YOUR MOTHER!

No! First an RIAA spy program on my computer in clear violation of the 3rd Amendment, and now MY MOTHER? Sick, sick world...

Re:Scariest thing I have every read

[Anonymous Coward]

If you knew my mother you would agree with that ban.

Read the RFC (date)

[HTH NE1]

FR6: The OP client must be able to discern the motives of the operator of the OP server and not run if those motives are not pure.

Discussion: Since it cannot be assumed that the operators of the OP server will always have the best motives, the OP client must be able to reject requests from the OP server if the operator of the server has an evil (or illegal) intent.

Um, isn't this a functional impass in the protocol?

Re:Read the RFC (date)

[curiosity]

No - they can use the Evil Bit. RFC 3514.

Re:Hello? Check the date

[Em Emalb]

Did it ever occur to any of you humor impaired folks that some of us actually like to *gasp*

go along with the joke?

Or, as a certain AC around here is fond of saying:

No shit, sherlock! ;)

Re:Hello? Check the date

[HTH NE1]

Just because an protocol is proposed on 1 April doesn't mean someone won't try to implement it. Consider RFC 2549 [rfc-editor.org].

Re:Scariest thing I have every read

[TXH-88]

Oh boy, I think ye've loosed it now.

Re:Why?

[rutledjw]

Mod parent down.

Happy April Fool's Day. D@mn I'm dumb...

Re:Why?

[madfgurtbn]

I agree that it's a difficult challenge, but in this day and age, is it really impossible? Especially if it becomes an election issue. I think this is the year that the presidential election could turn on technical issues such as this.

Re:Why?

[madfgurtbn]

DRM ciphers the files on your computer and requires remote authorization (via the Internet) before deciphering them. It requires hardware support to prevent running unauthorized programs which could possibly save the file in unciphered format.

The government would never allow this. No way.

Re:Scariest thing I have every read

[RLW]

Yes it did, but this is obvioulsy such an important issue that I could not possibly be a joke. An intent aware protocol is vitally important in order to maintane our rights, freedoms, and security. In fact when the 'net develops awareness then all crimes which involve network traffic will be detected, solved, and ajudicated in 30ms or less or it's free.

Hail the computer! The computer is our friend!

Remote Destruction

[dolo666]

"The client will be completely undetectable and unremovable by even the most skilled hacker."

This statement reminded me of the "hacker" from the movie The Core [imdb.com], who asked for an unlimited supply of hotpockets and Xena tapes. But I've seen this post before, or is it deja vu? Fact is, any system that can be built, can be bypassed, so I don't know what the hell he's talking about.

Re:Remote Destruction

[madfgurtbn]

Fact is, any system that can be built, can be bypassed, so I don't know what the hell he's talking about.

But if it's not undetectable, it can't be removed. Pretty scary stuff, if you ask me. Undetectable software should be illegal.

Who cares about the RFC..

[xTK-421x]

The real thing I want to know is how many times are we going to see this posted today?

Finally!

[BlackLeader]

Now the world will be free from pirates forever! No more swabbin' the deck and leerin' at young lasses at ports of call! Today is a great victory for democracy!

communicate disconnected from the internet?

[eljasbo]

I wonder if putting tinfoil around my computer would circumvent this?

Re:communicate disconnected from the internet?

[Manfre]

Tin foil may not do the trick...try really strong magnets. :)

Re:communicate disconnected from the internet?

[lone_marauder]

Magnets aren't enough! You also have to scramble the electrical field. Here's what I use:

Set up a repeating fire tesla coil device, such as a stun gun or camera flash with the leads exposed, and place if very near your computer case. It must arc constantly to be effective. I have a friend who uses a jacob's ladder for this purpose, but I haven't tested that solution. You may have to provide additional ventilation to prevent ozone buildup.

Conspiracy alert! - the feds are on to this idea and have wor

Re:communicate disconnected from the internet?

[Lumpy]

Tin foil may not do the trick...try really strong magnets. :)

I found the most effective way of keeping the RIAA and evil government officials out of your computer is to wrap the whole thing in about 1000 to 3000 turns of insulated copper wire the more the better. then take both bare ends and tie it to a modulated voltage source, the MAINS voltage that the PC runs off of will do best as it's the same frequency that the Evil doers will be using so effectively cancelling out what they do. now powering up t

Why?

[vurg]

Why did the author write this RFC? Is he sucking up to the feds/RIAA?

Misprint

[ArmenTanzarian]

"to remotely destroy the computer of any user who has been involved in copyright infringement"

I think they actually meant:
"to remotely destroy the user of any computer who has been involved in copyright infringement"

Me Scared?

[jellomizer]

Well not much to worry about.
1. In a free market force everyone (100% of all people) to use a protocol. Um I will make and OS that doesn't use it.
2. Make a protocol where only the good guys can do damage. Um I am a bad guy working for the good guys, now what.
3. Undetectable and Unremovable if someone can install it, it can be removed. Its is only magnetic bits.
4. Goes threw any firewall. Ummm it is still bits I can still block any that I don't expect.
5. When the computer is disconnected from the internet?

Re:Me Scared?

[maxwell demon]

1 is already under work by MS and the music industry, with help of the hardware manufacturer. It is called DRM and Trusted Computing.

2 is simple: If you have access to a destruction server, you are by definition good guy.

3 is possible with help of 1, if by "uninstallable" you mean "cannot be uninstalled without rendering the complete machine inoperable, except by changing hardware".

4 is possible if you control the firewall. See 1.

5 is avoidable through 1 again: Just have your DRM bios render the machine

sigh

[Anonymous Coward]

The only news on /. I'll believe on April 1 are stories about SCO being scum or Microsoft being evil monopolists.

Re:sigh

[Java Pimp]

The only news on /. I'll believe on April 1 are stories about SCO being scum or Microsoft being evil monopolists.

OK, Here [bbspot.com] you [bbspot.com] go [bbspot.com]!

Re:sigh

[DrWhizBang]

I'm just waiting for the "SCO changes mind, makes up with IBM, GPLs Unixware" story to be released. It's only a matter of time...

Will this be based on RFC 3514?

[Chairboy]

Will this be based on RFC 3514? The RIAA could easily scan for systems with the 'evil bit' set to reduce the risk of accidentally hitting an innocent system.

http://www.faqs.org/rfcs/rfc3514.html

It's going to be a loooong day.

[SysPig]

I think I'll just come back tomorrow.

Re:It's going to be a loooong day.

[jellomizer]

The only day in the year when this can be modded up.

Simply patheticc.

[juuri]

This is it?

This is the most imaginative idea someone could come up with for an April fools joke?

You are kidding, right?

Re:Simply patheticc.

[hanssprudel]

Since when is this an April Fool's joke?

It's actually called Palladium, and Microsoft is rolling it out together with Longhorn. The necessary hardware modification, in the form of TCPA or the Phoenix DRM bios, are already around the corner.

Re:Simply patheticc.

[HepCatA]

Yes, but there is NO way in the world that this can happ****POOF***

They don't need Palladium for that

[SanityInAnarchy]

Actually, all they need to do is send out a "security update" -- which they are allowed to install on your computer without notice from you -- wich accidently-on-purpose destroys it. They can't be held liable -- after all, didn't you read the license agreement which says there's no warrenty? It was a bug, which they are not liable for...

And btw, Palladium is all they need to force the issue, because Palladium prevents you from installing the kind of software that would counteract that -- because it might cause problems with copyright. This includes Linux, afaik -- you honestly can't expect me to ask Microsoft to sign every kernel build I make?

Unless these "features" can be turned off, for the record, I will use this machine until it rusts before I buy something which will not let me run Linux.

Mod on April Fools Day

[millahtime]

/. should add to the mod system for april fools day. -1 gullable.

Re:Mod on April Fools Day

[gowen]

Gullable: adj, susceptible to attacks by seabirds.

Gullible: adj, easily fooled.

(And they told me "gullible" wasn't in my dictionary)

Not funny

[nuggz]

The funny or not funny thing is that the RIAA and other groups HAVE been pressuring the US gov to legislate such features.
I think a senator even supported this idea.

Re:Simply patheticc.

[isorox]

This aint a joke

Re:Simply patheticc.

[k3v0]

Suprnova [suprnova.org] got creative, they went Japanese...

Re:Simply patheticc.

[Alizarin Erythrosin]

Don't forget about the evil bit last year... Althought it was funny that they kept posting the same story reworded a bunch of times...

oh please

[queen of everything]

Maybe its just me, but this sounds like a pile of crap. Aside from the fact that its just a ridiculous concept...name something that can be installed that even a skilled "hacker" can't edit, work around, or completely remove.

Evil Bit

[somethinghollow]

Couple this with the evil bit [slashdot.org], and what will happen?

Re:Evil Bit

[gid]

I don't know, but what would happen if you added in the evil bit [slashdot.org]?

Oh crap!!!

[whiteranger99x]

OMFG!!! it's time for me to delete the old MP3/w4r3z/pr0n on the HD!!!

Wait, April Fool's? *phew* I got scared there, now I can take care of some business to kick off the day :D

Now I trust that the federales won't REALLY go after me today, cause that would be evil :)

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:SPAM Mails are more believable

[cjpez]

Well, technically this one's not a *slashdot* april fool's joke, as the RFC linked to actually *is* an RFC...

Re:SPAM Mails are more believable

[defsdoor]

Time to upgrade your computer Sir! Wang haven't been making machines now for donkey's years.

Re:SPAM Mails are more believable

[Bigman]

Wang... Donkeys... F'nar f'nar f'nar!!!

Re:SPAM Mails are more believable

[DR SoB]

So the wang extender cream didn't work for you either? That's the last time I trust spam from Y04373373M0173R!!!

Infringing Copyright

[term8or]

... I created DesTozzer last year. I'll have to blow up the "Good Guys" for infringing my ViralWarz.

Power lines and other shortcomings

[gtrubetskoy]

I find this RFC a bit limited because it does not seem to cover power lines. The protocol could easily include a provision to control devices that are merely plugged-in to the power outlet. A later version could extend this support to TCP capable nano-devices that could, for example, infiltrate common appliances (e.g. phones, fridges, tv's) and report back over powerlines on their status.

So I doubt this RFC would gain adoption without those things.

Re:Power lines and other shortcomings

[dkleinsc]

That would be the Omniscient Power Protocol (O.P.P.), which was developed a decade ago by Naughty by Nature.

NEVER.

[baudilus]

The only way I see this happening is law enforcement forcing ISPs to check for this protocol on connected computers before allowing internet access. Those that refuse, don't have internet access. I wonder what that would do to internet retailers such as amazon.com when their sales drop through the floor because people refuse to install this garbage. It wouldn't take long to bury this "OP".

Hah!

[Himring]

Just another April fools jo.... (connection reset by peer)

wow

[2MuchC0ffeeMan]

it's already 10am and i'm already sick of the april fools jokes...

it has to be believable for it to work, maybe next year everyone will try harder.

Good And Bad

[amigoro]

Who's going to decide whose good and whose bad? What is the criteria? And what about the due process of the law? What about someone being innocent until provent guilty?

This 1984, only 20 years later, but much more real, and much more sinister. In terms of protection of civil liberties, the world is heading south so far, it won't be long before it emerges back from north.

And there are other issues too. What if this falls into the hands of the "Bad Guys" they seek to destroy. What if it malicious crackers e

Heh.

[ivern76]

Quick suggestion: don't believe anything you read on April 1st.

Cool!

[Dutchmaan]

I just downloaded it off Kazaa *Lite*!

Someone Mod Me Offtopic

[sethadam1]

I'm sorry, but does anyone else think Slashdot April Fools jokes have just been lame the last two years.

Everyone take a clue: if your joke isn't believable, subtle, or even remotely funny, don't submit it.

This stuff is just plain stupid.

Oh really

[Llywelyn]

"The client will be completely undetectable and unremovable by even the most skilled hacker. "

If you believe that is doable I have some oceanfront property in Colorado I'd love to sell you...

C'mon, get more creative than that

[syntap]

I expect higher quality April Fools jokes from the /. crowd... oh well, day ain't over yet.

Solving the Internet connection problem

[chefren]

You can solve the constant connection requirement by using CPIP [ietf.org] to connect to the Internet.

That Blamed Evil Bit

[Hettch]

You know, I had an odd feeling that the evil bit I heard so much about last year might in some way not be used for the good of the public.

Quit posting these april fools jokes.

[Eudial]

Quit posting these april fools jokes otherwise RIAA and MPAA might read this and actually implement it.

You down with OPP?

[The Gline]

Yeah, you know me!

I used to have an alpha of this on my system

[WolfWithoutAClause]

That version mostly only scrambled harddrives though. In the end I uninstalled it. I believe the early development name of the alpha version was 'Windows 95'.

The best part has to be...

[juggleme]

the email address.

[e-mail]?

Yeah...

Best April Fools Joke

[nutznboltz]

Sun has delivered the first viable Microsoft Windows alternative. [walmart.com]

4/1 TCPA Relabeling

[4of12]

Great!

Let's go for it, just as soon as the levels of trustworthiness and responsibility become equal to the level of power.

Missing the Point

[SlipJig]

All you guys complaining that /. should try harder on their April Fools' jokes are missing the point. The funny part isn't the posting - it's laughing at the folks who still didn't get it. By that logic, the more obvious you make the joke, the better :)

A Little Slow

[Doesn't_Comment_Code]

...unremovable by even the most skilled hacker

Have we learned nothing?

My God

[fizban]

It's only 11 AM Eastern time. That means we have 13 hours left of this stupid ass shit. I just may have to kick my ./ addiction for the day. Must resist... no click link... stop insanity...

hostile servers

[evenprime]

The client will be completely undetectable and unremovable by even the most skilled hacker.

I am *SO* glad this is an april fool's day joke. Imagine how much fun blackhats would have with hostile OP servers: "I'll destroy all your computers if you don't wire money to this swiss bank account..."

Now THAT was a prank

[Ridgelift]

It proposes that every computer be installed with an OP Client which would allow law enforcement ('Good guys.') and copyright holders (RIAA, MPAA) to remotely destroy the computer of any user who has been involved in copyright infringement ('evil-doer').

For those of you new to slashdot, April 1st is normally a "non-stuff that matters" day around here. Today is all about nerds playing jokes on the uninformed.

My favorite joke was the Parrot Prank [oreilly.com] which involved everyone's favourite publisher O'Reilly [oreilly.com]. T

Good one

[photon317]

While they make a good case about how impossible it is to determine legal jurisdiction and determine the existance and nature of legal violations, the technical issues that they raise with this RFC would mostly be solved by pervasive DRM. Eventually, every PC, every NAT/router box, etc will have embedded DRM, and you won't be able to stop the deployment and invisibility of something like OP with DRM (with keys controlled by all the wrong people) in your way.

If this weren't an April Fool's Joke...

[MImeKillEr]

..I'd nuke my XP Pro installation and slap the copy of Lindows 4.5 I downloaded from their site (for free!) on my box.

The funny thing is ...

[hiero]

... that as absurd as the requirements of this RFC are, they would have to actually be implemented for DRM to be non-hackable.

Yeah, So What?

[bfg9000]

The client will be completely undetectable and unremovable by even the most skilled hacker.

So what? You're describing Longhorn. It's been posted about 4 million times on Slashdot. Big deal, by then Linux will rule the desktop. And as long as Microsoft has their greedy little incompetent fingers in there, my mamma could hack it using only her Palm Pilot and Froogle.

I'm not worried.

Re:Yeah, So What?

[maxwell demon]

Longhorn will be completely undetectable?

Re:Yeah, So What?

[bfg9000]

You'll never see it on my computer. ;-)

hmmm

[argStyopa]

(swims up from the deep)

(examines garish bait)

(swims away)

Modded -1, too extreme to be convincing.

Good Thinking

[Doesn't_Comment_Code]

Ok, we know there are terrorists who want to destroy America/the West. We've invested billions trying to slow them down and beat them to the punch. Now somebody wants to install an auto-destruct on every computer so that if (when) an exploit is discovered, someone could take down the entire electronic infrastructure of the country and parts of the rest of the world without even putting in the work to write an email virus?

BAD IDEA

Here's the entire thing graphicly explained

[pair-a-noyd]

for those that can't find their orthopedic hats, [antifork.org]

Anyone else find it odd/humorous...

[Tuxedo Jack]

That the initials for the author (at the bottom of the document) are S.O.B.?

Of course, only S.O.B.s would try to write this protocol, but...

Bad.

[Elpacoloco]

Bad, naughty, evil, RIAA!

Now if my computer explodes, I plan to sue you for not only hacking, but vandalism and terrorism.

Had you not done this, I would have just assumed that exploding computers were due to freak environmental conditions!

Bad idea

[MoFoQ]

It's worse than opening a beef steakhouse in India or a kiddie store in the pedophile ward of a maximum security prison. It can open up a can of worms that you don't want; mainly for lawyers. I can already see this system being abused. Hackers being able to exploit it and take down computers of ppl or corporations that they don't like. Hell, I can only imagine the backlash from those false positive victims. What's next? Watch p0rn and you're not the only thing to fizzle and blow? What about those "tr

Please...

[Shadow2097]

C'mon now, we all know that just by looking for the evil bit at the start of OP packets we can filter them out. In fact, I'm pretty sure there were SEVERAL stories about this just about a year ago...

-Shadow

Re:Please...

[Junta]

And of course, when we note the evil bit being set, we just shoot the avian carrier out of the sky to drop the packet...

April 1st RFCs

[Arathrael]

There is a long tradition of April 1st RFCs - see Wikipedia's entry [wikipedia.org].

I thought this one was quite funny - note, by the way, that it doesn't propose that every computer be installed with an OP client, it just proposes the requirements for a protocol enabling that. The requirements are impossible. That's kind of the point, I thought. I suppose you'd have to RTFA to get that though... :-)

Evil Bit?

[Raven42rac]

Will this protocol also use the "Evil Bit"?

Full list of april fools jokes

[Urgo]

For a full updated list of sites pulling april fools jokes see here [urgo.org]

Some highlites:
livejournal.com [livejournal.com] - on userinfo pages, "Friend"/"Friend Of" -> "Stalking"/"Stalked By"
www.gpf-comics.com [gpf-comics.com] - Comic mirrored.
smh.com.au [smh.com.au] - Yum-cha trolleys with "L" plates
www.clutchfans.com [clutchfans.com] - Patrick Ewing returning to NBA
www.freeciv.org [freeciv.org] - Freeciv ANSI client
www.rav4world.com [rav4world.com] - Closed? Should have announced that TOMORROW!
www.retrocrush.com [retrocrush.com] - Nude pics of Jaclyn Smith
westcoaster.net [westcoaster.net] - Roller coaster site turned into teen girl site
www.meowpawjects.com [meowpawjects.com] - Sock people forced webmaster to take website down.
miceage.com [miceage.com] - Disney merges with Walmart
www.badgerbadgerbadger.com [badgerbadgerbadger.com] - Badgers replaces with zombies
skepdic.com [skepdic.com] - Skeptic's Dictionary closing
fool.com [fool.com] - Buffett buys Krispy Cream
launch.com [launch.com] - Britney Spears & Jason Alexander To Renew Wedding Vows
MetaFilter.com [metafilter.com] - Turned in to a Wiki for the day
www.ddrkc.com [ddrkc.com] - owner sold site to a user that is unpopular
brownpau.com [brownpau.com] - March for Web Standards
www.beyondunreal.com [beyondunreal.com] - ut2k4 production suspended
globetechnology.com [globetechnology.com] - Microsoft Solitaire
www.modernwiccan.com [modernwiccan.com] - Randomized Color Scheme
bbs.fuckedcompany.com [fuckedcompany.com] - Site shutting down
www.diary-x.com [diary-x.com] - looks like diaryland!
theprp.com [theprp.com] - Music site to "Previously Ridden Ponies"
mpx200.org [mpx200.org] - Pocket PC with 2Gb system memory/Smart Drunk Pocket PC application
www.macosxhints.com [macosxhints.com] - triple G5 Powermacs
www.slyfx.com [slyfx.com] - AOL buys slyfx
palminfocenter.com [palminfocenter.com] - Palms for toddlers.
www.carniola.org [carniola.org] - fake news story
eikenes.alvestrand.no [alvestrand.no] - Considering porn spam to be in a separate dialect to everything else
defunctgames.com [defunctgames.com] - Pimps At Sea fox xbox

Lame... So obvious

[glenebob]

What fun is it reading April fools jokes when they are so blatantly obvious before getting to the second sentence? Come on guys, where is the believability? Leave the obvious bull-shit to George Lucas, please?

Re:I smell shenanigans

[dheltzel]

Gee, ya think so?

We've got a quick one here, fellas!

Re:Lame...

[Rallion]

I don't know, I like it that way. It means you can laugh so much harder at the idiots who get all scared.

Re:Oh purlease

[thrillseeker]

I can't decide what's funnier - the people who don't realize it's an april fools thing, or the people who just barely realize it, to the point where they feel the need to point it out to others.

I think it's the people who feel a need to comment on Slashdot on such a thing ... oh wait ...

Re:let's not exagerate

[surprise_audit]

who has ever heard of something that worked on ALL computers, regardless of configuration, type or OS?

One word: BIOS

If it were non-flashable firmware, you'd be hard-pressed to remove it. More to the point, it could be built into a dedicated microcontroller monitoring the system, or maybe into the north/south bridge chips.

Before you scoff, just think how the hell you'd know if "they" did do that, until the day your motherboard mysteriously overheats...

Re:oh I see...

[surprise_audit]

Probably using gravity waves from the captive black hole that will eventually be used to destroy the computer when the Powers That Be finally decide they have enough evidence...