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Caldera Government Software The Courts Your Rights Online Linux News

SCO Postpones Lawsuit, Now Threatening Two 532

Posted by timothy from the laughingstock-with-lawyers dept.
zzxc writes "In a surprise turn of events, SCO says that they need more time to prepare an announcement of who they are going to sue. According to SCO, the lawsuits will be announced tomorrow morning shortly before a phone-in conference in which will be outlining their financial report. You can call 1-800-818-5264 code 141144 Wednesday at 9:00am MST to join in with your questions, or listen to the webcast. They also have said that these first two lawsuits will be against companies that hold SCO Unix licenses. (EV1.net servers or Lindows?)"
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SCO Postpones Lawsuit, Now Threatening Two More

SCO Postpones Lawsuit, Now Threatening Two

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  • I hope they sue those 2 Quiznoes monsters.... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:28PM (#8447433)
    They freak me out.

  • Wha? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Rick Zeman ( 15628 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:29PM (#8447440)
    They also have said that these first two lawsuits will be against companies that hold SCO Unix licenses. (EV1.net servers or Lindows?)"

    Huh? That can't be right. How could they be suing EV1 when they've already paid their extort^K^K^K^Klicense money.

  • Oblig Info Minister Comment (Score:5, Funny)

    by Knunov ( 158076 ) <eat@my.ass> on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:29PM (#8447444) Homepage
    "We will sue TWO of them against the gates of the courtroom...IN ONE HOUR!"

    Knunov

  • Hello, my name is George (Score:4, Funny)

    by BoneFlower ( 107640 ) <anniethebruce AT gmail DOT com> on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:31PM (#8447465) Journal
    And I'm addicted to SCO news stories.

  • Re:I hope they sue those 2 Quiznoes monsters.... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Shut the fuck up! ( 572058 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:31PM (#8447469)
    These guys? [rathergood.com]

  • The only logical choice.... (Score:5, Funny)

    by overbyj ( 696078 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:31PM (#8447471)
    is for SCO to sue SCO. They are not a tech company but they use Linux. (go check Netcraft....they have actually dabbled in BSD for a bit on www.sco.com)

  • Re:.. the aftermath.. (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:33PM (#8447494)
    After being in the revenge business for so long....

    How about being the Dread Pirate Roberts?

  • Re:.. the aftermath.. (Score:5, Funny)

    by cryms0n ( 52620 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:33PM (#8447500)
    Probably the same thing we did before SCO came onto the scene.

    Masturbate furiously.

    Huzzah!

  • EV1.net or Lindows? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Aardpig ( 622459 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:34PM (#8447507)

    They also have said that these first two lawsuits will be against companies that hold SCO Unix licenses. (EV1.net servers or Lindows?)"

    Since EV1.net is in the process of climbing into bed with Microsoft, and SCO has been warming itself under the same blankets for quite some time, I think it more likely that Lindows will be sent to the doghouse.

    Then again, in a vain attempt to turn back the tide of hatred directed at it, SCO might turn around and sue Microsoft. What a twist that would be!

  • I think SCO is waiting for the media outlets to sign and return the NDA before they let them know who the lawsuits are against.

  • Prediction of tomorrow's announcement (Score:5, Funny)

    by Pentagram ( 40862 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:36PM (#8447531) Homepage
    We are going to postpone our suing of two companies but tomorrow we are going to sue THREE!

  • Wired News 2004 Vaporware list... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Radi-0-head ( 261712 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:36PM (#8447535)
    The #1 spot for Wired News' Vaporware Awards in 2004 goes to:

    SCO for their "still pending" lawsuit! Congratulations guys!

  • Re:The only logical choice.... (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:37PM (#8447544)
    They could sue themselves for an infinite amout of money and settle out of court.

  • Re:Why "may be EV1" ? (Score:3, Funny)

    by Dunark ( 621237 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:37PM (#8447547)
    ... but EV1 paid for their "Linux IP License" ...

    Yeah, so that means they're one of very few companies that's stupid enough to be a suitable defendant.

  • Re:Suing SCO licensees? (Score:2, Funny)

    by beware1000 ( 678753 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:38PM (#8447563)
    "Thank you for your loyalty, have a lawsuit"

  • And tomorrow... (Score:2, Funny)

    by kundor ( 757951 ) <kundor.member@fsf@org> on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:38PM (#8447569) Homepage
    They'll go double or nothing again!

    in two months they'll be threatening to sue everyone on the planet the day after.

  • Please let one of the defendants be IBM (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:42PM (#8447614)
    It would be over so fast that Darl's head would be spinning like Linda Blair's in "The Exorcist".

  • Re:Hello, my name is George (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:43PM (#8447637)

    Hello George.

    My name is Anonymous Coward. I spend all my time on slashdot, groklaw and the yahoo SCOX board reading and writing about newSCO.

    Unlike you, I'm not addicted. I can stop any time, it's just that I don't want to.

    This makes me a better person than you. HTH.

  • I'm scared hold me (Score:5, Funny)

    by segment ( 695309 ) <sil&politrix,org> on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:44PM (#8447651) Homepage Journal
    I wonder if my SCO spoof [scumgroup.com] will be the target

  • Re:Wha? (Score:5, Funny)

    by TheLinuxSRC ( 683475 ) <slashdot@pag[ ]sh.com ['ewa' in gap]> on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:45PM (#8447657) Homepage
    The also said:

    "We'll have at least one suit that's filed today before the end of the day," Stowell said Tuesday, with two suits more likely. "There is a high possibility we will be announcing two."

    Now, where I learned to count (and you can correct me if I am wrong here) that would be three suits (?). But it does follow SCO logic... Look at the wookie....

  • Re:I hope they sue those 2 Quiznoes monsters.... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Surazal ( 729 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:45PM (#8447664) Homepage Journal
    Wow... the first web cartoon to ever cause me to spontaneously grow three new limbs.

    My parents were mystified as to where those guys came from when they saw the Quizno's commerials... me being the regular FARK guy I am these days of course I had the explanation for them in full.

    "Yeah the guy who did those animals really is a weird guy."

    End of story. :)

  • Please, Let It Be McDonald's.... (Score:4, Funny)

    by Homebrewed ( 154837 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:45PM (#8447667)
    Could they, would they, please be incredibly stupid enough to sue McDonald's, whose German operations are moving to SuSE. Talk about being crushed....

  • Re:News? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Xtifr ( 1323 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:46PM (#8447676) Homepage
    Actually, slashdot blew a perfect opportunity to post a dupe that wasn't a dupe (for once). "SCO says they'll sue an end user tomorrow" was a headline yesterday and could have been an equally valid headline today. :)

    In any case, I'd explain how you can set your preferences so you don't have to waste your time on SCOldera stories if you don't find them interesting, but since you're "ObviousGuy", I don't have to point out something so obvious to you, do I? :p ;)

  • Re:EV1.net or Lindows? (Score:3, Funny)

    by El ( 94934 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:47PM (#8447691)
    SCO might turn around and sue Microsoft. What a twist that would be! That would be just like Miss Piggy attacking and brutally beating Frank Oz, wouldn't it?

  • Re:.. the aftermath.. (Score:2, Funny)

    by theparanoidcynic ( 705438 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:49PM (#8447704)
    The difference is what happens with the ethanol. Most likely we'll be drinking it, but there's a slight chance that SCO will win and we'll end up using it as an accelerant to get the SCO bonfire started.
    Mmm . . . . . evil-and-cheap-liquor-flavored marshmallows.

  • Re:Oh my God (Score:3, Funny)

    by enrico_suave ( 179651 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:49PM (#8447709) Homepage
    they must have demotivator posters at the SCO home office...

    Procrastination Despair Demotivator [despair.com]

    Despair litho Idiocy [despair.com] also fits...

    e.

  • Re:Hello, my name is George (Score:1, Funny)

    by hackstraw ( 262471 ) * on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:51PM (#8447718)

    Hi George!
  • No, it's four companies. It's going to double each day...

  • Meeting Notes (Score:5, Funny)

    by Sparky77 ( 633674 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:57PM (#8447780) Homepage
    Darl: "Thanks everybody for listening in on this financial meeting. We've got some really good numbers to talk about today. Our core product, Turbo Litigation Plus, is doing very well right now. We've got more penetration in the court room market than any of our competitors and we feel that things are only going to get better from here on out."

    Investor: "Can I just say that I love what this latest release had done to stock prices. I'm sleeping on a bed of money at home right now."

    Darl: "That's great to hear. We're glad your happy, but please hold your comments until I'm finished speaking."

    Investor: "..."

    Darl: "Right now I'd like to announce a couple more features that we've added to Turbo Litigation Plus."

    Listeners: A hush....Pent up excitement...Maniacal greed...

    Darl: "First, we've decided to add Hasbro to our list of targets. We've discovered that the substance that give's Nerf(TM) toys their "Nerfiness", if you will, is actually part of the Intellectual Property of SCO in a very literal sense. It's what makes up 90% of our brains over here."

    Investor: "Excellent!"

    Darl: "Please man! *slaps the table* Let me speak!"

    Investor: "..."

    Darl: "Secondly, after a toss up between Ronco, the maker of the indespensible Door Saver(TM) which of course was actually invented by Billy over here, and McDonalds, maker of the McDarl, we've chosen to add, wait for it, ourselves!"

    Listeners: Gasp!

    Darl: "Yes folks, we're going to sue ourselves. I mean think about it, we own all our own Intellectial Property, we only have to pay half as much in lawyer fees, and I love to cross examine myself."

    Listeners: Applause

    Darl: "Thank you all for your time. SCO Rules!"

    Advisor: "Darl..."

    Darl: "Sorry."

  • Re:The only logical choice.... (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:57PM (#8447783)
    Thanks. I guess more electrons were inconvenienced than I thought.

  • free beer tomorrow? (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:59PM (#8447800)
    kinda reminds me of that joke sign that says "free beer tomorrow".

    "sue you tomorrow!"

  • More time ? (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @09:59PM (#8447806)
    SCO says that they need more time to prepare an announcement

    Didn't know it took so much time for making up a Chewbacca Defense.

  • They missed a detail! (Score:3, Funny)

    by El ( 94934 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:00PM (#8447812)
    "There is a high possibility we will be announcing two!" said Blake Stowell Tuesday, while placing his pinky in front of his mouth as pictured here [freeserve.com]

  • Re:Oh my God (Score:5, Funny)

    by hdparm ( 575302 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:02PM (#8447825) Homepage
    Right. SCO lawyers use this formula:

    S=(1+X)i

    where

    S= number of Lawsuits they're going to file
    X= number of days following the original announcement
    i= no explanation needed

    Thus, S is always going to be an imaginary number.

  • Re:Ummm.... (Score:2, Funny)

    by Monkelectric ( 546685 ) <[moc.cirtceleknom] [ta] [todhsals]> on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:02PM (#8447832)
    you sound more like a terrorist to me!! Thinkforyourselfer!!!

  • In Other News, Calculus Teachers Thrilled (Score:5, Funny)

    by levin ( 170168 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:03PM (#8447836) Homepage

    Although SCO's actions have attracted some negative attention from the Open Source Community, many High Scool teacers are exhuberant about the company's recent actions. Bob Frampton, High School calculus teacher at Frederick Davis High said of SCO's recent actions, "It's just great, they're literally changing the way we teach mathematics to our future leaders. It's only thanks to SCO that we can ask exciting new problems such as, 'If every day SCO doubles the number of lawsuits they claim to file the following day, how many days will it take before nobody cares?' or, 'If SCO doesn't play this thing out right, how long will it take before the Fed nails them with fraud? Extra Credit: how many board members will get caught? Support your answer by proof.'"

    Not just math teachers are thrilled, though. Says Jane Yargood of another local High School, "Darl McBride really deserves a cookie, it's so great that we can teach students about logical fallacies through real world context!" With the end of this somewhat less than momentous case nowhere in sight, it's good to see that some of our educators can find the silver lining in any situation.

  • But they never mentioned exactly *WHICH* tuesday they were referring to.

    This reminds me of the "Free Ice Cream Tomorrow" sign that a guy had at his ice cream store in the early 1900's... when asked about why he wasn't giving ice cream away even though the sign had been up for over a day already, his response was always the same "because it's not tomorrow yet... it's still today".

  • Hotline (Score:5, Funny)

    by lazy_arabica ( 750133 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:11PM (#8447879) Homepage
    You can call 1-800-818-5264 code 141144 Wednesday at 9:00am MST to join in with your questions
    And tomorrow we'll read that this damned open-source community has organized a DDoS attack on SCO hotline !!

  • Yap Yap Yap (Score:2, Funny)

    by sashang ( 608223 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:11PM (#8447880)
    "You gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?" -- Mr. Blonde "Reservoir Dogs"

  • Re:No Surprise (Score:5, Funny)

    by Pieroxy ( 222434 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:14PM (#8447909) Homepage
    each company they sue can countersue for defamation

    And so? What exactly do they have to loose in the process?

  • Re:Oh my God (Score:2, Funny)

    by c1ay ( 703047 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:17PM (#8447926) Homepage
    In a surprise turn of events....

    That's a laugh. Can I mod the article +1 Funny?

    I still think someone should drop Darl [mailto] a line and suggest suing Canopy Group. The press release could read something like, "Since we've already shot ourselves in one foot trying to sue IBM we've decided to shoot ourself in the other foot by suing our parent company." I'll even copyleft this post so they can use it to make the announcement. This should save them that extra time they claim to need.

  • Re:Suing SCO licensees? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:18PM (#8447940)
    >> It's a safe bet that who ever they are going
    >> after is in that list.

    I'm not sure about that. Does the Vatican run Linux? That's about as close as we can get to: "SCO sues God" which seems to be the logical conclusion to all of this. ;-)

  • Free as in Beer (Score:3, Funny)

    by zaba ( 746842 ) * on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:20PM (#8447964) Journal
    The "ever-pending" lawsuits remind me of the sign you see in some bars:

    Free beer (tomorrow)

  • Re:Oblig Info Minister Comment (Score:5, Funny)

    by Valar ( 167606 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:21PM (#8447968)
    The open source zealots are committing suicide by the thousands in front of the borders of Utah!! No infidel penguinistas will ever devaluate our stock! Never!

  • Re:EV1.net or Lindows? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Aardpig ( 622459 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:23PM (#8447988)

    If SCO sues Microsoft, who do we cheer for??

    Mutually-Assured Destruction!!!

  • Re:EV1.net or Lindows? (Score:3, Funny)

    by dmaxwell ( 43234 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:24PM (#8448006)
    Then again, in a vain attempt to turn back the tide of hatred directed at it, SCO might turn around and sue Microsoft. What a twist that would be!

    But they could just settle the whole thing out of court quickly. After all Microsoft respects Intellectual Property. *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink*

  • Re:Evans Data Group survey (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:31PM (#8448051)
    8% of Linux developers think SCO's case has merit

    9% of the world's geologists think the world is flat. I pulled that statistic out of the same place you pulled your's ;-)

  • Top 5 comments you'll hear. (Score:5, Funny)

    by pherris ( 314792 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @10:42PM (#8448146) Homepage Journal
    If you listen carefully you'll most likely hear someone yelling:

    5. "Darl McBride, -1 Troll!"
    4. "New SCO docs at www.tubg...."
    3. "Can someone help me fix a Perl script?"
    2. "Bad news everyone, Stephen King is dead."

    And the number one comment will be:
    "Fuck you Darl!"

    BTW, I'll be the one with the air horn.

  • Re:No Surprise (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:02PM (#8448270)
    Thier loose ass, you loser.

    (loose and lose are not the same word)

  • Walmart customer! (Score:2, Funny)

    by ldj ( 726828 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:09PM (#8448306)
    I was in Walmart today, and the friendly greeter dude told me that Walmart struck a deal with SCO such that the 10th and 17th customers to order Linux pre-install systems tomorrow are getting sued for $14,345! A little surprise from Darl & Co.

  • Re:your sig... (Score:4, Funny)

    by HrothgarReborn ( 740385 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:13PM (#8448336)
    Slashdot: where racism against Indians is OK...

    I think this is an unfair generalization. Geronimo, Cochise, and Sitting Bull are some of my favorite figures in history.

    It's as bad as saying we're totally US centric. Sheesh.

  • Blaze of Glory (Score:3, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:27PM (#8448435)
    From the rumor mill. Suicide CEO Darl McBribe sues Merill Lynch and Credit Suisse First Boston, announced at a financial press briefing for the embattled company. Sends Wall Street reeling!!! Analysts left scratching their heads.

  • Re:No Surprise (Score:2, Funny)

    by avgjoe62 ( 558860 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:37PM (#8448489)
    each company they sue can countersue for defamation

    And so? What exactly do they have to loose in the process?

    Thier loose ass, you loser.

    A better answer, I think, would have been "Their pants. So they can prepare to take it up the wazoo from all the pissed off companies they've needlessly sued. Loose does not mean lose."

  • Re:The only logical choice.... (Score:2, Funny)

    by the_womble ( 580291 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:45PM (#8448553) Homepage Journal
    They could then show an infinite amount of revenue but show the cost as a capital expense and therefore make an infinite profit.

  • SCO worried, Geeks happy.. (Score:3, Funny)

    by Yo Grark ( 465041 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:49PM (#8448581)
    Here is a little lawsuit we wrote
    You might want to read it code for code
    SCO worried, Geeks happy..
    In every court we have some trouble
    When you got IBM on your back it's double
    SCO worried, Geeks happy........

    Ain't no way to take back what we said
    We slept in it, now we have to make our bed
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    The land lord say our rent is late
    The irony is, he may have to litigate
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    Look at me I'm unhappy
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    The press got ahold of my phone number
    Nonstop pissed off people call me
    Makes Slashdot so, happy
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
    Ain't got no code, makes you smile
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    We doing nothing but worry
    Our stockholders faces all frown
    And that will bring our stock price down
    So don't worry, SCO's unhappy....

    There is this little company summons we wrote
    I hope you tear it apart code by code
    Like good little Slashdotters
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    Listen to what I say
    In your life don't expect no trouble
    But when a company drives you to worry
    DDOS them on he double
    SCO worried, Geeks happy......
    Don't worry just do it, be happy
    Put a smile on your face
    Bring our website down like this
    Don't worry, we're almost bankrupt and this nonsense will pass
    SCO worried, Geeks happy
    SCO worried, Geeks happy

    Yo Grark

  • Re:No Surprise (Score:4, Funny)

    by mandolin ( 7248 ) on Tuesday March 02, 2004 @11:51PM (#8448591)
    Who really expected them to follow through?

    I did, because SCO has a history of doing the dumbest thing possible, and suing another huge company is even dumber than not suing after they said they would.

  • Re:Suing SCO licensees? (Score:5, Funny)

    by MrByte420 ( 554317 ) * on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @12:14AM (#8448747) Journal
    Well..

    It appears, Yes..
    Lets see what SCO does with this one...

    sh-2.05a$ telnet www.vatican.va 80
    Trying 212.77.1.243...
    Connected to www.vatican.va.
    Escape character is '^]'.
    GET / HTTP/1.0

    HTTP/1.1 200 OK
    Date: Wed, 03 Mar 2004 04:11:56 GMT
    Server: Apache/1.3.27 (Unix) mod_ssl/2.8.9 OpenSSL/0.9.6g PHP/4.2.2
    Last-Modified: Tue, 03 Sep 2002 15:30:18 GMT

  • Re:Ummm.... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Ironica ( 124657 ) <pixel@bo o n d o c k.org> on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @12:15AM (#8448753) Journal
    Is this a new business model or a non existant one?

    This is a pretty old business model, but it's been cleverly retooled to remove the reliance on pilfering of underpants.

  • Let's Dare Darl (Score:5, Funny)

    by dmaxwell ( 43234 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @12:19AM (#8448777)
    I am absolutely driven by people saying I can't do something.

    Remember that kid we all knew when we were growing up that would take any dare? It was fun at first but you had to watch what you said around him after a while. Who wanted to explain to the kid's mom that he dared him to jump in front of a train? Darl seems to be just that sort of easily manipulated hothead.

    Darl is no little kid. He's a rather nasty adult. He's already walked up to the biggest bully on the block and punched him in the nose. What else can we goad him into doing?

    I like another poster's suggestion.

    Hey Darl! We know you read Slashdot. So I'm going to make a dare with you. McDonalds is your largest customer. They even have a contractual relationship with you. And we all know what SCO says contracts are for. McDonalds has also been piloting Linux POS terminals in Germany at least. ..quite possibly with an eye to migrating from SCO's products. Darl, there is no way in hell you would win a suit against McDonalds. Their legal department would burn the SCO pimple right off of Utah's ass. Go ahead Darl. Sue McDonalds. I double dog dare you. You can't sue McDonalds and win.

  • Re:Suing SCO licensees? (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @12:21AM (#8448801)
    BM, Sun Microsystems, Hewlett-Packard, Silicon Graphics, numerous universities and others.

    It's a safe bet that who ever they are going after is in that list.

    Safe bet? Thank you, Captain Obvious! :)

  • SCO's new trademark (Score:2, Funny)

    by Skapare ( 16644 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @12:48AM (#8449006) Homepage

    "Lawsuits Pending [tm]"

  • " zzxc writes "In a surprise turn of events, ..." (Score:3, Funny)

    by gordguide ( 307383 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @01:42AM (#8449258)
    OK, I give.

    How do I feign surprise?

  • Re:.. the aftermath.. (Score:4, Funny)

    by MyHair ( 589485 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @01:44AM (#8449263) Journal
    Before??

    Why do you think so many Slashdotters are aware of the one-handed Dvorak keyboard layout?

  • Re:No Surprise (Score:5, Funny)

    by jhylkema ( 545853 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @01:44AM (#8449265)

    Quoth the poster:

    Unfortunately the worst enemy is one who has nothing to lose. SCO knows all their bases belong to IBM and if they lose (which they will) there will be nothing else left.

    Excuse me, sir, but I must ask you for your geek card.

    All their base are belong to IBM.

    IBM to SCO: "You have no chance to survive make your time."

  • You just have to love SCO (Score:5, Funny)

    by Pan T. Hose ( 707794 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @01:47AM (#8449285) Homepage Journal

    I have more and more emphaty for this company, because they turn out to be just like me...

    Boss, this new program I'm writing will have ten million innovative features!

    Did I say ten million? What I really meant was ten thousand, but they are really great!

    Those two hundred features I've been talking about are really awesome, you'll see when it's done!

    For example, take a look at this brilliant idea of mine! I have hundreds more!

    Ken Thompson? Of course! I didn't say that this particular idea was mine! I was only saying that my ideas are at least equally brilliant! It was only an example of innovative cutting edge idea! In the seventies? So you have to admit how innovative it must have been back then! Wow!

    I only need some time and money... To finish the whole thing, you know.

    It will be ready tomorrow, I promise!

    No, not today, I said tomorrow!

    Did I say it yesterday? No, I would have remembered that...

    It might be ready the day after tomorrow. I only need more time to prepare an announcement of the features it's going to have.

    Not yet, but Real Soon Now!

    So, as I've said, I just have to love SCO, because they are just like me. In fact they are just like most of us working here on Duke Nukem Forever. We are working forever...

  • SCO has narrowed down its list of possible targets (Score:3, Funny)

    by fanatic ( 86657 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @02:16AM (#8449432)
    Actually, they will wait 10 days, then sue 1024 users.

  • Re:Oh my God (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @02:22AM (#8449459)
    i= no explanation needed

    I'm an electrical engineer, you insensitive clod!
    i is for current! We use j for sqrt(-1).

  • Shit, I can't take part in phone conference (Score:5, Funny)

    by Knuckles ( 8964 ) <knuckles@@@dantian...org> on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @02:27AM (#8449486)
    When I open the link, Epiphany pops up a Window telling me

    You should only accept the security information if you trust "www.thescogroup.com" and "www.sco.com".

  • Convenience in lawsuits. (Score:3, Funny)

    by rice_burners_suck ( 243660 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @02:50AM (#8449574)
    They also have said that these first two lawsuits will be against companies that hold SCO Unix licenses.

    It must be a new trend for companies to sue their customers. Perhaps in fifty years, someone will look at this from an historical point of view...

    The organization which invented the strategy of suing its own customers was the RIAA. Some time later, SCO began to sue its customers. This innovative business strategy grew increasingly popular through the first decade of the 2000's. Today, nearly all organizations sue their customers, and increasingly, customers demand to be sued upon completion of each transaction. Photograph 1.9 shows customers swiping their "So Sue Me!" cards at the checkstand of their local grocery store.

    By 2015, the volume of lawsuits climbed to hundreds of millions occuring every hour. To handle this load efficiently, the U.S. government shut down court houses, where cases were tried before a human judge, and the plaintiff and defendant had to make an appearance, either personally or through a human attorney, in a physical courthouse. Cases could take days, weeks, or many months to resolve, depending on their complexity. Today, lawsuits are carried out by computer, where software programs carry out the legal motions of each party, and the results are decided automatically by a computer program. Photograph 1.10 shows a government data center. At this center, cases which could have taken weeks under the old system are opened and closed within a few microseconds.

    Payment of damages has also become convenient with the advancement of technology. Before, the winning party of a lawsuit had to expend additional time and effort in enforcing a judgment. Today, however, damages are automatically debited to the losing party's bank account upon completion of the trial. If the defendant is unable to pay, all property owned by that defendant is immediately seized by the government. Computer programs automatically lock defendants out of their cars, houses, or other properties they may own. All of this occurs quickly and conveniently, without the intervention of either plaintiff or defendant.

    Microsoft. Where do you want to go today?

    All properties are the property of their respective owners.

    The above document is an excerpt from a book not yet published, brought to you compliments of time travel.

  • That's why you need... (Score:3, Funny)

    by ksp ( 203038 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @05:11AM (#8450155) Homepage
    Open Sauce!

    Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiter.

  • Re:No Surprise (Score:2, Funny)

    by LittleBigLui ( 304739 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @05:57AM (#8450276) Homepage Journal
    SCO: "Somebody set up us the lawsuit."
    IBM: "You don't know what you doing."

  • Sweet Buttery Jesus (Score:3, Funny)

    by 0x0d0a ( 568518 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @06:00AM (#8450288) Journal
    Sweet buttery Jesus, man. You claim you're a teleconference operator, but you sound like a guerilla political activist. That is an awfully effective-sounding idea.

  • The $64,000 Question... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Aluminum Tuesday ( 317409 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @06:17AM (#8450334)


    "SCO: Who Do You Want To Sue Today?"

  • Re:Slashdot the 800 number? (Score:3, Funny)

    by Esion Modnar ( 632431 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @06:41AM (#8450413)
    So find a payphone, if you still can. Everybody find a payphone and give Darl a call.

  • Tomorrow's news today! (Score:2, Funny)

    by Mixel ( 723232 ) on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @07:29AM (#8450543) Homepage
    In a surprise move Thursday, SCO said aain that it needs yet more time to prepare an announcement of who they are going to sue.

    They also have said that these first FIVE lawsuits will be against companies that hold SCO Unix licenses.

  • Re:Suing SCO licensees? (Score:4, Funny)

    by kalidasa ( 577403 ) * on Wednesday March 03, 2004 @08:39AM (#8450758) Journal

    Connected to www.vatican.va.
    Escape character is '^]'.
    GET / HTTP/1.0

    HTTP/1.1 200 OK
    Date: Wed, 03 Mar 2004 04:11:56 GMT
    Server: Apache/1.3.27 (Unix) mod_ssl/2.8.9 OpenSSL/0.9.6g PHP/4.2.2

    Well, there it is, folks, final proof: God runs UNIX. You Windows folks had better repent, and right soon.

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