SCO Lobbying Congress Against Open Code 907
An anonymous reader writes "Along with suing Novell - it was announced today that SCO has been lobbying Congress about the horrifying ways that Linux and the rest of open source software saves users money, allows others to use the software anyway they see fit and 'gasp' causes SCO to not make as much money as they would like. Along with all of the usual FUD. OSAIA has the details (as well as a rebuke)." Darl's words will seem pretty transparent, even funny, to anyone aware of the widespread acceptance and use of Free / Open Source software (by individuals, governments, non-profits, and even companies like SCO) -- but you might have to point this out to your servants in Congress.
So... (Score:5, Funny)
Facts about open source (Score:5, Funny)
2. Open-source products are available to anyone, which led to outflux of jobs out of United States, since a developer in Tanzania knows Apache or MySQL just as well, but is willing to work for 2 kilos of rice a day, unlike their greedy American counterparts.
3. Open-source projects have never been tested and approved by Microsoft or other reliable software vendors with market cap over 100 billion and public trust behind them.
4. All open source companies are either bankrupt, or litigating, or in the process of bankruptcy/litigation process.
5. Open source companies contributed more to the job losses in the software industry than any other company sector. Microsoft had always been hiring and so have other closed-source companies.
6. Open source does not have a vital business model.
7. There are many software shops that write little Access-thingies and make thousands of dollars per month. Microsoft had made thousand of millionaires in the software business. Linux so far only earned money for IBM and HP.
8. As Linus himself shamefully admitted, errno.h was shamelessly copied from SCO Software Development Labs. Thus the terrorist organizations around the world know the error codes for any Linux system and potentially coudl disrupt nuclear reactors and spaceships.
If you can't win in the courtroom... (Score:4, Funny)
Its too late, Darl. You can't preserve your house of cards by hoping someone will change the laws of physics for you.
Congress (Score:5, Funny)
- Milton Berle
Unilikely to succeed... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Unilikely to succeed... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Lobbying Impact (Score:5, Funny)
Codified SCO business plan (Score:5, Funny)
my $funds = get_money('src'=>'microsoft');
$funds += get_money('src'=>'sun');
$funds += get_money('src'=>'baystar');
$funds += get_money('src'=>'hapless_investors');
while ( $funds > 0 )
{
$funds -= pay_legal();
sue_someone('target'=>rand);
public_release('threat'=>rand);
}
die;
  ;
What Darl really meant to say. (Score:5, Funny)
"Please legislate to save our industry so we can send it to offshore sweatshops and make gazillions (and those election campaigns ain't cheap hey Mr Congresscritter )."
2. The threat to our international competitive position.
"Forget anthrax - Linux is the real WMD!"
3. The threat to our national security.
"Forget Saddam - Linus is the real enemy of humanity, and you can add Finland to the axis of evil! Those Finns, what have they done for us recently, with their weird language and dinky little phones."
Re:My god, haven't the figured it out? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:So... (Score:3, Funny)
i love this quote: (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Is lying to Congress illegal? (Score:4, Funny)
It would appear it isn't. [tripod.com]
Re:Is lying to Congress illegal? (Score:3, Funny)
"Linux Helps Terrorism" (Score:5, Funny)
Re: What Darl really meant to say. (Score:2, Funny)
> "Forget anthrax - Linux is the real WMD!"
That's so last year. In 2004 it's "WMDRPA".
Re:My god, haven't the figured it out? (Score:2, Funny)
Re: Microsoft (Score:2, Funny)
> I wonder when Microsoft is going to come out behind SCO's curtain?
When the hard-on goes away.
Faith based (Score:3, Funny)
Then the claim could be made that it is faith based and since that is the thing that the administration likes best (after wars, oil and Profit!) it might serve as some level of protection.
Sadly, a full text search of the King James Bible fails to turn up either the term "copyleft" or "gnu". Though there is the "Gnu Testament", but I don't think that will convince anyone. (Though there may be a connection. Amazon.com tells me that : "Customers interested in The Linux Bible: The Gnu Testament may also be interested in: Free for Christians " Everything is for Christians. Everything is free. . Though that web page seems lacking in much in the way of "Free" software. )
Re:So... (Score:5, Funny)
"Dear Pope,
Being the CEO of SCO, a Holy Company on a Holy Crusade against the Evil forces of Linux and the GPL can you please ask God to strike them down. Knowing these things can take time, can you please publically ex-communicate these Hippies from the Church".
Re:fantastic (Score:2, Funny)
Re:So... (Score:3, Funny)
Ummm.... last time I checked the universe was encoded. You have the source? I'd love to see it! Maybe we can release a special build without SCO in it!
Re:So... (Score:0, Funny)
Open Lobbying? (Score:2, Funny)
NASA reports in on SCO's claims (Score:1, Funny)
Re:In other words? (Score:5, Funny)
Mr. Garrison: Excuse me, what the hell are you doing?
Agent 1: It's alright, we're with the government.
Agent 2: We're just shutting you down.
Mr. Garrison: Shutting me down? Why?
Agent 3: The airlines are in desperate trouble. Your vehicle is causing them to lose money.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, well that was the point, dingleberry! put that down!
Agent 4: Right, so the government is bailing the airlines out again, but shutting you down and making ITs illegal.
Mr. Garrison: OH, GOD-DAMNIT! You'd better be kidding!
Agent 5: Sir, many people work for the airlines. We can't let them all be fired.
Mr. Garrison: THE AIRLINE COMPANIES ARE LOSING MONEY BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE AND THEIR OWN INEFFICIENCY!!
Agent 6: That may be true. But if you build, sell, or ride another IT, "it" will be the last time. Have a nice night.
Hookers (Score:5, Funny)
Way to go SCO!!!!
Damm Commie Countries... (Score:2, Funny)
Darl's Next Letter (Score:2, Funny)
You know what sleeping dogs I'm referring to don't you? No? Well, let me refresh your memory. Hackers! That's right, Hackers, Geeks, Software Engineers, G-P-Lers! Oh, now you remember. Well, do you also remember a few years ago when we all talked about how the Hackers were going to take over the world and how every household would be run by Hackers and their filthy free software? Oh, yeah, we feared the Hackers back in them days and for good reason too. Now, all I hear is poor little Geeks, they've got no money. Poor little Hackers, they've been arrested. Poor little Nerdies this and poor little Coders that.
Don't you get it? Am I the only one that gets it? It's a trick! Free software never dies. Free software is a cancer. A cancer that is sleeping, waiting to devour our freedom. Devour democracy.
Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "This guy's just some money-grubbing, lawsuit-filing wannabe-attorney who had a horrible upbringing and whose father beat him every day with a bible." Well, that may be true, but it never did me any harm!
All I'm saying is, a few years ago, people listened to what I had to say. I fit in. Well, listen to me now. The Hackers, they're going to try to take over the world again. Don't you forget that for one second, friend, or else you'll be lining up for source code in a God-less world.
There's one more thing I'd like to say. Linux! You forgot about it, didncha? Well, that's just what they want us to do, that's right. The Hacker GPLers, the Linux Geeks, they're like this!
So when people say to me, 'Let sleeping dogs lye." I say, to them, 'Friend, sleeping dogs, they eventually wake up and chew out the throat of democracy! Don't think I don't know what you're up to, Hackers. Don't think I'm unaware that Sam Palmisano or should I say, l33t5killz is one of you! (pulls up Sam from behind the desk)
Sam: (tied up with a gag in his mouth) He's crazy!
Crazy like a fanatic -- FOX, I mean! (pushes Sam back down behind his desk) Down you fanatic geek! (starts beating Sam with a stack of legal briefs) One man, one consumer! One man, one consumer!
Re:Lobbying Congress (Score:1, Funny)
What's that? the best lobbyist in town?
No, it means that he's the most lobby person in the state. He might be the most lobby guy in the nation, but as we all know, the National Lobby Championship isn't until March. Does it make more sense now?
Silly prediction for this election year (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Facts about open source (Score:1, Funny)
He reminds me... (Score:4, Funny)
Come on, SCO. We know, we know. Here's a blanket, you poor, poor man. Have some hot coffee, and a nice warm plate of turkey and gravy. You remember Linus? Your social worker? We were all worried about you. We heard you yelling and carrying on. Linus is glad to see you.
"He's full of... LIES! He's one of them!"
There, there. Linus is your friend, remember? He gave you all that nice Open Source medication--
"Tried to POISON me, he DID! He, he stole those magic pills from ME! You hear me? ARF ARF! Call the guards! Guards! Help me, this man POISONED ME!"
I understand. You're cold and confused. Off your medication. There, there... we'll make it all better. Now, hand me that butter knife, put poor Mrs. User down, and we'll have a nice chat..."
"LIES! ALL LIES! I'LL SUE YOU ALL!!!"
Oh dear. Well, he'll go to sleep eventually. Just keep an eye on him so he doesn't hurt any of the the others, and he'll be fine. Mrs. User, can you just be patient and humor him for a while? He's had a bad business deal, and he's all out of sorts.
Millions or thousands ??? (Score:3, Funny)
"SCO Senior Vice President Chris Sontag said there are millions of lines of offending code involved and that it's highly unlikely the matter could be resolved by removing that code."
yet in this letter, Darl is only claiming *thousands*: "I find this particularly galling because that Linux software contains thousands of lines of my company's proprietary UNIX code..."
Gee, I guess the magnitude of the issue has just be cranked down by 3 orders of magnitude -- the claimed infraction is now just 0.1% of the original claim. Do you think we will see SCO adjusting the $3B claim on IBM down to $3M ?
Re:So... (Score:4, Funny)
----------------------
#include <iostream.h>
int main()
{
int life_the_universe_and_everything;
life_the_unive
cout << "We apologise for the inconvenience";
}
Re:That's the USR (Score:5, Funny)
And IBM has lobbyists too, plus they could easily donate the entire value of SCO to political campaigns if they wanted to.
But what would anyone really want with 47 cents worth of stock options?
Stop knocking Darle, let's get behind SCO (Score:2, Funny)
rm
Re:So... (Score:2, Funny)
I pray the lord my source to keep
Inside Linux and BSD
And may all money come to me
Let's Pack Up And Go Home (Score:3, Funny)
Sorry to bring you the bad news.
Re:Lobbying Impact (Score:3, Funny)
See IBM. IBM is very patriotic.
See Linus. Gee, with a name straight from the most loveable kid in Peanuts, how could he not be patriotic? See Linus choose to live in the US while developing his software.
See RMS. Ooops! See RMS's mother. She's a nice lady. She must be patriotic. (Quick, we need a stand in for RMS's mother. She has to bake apple pies. Lots of Apple Pies.).
To the USA Congress from a European (Score:2, Funny)
Dear Congress,
Be wise, listen to SCO, and make Open Source illegal in the USA.
The First and Third world will probably not be so insightful and will continue to allow Open Source and its products, such as Linux.
Our businesses will suffer because we can't make any money anymore from programming commercial software for billions of users. Instead we'll have to rely on (admittedly cheap and trustworthy) software to drive our businesses and get money from building dedicated software and more tangible products. OK, we may get rich, even filthy rich, but we will never get disgustingly rich.
In the meantime, in the USA you will be safe from the Open Source evil and can trust in your home-produced, expensive (and therefore obviously excellent) Microsoft products. We are very sorry that the export of those same products will come to a halt, but such is life.
You can be sure that we will examine the papers of any Open Source geeks that want to emigrate from the USA closely. We wouldn't want the USA to lose their tech potential. Of course, we can't guarantee anything, since many countries would welcome them, but be ensured that you have our sympathies.
And anyway, litigation is much more lucrative than producing actual goods. Too bad here we have not yet been able to latch on to the litigation bubble, but it is certainly the way of the future.
Regards,
Re:So... VERY OT thread... (Score:1, Funny)
Love thy neighbor indeed.
Re:Ah, the internet (Score:3, Funny)