SCO Files Response To Demand For Evidence 498
The Welcome Rain writes "SCO has posted its notice of compliance with the court order of December 12, which required them to produce evidence. The document itself is brief, but refers to a sixty-page supplement which lists the offending lines, and asserts that it can find more when IBM produces some of the evidence demanded of them by SCO. Millions of lines on sixty pages? How silly."
Small fonts (Score:5, Funny)
supplement? (Score:5, Funny)
The Chewbacca Defense (Score:4, Funny)
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk who carried a gun and ran from the mob. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense. Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense.
But more important, you have to ask yourself what does this have to do with this case. Nothing. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case. It does not make sense. Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major Unix company and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and Gentlemen I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense.
And so you have to remember when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No. Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must acquit.
I know SCO seems guilty. But ladies and gentlemen this is Chewbacca. Now think about that for one minute. That does not make sense. Why am I talking about Chewbacca when a company is on the line? Why? I'll tell you why. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense you must acquit. Here look at the monkey , look at the silly monkey.
The defense rests."
Compression? (Score:4, Funny)
SCO's IP license would be worth $699
Millions of lines in 60 pages (Score:5, Funny)
Clear violation. (Score:5, Funny)
Ryan Fenton
getting to the point (Score:5, Funny)
Millions of lines on sixty pages? How silly.
Yeah.
Well.
You know, you don't really even need 60 pages to say, "We ownz0r all of it. SCO > *. Pwnt."
Quick! (Score:2, Funny)
Um... Excuse Me (Score:0, Funny)
BLAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
MOOHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
Ahem...
Re:Wait a minute (Score:5, Funny)
Because 50 does not exceed 60.
SCO has what is known as "Dark Code" (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Question (Score:2, Funny)
It means that the person filing the motion has confessed to their unsavory practice of hacking professionally. Sheesh, buy a legal dictionary.
Most likely 61-65 pages..... (Score:5, Funny)
No problem. (Score:5, Funny)
You can thus fit 3600x4=14,400 lines of code on 60 pages in a 5pt font.
In a 2.5pt font, you can fit 14,400x4 lines of code on 60 pages, or 57,600 lines.
1.25pt: 230,400
0.675pt: 921,600
So "more than 60 pages" is more than adequate.
Re:Question (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Small fonts (Score:4, Funny)
Dave Bialac
Re:Millions of lines in 60 pages (Score:5, Funny)
Is the end near? (Score:2, Funny)
I sure do hope that these litigious bastards [sco.com] will finally get the miserable end they deserve! Do you suppose the judge will scoff at this nonsense now?
Re:Small fonts (Score:3, Funny)
IBM's major infraction (Score:5, Funny)
i++;
Re:Question (Score:1, Funny)
Re:supplement? (Score:3, Funny)
Sadly!? JOY!!! There's still time for me to sell short! And I thought I'd missed the boat! Ecstacy brother, pure ecstacy!
Answers (Score:5, Funny)
1) Well, since this is our first shot at this, how about `find
2) Darl McBride. I OWNZER SCO. I OWNZER LUNUX (however it's spelled). I OWNZER YOU!!! hahaha. Hmm, well, we're suing over this question, aren't we?
3) We're very concerned with keeping our private stuff private, so we shred all our documents. This includes financial documents. Whoops, my PR guy just said that that was a bad thing to say, kinda like shooting myself in the foot. But wait! I can't shoot myself in the foot, I need it to count to 13!
4) IBM, you suxor. You gave the code to those linux freaks! A date range would be 1990-2003. It's somewhere in there. We don't know any IBM people, so we can't give names. IBM people scare me, so we can't ask them anything. Sorry
5) All agreements? Your great-grandaddy's momma's fat thrid sister, twice removed, once gave my great-great-great-stepgrandmama's FIRST brother, once removed, some land. That counts, doesn't it? If that doesn't work, well, you gave us some money, so we can do whatever we want, right?
6) This is getting tough. The typing is slowing down, because I need both hands to count this high. But the origin of this code was ME, Mr. Darl McBride. Some Linus guy helped me a little too, but he's kinda insignificant. Copyrights and patents? Well, I put a little c with circle thing in my file, does that count?
7) IBM engaged in unfair competition? Just look at them. Their stuff sells more per day that our stuff ever has! Because we KNOW we've got the best stuff, it must be unfair. And don't pull this "life ain't fair" stuff anymore.
8-9 I dunno, I'm getting tired of this stuff.
10) Hmm, wait a minute. Let me get a local Utah area phone book. I need names, so let me get some fast. At least one of them is bound to be right, right? I'll also put down some names, like Linus Trovolwhat's his name, CmdrTaco (he runs a site of big bad nerds), and that growklaw chick too. They're mean people.
11) Hmm, tough one there. We've made lots of products, but telling you which ones have sold is a tough call. Our sales records were in those documents that were shredded, but I don't ever remember selling anything.
12) A11 of it is OWNZER, PWNED, and those other geek terms (I'm not quite sure how they are spelled, but geeks seem to be bad spellers. What has happened to our youth?) by us. I tried `find
13) Yes, you've infrindged my constitutional right to make a profit. Yes, you distributed it. And boy, my feet are getting cold. It's hard to count to 13 without taking a sock of, you know?
-Best wishes,
-Darl McBride
Re:SCO complied, sorta (Score:2, Funny)
lawyer talk (Score:5, Funny)
An example of how to go about confusing a judge or jury while telling the truth in a circular way:
Lawyer for IBM: Did you or did you not place SCO's proprietary code into the Linux kernel for the very purpose of bringing these charges?
Lawyer for SCO: We have never been engaged in a state of non-development with the Linux kernel source code. We have never not distributed it, we have never not contributed code to it and we have most certainly never not used our contributions to bring false charges. Need I say more?
Re:Millions of lines in 60 pages (Score:2, Funny)
How true. And just like every time I've handled bags of manure, SCO has broken open and started to spill crap everywhere.
Re:More info and analysis on GROKLAW (Score:5, Funny)
Too bad it's just your sig.
Re:SCO Products (Score:3, Funny)
(And I thought I'd never get a chance to use the word "doppelganger" in casual conversation.)
Re:Small fonts (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Clear violation. (Score:5, Funny)
I heard from very very very reliable sources that SCO has negociated an agreement with Adobe. The agreement stipulate that Adobe will include stealth technology to prevent people from copying Unix code using Photoshop!
SCO's code in the kernel? (Score:4, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
well this answers everything! (Score:4, Funny)
ObBill&Marty (Score:2, Funny)
We're backstage, rappin' with the Tap! Guys, I'm gonna hit you with a phrase that's dogged you throughout your career: *Washed Up*. And yet here you are, one of the top one hundred and five concert acts today.
Re:SCO Products (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Question (Score:3, Funny)
That reminds me of the time that someone posted the Oxford trolleybus poem to soc.culture.british. It is dogrel, half latin, half English, mostly in the bits where the author's latin gave out.
Of course someone asked the group for a translation. So I obliged and translated all the English bits into Latin for them.
Re:Wait a minute (Score:2, Funny)
Except for large values of 50.
Re:Request for SCO posters & editors (Score:1, Funny)
Just as I thought: I went there, clicked on their Intellectual Property link, and got:
Really.
Re:Compression? (Score:2, Funny)
Too bad you're going to jail for copyright infringement. I copyrighted the "0" symbol a long time ago and am just now starting to care about protecting myself from your derrivative works.
By the way, I believe "illegal" is a registered trademark of Microsoft, expect a cease & desist from them.
Of course, I'm screwed too, the RIAA patented my whole business plan, except they added the words "using the Internet or other electronic communications network" in order to get it approved as if it was some new/useful/patentable idea. Perhaps I can weasel out of it, with a good enough lawyer. ("THIS....is Chewbacca...")
Or really big sheets of paper (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Compression? (Score:5, Funny)
Who said they compressed it?? Maybe theyre trying to fool everyone by just using 60 REALLY big bits of paper.
I can imagine them walking into court with 60 A1 pages printed off a plotter or something. :)
Double space legalease (Score:5, Funny)
C: int i;
Translated: "We sumbit that there is an integer stoage of variable value designated the identifying symbol of 'i'. "
Yup, I can see how one or two C snippets could easily run 60 pages.
Re:Files and line numbers may be sufficient (Score:2, Funny)
ALL YOUR KERNEL ARE BELONG TO US.
They can make a nice poster with it
Forgot one (Score:2, Funny)
2. ???
3. Veci!