Microsoft Offers A Bounty On Virus Writers

Iphtashu Fitz writes "According to news.com Microsoft will announce a bounty of $250,000 on Wednesday for information on who wrote two recent Windows viruses. The bounty is offered for information that leads to the arrest of the people who released the MSBlast worm and the SoBig virus. Microsoft will officially announce the reward in a joint press conference with the FBI and U.S. Secret Service Wednesday morning. This is the first time a company has offered money for information about the identity of the cybercriminals. Could this be the start of a new trend in going after the writers of viruses & worms?"

I heard they needed skilled people

[svvampy]

But this is ridiculous!

Today $250k for turning in Windows virus writers

[goldcd]

Tomorrow: $500k reward for writers of Linux or Apple viruses

..and the state and corporations move another inch

[caitsith01]

...closer together.

Later in the same press conference, newly appointed Communications Secretary William Gates III announced that sale of all software in the United States will cease Monday, to be replaced by a Federally subsidised regime of nationally distributed software based on a uniform technology. In response to questions Mr. Gates indicated that the vendor supplying the software had not yet been selected, before laughing maniacally.

ehehe...

[stephenry]

There seem to be a couple of programs in Windows, I don't know their name, that shut-out competitors applications and routinely tunnel useage information back to it's headquarters. Not only that, but they seem to integrate with the system itself and mysterious de-configure my existing software. Strange.

They definately seem to be illegal, possibly even viruses; maybe I can get some payola from Microsoft for letting them know about them. Oh wait...

Re:Make it interesting

[AKnightCowboy]

Oh god, this is so cliche so I apologize in advance:

1. Write virus that causes billions of dollars in damage.
2. ??
3. Profit!!!

Microsoft just revealed step 2 as "Turn in your accomplice, get immunity and $250k".

It's an underexploited market

[goldcd]

shamefully neglected by Apple's Switch Campaign.

$250K Buys a Lot of Mountain Dew

[RobotRunAmok]

Because we know these virus-writing punks can't resist bragging about their exploits in whatever low-rent Usenet hang-outs they frequent, it should be interesting to see if there is as little honor among them as there is rumored to be among thieves.

Script-Kiddie: "Dude! You turned me in to... to... Microsoft!?! That's cold!"

Former Friend of Script-Kiddie: "Sorry, man, tuition at MIT is a real bitch, yo."

S.K.: "MIT? What choo talking 'bout, MIT? You go to Westchester Community College!"

F.F.o.S.K.: "That was before I got this here letter of recommendation from my new sponsor, William H. Gates III. Hey, whaddya think of these new Birkenstocks? Too gay? I kinda think they set off my eyes pretty well, yo..."

S.K.: "Dooooooood....!" (As two big guys in MS-branded butterfly suits drag him into back of van)

F.F.o.S.K.: "Hey, look me up when you get out, man. By then I should be setting myself up in my own company and will be able to use a guy with your leet skills."

Re:I heard they needed skilled people

[smchris]

I think that is why I find it strangely appealing. Envision the typical biker dude bounty hunter storming some high school kid's room. Does C*O*P*S do the occasional bounty hunter episode: "Bad Nerd, Bad Nerd, whacha gonna do?"

But only if Gates presents the check personally.

Bounties, Bounties - I am forgetting Counties ...

[leoaugust]

Bounties, Bounties everywhere,
And I am loosing my Counties of how many there are.

Every Mountie must now be getting this idea,
that if they can't catch the Evilers Dead or Alive -
Make an Announcie of "X" Million Dollar Reward.

X is 25 for Osama, and 0.25 for MSBlatie,
10 for Saddamie, and 10 for his baby boys.

Some you will catchie and some will get away.

No Osama, but M$ might catchy MSBlastie,
No Saddam, but they got his progeny.

When will someone get the idea,
of Putting up X for the Lunactic,
or X for the Dubya who sammed the Iron Door shut,
or X for entry into the Pearly Gates ...

so that friendy turns on friendy,
and all Evilers become suiciders and deadenders
leaving rest of the worldie as a nice place,

when friends have turned on friendies,
and hacker on hackers,
and evil file sharers on eviler file sharers,
when Open Source Nigerian Scammers
have turned in their Princeton buddies ....

what is left of the world,
I hope I am not around to see ....

Turn yourself in?

[shish]

1) Claim to be the virus writer
2) Get $250k
3) Bail yourself out of jail

Wow! Profit at stage #2 and no ???! This *has* to be a good plan!

Re:Not always so catchable...

[nachoman]

Dead or Alive?

O. J. Simpson

[HisMother]

This reminds me of O.J.'s promise not to rest until he personally found the real killers.

Re:Not always so catchable...

[Haeleth]

Ever read the book, "The Silicon Samurai", the cracker in that book was very clever, a master of the art. Still he got caught. Why?

Possibly because it made a better story?

250,000?

[varjag]

Do they want them dead, or alive?

Re:I heard they needed skilled people

[kfg]

I think they're going to pay it in used computers valued as new and Windows seat licenses.

If you want actual CDs you'll have pay retail though.

KFG

Re:Well, there logic is (half) right...

[Haeleth]

One way to do this is to have a description (for each piece of software) of the typical behaviour of that software, and prevent and raise an alert when atypical behaviour is detected.

I can see it now.

Scanning system processes...

Microsoft Word. Typical behaviour: edits documents. Current behaviour: accessing filesystem to edit a document.

Mozilla Firebird. Typical behaviour: browses the web. Current behaviour: making HTTP connections to browse the web.

MSBlastHaxorL33t. Typical behaviour: forwards your credit card number to all your enemies, organises a DDOS on microsoft.com, and then formats your hard disk. Current behaviour: sending emails, requesting microsoft.com every millisecond, and formatting C: in the background.

Scan complete. No atypical behaviour detected.

Re:I heard they needed skilled people

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

C'mon.

The target was Windows. They can get off - it was entrapment!

Look in California

[IGnatius T Foobar]

In particular, Microsoft would like to locate and permanently detain the individual responsible for the treacherous malware program called "Linux." This highly dangerous program causes Windows to not be present at all on any infected computer! Since, as Steve Ballmer keeps telling us, every time you fail to buy a Microsoft program, God kills a kitten ... Microsoft is offering a large bounty to find the author of this "Linux" program.

God Bless Mom, Apple Pie, and John Ashcroft! Preseve the American way of life! Find and destroy the evil virus writers!

Scene: post-arrest

[wowbagger]

Scene: an interrogation cell in the Redmond Police Dept., shortly after the arrest of the virus writer.

Dramatis Persona:
Skip Kiddie - the alleged virus writer.
Sgt. Fritz DaMan - a police officer
Bill Gates

Skip: 7h!$ $u><orz! 1 d!n`7 dew 7hj!$!
Bill: Sargent, could you go get me a glass of water? For your troubles (hands Fritz a bundle of US$100 bills).
Fritz: Sure thing, Mr. Gates! You know we are all here to serve you! (Backs out of room, bowing)
Bill: OK, sparky, here's the deal. You have a choice to make. One choice leads to a chushy job, lots of pay, and a long life. The other leads to years in "the pokey" being pounded in the ass by convicted felons.
Skip: 0K, !'m 1!$73n!n9.
Bill: How'd you like to write viruses for Linux?

I'm the one

[hummassa]

I wrote the MsBlaster and the entire SoBig series! I'll plead guilty! who will split the bounty fifty-fifty with me?

Re:I heard they needed skilled people

[GreyPoopon]

can I shop the microsoft outlook team in? it might not be a virus itself, but a virus facilitator at least!

Microsoft Outlook: The IDE for virus development.

re: i heard they needed skilled people

[ed.han]

cantina thug: "i have the death sentence in 12 systems"

virus writer: "ah, but microsoft is offering a US $250,000 bounty for me!"

cantina thug: "..."

virus writer: "and i shut down millions of PCs on my home planet!"

cantina thug: "..."

virus writer: "and in a little while, i'll finally be able to move out of my parents' basement!"

cantina thug: "that does it."

[blaster fire]

ed

I hope

[Digital Dharma]

They freeze the bastards in carbonite

Re:Brilliant move

[js7a]

$250K is rather cheap considering how much bad PR they got recently due to the attacks

"Cheap" is right, or an understatement.

Any decent reward these days should be at least [placing pinky to corner of mouth] one million dollars.

Re:Interesting idea

[stretch0611]

If Microsoft makes it commonplace to pay $250,000 for finding a virus writer, it will go broke soon. After all they only have $50 Billion in cash.

No, I'm New Here

[New Here]

No, I'm New Here

i need money for college

[seelet]

ill just turn in the whole CS dept

Re: i heard they needed skilled people

[EverDense]

virus writer: "and in a little while, i'll finally be able to move out of my parents' basement!"

cantina thug: "that does it."

[blaster fire]

Han Solo: "No need to thank me kid"

virus writer: "Holy shit, you're Han Solo"

Business Plan...

[RoloDMonkey]

1. Write virus.
2. Wait for Microsoft to declare bounty on my head.
3. Turn myself in.
4. Profit!

Dead or Alive?

[CactusCritter]

Nobody has yet indicated whether the award is good whether the virus writer is alive or dead.

A clearer statement is in order.