Oops, Dave Barry Does It Again

agdv writes "After the success of his first article providing the phone number of the American Teleservices Association, and the ensuing reaction by said organization, columnist Dave Barry attacks again, providing the ATA's new phone number. Read all about it! (the number is 317-816-9336, long distance charges may apply)."

I'd call but...

[another misanthrope]

...I can't get a hold of the national do not call list too see if Dave's on it or not.

don't wanna get hit with that 2K fine ya know...

I'd call and say...

[slobbit]

I'd call and say,
"Please hold for an important message..."

Not just a new number..

[Karamchand]

It seems they don't just need a new phone number (again!) but soon they'll also need a new (additional!) web server ;-)

I live in the UK,

[Anonymous Coward]

I love telemarketers. I can be as amazingly offensive to them as I like because they're being fucking irritating and interrupting me; and if they reply in the same manner they could get fired. It's the most stress relieving activity I've ever encountered. Probably pisses them off though.

Shame.

taking the high road

[sczimme]

From the article:

And I am, frankly, tempted to reveal to you here that the American Teleservices Association (www.ataconnect.org/) seems to have a phone line working (at least for now) at 317-816-9336.
...
... that's just plain rude. So I am taking the high road.

Whew! That was close. We wouldn't want Mr. Barry to sully his relationship with the ATA by posting such scandalous info. Kudos to you, sir, for your strenuous efforts to maintain some level of decorum!

However, I have no such relationship... :-)

American Teleservices Association 317-816-9336
American Teleservices Association 317-816-9336
American Teleservices Association 317-816-9336
American Teleservices Association 317-816-9336
American Teleservices Association 317-816-9336

Have a nice day!

Note to self

[Rosco P. Coltrane]

- Get a 1-900 number
- Anonymously tip off Dave Barry, telling him my number is an ATA number
- Wait for Dave Barry to post my number on the innurnet
- profit

I'm sure the number has already been Berry'ed

[Snarfangel]

Must be the phone equivalent of Slashdotted.

(For those of you who don't see the pun, "Berry'ed" = "buried" -- ah, never mind.)

Busy allready

[WindBourne]

I would say that it is slashdotted, But I suspect that it is more like "americaed".

Re:taking the high road

[Xyd]

And, sadly, they probably have CallerID and are collecting all our phone numbers for future harrassment. Damn, I called from my cellular, too... :-o .xyd

Busy....

[disc-chord]

Wow, /. a phone number in the early morning hours of a sunday. Nice work guys! Let's see if we can keep it that way for a while.

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[spoonist]

Google Phone Book

I cannot vouch for the accuracy of this information!

Someone please doublecheck!

Thomas Rocca, Kennesaw, GA [google.com]

Andrew Miller, Omaha, NE [google.com]

Mark WIlliams, Wilmington, DE [google.com]

Re:I live in the UK,

[praxim]

I don't ever abuse telemarketers, but I do screw with them. I'll answer the phone in German, or pig latin, or whatever I can remember. I'll pretend to be paranoid and think they're the CIA or that my phone is bugged.
I don't see any harm- they probably enjoy it as much as I do. At least, the AT&T rep thought it was pretty funny when I asked if I could get massages included in my long-distance plan...

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[Anonymous Coward]

Dave: Quit calling me!

Horde Against Lawmaker: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

A great deterant...

[CooCooCaChoo]

Remote shocking device to allow the victim of telemarketing to send a 4000amp charge down the line to the person at the call centre.

Another would be for the US to declare war on Telemarketing. Why? well, when ever GWB has a speech, guess what happens? the phone rings. When the phone rings, GWB loses his "connection with the American public". If you get rid of the telemarketers, you get a loyal listening audience ;-)

Could you imagine the speech?

"My fellow Americans, our country is under attack by spam, telemarketing and faxes. This group constitutes a Triangle of Trash. We must unit as a people to purge this scourge from this great nation of ours. Countries who current allow these communication terrorists to operate in their country have to make a decision, they are either with us or against us."

Re:Turnabout is fair play

[GMontag]

Thank you Cingular!

"Free" long distance.

3000+ weekend min.

"Disable Outgoing Caller ID" in prefrences for all calls.

One touch redial. (I wonder if I can program that into the Handspring?)

Priceless!

Oh the irony!

[halr9000]

When I dialed *67, then Thomas Rocca's #, this is what I hear...

"This number has Privacy Director and does not accept caller ID blocked calls."

I wonder why. :)

Foil Telemarketers by Buying From Them

[gefafwysp]

Someone I once knew got cold called by a firm selling conservatories. Instead of getting angry, he was very enthusiastic and asked them to send round a surveyor. When the guy arrived, he was a bit narked to find that the prospective customer lived on the eighth floor of a tower block.

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[NorwBlue]

Dinner time? whats that in the us? eh... who cares i just had dinner and i guess my dinner time is good enough. (norway calling) Hallo. Jeg vil bare klage pa at dere ringer meg privat nar jeg ikke er interessert... etc... etc... throw in some english to keep the attention up for a while and see how long i can keep it up. With free long distance (at work) keep the numbers cuming, i really need something to do while compiling Norw Blue

Re:I Agree with his work...

[weave]

what kind of person would run a company that is so obviously reviled.

Who is Darl McBride, CEO of SCO Group? (SCOX)

I'll take assholes for $400 please.

Re:I Agree with his work...

[Skater]

You're right. I never thought of that before.

She'd say it with a slight smile, then there'd always be a beat while the person digested the information and realized that (a) overbooks really are intentional, and (b) someone has to do it. Usually they'd respond just by saying, "Oh." I loved being present when she was introduced to a new person.

Now, most victims knew both of those points before, but they'd never met anyone who actually DID it, and they never had it brought to their direct attention. (I had exactly the same reaction when I met her, too.)

--RJ

Re:Busy allready

[Mannerism]

Or perhaps "Heralded".

Re:UK

[phillymjs]

Here in the UK, we have the TPS

I like the new cover sheets on their reports!

/me ducks

~Philly

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[DickBreath]

and I dunno that I want to harass someone who just works there

Then don't call to harass. Call for a legitimate purpose. One legitimate purpose would be to sell them something that you own. Clearly since they work at a telemarketing organization, they must believe deeply in your right to call them.

Americaed?

[Anonymous Coward]

Doesn't that mean we'd have to invade them on a flimsy pretense?

Oh wait. :)

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[sms]

My brother, who is in sales himself, made a recording to answer the phone. It's a long recording that starts out, "Hello?" then a 5-second pause, "Hi," then every ten seconds it just said "Uh huh." It would continue that for 20 minutes. By then, even the densest telemarketer would get the idea.

When he gets door-to-door salesmen, he invites them in and says, "Man, I'm glad you dropped by! I've had a tough time lately. I got laid off, my wife left me, and, you know, I just need someone to talk to." He says that it takes about 30 seconds and they're eager to leave.

Ooooh, careful about calling the Kennesawian.

[JeanPaulBob]

Thomas Rocca, Kennesaw, GA

Remember, folks, in Kennesaw, Georgia, you're legally required [kennesaw.ga.us] to own and maintain a gun. So be careful. Rocca might bust a cap on yo' ass.

Why Not Sic the DMCA on Them . . .

[Molecular Mechanic]

I want to use one of those automated answering machines for routing calls, and proclaim it to be a digital protection scheme against telemarketers.

Options provided are:
1 - for all callers who are not telemarketers, solicitors, etc and the call is then allowed to ring my phone, and
2- for all telemarketers, solicitors, etc. who are disconnected without allowing a ring to be sent to my phone.

If a telemarketer selects 1, they are then in violation of the DMCA for circumventing my protection scheme, and I can start subpoenaing their records without a judge's siganture, right! Damn, I think I just screwed up my chances on this patent.

MM

Re:How do you handle Telemarketers?

[JemalCole]

I love having a three-year-old.

"Hi, can I speak to the person in charge of making decisions about your long distance service?"

"Sure - Jared?"

"Hi. Hi. Daddy? No video now? Jumping! Jumping! No jumping. [beep] [boop] [beep] Bye bye."

Recently we got Verizon's Call Intercept service [verizon.com], and we only get calls from the local firemen and sherrif's departments trying to get us to donate to their charities. Probably the best $5/month I spend - but Jared misses getting to play with the phone.

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[JabberWokky]

I've been trying to call them for the past five minutes, but it keeps ringing busy. I want to see if they will make an offer on two dead AA batteries I just swapped out of my optical mouse. They are handy as weights and roll quite well.

And if you're amusing and polite, most of the operators will likely enjoy the call. The woman who I dealt with when I called the number for Anne Murray's greatest hits to complain that Anne Murray has never had any hits, let alone anything great, said that I was her favorite call in several years of working there.

Of course, I also got legal threats when I had my computer autodial a collection firm after my ex-roommate. They called me for weeks, every hour or two. Their claim was "it's the computer, and I can't do anything about it". So I set my computer to dial them every 10 minutes (I worked at home at the time), and I'd kick open a speakerphone connection. The manager just refused to see that there was a parallel between our call tactics and said I was "harassing" them, since I didn't have business with them. The point that my ex-roommate had since moved, and the number they were calling was in my name was okay however. Heh. Every ten minutes most of the day for three days: "Hi, have you taken my number off your call list?"

--
Evan

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[jvollmer]

It's no good - these guys are on the do not call list.

Re:What about their fax numbers?

[megaversal]

Print out a /. comment page?

Re:Prepaid calling card

[willtsmith]

Or you could use 1-800-Collect.

You probably won't get through, but you'll burn their time nonetheless.

Re:I Agree with his work...

[LearnToSpell]

Shouldn't that be Assholes for $699?

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[LuxFX]

That sounds like a good idea, until you realize that one of their questions might involve a verbal contract. Example:

TELEMARKETER: So, sir, can I send you the free one month trail of You're A Sucker magazine, with no obligation for 30 days, and after that a cost of only $89.99 a year?
RECORDING: Uh-huh.
TELEMARKETER: That's wonderful! Can I confirm that your address is %%ADDRESSS%%?
RECORDING: Uh-huh.
TELEMARKETER: Thank you. Now would you like to receive a 10% discount by paying for your first year right now over the phone?
RECORDING: (silence)
TELEMARKETER: Or would you like to receive a bill for the full $89.99 after 30 days?
RECORDING: Uh-huh.

Maybe a better option would be a "Hmmm...." every so often. Maybe even better would, with the help of some friends/babies, go something like:

"Hello?....Hi....Hey listen the baby is screaming right now, can you hold on for a second?....Ok now what were you saying?....No, wait, I forgot, who are you calling for again?....Oh there is somebody at the door, can you hold on for another second?...."

and repeat ad nauseum (and remember that the telemarketers would probably have a much stronger stomach for that stuff that you realize...)

Re:Oh the irony!

[Sax Maniac]

Yeah, this happens to me too. Except it's really the police department!

Most of the telemarketing calls I get are from them asking if I want to donate for whatever fundraiser they're doing this month.

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[fishbowl]

Telemarketer: Blah blah blah.
Me: Is this an emergency?
Telemarkter: Huh?
Me: I'm sorry, but this number is for emergency calls only.

For a long time, I just answered the phone "Phoenix emergency..." Why have you called 9-1-1 sir?... They don't really have any way of knowing whether their call has been forwarded to 9-1-1 or not, but it absolutely gets you off the list, and the caller disappears FAST. (I don't give a crap that it's fraud, bear in mind that I'm a bit of a punkass on these things).

Another fun one:

Telemarketer: Blah blah blah.
Me: Is this a business call?
Telmarkter: Of course!
Me: I'm sorry but this number is for personal calls only.

Now let's see...

[rune2]

Things we've Slashdotted:

1. Web Sites
2. Houses (using the good ol' US Postal Service)
3. Satellites

hmm... a Phone Exchange? Nope we haven't done that one yet! :-)

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[Pig Hogger]

I've found what works best for mormons

Here, it's with the jehovah's witnesses we have trouble. One day, I saw them come from afar, and I recognized them, so, since I am always naked when I'm at home, I didn't bother to dress to answer the door, but I simply stepped out and followed them in the street, ass-naked.

They never came back to my street.

Door to door salesmen

[jabber01]

A couple of weeks ago, I had this unexpected knock on the door. Some chick was going door to door, selling magazine subscriptions.

My GF is a pushover for these people, for IRL and on the phone, and let her in. *duh* So I figured I'd take the opportunity to have some fun.

This girl was telling my GF about all the different magazines and whatever, and how if she sells the most she'll go to Hawaii on vacation as a prize, and send us a thank you postcard (I fail to understand this sales tactic - WTF is in it for ME?).

I offered her a drink, which she accepted. Lucky for her I'm not a Roofie fan. Anyway... I walked over to the front door, and making sure it was noticed, I locked the front door.

Then as she's going through her spiel, I sat across the livingroom from her and my GF, reached behind the couch, took out my katana, and proceeded to sharpen it. Long, steady, methodical strokes, all the while staring at this girl with absolutely no expression on my face.

She tried to ignore me, but after a while it was obvoius that she no longer cared if she went to Hawaii as much as if she would ever leave with all limbs still attached.

My GF managed to keep a straight face, and felt sorry enough for the girl that she actuallt bought a few magazines. Partly out of pity, and partly to keep her there longer, to see how much more of a blabbering idiot she would become.

Theres a better way...

[ShieldW0lf]

Answer the door naked.

I had Witnesses show up once while I was shaggin. Funnily enough, they wouldn't come in when I invited them... they didn't even come back later like they promised they would.

Nothing gets rid of door-to-door types like a sticky hard-on :)

Re:Oh the irony!

[Nightpaw]

How do these people sleep at night?

It's not so hard when the phone isn't ringing off the hook.

Re:The association? Why not some home numbers?

[BillX]

Yeah, but can your tape recorder legally enter a contract?

(I *know* mine can't, it's not 18 years old :-)