DirecTV Sues Anyone Who Bought Smartcard Reader?

MImeKillEr writes "The Register is reporting that DirecTV is suing anyone known to have purchased a smartcard programmer, regardless of whether or not they're actually using the device to enable stealing their programming. They're sending out letters & when people call to clear up the confusion, DirecTV is demanding a $3500 settlement as well as the programming device. They've filed 9000 federal lawsuits against alleged pirates thus far. They're obtaining lists of who purchased the devices during raids against the sites that offer them for sale."

Great!

[brakk]

This is exactly what we need to clog up out legal system! I guess the murderers and rapists can wait, someone's stealing TV!!!

Target card

[gouldtj]

Damn it! I knew I should have read the fine print when I applied for that Target card - but I didn't realize it was going to cost me $3500! Get a free smartcard reader [target.com]

BackFire

[gizmonic]

Damn, I could have cared less about Satellite TV, since I have decent cable access w/ broadband that actually works.

But that pisses me off enough that I might just go out and pirate Direct TV simply out of spite!

In other news...

[stmfreak]

...Kwikset is suing everyone who bought paperclips and thin blade flathead screwdrivers in the last fifty years.

Realizing that their locks can be circumvented with a modicum of patience and the above mentioned tools, Kiwkset raided sales records at local home and office supply chains to locate citizens who had purchased paperclips and screwdrivers. Citing that no one who purchased the two items in the same month could possibly be up to any good, Kwikset sent out cease and desist letters to approximately 40,000 citizens demanding that they turn over the screwdrivers and paperclips to local authorities.

Ecnomics 101

[deadlinegrunt]

1. Create customer base
2. Sue them all
3. Profit!!!

Re:CD Burners

[Im-no-orangutan]

hey don't give them any ideas~

Re:So...

[Anonymous Coward]

Holy Shit! Do those work to program DiretTV cards?

they're coming to take me away!

[AwesomeJT]

Oh, I can see the paddy wagon now!
They're coming to take me away, oh my!

I wonder if this new -- Lawsuit spam. Just sue the entire country, hoping enough people will settle our of court to pay the laywers and make a nice profit too. Welcome to a Sue-happy America!

Re: The bastion of freedom and democracy

[gizmonic]

Here is your list:

Damn damn damn!

[AndroidCat]

I was going to buy one of those smartcard programmers to steal free wash and dry in my building's laundry room. But now DirecTV is going to sue me if I do. Damn you!

Re:CD Burners

[rootofevil]

yea, and if you got anything faster than a 1x, say a 52x theyd sue you for having 52 cd burners, like the BSA claimed to find.

Re:If you can't do the time....

[MongooseCN]

Would an intelligent consumer buy white flour from a cocaine dealer? I think not.

What are you saying? Sorry I'm a little slow. Every time I make some toast I start hallucinating for a few days.

Re:If you can't do the time....

[Pentagram]

Would an intelligent consumer buy white flour from a cocaine dealer? I think not.

Seems reasonable to me! On the other hand though, I wouldn't buy cocaine from a white flour dealer.

DirecTV sues everyone

[Anonymous Coward]

DirecTV has begun filing lawsuits against anyone not legally deceased.
"My point is, if you're alive, then it's possible that you could be pirating DirecTV," says DirecTV spokesman Robert Mercer, "If you knowingly live in a world where people are able to pirate DirecTV, and you have the ability somewhere within you to do so, and yet you claim you are not - to me, that's a stretch."
In related news, DirecTV's earnings forecast for this quarter jumped to $15.75 trillion, as everyone alive will be forced to pay a minimum $3500 settlement for their potential acts of piracy.

Re:CD Burners

[Anonymous Coward]

-- Laura

i respond to you, because you are girl

Re:Eyeing my Detonator ][ programmer...

[davebooth]

Land of the Free!*

*Some restrictions apply. Void where prohibited.

Re:I want to care, but the victims don't!

[cK-Gunslinger]

I have a sudden urge to send Mr. Sosa a letter stating that his computer is broadcasting an IP address and that his IP address has trespassed upon my router. He should send me $3500 or I will consider seeking legal actions.

Re: The bastion of freedom and democracy

[Jonsey]

Would someone please enumerate for me the things I am permitted to do with the things I buy under U.S. law?

Yes, I will:
1.) First, you are NOT allowed, under any circumstances to enumerate a lis... Hold on a second, I hear a knock at the door ~A0adf#@GHMCC NO CARRIER

Return of the Schoolyard Bully!

[geekwench]

Gee, I wonder if a kid that I went to school with in 5th grade is now employed by DirecTV?

He had a great "business model": he would approach another kid, invariably one who was smaller than him, and say "I heard you were talking about me behind my back. So, you're gonna bring me a dollar tomorrow, or I'm gonna beat you up and take your lunch money every day for a whole week." After the first demonstration of his willingness to enforce the demand, the threatened kids paid up.

This seems to me to be nothing more than a refinement of the same tactic: pay up, or We the Corporation will proceeed to make your life an absolute hell. Most people will cough up the cash, because no matter how good their lawyer migh be, the corporation has deeper pockets and near-infinate patience. Just like Mr. Sosa in the article, people have wives, kids, careers, and mortgages that they do not want to see threatened by a huge legal judgement, lawyer's fees, and the stigma of defending one's self against the accusation of an illegal activity. Compared to everything that a potential defendant has to lose, $3500 usually looks like a bargain. The lawsuits are unethical as can be, because DirecTV clearly does not give a tinker's damn about the guilt or innocence of the accused parties.

Sadly, this pattern of abuse will continue until DirecTV meets up with a proverbial Mouse that Roared. Just like the schoolyard bully. What happened to him, you ask? Let's just say that he never expected to get his lights punched out by a geeky girl.

*buffs nails on shirt and walks away whistling*

Re:Great!

[laugau]

You know what's funny is that we can go to prison for getting free cable and sattelite where we are punished by getting free satellite and cable.

Re:BARRATRY!

[bjtuna]

If companies would be less greedy and not charge as much for services maybe people would want to buy things instead of stealing them

Yeah well if the Queen had balls, she'd be king. Companies are out to make money -- it's what they do. You think DTV was started for the common good of mankind?

Re:Legal extortion.

[ShavenYak]

Ten people representing themselves in court would be disasterous to a judge's schedule. A thousand people doing the same will clog the system so badly ...

And ten thousand people, that would be a movement. And that's what it is, the Alice's Restaurant Anti-DTV-extortion movement....

Oh, never mind. Average /. reader is far too young to get that.

Re:Legal extortion.

[Valar]

We can't presume intelligence in a computer, where as a judge is a member of a sentient species, AND by virtue of his/her position, presumed to be among the ones who would exercise better judgement.


You're new here, aren't you?

Re:So who paid cash?

[oni]

AREN'T there better uses of time, like gee, protecting our borders?

I agree. DirectTV should get back to protecting our boarders!

Re:BARRATRY!

[asscroft]

Do you own kitchen knives? Perhaps You're the one who killed Nicole. Quick! Someone tell OJ so he can clear his name.

Just because a knife can be used to kill someone, doesn't mean it's a MURDER DEVICE. So why is a smart card programmer a PIRATE DEVICE?

The only Pirate Devices I don't think I could argue the definition of woul be a Parrot, a Wooden Leg, an Eye Patch, a Funny hat with skull and cross bones, a wine bottle wrapped in dried grasses, a sword, potentially a mustache? No, some people own parrots and aren't pirates at all, so there goes that too.

Re:BARRATRY!

[Jardine]

No, some people own parrots and aren't pirates at all, so there goes that too.

That's just what they want you to think.

Re:Unfortunately..

[LineNoiz]

I ain't getting sued. So, no it's not MY PROBLEM. It is indeed SOMEONE ELSES problem. Notably, someone who is getting sued.

...and in other news

[smeenz]

And in other news, the RIAA today raided ISPs across the country, forcing them to hand over personal details of customers using broadband connections.

A spokesman for the RIAA told reporters that the only reason for anyone to need more than 56k dialup modem connections was for piracy.

The RIAA had previously attempted to shut down peer-to-peer filesharing by trying to identify the individuals sharing large amounts of files, but attempts were blocked by large ISPs such as Verizon, who claimed they were protecting the privacy of their customers by refusing to identify those who were using p2p software.

This new approach allowed the monolithic company to sue 'in bulk'.

"Obviously there will be some broadband users who get sued that have never shared any files in their life, but just because they didn't know they could doesn't mean we're not going to get money out of them!", said RIAA representative I P Nightly.

Re:So...

[Lt Razak]

I think it's because he didn't want to promote a huge referrer list pointing from that device back to Slashdot.

Re:BARRATRY! (PERMITS)

[the_pooh_experience]

If I buy a crowbar because someone says it can be used to break windows and steal cars, and I use it to tear down a wall I don't want in my house, is that illegal?

It is illegal if you don't have a building permit...

Constitution? What Constitution?

[r_j_prahad]

We don't need no steenking Constitution!

Quite a pity...

[Anonymous Coward]

... a gun cannot be qualified as a circumvention device.

So, you cant be sued for having a gun (and possibly killing a person in the future) -- but you can be sued for having bought a card reader?!?

Oops, almost forgot! Were talking about profits here, not lives!

My bad... :-/

Re:BARRATRY!

[slantyyz]

But the greed here is incredible. Where do people get this notion that they have a legally enforceable right to make a profit off a bad business model?

The dot-com boom probably provided some inspiration.

I luv giant photos...

[orius_khan]

Dammit smacktard! Could you resize the pages down so that we can look at more than 1/16th of the page at once??

I.... love.... reading... only... one or.... two... words... at a... time.

The fact that you're posting a link to 9 images, each roughly 1MB in size on slashdot, means that you are either masochistic, or completely else oblivious to what you're doing. Just because IE6 scales down images to fit in your browser window, doesn't mean that your router won't be screaming in pain if 100,000 people all hit your page at once...

DirecTV Purchased by IRS

[neocronos]

News Flash - DirecTV has been purchased by the IRS. The company slogan has been changed to "Guilty Until Proven Innocent." All DirecTV subscribers will now be required to complete an 86-page form every April 15 to deny piracy. More at 11.

Re:Which is better than what he did

[Hognoxious]

1. Find Sosa's (and other gullible people's) addresses.
2. Send bogus threatening letters.
3. ...
4. Profit!!!!