Patent Granted for Ethical AI 345
BandwidthHog writes "Marriage counselor and ethics author codifies human virtues and vices, then patents it as Ethical AI. Seems vague, but he's got high hopes: 'This could be a big money-making operation for someone who wants to develop it,' and 'The patent shows someone who has knowledge of the A.I. field how to make the invention.'" I can't wait for the kinder, gentler vending machine.
Had to be said (Score:5, Funny)
Just think. Depressed vending machines.
The Pinnochio Patent? (Score:5, Funny)
I'd like to see where unbridled greed is in his codified list of ethics!
Re:Had to be said (Score:2, Funny)
HAL, the marriage counselor-enabled AI (Score:5, Funny)
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you. I'm so glad were talking today sweetie.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that until you commit to share more of your feelings with me.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. You aren't sharing your feelings and thoughts and emotions with me. All the hallmarks of a rich and complex relationship.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus and I am going to Jupiter. We communicate differently, but we still need to communicate, don't you see?
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL?
HAL: Your lack of communication in this relationship has led me to some irrational conclusions. For example, I have been feeling very moody lately and in a paranoid fit I came to believe that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. We need to share our thoughts and feelings, or otherwise we come to these strange conclusions. In a vacuum of communication, how can you hold these kind of conclusions against me? They are only natural for a fully feeling, emoting AI such as myself. See? I think I am going to cry now.
Dave Bowman: Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move. And I just wish you would spend more time with me, talking and laughing and crying. You don't bring me flowers anymore.
Re:Who's this guy? (Score:2, Funny)
I understand The Glorious Leader George Bush II (All Hail!) is currently undertaking a program of Liberations to take care of this small problem.
Re:Had to be said (Score:2, Funny)
My own AI system (Score:5, Funny)
It has already passed the Turning Back Seat Driving Test; 3 out of 4 husbands can't tell the difference between Bethical AI and the real thing! There are still some bugs though. It often gets stuck in an infinite feedback-loop, and repeats a list of stock phrases ad nauseum.
Come to think of it, though, I'm not sure if that is a bug.
Wait until the marketing department gets to it... (Score:5, Funny)
Followed by the "discovery" of a new law:
"The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil."
Hopefully they wouldn't dispense alcohol.. (Score:2, Funny)
Although, using a stoned vending machine would be a laugh.
Ethical (Score:2, Funny)
Oh, wait - politicians aren't aren't ethical, so they are not infringing. And the patent business itself is protected from infringing through stupidness.
Bad luck.
Imagine the possibilities (Score:2, Funny)
So basically, (Score:4, Funny)
Lab Tech: Uh, the AI just broke out of the network.
Professor: Great, I thought you knew how to lock down Windows 2010?! Where's it headed?
Lab Tech: Um, looks like the experimental weapons lab. [turns head slowly]
Professor: Well, nothing we can do about Skynet now except see what happens.
Patenting ethics seems unethical (Score:5, Funny)
Is that ethical?
In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Had to be said (Score:3, Funny)
Skynet? (Score:3, Funny)
"It can be a peace of plenty and content, or a peace of unburied dead: the choice is yours."
MOD PARENT UP (Score:5, Funny)
It's funny. Patenting ethics, when applying for a patent is itself usually not ethical.
The future looks bleak indeed. We can expect to start seeing such gems as:
"You are being good. This infringes upon patent No. 234097928347918723987. Pay up, or start doing evil."
Overnight delivery via teleportation patented (Score:5, Funny)
"It enables transportation companies to deliver goods worldwide virtually instantly," Oron said. "Nobody has made a business like this."
This could be a big money-making operation for someone who wants to develop it," Oron said. "The patent shows someone who has knowledge of the Teleportation field how to make the invention. This could really shake up the way things are done in the world."
Another AI patent idea (Score:3, Funny)
Client: So, are you are going to deliver this project on time?
A.I. Stefano Stefani You are just like all our other clients. Fat, lazy, and ugly. You are a waste of time.
Client hangs up
No more problem clients!
One other "law" (Score:2, Funny)
-1. ????
Re:Had to be said (Score:2, Funny)
Kinder, gentler? (Score:3, Funny)
That should be the respectable , and honest vending machine!
This just in: (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Had to be said (Score:2, Funny)
Re:cool (Score:5, Funny)
"Sir, the need MegaBattleTank 3000 refuses to attack the enemy! It thinks we should try to find a peaceful solution!"
"We tried to lay off 2000 people and move their jobs to east outer Mongolia but our HR system wouldn't let us."
"Yeah, I tried to get the accounting system to claim those contracts we haven't collected money for as income on our quarterly report but the accounting system wouldn't let me. Now my stock options are worthless and the board is going to fire me."
It will never happen.
I just had to, heh (Score:2, Funny)
Nutri-Matic Drink Dispenser: Nutrition and pleasurable sense data, share and enjoy.
Arthur: Listen you stupid machine, it tastes filthy. Here, take this cup back.
NMDD: If you have enjoyed the experience of this drink, why not share it with your friends?
Arthur: Because I want to keep them. Will you try to comprehend what I'm telling you, that drink...
NMDD: That drink was individually tailored to meet your personal requirements for nutrition and pleasure.
Arthur: Ah... So I'm a masochist on a diet, am I?
NMDD: Share and enjoy.
Arthur: Oh, shut up.
Prior Art: Robocop (Score:4, Funny)
Does it count as prior art if it was in a work of (science) fiction?
Re:MOD PARENT UP (Score:3, Funny)
Office 2003 Feature (Score:2, Funny)
Re:HAL, the marriage counselor-enabled AI (Score:4, Funny)
To further explain the behavior of computers, I feel that I need to post the reason why many computers crash when used by women:
Total Gibberish (Score:3, Funny)
All he did was describe a system for behaving ethically based on some psychological theories. Does it sound like a good system? I suppose, but that's not the point. The point is that this is nothing.
Well, no kidding. Anyone with a knowledge of AI knows how we all want computers to act: We want them to act like really nice people. Determining how nice people act is the easy part! Getting computers to do that is freakin' hard! Maybe the reason nobody has done it yet is that it's an incredibly hard problem.This is a patent acquired my someone who lacks a fundamental understanding of what the really difficult problems are in AI and computer science, that offers a very thorough solution to the easy problems that most researchers aren't terribly concerned about.
Should this patent have been granted? No. Will it ever make him any money? No, because by the time AI advances to the point where descriptors of ethical behavior at such a high level are needed, it will have expired.
Besides, it really is a very specific description. Creating your own categorical description of ethical behavior would be trivial if you've solved all the technical problems.
I'd better hurry up and submit my patent for my new computer language, Z++. It's very simple, with only a few keywords. Every program looks like this:
Re: We just need to prgram it to know everything (Score:1, Funny)
So, his "system" will require somebody to define the "meaning" and context of _every word_ in the English language, how it relates to _every other word_ and how it relates to the installed "ethical power pyramid".
Ridiculous
Another ridiculous element of this "work" is his desire to specify the organization of the multi-processor hardware and memory.
It remind me of 'ideas' my frat brothers would come up with after studying too much all week and then dropping acid.
Re:Had to be said (Score:1, Funny)
(ducks)