Sen Hatch Would Like To Destroy Filetraders' PCs 1372
Posted
by
timothy
from the don'tcha-wish-this-sounded-like-a-joke dept.
from the don'tcha-wish-this-sounded-like-a-joke dept.
CBackSlash writes "Sen. Hatch is interested in technology to remotely destroy computers. But it would only be used if you're downloading copyrighted material, and only the copyright owner should be able to wield this awesome power, since having the feds do it would be against the law. Here is the AP story from Yahoo!."
Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
Why would he do that? (Score:5, Funny)
Oh, I see why now. Perhaps he received some donations from other upset copyright holders [sco.com].
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
Next.... (Score:5, Funny)
watch out! (Score:5, Funny)
Finally, something less reasonable... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Why would he do that? (Score:2, Funny)
Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah
So much for computers in the government (Score:5, Funny)
It wouldn't happen if it was (Score:1, Funny)
Vote Communist. [cpusa.org]
makes sense (Score:3, Funny)
Proof [com.com]:
SCO has made no secret in recent months that it hired high-profile attorney David Boies to spearhead its case against IBM, but the company's legal representation in Utah courts is also noteworthy. The company retained Brent O. Hatch and Mark F. James of the law firm Hatch, James & Dodge. Hatch is the son of Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, a representative for SCO confirmed Monday.
The whole family works for the devil!!!!
[/tongue in cheek]
Re:watch out! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Remember America (Score:2, Funny)
WTF? (Score:3, Funny)
But it's all right for copyright-holders to do it? Where does the DMCA say copyright-holders can blow up PCs? This is insane!
Pssst. (Score:3, Funny)
Want some mp3s of his work?
-
Joke, dont nuke my computer! Senator Hatch!
Coming soon! (Score:5, Funny)
Cars whose tires go flat when you speed.
Oxygen tanks that cease providing oxygen when diving in restricted areas.
Planes whose wings fall off when flying over restricted space.
Trenchcoats that burst into flame when used to conceal theft of 3 pens from the office.
Buildings which systematically disassemble themselves when accountants working for the company owning the building fudge figures.
Planets that implode when governments on them begin passing fucking retarded laws.
Acutally... (Score:3, Funny)
No need for any due process crap, just "bu-bye".
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
This is ridiculous. Wilful destruction of property is AGAINST THE LAW! Let's look at this another way. He's effectively saying that if you download copyrighted material, someone can be sent by the company that owns it to break both your legs.
Given the sheer number of fakes on P2P software, you could download something claiming to be the new Metallica album, and find it to be an MP3 of someone saying "YOU DOPEY FUCK" a million times. But as far as the record company is concerned, "Oh, he downloaded Metallica's album, nuke him!" and you're left with a pile of smouldering rubble.
Hatch is a cunt.
Excuse me if (Score:3, Funny)
Excuse me while I kill the RIAA goons in self defense.
Re:Pssst. (Score:3, Funny)
Just send them to President@whitehouse.gov
mwahaahahahahahahah (Score:2, Funny)
1) obtain copyright for something
2) secretly encourage distribution of the stuff you hold copyright to
3) threaten burnination upon infringers
4) rake in the dough!
Mod parent -1: Senator Hatch is a Troll.
I think it's about time... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:watch out! (Score:5, Funny)
If someone put a Celine Dion song on my computer, I would pay to get someone blow it up.
Until one day when an intern at the RIAA.... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:"BlowPC" virus anyone? (Score:2, Funny)
If a "Barney cartoon" comes up on my monitor, they won't have to destroy my PC. I will have thrown it out the window before I realized what was happening!
Oh the humanity...
This is definitely nonobvious (Score:5, Funny)
United States Patent Application 732980759-32754321
User interface for remotely enforcing copyright
Abstract
A user interface and corresponding application program interface (API) and hardware device providing a set of functions for remotely enforcing copyright legislation.
Inventors: Hatch, Orrin (R-Utah), MillionthMonkey
Serial No.: 053243653216
Series Code: 10
Filed: June 17, 2003
Claims
1. A software architecture for a distributed computing system comprising: a pissed off copyright holder, a hardware device capable of being remotely destroyed over a network; and an application program interface to present two dialog boxes to a user who is sharing files to present functions of the application to access and destroy his hardware.
2. A software architecture as recited in claim 1, wherein the distributed computing system comprises client devices and peer-to-peer devices that handle requests from other peer-to-peer devices, the remote devices having been hardwired with explosives by the manufacturer.
3. A software architecture as recited in claim 1, wherein the distributed computing system comprises client devices and peer-to-peer devices that handle requests from other peer-to-peer devices, the remote devices having been sharing files with other peer-to-peer devices as outlined in section 1.
4. A software architecture as recited in claim 1, wherein the application program interface comprises: a first group of services related to discovery of file sharing activity, a second group of services related to displaying two dialog boxes to the user, and a third group of services related to remotely detonating a device as outlined in section 1.
5. An application program interface as recited in claim 4, wherein the first group of services comprises: first functions that enable copyright holder to scour remote device for peer-to-peer activity relating to copyrighted content; a second group of services related to displaying two threatening messages to the user, and a third group of services related to reception of the kill signal and subsequent detonation.
CONCLUSION
Although the invention has been described in language specific to structural features and/or methodological acts, it is to be understood that the invention defined in the appended claims is not necessarily limited to the specific features or acts described. Rather, the specific features and acts are disclosed as exemplary forms of implementing the claimed invention.
And I'm off to the patent office! Later, suckas!
if the copyright owners can find you (Score:3, Funny)
"bam" the door gets kicked in, an M16 is at your head, and you get 5 years in federal prison with Bubba the big black prison fag as your cell mate who kindly tells you to "bend over biach!!!"
that would keep people from pirating copyrighted music, movies and software.
I wonder... (Score:2, Funny)
Subcontracting Justice (Score:2, Funny)
SCO would have just loved this (Score:3, Funny)
POLITICAL DEATH (Score:2, Funny)
Those are the kind of stupid things someone supports right before they are very public dragged from their office beaten with a very large stick in the middle of the town square.
http://codexwriter.xadiumproductions.ath.cx/ (Score:5, Funny)
Quotes from Senator Hatch, "If that's the only way, then I'm all for destroying their machines. If you have a few hundred thousand of those, I think people would realize"
"There's no excuse for anyone violating copyright laws," Hatch said.
Now as you can imagine, there are a lot of people who are pretty upset with the idea. They are all yelling and screaming, but I am smiling.
I for one applaud Mr. Hatch! These are exactly the kinds of laws I hope he can get passed.
He has my staunch support!
I also think cars should warn you twice before you drive faster than the speed limit and then just shut off... forever. This will cause there to be fewer cars on the road, less cars means less pollution and fewer traffic jams Phones used in movie theaters should warn you once, and then stop working, which will lead to lower numbers of brain cancers. J-walkers should get two warnings and then have their legs amputated (that will teach them) thus reducing the need for rubber (for shoes) and saving from exploitation South American rubber tree sap harvesters. In fact I think it would be a good idea to lace the worlds drug supplies with poison rather than spending so much money in the obviously unwinnable war on drugs! Then we can sit back relax, and let it resolve itself.
Now as all it will take is one script kiddie to write a program that accesses the RIAA backdoor computer kill function and start wiping out all the american desktop pc's (zap, zap, zap) some of you may find Mr. Hatch's position to be poorly thought out. Nothing could be more untrue. We can hardly blame this potentiality on a lack of forethought with regards to Mr. Hatch, to not implement these features merely because they will be abused would be like limiting the availability of handguns just because they "might" be used by criminals- ridiculous!
Of course Mr. Hatch will decry the hacking should it occur, and will probably find a way to use the words "domestic-terrorists" somehow, but everyone will know whose wonderful idea it was to make computers with a kill switch and they will all bless him! For you see though the outrage will ripple across America as hardware that cost several thousand dollars simply stops working, though Mr. Hatch will become the focal point of (even more) scorn, and people will be forced to buy new computers every couple of days.(... isn't that good for the economy after all? Why settle for the natural inclination of the home user to upgrade every few years, when we can do forced upgrades all the time!) though they will curse and revile his name they will all have eggs on their faces when it's Hatch's magical kill switches that save us all from OMNI-sentient-Cyberian 9000, the ultra-networked Uber-AI. Why the moment it starts passing data around its nodes on how to most efficiently wipe out humanity the kill switches will presume large file sharing activity means illegal copyright violations and a cascade of kill switch activations will spread node to node like a deadly computer cancer saving us all from destruction beneath the heel of our robot masters!
-Codexwriter
From the Mysterious Future (Score:5, Funny)
Hmm, there was that guy who spun a CD-ROM up to 52x and made it shatter.
Suppose RIAA were to embed little metal weights to unbalance every CD they ship.
Put it in your CD-ROM or Discman, it plays back at 1x, and you hear music. If the Discman is stuffed down your pants, you might even enjoy it.
But since we all know that RIAA considers a high-speed CD-R drive as "equivalent to" multiple CD-R drives, and consequently a Weapon of Mass Piracy (an ironic acronym, to be sure), if one was to put a suitably-unbalanced CD into a high-speed CD-ROM drive and attempt to "rip" the content to WAV files for future MP3 encoding, the disc would shatter, effectively destroying the drive, and possibly damaging other components in the computer.
One could double-up on this by embedding granules of pyrophoric (combusts in contact with oxygen) materials in nitrogen or other inert-gas bubbles in the disc substrate. The disc shatters in the high-speed piracy weapon, neutralizing it, and then the pyrophoric granules ignite, dumping toxic fumes and possibly burning other components inside the copyright terrorist's weapon (aka "computer").
Prediction: RIAA will develop this technology, and its use will be mandated. Within six months of the passage of the Active Countermeasures Against Copyright Terrorism Act, a 747 will be brought down by a Muslim whackjob playing Britney Spears in a laptop.
Congress will immediately respond to this new security threat... by passing another to require that all laptops be checked as baggage. A thunderous roar of "Dude! We're getting your Dell!" will be heard from airport security screeners worldwide.
Re:WTF? (Score:3, Funny)
From what I read, this sounds like something a terrorist would do...
"You don't agree with me, therefore I blow you up!"
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:This sounds like a great idea if..... (Score:1, Funny)
I mean we have written proof that he was planning to create and use weapons of pc destruction, so I guess its ok to hit him first....
I mean this proof is better than the last three US invasions had....
zack
Re:Children (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Not right away (Score:3, Funny)
Dream world right? Then robbers can't murder store owners. Police can't gun down someone who may be innocent. Politicians can't send our boys out to fight because there won't be any guns that work! We would all throw down our weapons and just learn to love one another!
Ok, I went a little overboard.
Don't worry (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
Better yet, I've got an old IBM Pentium 166! How about I make that the filesharing appliance? Nuke away boys! It'll be up and running again in an hour or so...meanwhile I've got copies of everything on my regular system.
Also I'm in Canada. Where does that asshole get off thinking that he has any right telling me what I can and can't have on any of my computers? He better not venture online, because there are lots of people out there that will have lots of nasty things with his name on them.
Re:Pssst. (Score:2, Funny)
Hatch's Next Bill... (Score:1, Funny)
I _like_ his logic! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
Brings to mind a quote from about 1989 when a generalissimo of Borland (if my memory serves me correctly, 14 years is a long time) said:
"The only thing you can do to stop someone pirating your software is to go round to his house and kill him."
When asked if that wasn't a little extreme, he said "Well, maim him anyway." :-)
Destroy my computer:an act of war (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Hatch has finally lost it (Score:1, Funny)
Sold Out (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:3, Funny)
Ohh, my 2 gig image file is wiped out!! *restore* There we go, resuming vix-studio architect.. *dum de dum dum*
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:2, Funny)
Erm. Without my motherboard, I'm going to the store to buy another one and hook up my old hard drive to it.
Tada! Problem solved!
I'm honestly confused by anyones suggestion that they can physically destroy a computer remotely. Doesn't anyone remember this [carcino.gen.nz]?!
This is preposterous, and I challenge anyone to try to explain this to a consumer such that it sounds good.
Consumer: "So, if I speed and then run into something really fast, my steering wheel blows up such that it needs replaced, but it expands into a big pillow so that my head is not smashed into it, but rather, I'm more likely to walk away? Cool. On the other hand, if I download The Matrix:Reloaded, my computer is destroyed such that I need a new one? Hmmm."
Good luck with that one!
Re:I think it's about time... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Sen Hatch claim he support acts of terrorism. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Here is what I wrote to Senator Hatch... (Score:1, Funny)
Anyway, I'm glad I'm in a country where smart people (like you) and dumb Trolls (like me) can band together and fight off the dopey fucks.
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:3, Funny)
I curse that movie for making that word popular.
Oh Please Please Please (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
Dear Mr. Hatch.
It came to my attention your plan to remotely destroy computers with illegal copyrighted files.
What a splendid idea ! But I think you should aim further. Why not make the computer ignite a reasonable amount of tetryl, thus exploding and killing the offender ? That'd teach them.
I have another idea, but it's too drastic, and too much of a painful torture. Anyway, here it is: A built-in speaker could start playing the songs you wrote in an endless loop. The only problem is that it would be considered torture or terrorism .
Re:Why would he do that? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:5, Funny)
Answer to #2: It's called "collateral damage", and simply underscores why we need to eradicate all such terrorists [see Answer 1].
Answer to #3: No, if RIAA destruction is authorized by law, then Norton and McAfee would be in violation of the DMCA. So, sorry, you'll have to get rid of your antivirus software. That's just one of the costs of the war against copying-terror.
Also, in response to a parent post question, no, IMHO this isn't Dell, this is the RIAA. But wouldn't it be neat if it was? Dude, you're getting Delled!
And A Year From Now... (Score:2, Funny)
Gordon B. Hinckley
President
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
50 West North Temple Street
Salt Lake City, Utah 84150
http://www.lds.org
The Honorable Orrin Hatch
135 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
http://www.senate.gov/~hatch
Dear President Hinckley and Senator Hatch,
I am very, very sorry that we cannot come to an agreement to bridge the differences between us on this issue. However, as Senator Hatch's law stated directly, the importance of protecting ones' coprights is paramount over all other issues, and demands the highest priority.
I hope you understand that the actions we have taken and are about to take to protect oursevles in this matter, which follows the guidelines that Senator Hatch set out last year in his speech to the US Senate Judiciary Committee.
In my encyclical of last September, I made it perfectly clear that the Roman Catholic Church was unwilling to tolerate further theft of copyright and theft of concept regarding its well-known properties Jesus Christ (tm) and its variants and the various and sundry trademarked images and copyrighted concepts of the Passion, the Crucifixion, the Sermon on the Mount, etc. The encyclical, as you remember, gave sixty (60) days for all churches violating those copyrights and trademarks to accomplish a licensing deal with RCC.
Within that sixty-day period, I had received compliance on this issue with the Church of England, Church of Scotland, and numerous Protestant denominations. In fact, the discussions were quite fruitful, and I hope that Senator Hatch will be among the official United States delegation to the Reunification Mass at Westminster Abbey this autumn.
Also, as you know, after the sixty-day period was up, I released a follow-up encyclical giving a second warning, as Senator Hatch had provided for in the aforementioned discussion. After the second encyclical, most of the other holdouts, including the Russian and Greek Orthodox Churches the various Baptist sects in the southern United States, and even J. K. Rowling, acknowledged our rights and made licensing deals.
The LDS Church, however, did not. The deadline for compliance passed on 15 June 2004, and thereforde, we will have to take the following actions:
1) Any religion following the precepts of the teachings of Jesus Christ (tm) will be required, as part of the licensing terms, to acknowledge that you no longer have any rights to use those teachings as part of your religious philosophy. Your people, should they not convert to a license-compliant religion, are damned to Hell, never to see the face of God.
2) All LDS temples will be destroyed by crack squadrons of Swiss Guards.
3) All copies of the Book Of Mormon will be seized and pulped. All copies of the Holy Bible not endorsed by a license-compliant religion will be seized and pulped. However, in the interest of compromise, we will allow you limited copyright use of Jesus Christ (tm) in the name of your religion.
4) No LDS service shall use any of RCC's trademarked phrases or any copyrighted concepts. Also, various Lutheran demoninations have requested that we act as a clearance house for their copyright on the serving of punch and cookies after services. On their behalf, we are denying your use of this as well.
5) Brigham Young University will be turned over to the Society of Jesus.
6) All intellectual property allegedly belonging to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will be confiscated and, as a penalty, placed under permanent copyright of the RCC. The Choir itself will be retrained to sing Gregorian chants.
7) Donny Osmond shall be provided with a high-ranking Franciscan for a manager.
Any and all resistance to these measures will be dealt with in the highest of terms.
We apologize in advance for the inconvenience this will give you, but you put it upon yourselves by failing to respect copyright and trademark.
Yours in Christ,
His Holiness John Paul II
CEO and COO, Roman Catholic Church, LLC
http://www.vatican.va
Another Mormon Dimwit (Score:1, Funny)
Re:A good Mormon responds (Score:2, Funny)
Doctrine and Covenants, section 89, IIRC.
But don't fret, even the silliest of Mormon beliefs don't make Mormons strap on a bunch of explosives to shred the bodies of innocent people, with the expectation of future fun with a crowd of Celestial Virgins. Just think, after boffing those Celestial Virgins, will the Martyr get to sit down and watch some Celestial Playoffs, or get nagged by the Celestial Honeys to go outside and cut the Celestial Grass?
Yes, I know this is really getting offtopic, but at least I didn't get into a discussion with helix400 regarding "getting into heaven". All those "justification by faith through works" vs "justification by grace" arguments which have gone on for centuries.
Then there is the matter of which end of the egg should be broken...
And now for something completely different! (Score:3, Funny)
"Inspite of heavy fines and expensive insurance, people still continue to break the speed limits of our nation's highways" Hatch said.
"If death is the only way to teach these people to drive slower, than i'm all for it" he said. "Pop a few caps in their ass and they'll start listening!"
Local law enforcement could not be reached for comment.
-ted
Re:Hatch has finally lost it (Score:2, Funny)
Oh, darn. at first glance I thought that was an IP address so we could blow up his computer.
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Later in the discussion... (Score:2, Funny)
I've been wondering what Sarah Michelle Geller was going to do next with her career.