Prince of Pop-ups 543
Ric writes "From the article lead paragraph: 'If you hate pop-up ads, you might blame Brian Shuster. A long-time figure in the Internet pornography world, Shuster recently received a patent for the ad format and is now looking to make some money off the sites that use it. And that's just the beginning - Shuster has a long list of pending patents, including one for pop-up audio ads that cannot be turned off.'"
Hooray! (Score:5, Funny)
There's a simpler way... (Score:5, Funny)
It's the perfect plan. What could go wrong?
find the bugger.. (Score:1, Funny)
Good (Score:5, Funny)
Oh, and I think I devised a way to turn off the pop-up audio:
1. Press the power button on your computer's speakers.
2. When you're done with the site, press the power button again.
Gee, maybe I should patent this.
poetic revenge (Score:5, Funny)
Re:There's a simpler way... (Score:5, Funny)
Way too much prior art...
How Ironic (Score:5, Funny)
No Lawyer would draft that patent! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:There's a simpler way... (Score:5, Funny)
Way too much prior art...
Since when has this stopped the USPO from issuing patents?
I'm conflicted!!! (Score:4, Funny)
Pro: He promotes porn on the Internet.
Pro: He will sue a few people into not using pop-ups, at least for a little while.
Con: He "created" annoying pop-up ads.
The situation would be similar if Hillary Rosen, remaining the bitch that she is, was really hot and liked to give me blowjobs...
Okay, well, the blowjobs would easily win out. But you get the idea.
Patent (Score:2, Funny)
I have to p (Score:5, Funny)
Patents pending for porno pop-up prince?
Swift, merciless, brutal death is required (Score:5, Funny)
He must be murdered immediately. The consequences of any other course of action are too dire to even be conceptualized.
Murder.
oh, it's better than that. (Score:5, Funny)
It's not just the money, it's who's collecting. Anyone who wants to use a pop up having to bow down before the porn master who dreamed up the sleazy idea? Classic. I hope someone makes a big fuss and that it becomes common knowledge that advertisers are paying porn masters to be able to irritate you. Guilt by association and tribute! Suffer, you dick heads!
Innovative pop up ads? (Score:1, Funny)
(To the tune of "Flashdance (What a Feeling)," Irene Cara)
Late, when there's nothing but a dim glowing screen
That displays what you hide deep inside your drive
All alone in the night, with your hand gripping tight
and your cock stiff as steel, hard as stone
Well I feel my pussy, close my eyes, pinch my nipples
Wrap around, take a hold, of your cock!
What a feeling! Penis greasing!
You can see it all and I'm younger than your wife!
Take your pants off! And get your nuts off!
Pictures come alive when you come into your eye!
Now my tits are perky, rub my clit, spread my pussy
In a flash, you take hold of your cock!
What a feeling! Fiendish beating!
Keep your Lubriderm and your tissues standing by!
Pull your pants down! And make the saints frown!
Pictures come alive then you come into your eye!
What a feeling!
What a feeling (You are horny now)
Penis greasing (Look at porno now)
Pictures come alive then you come into your eye!
What a feeling (You can really see it all)
What a feeling (etc.)
Ways to turn off audio (Score:3, Funny)
2) Turn off your speakers
3) Cut off your ears. See note regarding dremel tool in 1)
-Pete
Re:Yeah (Score:3, Funny)
while(Sound == Obnoxious){
Axe->swing(Speaker);
}
return(Sound->Calm);
;- )
Re:Swift, merciless, brutal death is required (Score:5, Funny)
What's the deal? (Score:3, Funny)
rhetorical question (Score:2, Funny)
Say what? (Score:2, Funny)
I didn't know that any of these creatures actually exist. Please show me an example of one.
Re:Good! (Score:1, Funny)
As Dave Barry once said... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Anyone have this guy's address? (Score:2, Funny)
Yeah, a Quaker would shoot him with a nailgun, railgun or rocket launcher.
I'm an Unreal Tounnamenter myself.
graspee
Re:I have to p (Score:5, Funny)
Precisely.
Postscript: pounding penis to pornography, provided by pop-up prince, prevalent among programmers posting postulations on slashdot.
Oh no audio ads that can't be turned off? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:There's a simpler way... (Score:3, Funny)
Way too much prior art...
Since when has this stopped the USPO from issuing patents?
In this case, they are the prior art, so I'm sure they'll figure it out...
Shuster, Shyster... what's the difference? (Score:5, Funny)
shyster
n. Slang
An unethical, unscrupulous practitioner, especially of law.
Seems to fit Shuster quite well.
Re:Use Mozilla ....... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Swift, merciless, brutal death is required (Score:5, Funny)
This post should be modded +1 Inciteful.
For once I agree...eep... (Score:3, Funny)
I'm ethically opposed to cruel and unusual punishment, though, so I say we just off the jerk before he can do any more damage. (At the very least, can we exile him to a nice deserted island somewhere with no Internet connection? Please?!)
Re:Swift, merciless, brutal death is required (Score:5, Funny)
I propose the "Hampster Dance" song.
Re:There's a simpler way... (Score:5, Funny)
The USPTO is definitely a $2 whore, but they do demand some small amount of originality in patent applications. For example, this would be acceptable:
Add those three magic words, and the patent office will grant your wildest wishes.Re:Great.. (Score:2, Funny)
HEY I'M LOOKING AT PORNO OVER HERE WHOO HOO! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I think he'll find... (Score:2, Funny)
Calm computer voice: The Security Manager in your installation Microsoft Windows 2008 has detected that you have tried to initiate an operation to which you do not have sufficient rights: turning off the sound volume. The Web site providing the audio to you has denied you this access. This is a warning. Further attempts will be reported to the originating Web site and Microsoft. Please do not take Web Site Piracy lightly; it is a crime.
Re:Hooray! (Score:4, Funny)
He should bill all the end users every time their browser violates his patent. If that proves too onerous, force a monthly fee levied on customers by the ISP.
I mean, if you are going to get greedy on the patent gravy train, you might as well go all out, no one's going to stop you for 20 years.
Re:I have to p (Score:2, Funny)
Re:As good of place as any (Score:2, Funny)
Sorry, 2 slashdot demerits for using "loose" correctly. Go to the back of the line!
:-)
Re:Hooray! (Score:5, Funny)
Personally I would prefer a Mafia-Hitman public donation killing machine.
The idea is, everytime a public personality pisses you off you donate a buck to 5 bucks to kill them. The restrictions would be a limit of a maximum of 5 dollars per person per day. When the maximum bounty price is reached then whomever wants to claim the prize (with absolute proof of the resulting kill) goes out an kills that public personality. The money & day limit are to prevent the extremely wealthy from rigging a premature execution (as the extremely wealthy folks do not need charity murder events to reach their goals). This fund also would be limited only to those folks that are well known enough to be defined a "public personality".
So if Windows XP crashes, then drop a buck in the "Off Bill Gates Bounty". If Tom Delay makes an ass of himself then $5 to the "Bye Bye Tom Delay Bounty". If someone actually wants Bill Gates or Tom Delay to survive another day then they can donate to the "Save Bill Gates" fund (with the money limit of a maximum of $5 per day per person) and the money they donate will be used to randomly refund a donation from the "Kill Bill Gates" donation list.
Now the real Devil is in who is going to honestly and accurately administrate these funds and how will the public guarantee that the bounty will be paid in its entirety to the bounty hunter that does the job.
Its strength is in its "Power to the People" mindset (keeping loudmouths from staying obnoxious asses for the rest of their lives or at least shortening that period to a tolerable length). Its strength is in the "Behave Nice or Die" mindset. Its strength is that it can afford-ably deal with individuals that have gone beyond the confines of sane human behavior.
Its weaknesses lie in "The referendum of the pissed off". Its weaknesses lie in "Who can be trusted to set fair bounties and not rob the bank of the cash reward" (though another bounty on the crook that robs the first bounty would even things out I think). Its weakness is that every absolute power over life and death without a surefire method to prevent abuse will fail horribly in a very short time. Its weakness is that the wealthy and powerful will behave well at first then push lackeys into notoriety so they will be the fall guys to die for their criminal schemes (as is oddly already the case right now).
Of course, this wild idea is immoral on its face, a complete violation of everything America stands for, and fairly insane. It does seem to be a much more civilized method than having America re-enact the French Underclass slaughtering the monarchs and French Upper-class in the wee days of the civil revolts of the French Revolution. God knows there is nothing keeping the top wealthiest 1% of America from abusing the much less wealthy 99% and the eventual obvious slaughter that will occur if the richest 1% do not remove their collective heads from their collective asses and stop the money siphon and overseas tax-free money sinkholes that they are using now.
yeah, great. I've got some patent ideas too (Score:5, Funny)
I think I'll file for a patent on "Honking a truck's horn in a residential area from 1 a.m. to 5 a.m., advertising a sale of one or more goods". I think I could get some license fees for that. To up my income, I will also file for "Yelling at a carefully chosen target group of people at prominent city places until they agree to buy one or more goods".
Jeez. Indeed, leaving the oceans was a bad idea, after all.
Patant "Popping a cap in Shuster's ass"? (Score:2, Funny)
Any volunteers.... (Score:3, Funny)