Microsoft Antitrust Judgement

An anonymous reader writes "Here are the links to the as-yet-unreleased judgement in the Microsoft case by CKK: Final Decree, Memorandum Opinion, Public Interest Order, Opinion on the State Settlement, State Settlement Order." In brief: Kollar-Kotelly accepts the settlement that the Federal Gov't and some states wanted, but she wants a minor change to it; and she has decided the case which was pursued by the other states as well, mostly ordering Microsoft to refrain from certain behaviors with regard to the user-visible desktop. Overall: a massive win for Microsoft, who can restrict the release of its APIs to major commercial companies only.

Huh?

[CySurflex]

Microsoft Corp. anounces MS Lawyer 2k - This exciting new product translates any sentence or paragraph into pages upon pages of unintelligable lawyer speak. Vanessa Roberts, VP of Public Relations at Microsoft was quoted as saying "we have been using this product for years for our EULA's and to intimidate small competitors, we just figured it's about time we shared the wealth".

Slashdoted in record time

[Zelet]

I downloaded the initial order quickly. The opinion... took a little longer... now... can't get to anything.

Congratulations people... you just slashdoted the United States of America Judicial System.

Uh oh

[Soporific]

I hear the Microsoft bashers rattling their sabers... ~S

the replies to this post

[Allaria]

Will look something like this:
86% - Yeah! Linux Rules! MS Sucks!
10% - Trolls
2% - People who actually read the decisions and have something thoughtful to say
2% - People complaining about /. posting too many anti-Microsoft posts.

Why bother even looking at the comments?

What a helpful article!

[L. VeGas]

I'll put some kind of summary text here once I've had a chance to read it.

WTF? Ok, I'll put some kind of response here after you've posted it.

Re:the replies to this post

[BTWR]

Don't forget:
91% - Unfunny comments labeled +5, Funny

Oh wait... that's every postboard

Fascinating

[drhairston]

Slashdot has posted a story which reports that there will soon be a story to report. Is there something I should know about Microsoft and why it is important enough to merit the posting of such a pre-story?

Scooping the news sites?

[Waab]

Is /. allowed to post a story before even Matt Drudge [drudgereport.com] gets his grubby little hands on it?

Michael, Please Update Bill's Mug Shot

[DoctorMabuse]

when the court ruling is released.

http://www.mugshots.net/bill_gates/

Re:Slashdoted in record time

[MAXOMENOS]

Not only that, we slashdotted it before the judgement came out. This has to be the first anticipatory slashdotting I've seen in my four years participating here.

Re:Before the Bell?

[habig]

No problem - someone's head has been saved by the ever-helpful Slashdot readership, who have melted down the server already. So keep on clicking until the markets close :)

Re:Final Decree - before it gets slashdotted

[American AC in Paris]

Gah -- that reads worse than a EULA!

Click "I agree" below to accept the terms of this Final Decree.

[I Agree] [I Do Not Agree]

Re:I like Microsoft

[phuturephunk]

. . Did you, at any time in your life, invest in a Ford Pinto? . . .

Re:Slashdoted in record time

[Jaguar777]

Today a government website was brought to its knees by a terrorist organization making itself known as "Slash Dot". The FBI quickly moved into position to take down the server for the rogue group, but was thwarted in their attempt because the organization recently moved to an unknown location in the western US.

Tonight on Crossfire we will have "experts" on hand to tell us what this "slash dot" terrorists organization wants. Details are currently sketchy but some sources say it may have something to do with penguins, natalie portman, and hot grits???

[Trolling Stones] I won't steer you wrong, buddy

[Anonymous Coward]

As far as I'm concerned, the italian BMT is the best value there, in terms of taste, and in terms of meat. If you want extra meat in your sub, you have to make friends with the crew behind the counter. Short of hanging out with them, always know what you want ahead of time, say your order loudly and quickly, and smile.
you'll be overflowing in succlent meats in no time!

g to the oatse
c to the izzex

Re:Fascinating

[Crispin Cowan]

On the contrary, this is great progress for /. This is the first time that I recall /. actually breaking a story. Normally /. only reports that someone else has actually gone and published a story, and /. is acting only as a (very convenient) news clipping service.

But this is different: /. posted the story before anyone else posted anything (I just went and looked at a bunch of sources, and the story isn't out yet as of this writing). OMG: /. doing actual journalism!

Must be a sign of the Apocalypse :-)

Crispin
----
Crispin Cowan, Ph.D.
Chief Scientist, WireX Communications, Inc. [wirex.com]
Immunix: [immunix.org] Security Hardened Linux Distribution
Available for purchase [wirex.com]

Re:Great except...

[ENOENT]

The kitchen sink is part of the vital anti-virus activity known as "washing the dishes", and can therefore be kept secret.

Re:Huh?

[Anonymous Coward]

Chairmen and former CEO of Microsoft had this to say, "We are really excited about our new Lawyer 2K product and we have already started development on the next version. With next version of MS Lawyer you will be able to getaway with murder among other things. It will definitely change the way we interact with our world. "

Re:the replies to this post

[nahdude812]

OMG, you predicted your own rating! ;-)

Re:The Judgement Summarized

[Anonymous Coward]

That is indeed an accurate summary. Point J is the crucial one, which is the "Microsoft can ignore the rules" clause.

Great!

[jhines0042]

Technobabble meets Lawyer speak and makes totally incomprehensible language.

Granted, what I did understand looks good to me.

Question: When will we get a compiler to spit out java bytecode for this decision and install the new version into the Microsoft Corporate App Server? Because frankly, expecting a human being to follow this judgement is just as good as expecting a human being to parse parallel super computer algorithms in their head. Sure there are a few people who can do it, but they probably have better things to do with their time. At least I hope that they do.

Its a real shame that the judgement wasnt just this:

"PLAY NICE"

Microsoft Still has remaining issues

[Anonymous Coward]

Mainly the other states which haven't agreed yet, it ain't over till it's over. In fact the judge preciding the case mentioned:

"If Microsoft thinks that it has gotten off easy, please remember that the full judgement of the courts of this country have yet to be reached, and as such the company should expect a long and hard road should they not comply with additional measures voluntarily. It would not bode well should they attempt to circumvent the decisions of this court, and would certainly not reflect in a positive way on their corporate practices. As once stated by Henry Ford: 'In these times a buisiness must stand for one thing only, and that is most certainly not the GO-AN principle, that is: GO-AN Fuck yourself'."

To conclude the judge was quoted as saying: "Remember the great smee. As in: Smee again, GO-AN fuck yourself. Thank you microsuck you heartless bunch of sons of bitches."

Re:please michael, don't

[Anonymous Coward]

I'll put some kind of summary text here once I've had a chance to read it.

Why read it? Why not just speculate wildly about it, like everyone else is going to do?

Oh no...

[Eric Damron]

They can still hide API calls if they feel that it might effect security!

"Okay, we are here to decide which API calls to disclose... Let's look at the first one..."

"Hmmm.. This looks like a dangerous one to disclose.. If we disclose this one our competition will be able to make products that work as well as our products do with Windows. We would loose sales and that would take away revenue. With out the revenue we won't be able to hire as many software engineers. With out the engineers our products will be less secure..."

"Okay no on the first one. Next API..."

Judge shouldn't set o+x on her directory

[Flamesplash]

Her directory [uscourts.gov] is wide open. Hope she doesn't feel bad about leaking the info.

Re:Slashdoted in record time

[gruntvald]

Tell me about it. I got pulled over and detained 'cos of my /. bumper sticker. They offered me my 1 phone call, but I decided to trade it for a posting.

they wanted to

[2MuchC0ffeeMan]

they wanted to test out the new /. servers, this big story is the way to do it.

Re:Microsoft's Response to the Hearing

[Eagle5596]

MS: I gots a question for you Ms. Judge

Judge: Yes, the ruling is final however

MS: Jus' one question. Ever seen Bill Gates

Judge: Um... yeah, why?

MS: Does he look like a bitch?

Judge: Um... I don't see what this has to do with anything...

MS: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH!?

Judge: No... not really but I still don't...

MS: Then why did you fuck him like a bitch?

I'm confused

[Gudlyf]

IAP, ICP, ISV, IHV or OEM

I can't tell if they announced the final decree in the Microsoft case, or if they're trying to say the employees of Microsoft caught some kind of new STD.

Slashdot to be accused of hacking....

[Traicovn]

Well, since the links were not publicly accessible yet, and had not yet been officially released, this may constitute hacking according to some individuals (see thread about reuters [slashdot.org]).
Thanks to slashdot for making us all criminals.... i feel l33t now...

Re:Huh?

[IPFreely]

"An infinite number of Monkeys with typewriters will eventually get the document out correctly, but For version 1.0, we only have 37 Monkeys, and they are limited to 3 hours run time. Expect later version to include more Monkeys"

Hrmmm...

[dasmegabyte]

Looks like they're going to need a "Compliance Officer." Think I'll submit my resume. I'm quite compliant, and I'll work for less than 100k. That's dollars, not stock.

Re:the replies to this post

[sweetooth]

Another 3% will be posts containing "IAAL," followed by a shoddy, educated legal analysis.

Re:I like Microsoft

[Anonymous Coward]

I like Microsoft.

The software store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like Microsoft.

I took my 200 Microsoft home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the Microsoft were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap Microsoft.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead Microsoft lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet Microsoft and 199 dead, dry Microsoft.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead Microsoft in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two Microsoft at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet Microsoft in my toilet, two dead, frozen Microsoft in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred Microsoft in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my Microsoft and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my Microsoft. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred software. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like Microsoft

Re:Not a breakup, but a lot of pain

[Anonymous Coward]

the next release will not be called windows, and none of this will apply anyhow.

To Be Seen on Jeopardy Soon:

[Rude Turnip]

Alex Trebeck: "Microsoft Antitrust Judgement"

*beep*beep*beep*

Contestant: "What is the sound of one wrist slapping, Alex?"

Alex Trebeck: "Yes for $400!"

Recently removed file...

[Anonymous Coward]

Dear Penthouse,

The morning of the day I was to deliver a judgement against a big company, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, I saw the very man I was to present a judgement against standing in front of two very hot looking gentlemen. He said that he had a proposition for me, but I wasn't really paying attention at the moment. The first thing I noticed, of course, were the bulging crotches of the two muscle-bound hunks standing behind Bill...

Priceless.

[Anonymous Coward]

The amount of money you threw at your lawyers. ($80,000,000)

"Gifts" to key government officials. ($20,000,000)

Propaganda designed to lure the public into complacity. ($20,000,000)

Getting off basically free of any real restrictions that will let you continue in basically the same manner as before, and any attempt to bring you to trial again will take another 5-10 years. Priceless.

(I'm itching to know the real numbers)

Coporate compliance committee

[Anonymous Coward]

I sir, am on the corporate compliance committee and I resent your previous remark. Let me assure that all stipulations expressed in the decree will be given the utmost scrutiny by our obfuscation, colloqiuization and philibusterization subcommittee.

We plan on issuing our final report right after we submit requests for the passage of the board of director compensation enhancement proxy vote.

Excuse me now, time for tea on the south lawn with lubby.

Re:Slashdoted in record time

[bytesmythe]

They offered me my 1 phone call, but I decided to trade it for a posting.

Just your luck, you probably got modded down. :)

The Court is on Linux!

[Anonymous Coward]

From http://uptime.netcraft.com/up/graph/?mode_u=off&mo de_w=on&site=www.dcd.uscourts.gov

we find:

The site www.dcd.uscourts.gov is running Netscape-Enterprise/4.1 on Linux.

So the website is on Linux, and the Judge is on drugs. I suppose that's some progress.

Re:Huh?

[MissMyNewton]

And if you get Software Assurance, you can upgrade to the latest version of MS Judge XP!

Free Hookers 'n Blow for Microsoft Employees?!?

[Anonymous Coward]

Paid for by all linux users? What kind of punishment is that!!

Re:What a helpful article!

[EvilTwinSkippy]

Well...

It's been 45 minutes. Out with it then!

Oh wait, not everybody has 2 T1 lines sucking down bandwidth LIKE A DWARF ON A FIREHOSE

But I digress.

Re:Slashdoted in record time

[dumbArtMajor]

This has to be the first anticipatory slashdotting

Don't you need permission from Congress for an action like that?

Re:please michael, don't

[RobotRunAmok]

For what my two cents are worth...

This guy's right. Michael has zero credibility with any Microsoft story. My first reaction when I saw all the links about the case was, "I should probably go to Yahoo or Google and look for a summary." Then I saw the editor's "I'll post a summary," and I thought, "Great! Now that's a service! Well managed!" And then I saw it was michael, and said, "I should probably go to Yahoo or Google and look for a summary."

This is not said with emotion or rancor, not even disappointment (at this stage). It just is what it is. [shrug] I don't know whose job it is to dole out the postings, but if it's done in any manner other than the most current stuff going to the editor on duty, the person in charge should have had the good sense NOT to give such an important MS story to Michael.

Yeah, yeah, I know the drill: Mod down
-1 FlameBait
-2 OffTopic
-2 you-think-you-know-better-than-us!
-4 Troll
-1 Your-Alliance-to-Open-Source-Is-Suspect
-3 He's-Probably-An-MS-Schill!
-2 He-Hasn't-Posted-Anything-Really-Funny-In-Days-Who -Needs-Him?

Re:Final Decree - before it gets slashdotted

[Loki_1929]

"Click "I agree" below to accept the terms of this Final Decree.

[I Agree] [I Do Not Agree]"

Should have made the I agree part link to the goatse guy.

Re:Will any of this make a difference?

[RabidOverYou]

> it'll be the same ole same ole ...

Ha, that's where you're wrong! It's called ActiveX now. Or COM+. Or ... well, I forget exactly.

Re:Will any of this make a difference?

[Zordak]

From: Bill Gates ([e-mail])
To: Geekee ([e-mail])
Subject: Astroturfing

You idiot! Rule 1 of astroturfing is to at least try to sound objective. Otherwise, you just don't have any credibility. "The whole concept of antitrust legislation is an attack on freedom" sounds like something you would hear coming out of the steel cartel early in the early 20th century (on a side note, those guys are like gods to me. Curse the government for screwing them over!). Next time, why don't you just put "ASTROTURF" in the subject line and save readers the trouble!

I don't want to see any more of this crap coming out of Redmond. Next time, say something that sounds reasonable, like "How is having the best product and trying to sell it at a competitive rate coercive strong-arming?" Note how I use a well-established logical fallacy to make a point that is entirely irrelevent to the issue at hand. Now, I'm afraid we're going to have to send you to three more weeks of Astroturf training before we let you out again. Sorry. Report to The Secret Training Vault first thing Monday.

Sincerely,
Dread Lord Bill

Re:Huh?

[GigsVT]

but For version 1.0, we only have 37 Monkeys

in a row?

cnn article quote

[brandonfpu]

from the cnn article: "...and require that the company release some technical data so software developers can write programs for Windows that work as well as Microsoft products do."

and they kept a straight face?

Re:Fascinating

[Guppy06]

"OMG: /. doing actual journalism!"

What is this world coming to?! What's next, spell-checking? Dupe-checking? Article submissions without editorial commentary?

Simultaneous Ruling in Washington

[gnarly]

WASHINGTON (DC) Nov. 1. Judge Kollar-Kotelly, asserting a rarely used Federal Appellant Court authority, issued a second legal ruling today, this one concerning the case of two suspects charged with going on a shooting rampage in the Washington DC area. The suspects will be released immediately, but ONLY after agreeing under oath not to shoot any more innocent victims. The guns found in the alleged snipers' possesion will not be returned for a period of 5 years, and then ONLY if the two are found in compliance with this decree. Compliance will be determined by a 2 person committee made up of the snipers themselves.

Re:A massive win?

[Decimal Dave]

You know, it seems like Microsoft could get around a lot of those judgements simply by changing the name of their OS from "Windows" to something else.

Re:Huh?

[xerid]

I can picture it: The judge really had no clue what this case was about, and just figured "yeah, I guess that's ok. Who even uses computers. Oh, look. 'Golden Girls' is on."

Re:Proposed Final Judgement Stands

[dimator]

It means "Please remain bent over, the ass-poundings will resume shortly."

Slash wha?

[Nomad37]

to "Slashdote" (verb), when a geek stares in awe at something technology related, cooing over it, showering it in praise. (Derived from modern English: slash from slashdot and dote from... well... dote)