Online Auctions Patented, eBay Sued

mattfusf writes "This article from News.com talks about a guy who has filed a lawsuit against eBay for patent infringment. Patent 5,845,265 covers a "method..for creating a computerized market for used and collectible goods""

Please

[Wiseazz]

While everything's getting patented, I'm going to go take out a patent for sex, smoking, and eating. That should be a little more profitable than online auctions.

You know

[Anonymous Coward]

Thomas Woolston could just auction those patents off on eBay. He'll make a killing and save on lawyer fees.

Patent Pending for New Business Model

[reimero]

I have a new idea for a business model:
Come up with a really generic idea, wait, say, ten years for another company to come up with the same idea and become successful and then sue them!

Part 2 of the business model is to sue people who sue companies under the above premeses for patent infringement. Oh wow! Looks like I got my first target!

why don't I..

[Joel Ironstone]

patent method of acquiring money solely from exploiting patent institutions. In this way I can sue everyone who tries to sue anyone for patent infringement. I can even sue anyone who tries to sue me.

Re:One more ...

[joshsisk]

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm going to patent "a process by which you use a computer to perform a standard task."

I'll make billions.

and, of course...

[tomzyk]

Step 3: PROFIT!!!

Re:Patent Theory

[Anonymous Coward]

You don't need a working model for a US patent.

Another business method someone should patent

[Snarfangel]

"A method of sending out unsolicited mass electronic mailings to email addresses of individuals who have expressed absolutely no interest in the product or service being offered. Such 'spam' is to consist exclusively of worthless potions, creams, and pills for enlarging or reducing areas of the body, pyramid schemes to get rich quick, offers for clubs no one in their right mind would join, and letters from deposed heads of state begging you to help move money from poor African nations."

If only someone would patent *that* and sue the #$%@! out of all of the infringers!

Re:Please

[John Biggabooty]

I hold 26 patents, and you are all infringing on them. The following are my intellectual property, so stop using them without paying licencing: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y, and Z. My patent for the comma is pending, so be ready to pay for that, too.

Re:I'll admit, I'm stupid.

[Ioldanach]

But am I missing something?

Patenting an online auction in my mind is akin to patenting the idea a selling milk in refrigerated display cases, ie,

What, you mean something like this patent [uspto.gov]?

Re:One more ...

[uncoveror]

It would cost Ebay a lot less than a fat legal settlement to have the Mafia deal with MercExchange, and Thomas Woolston. If only they were members of Prepaid Illegal Services, [uncoveror.com] this never would have come to light.

Re:STOP WITH THE GAY-ASS PATENT JOKES YOU FUCKERS

[CarrionBird]

says the owner of patent #1282211112: Method for online trolling.

REVERSE Reverse kung-fu strategy

[Marc2k]

Consider this as a reverse kung-fu revenge strategy

• eBay hires Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris to beat the crap out of this guy and the USPO.
• Heeeeee-yah!
• Profit

Re:why don't I..

[Anarchofascist]

I have already filed a patent for the business process which involves patenting a business process for filing a suit against anyone filing a suit for patent infringement.

And of course, before you think of it, I have also patented filing a patent for the business model of filing patents against people filing patents for any business process involving patenting a business process for filing a suit against anyone filing a suit for patent infringement.

If that's not perfectly clear, I think you should just pay up now and avoid dragging this thing through the courts :)

On second thoughts, I think I'll go away now and file a patent for the business model of patenting business models which are patents against the exploitation of business models. Or perhaps hire a good lawyer.

Re:Please

[smyle]

whew - at least i can get by with lower-case letters and some punctuation.

Ah, hindsight!

[melquiades]

Heck, come to think of it, I should have filed this one:

A patent for the use of patent law to claim ownership of broadly applicable and largely obvious and unoriginal ideas, thereby allowing the user of this patent to file frivolous suits against major corporations for personal monetary gain.

Judging from recent news, that patent would make a killing on eBay these days!

Alas, there's too much prior art now to file it -- unless, of course, the patent office were to start approving patents with no regard whatsoever for their validity....

Re:I have proof of prior art from google groups!

[gosquad]

Oh man! I wish I could go back to 1995:

Autographed Marky Mark Underwear
Current bid: $400
Auction ends on: 09/25/95, 10:09:29 PDT
Auction started on: 09/11/95, 10:09:29 PDT

haha

Idea

[nenolod]

Auction off the patents on eBay. That way, the guy who made the patents could score, and he could use the people he's suing to do it! Doesn't that just sound great!!! Also, when someone else has the patents, then they can sue eBay, and they can sell the patents, and keep a whole Law Suit chain going on.

I'll Sue

[Fascist Christ]

You can't patent online auctions. I hold the patent on all auctions. I hold the patent on all online activities. So there. (Thrust arms together and raise nose up in the air as would a stubborn toddler)

just can't buy it... on weed?

[Anonymous Custard]

People can not apply the phrase on a computer on the back of every tried and true business model and expect to get royalties or the ability to sue the bejesus out of people.

But what about the phrase ... "on weed." ? I could patent the acts of "watching a movie, or summer sky, or one's own hand on weed." Now if only the people who do that had any money for me to take...

TPO.dispose();

[SkewlD00d]

Patent# 1,234,567: "A method and means for disposing of a useless and ignorant government entity creating unfair legal monopolies."

Re:Patent Pending for New Business Model

[sacrilicious]

1) File patent
2) Sit back while patent is adopted
3) Sue the crap out of everyone
4) ???
5) Collect underpants!

.