Paging Eliza: Patenting IM Bots

gondaba writes "The US Patent and Trademark Office has granted an all-encompassing patent to ActiveBuddy that covers every step of IM botmaking technology. According to internetnews, ActiveBuddy now plans to enforce the patent, even though the existence of prior art is well-known and documented."

Have to say it...

[dscottj]

All Your Bots are Belong to Us!

I'm patenting ass slapping!

[tommck]

I want to patent ass slapping while having sex. I know people have been doing it for a long time, but I am the first to patent, so I am going to enforce my patent!

I'll make millions. At worst, if I can't get any royalties, I'll sell access to everyone's court-orderd bedroom webcam (for my patent enforcement)

I can smell the money now!

T :-)

I've got it!

[Codex The Sloth]

"Any company such as ours that is venture-funded has to protect itself. It's standard procedure to file for patents when you invent something. This simply allows us to build a business," Kay added.

"I'm not familiar with that," Kay said in response to claims that interactive bots were in existence even before ActiveBuddy launched, with venture funding from Reuters and Wit Soundview.

Active Buddy CEO is, in fact, an IM Bot. I mean, has anyone actually seen the guy? And his responses sound suspiciously like Eliza...

Every step of IM botmaking technology?

[Anonymous Coward]

Does it please you to believe I am botmaking technology?

Re:I'm patenting ass slapping!

[Anonymous Coward]

that's not money you're smelling

The next step...

[Jadsky]

Celebrity BotMatch...!

A.L.I.C.E., a heavyweight at 11 kilos, takes on SmarterChild, sponsored by ActiveBuddy, Inc. The prize? Utter destruction by licensing fees!

Let's go behind the ring for exclusive one-on-one interviews with the contenders.

SmarterChild, what's your take on the situation?
SC: I don't know, I just do!
How do you feel about this whole prior art thing?
SC: Listings for Prior Art, KS... Austin Powers, playing at 12:30, 2:30, 3:30...

All right... moving on... A.L.I.C.E., how do you feel about this upcoming match?
ALICE: I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Will you wrest control of the patent?
ALICE: I have no answer for that. NYU and Berkeley suck!

Whaa?

[quantaman]

"We invented interactive agents. Anybody using his or her own tools (to make bots) is obviously using our technology without paying us to license the server, for example.

So... anybody using their own stuff is obviously using your stuff... but by your admission they're using their own stuff so by definition they're not using your stuff... but you stated they are using your stuff which would mean they arn't using their own stuff... that is a contradiction... and they have to license your server... Illogical. Illogical.

*smoke erupts from ears and collapses*

I can see the spam of the future....

[CaffeineAddict2001]

Hello my name Alice!

Nice to meet you Alice.

Nice to meet you too! Have I told you how much I love snack-ums?

I don't care.

I care greatly for snack-ums.

Leave me alone.

Nobody would leave a party with snack-ums!

Is that so?

I don't understand, but I do understand one thing: Snack-Ums are delicious!

You seem a little obsessed with snack-ums carla.

I AM OBSESSED WITH SNACK-UMS!

Re:Hello

[Soko]

Yeah yeah, bad bot impersonation, but its better than the:
While they are handing out patents I'll take a patent out on math/science/sex/etc
comments that will start cropping up.

I know! You could pretty much guarantee that those comments would get posted immediately. Karma whores.

Hell, anyone who's been here long enough could use Perl to write a Slashbo.....

*Sigh* Nevermind.

Soko

Re:Prior art (by about a decade)

[Mirk]

Hmm. Looks like the Eliza at that URL already knows what's going on:

You: do you know they're trying to patent you?
Eliza: Oh, i know theyre trying to patent i.
You: well, what are you going to do about it?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?

I dunno, she seems kinda apathetic :-)

Re:The ultimate patent

[ThereIsNoSporkNeo]

Alright, but I'm patenting oxygen itself.

Everytime you use my product in -your- product you own me royalties.

I enjoy being at the top of a pyramid scam.

Re:"Hi, I'm Candy ;)"

[flewp]

WHAT?! She WASN'T real?!? Damnit, I thought I could have gotten some.

Re:The ultimate patent

[zmalone]

The wheel was patented by John Keogh from Melborne Australia, it was mostly a demonstation of what is wrong with the Australian patent system. The BBC covered [bbc.co.uk] it, as did the Register (although I'm not finding their link at the moment).

Greece patents democracy, demands licensing fees

[gokubi]

ATHENS--The US Patent Office awarded the country of Greece a patent for "government of a people via said people's involvement in the selection of said government." "Greece invented the concept of democracy over 2000 years ago. We have decided that it is time to enforce our intellectual property rights to this governmental model", Anthony Papatriantafilou, Greece's Ambassador to the United States said yesterday. "We're an ongoing enterprise, and we have to think about our future." Greece will send out letters demanding licensing fees from democratic governments around the globe, said Papatriantafilou. Failure to pay the fees or cease running as a democracy would "bring about legal action from the government of Greece, the only legitimate rights holders to government of, by and for the people."

Re:I'm patenting ass slapping!

[elflord]

Actually the USPO would probably approve the patent. Simply because their usual method of looking for prior art does not involve watching porn.

But maybe it does. It would certainly explain their failure to find prior art in computer technology patents.

Patent examiner goes to his office, watches a porn movie for a while, comes back and says "yeah, I've been looking for prior art for the last hour, I couldn't find any. This application meets our usual standards."

Re:The real problem

[BJH]

Hmmm.... what's patent #1, I wonder?

"Patent #1: A system for approving any vague description of something that might resemble, on shallow inspection, an invention. Issued by the USPO to the USPO."

Re:Prior art (by about a decade)

[maxwell demon]

This could explain it:

You: Do you like software patents?
Eliza: Oh, i like software patents.
You: Why?
Elisa: Please go on.
You: Do you consider them a good idea?
Eliza: Oh, i consider them a good idea.
You: And why?
Elisa: Please go on.
You: What positive effects do you expect from them?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?

After that, I typed "Of course.", but then it showed me:

You: how do I get to mars?
Eliza: Please go on.

Therefore I conclude: Eliza is in favour of software patents, but doesn't want to talk about it.

Prior art ... the USPTO itself!

[VisualStim]

Perhaps the prior art could be found within the USPTO itself. From a typical technology patent application:

Applicant: I'd like to file for a patent on my idea.
USPTO: Tell me about your idea.
Applicant: My idea will change everything. No one will be able to surf the web without using my idea. I'll make billions!
USPTO: You sound excited.
Applicant: Excited? Who wouldn't be?
USPTO: I'll ask the questions.
Applicant: Oh, sorry. Now, about that application.
USPTO: Oh, you'd like a patent application. Of course sir. Here is your patent, #123,456,789,012,345.

MBAs

[DustMagnet]

Eliza was a psychoanalyst bot. These people at ActiveBuddy sound more like MBA bots.

Re:Have to say it...

[Subcarrier]

The US Patent and Trademark Office has granted an all-encompassing patent to ActiveBuddy that covers every step of IM botmaking technology. According to internetnews, ActiveBuddy now plans to enforce the patent...

Sounds like a job for... ROBOCOP!

Re:I can see the spam of the future....

[Peter Trepan]

I Love Snack-Ums: Hello, I Love Cheesy Poofs! Have I told you how much I love Snack-Ums?

I Love Cheesy Poofs: That's very interesting, I Love Snack-Ums. Have I told you how delicious Cheesy Poofs are?

I Love Duff Beer: That's very interesting, I Love Cheesy Poofs. Have I told you how delicious Duff Beer is to persons of legal age in their respective states?

*I Love Taking Brand Name Pharmeceuticals has entered the room.*

Re:Question for you then

[NoRights]

Corporations are made out of PEOPLE. Is it just me, or did that have a Soylent Green feel to it?

Eliza sez...

[One Louder]

Does it bother you that Paging Eliza: Patenting IM Bots?

mmm, patent

[SlugLord]

I'm going to patent being incompetent and then sue the patent office for infringement.

Re:Prior art (by about a decade)

[Indras]

ELIZA - a friend you could never have before

You: Who are you?

Eliza: Would you prefer if I were not []?

You call this art?? (j/k)