Alleged eBay Hacker Goofs up and Goes to Jail

juliao writes "SecurityFocus is reporting that alleged eBay hacker Jerome Heckenkamp was jailed after his first solo court appearance." It's pretty funny actually, stuff like challenging the indictment on the grounds that they typed his name in all capital letters, demanding to immediately testify (even tho they were only there to schedule the trial), threatening the judge and so on. He would know better if he watched a couple episodes of Law & Order. Note that I base all court proceedings on the wisdom of Sam Watterston.

Mirror

[Alan_Thicke]

Here is a mirror. [yimg.com]

Funny article

[Anixamander]

Sounds like this kid is in way over his head, and maybe watched a few too many movies.

Plus, you can tell he is a UNIX geek, since he seems to think the indictment is case sensitive.

Sam Watterson?

[TheGreenLantern]

Note that I base all court proceedings on the wisdom of Sam Watterson.

Heathen. Michael Moriarty would lawyer the fuck out of Sam Watterson. All Watterson has going for him is hotter assistants.

No video games!?!

[CrazyJim0]

If I had a court order that I couldn't play video games, I'd probably go spastic too.

Re:Taco, LEARN TO SPELL

[TheTomcat]

oh no!
I need to stop reading slashdot.
I did'nt even notice those gramatical/speling errors were their until you pointed them out.

Imagine the court reporter

[Geek In Training]

Can you imagine the court reporter, trying to type out the 'leet-speak?

"1 0wn j00, y0 h0noR!!! m3 w1ll h4x0r joo and l3gAl 5y5t3mz!!!"

Standard cracker tactics

[jquiroga]

He mistook the judge for a server, and was trying to find his security holes, to sneak in and become root. It seems he didn't find any.

New slashdot poll

[iceT]

Jerome Heckenkamp should:

0) never be referred to as a hacker again.
0) never be allowed to open his mouth.
0) never have an article posted about him again.
0) be praised for going out in a true blaze of stupidity.
0) Cowboy Neal

Funny double meaning

[GigsVT]

Heckenkamp said he wanted to subpoena Nadel's "client" to appear in court, and Ware asked him who, exactly, he wanted to bring into the courtroom.
When Heckenkamp replied, "The United States of America," Ware ordered him taken into custody.

I think they meant at this point the judge ordered the defendant to be taken into custody, but it could equally mean he ordered the United States to be taken into custody. :)

Hacking the Court System?

[KevinGale]

He seems to be trying to hack the court system. "Hmmm, if I feed it garbage inputs maybe it will crash and I can escape." Next he will try stealing robes in an attempt to fool the system into thinking he's a judge.

Proof

[rjamestaylor]

Proof that IANAL is more than a slogan, it's a way of life.

Doesn't (er, didn't) he ever read Slashdot?

Hooray!

[GeekLife.com]

First use of "alleged" in a Slashdot post ever? Maybe the subscription plot is actually causing editors (and contributors) to act more like professionals.

He needs to try the Chewbacca defense

[pubjames]

The Chewbacca Defense

"Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury, my accusers would certainly want you to believe I hacked eBay, and they make a good case. But Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk who carried a gun and ran from the mob. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense. Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense.

But more important, you have to ask yourself what does this have to do with this case. Nothing. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case. It does not make sense. Look at me. I'm a hacker defending myself and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and Gentlemen I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense.

And so you have to remember when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating this case, does it make sense? No. Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed jury it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must acquit.

I know I seem guilty. But ladies and gentlemen this is Chewbacca. Now think about that for one minute. That does not make sense. Why am I talking about Chewbacca when my life is on the line? Why? I'll tell you why. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense you must acquit. Here look at the monkey , look at the silly monkey.

The defense rests."

Anagram Generator prophesies again

[mblase]

Jerome T Heckencamp --> A KNEE JERK COMETH

Re:Funny article

[ptrourke]

Plus, you can tell he is a UNIX geek, since he seems to think the indictment is case sensitive.

HIHLUC: Head-in-hands, laughing-uncontrollably.

Anyway, you know what they say, that anyone who appears pro se has an idiot for a client.

Re:Sam Waterston was good...

[ackthpt]

What he really needs is a lawyer to calmly take him aside, explain the seriousness of the charges, the court procedure, the difficult position he places himself in, what's likely to happen to him if he goes to prison, and then deck him when he says, "But I still want to subpoena The United States of America"

Honestly, the boy is way overdue for some reality.

Note for Jerome Heckenkamp

[LittleGuy]

"It's people like you that give all self-representing defendants a bad name

Sincerely,
The Montana Freemen"

Re:New slashdot poll

[Alsee]

0) Given ample opportunity to earn himself a Darwin Award.

-

Judge Judy

[kvn299]

Would have a field day with this one.

Re:Shower scene

[SuiteSisterMary]

...and suddenly, with a flash of tearing insight, the cracker realized how all of his victims felt when he intruded into THEIR systems through a backdoor. Yes, from that day forward, he was oVVn3d. In the most terrible way possible.

Re:The capital letters issue

[Lionel Hutts]

Actually, this issue is raised all the time in America's funniest court: the Tax Court. Those of us who read Tax Notes Today (free trial at www.tax.org [tax.org]) see every tax case in the country, and a good 20% or so of them are totally frivolous. (10 cases so far this month have used the word "frivolous," in fact.) The claim that Social Security numbers are the Mark of the Beast is raised so often that the IRS recently sent a notice to all of its field offices, to ensure a coordinated response.

He's been watching . . .

[Ezubaric]

He would know better if he watched a couple episodes of Law & Order. Note that I base all court proceedings on the wisdom of Sam Watterson.

Maybe he's been watching Ally McBeal. That would make more sense. They once sued God, who is only slightly easier to get into court than the United States of America.

Re:That will make the judge go easier on you

[general_re]

I am a vocal critic of abuses of state power, engage in minor civil disobedience myself (I used a deCSS-derived program to watch DVDs that I bought on a GNU/Linux computer because I neither want to spend the money on Windows? nor trust it to be spyware-free)

And if that doesn't bring down the system, nothing will, dammit. Go, free radical, go! ;)

Re:Proof

[Aceticon]

Doesn't (er, didn't) he ever read Slashdot?


Judging from the mess he did, i'm sure he read Sleshdot ...

Re:Sam Watterson?

[Anonymous Coward]

it has long been a dream of mine to die by being stripped naked, dipped in honey, and then thrown to a ravenous jill hennessy. no, really.

Re:New slashdot poll

[Cruciform]

Don't worry, after he continues to represent himself he'll find that he's going to end up in jail for a long long time... Where someone will exploit his security hole if he's not careful.

Threatening a judge works!!

[evilpaul13]

I did 1 1/2 years ago, and I'm planning on fulfilling that threat in about 18 1/2 (bail time, baby!)

Re:All capital letters as a defense....

[Lionel Hutts]

You, sir, are insane.

Either that, or I've just been trolled -- in which case, Congratulations.

Perhaps some fine parenting...

[sterno]

To quote from the article:

In a telephone interview after the appearance, Heckenkamp's father, Thomas Heckenkamp, said his son is only trying to protect his rights . "They've overstepped their bounds, and they're keeping him from defending himself," he said.

I think this commentary speaks volumes about why this kid is there in the first place. Btw, yes, he's 22, and I say "kid" because he's acting like a child. But anyhow, if your child is acting like a tremendous idiot in the courtroom and your instinct is to criticize the court, you may have to accept that you are part of the problem. I'm not going to sit here and suggest that somehow this kid is blameless because his dad
is apparently an idiot. Just pointing out that Darwinian evolution should smite this particular mutation fast :).

I'm just hoping that we aren't going to get some stupid campaign trying to fight for this kids rights as though he's some hero of the Internet.

Re:Anagram Generator prophesies again

[Anonymous Coward]

That doesn't count since it's in all caps.

Note the subtle use of spelling in the article

[ch-chuck]

The computer whiz then asked the court

Per dictionary.com:

Wiz - A person considered exceptionally gifted or skilled.

Whiz - To urinate.

Re:Anagram Generator prophesies again

[hal9000]

Jerome T Heckencamp --> A KNEE JERK COMETH

That's not an authentic anagram. It's all upper case.

Re:Hacking the Court System?

[Jucius Maximus]

"Next he will try stealing robes in an attempt to fool the system into thinking he's a judge."

It is possible that he might use his one phone call to dial his ISP, hum the connection tone (he did graduate from CS at age 18, yes?), send an e-mail to all his friends telling them to get themselves arrested on very minor charges (public drunkenness or something.) In his mind, this would be a denial of service attack on the prison, thus making the guards ineffective, allowing him to walk out with his friends.

Re:Imagine the court reporter

[Anonymous Coward]

what the hell is HUMOR? did you maybe mean humor; the two are completley different you know